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throwaway64857
[–][deleted] 208 points209 points210 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Some people are incapable of love and live empty lives. You sense their emptiness and try to fill it with your love, only resulting in you feeling depleted and used. Walk away, don’t look back.
[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice59 points60 points61 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This sounds like my ex. Empty shell. Hollow man.
[–][deleted] 34 points35 points36 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If they aren’t adding to your life, it is because they have nothing in their soul to give.
[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice31 points32 points33 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True. He was only capable of taking, not giving because he had nothing to really offer me. By the end of the relationship, I felt so sad and empty and tired. Now that we are separated (in different states) I get to be me again and relearn who I am and rebuild all that I will have to offer to the next person who really deserves it. And if that other person never shows, then I give all that I have to me.
[–]foxybreathFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You phrased this so perfectly.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you. It is one of the most painful things I’ve experienced. You’re left with your pain and the projection of their pain. It’s double the normal amount of pain one person should experience.
[–]subtlecuttlefishFDS Newbie170 points171 points172 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You deserve someone who enthusiastically and exclusively wants to be with you, don't settle for any less.
[–]DaneShookFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen sis‼️
[–]BovvsetteFDS Disciple70 points71 points72 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly, why should you act like a housewife, emotional support and risk everything dispensing free sex for him if he ”doesn't know” or ”isn't ready” for commitment, fucks around and offers you nothing. Don't clown around, you're worth more than that and you should only reciprocate the amount of commitment, financial risks and efforts given to you and no more. If he's not willing to risk anything for you, why should you give yourself up to him?
[–][deleted] 192 points193 points194 points 6 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link
Several years ago I met a guy on a dating app. We were the same age - 40 - and hit it off. Three months of intense love bombing, all day texting, lots of time together.
One day we were out and we ran into friends of his. He got really tense. Quick introductions, perfectly typical “hello, nice to meet you” stuff.
When we were walking away he said “Fuck, I hope they don’t think you’re my girlfriend.” It was line a slap. I asked him what he meant and he explained that we were fuck buddies, we weren’t really dating, he never said we were dating, he never promised anything! And I felt so dumb, like I had been expecting too much and obviously I was a stage five clinger. Ugh.
I can not wrap my head around men who meet women on DATING SITES and pull the “we’re just friends who have sex and do stuff together, we’re not dating, why are you so crazy” bullshit.
[–]aj-2626FDS Newbie136 points137 points138 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
That came out of the mouth of a 40 year old man?! There really is no hope
[–][deleted] 105 points106 points107 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Yes. It was the first person I dated after my divorce. I really had no idea how to date after 20 years of a pretty rotten marriage, so I though I was the one out of line and was “too se sensitive.” We kept seeing each other for a few months but when I ended up begging for one date a month that wasn’t just sex at his house and he said that was too much pressure, I grew a spine.
[–]CloacaDiddlerFDS Newbie96 points97 points98 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The bar is so low for men it’s in hell
[–][deleted] 56 points57 points58 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And to be honest it’s not like I had better taste 20 years previously, I just had no clue. I have raised two daughters who take no shit, though. They have very different personalities from each other but they are identical in how they know their worth and don’t tolerate anything but respect!
[–]understatedalwaysFDS Disciple60 points61 points62 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This is why I’m ruthless with men. I walk immediately if they give me any shit whatsoever. Man babies like this are common no matter how old they are.
[–]sophrosyne2189FDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I always doubted myself on this. I thought all kinds of terrible things about myself how I was so unforgiving or I just push people away WHEN I act bitchy, offended, and don't take any shit from the men around me.
FDS and some good quality 'dating' books were what opened my eyes to the fact that I was just acting in my best interest, albeit unconsciously, when I did these things. (Granted, I'm not yet 100% there. I'll still be apologetic sometimes, even if the only reason I became mad is because of their bad behavior in the first place.) But at least FDS is here to remind us that we are not wrong in wanting to be cared for and treated humanely.
[–]cherrybombfieldFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same here. This place has been really good for me. I need that Queen energy bc I am just too damn nice and I get taken advantage of. I refused to be used again and I come here to stay strong.
[–]DunRutherFDS Disciple69 points70 points71 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
And even if they did think you were his girlfriend, why would that have been so offensive to him? I can’t figure out why some guys act like this. You were out together in a date-like environment, of course people are going to think you’re dating. Not sure why some men get so freaked out by labels.
[–][deleted] 40 points41 points42 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Right? I was and am a perfectly normal person, I have manners and don’t do gross things. It’s not like I was covered in smelly garbage trailing tp on my shoes. There was no need to be embarrassed by me.
[–]snowy__owlFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
on the plus side, you sound strong and confident now! glad you didn’t put up with his bullshit and hope you find someone worthy of your awesomeness 💪
[–][deleted] 19 points20 points21 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I finally did, after a lot of frogs!
[–]snowy__owlFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
oh that’s even better! :) yay!!
[–]sophrosyne2189FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good for you
[–]supersmallfeetFDS Newbie[🍰] 20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He wasn't embarrassed by you, he was worried it would get out that he had a girlfriend, and then he'd lose the chance to keep fucking other women.
[–]HolaHulaHolaFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Because they're assholes. They're just looking to fuck as many women as they can, looking for a "piece of ass." If they put it out there that you're his girlfriend, then he loses all the other women he's fucking and stringing along.
