I know this may seem trivial but it's a really big deal to me okay so hear me out.

Almost every guy I have ever dated was so lazy at reciprocating massages.

First of all, I give amazing massages, especially face/head massages. I learned this while babysitting: whenever I wanted the kid to fall asleep, I would give a scalp massage and boom, out like a light.

So of course, all of my exes LOVED receiving back scratches or massages, especially if they were having trouble sleeping or when they had a sore back/shoulders/neck from work.

I like doing nice things for my partner, so I was happy to oblige, at least at first. But whenever I asked him to give me any kind of massage, it was always half-assed. I tried communicating the correct technique, yet he refused to learn.

At best he would tickle my back for 5 seconds. If I asked him to keep going or put in more effort, he whined and did it badly or begrudgingly. It doesn't give me any pleasure to force my partner to do stuff he doesn't wanna do, so begrudging massages aren't even enjoyable.

At worst, he would be way too rough, to the point of being painful. Whenever I tried to give feedback, such as asking for less pressure, he would complain "oh my GAWD if you're just going to CRITICIZE ME then I'm not even going to bother trying!!" Like... bro, you weren't even trying in the first place.

Looking back, I cringe at the fact that I wasted months and even YEARS with men who literally just did not believe in reciprocity. Over time, it always made me feel resentful that I would give and give and give, yet receive almost nothing in return.

I'm so glad I found FDS because it made me realize I don't need to (and shouldn't!) put up with this shit.