[–]suissegrl435Throwaway Account20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I had one friend who dated the same guy for two YEARS and he knew all her friends. He was dating other women behind her back. Was really good at hiding it. They had lived together for three months when he told her he needed to move out and that he found someone better than her. That he had never been her boyfriend because they had never had "the talk" and because they had never had "the talk" they were not exclusive either. Its been years and she is still devastated. The guy was in his thirties.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I had a guy backtrack like this too, literally days after he asked me to move across the country to be with him. He kissed someone else at a party and dumped me over email that night saying we were never officially together because we never had "the talk". I found out later he was engaged the whole time to another woman.
This is not even the worst man I've dealt with. Men are depraved.
[–]Whovianspawn9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I call this the “girlfriend experience”. It has all the benefits of having a girlfriend with none of the commitment. I figure it’s so they can keep their options open in case something better comes along.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If women weren't so beautiful, stuff like this would put men in real danger.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]MakingBadDecisionsAt-Risk Pick Me Youth147 points148 points149 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
This. I had a FWB situation (because I was an idiot) with a guy I was head over heels in love with. But to him all I would ever be is a good friend and a welcoming body. He told me straight up it would never happen when I shared my feelings with him but I stupidly carried on waiting for him. I was so sure he just needed time to see we were soulmates 🙄
Now, whenever I would bring up that I've only ever been his friend and he was just fucking me because he could, he acts all offended and is like "It wasn't like that! It was more than that!" And its like, "Oh? Well you made it clear I wasn't your gf, never would be and you don't and wouldn't ever love me sooooo...? How am I somehow not giving that situation whatever credit you think it deserves so you don't feel like a user?"
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They don't want to feel guilty for using you, and act all defensive and butt hurt when you remind them that there isn't anything going on here but sex, because you want it that way.
[–]Reese_misee5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I've been there with you. Almost same story. I still feel damaged by it. I have a wonderful man now who loves me. But I still do shit (even now) that I now realize is from the abuse. How did you heal? Sorry if this is personal.
[–]MakingBadDecisionsAt-Risk Pick Me Youth3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I didn't
[–]Reese_misee4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry to hear that. If it's anything, you aren't alone at the least.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Trauma therapy helped me.
[–]throwaway64857FDS Newbie[S] 64 points65 points66 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is better to be alone than in a relationship with someone that makes you feel like shit. It might be a cliche and worn out statement, but it is so true.
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist72 points73 points74 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I'm really tired of the abuse. That's exactly what it is. We grow up using benign terms like player, f***boy, etc, when these men are ABUSERS. Is this the world we live in?
It's way too accepted that this happens. There's no outrage over loss of women and the consequences of these relationships like ptsd, anxiety, depression.
[–]SailorVampireFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“Player” is a convenient and socially acceptable term for “sexual predator”
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I hear you! But women also need to stop volunteering for abuse. In mass. That's the cure.
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist22 points23 points24 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It's much more complicated than women "volunteering". Women are oppressed in a patriarchal society. I don't think the majority of women understand how serious this is. Ignorance is bliss. Education is a privilege. And don't underestimate the burden of trauma. I'm not in the habit of pointing the finger at women when men are the perpetrators.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Not really. women Need to understand that men have different motivations and needs for sex than women do. It doesn’t cost men as much emotionally and physically if she ends up pregnant. Sex will always be a Much higher risk for women. Why women don’t understand this and protect themselves better? it can’t work to demand men change. They won’t.
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"Men have different motivations and needs".... No, they don't. It's a lie used to gaslight women.
Yes, women have more at stake physically with sex that's it.
I've stopped belittling myself as it relates to "emotions" and "sex". I discourage self objectification, and assigning hypervigilance around sex. Do not give it more power than it deserves. If it has no power, it can't be used against you.
Also, I'm saying that you should be cautious of judging women who haven't arrived at the same realizations as you (regardless if those realizations are useful). Hence why I said not to point the finger. You're giving men more power than they deserve.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I was on testosterone cream from my gynochologist for awhile. My motivations and needs changed. And that's ALL Im going to say about that.
I think we have more oxytocin response. It was designed that way so that we don't kill our young. Oxytocin has been called the love drug. It floods our bodies when we orgasm and when we breastfeed.
I don't judge any woman and their level of comfort in a world that has gone crazy. I'm not pointing fingers. I'm a grandma. I'm 64. I'm still dating and trying to figure it all out because I'm straight, I'm alone and lonliness is the 3rd most deadly SOCIAL cause for elderly people. I'm sorry, perhaps I should make my intentions here more apparent. Is there a tag for 'Grandmother wisdom'?
[–]rinabeanFDS Disciple0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why would ignorance and education matter if it weren't that women are volunteering?
What would be the point of this sub if women were entirely at men's mercy?
The reasons women volunteer are complicated. That they do isn't.
You can point fingers at men all you like but that won't change them. Women only control women - ourselves being the biggest one, but also that we listen to one another. Men are not going to heal our trauma either
[–]Sarcastic3FDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Omg i had a similar situationship with NVM two years ago. He led me on for weeks without defining our relationship. When I asked him where we stand he couldn’t answer properly. Then he suggested a date where we discuss our relationship . He strung me along for a while and we never went out. He canceled 30 min before the date and ghosted me. He would also use hours to reply back on messages. Imagine being so scared of labels and playing with someone’s feeling. So glad he disappeared from my life.
[–]hayleymikaelsonFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
you’re describing pretty much exactly what happened to me too. i got so sick of the lies and games that i ended it. you deserve so much better and i’m glad he’s not in your life anymore.
[–]Sarcastic3FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you Hayley, I’m also glad he isn’t in your life anymore. These disgusting men don’t deserve us and we doing a lot better without them.
[–]PSYCHOAFGHANFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I went through the same thing. The dude had four dating apps. Good on you 👍 I ended it three months ago too and I honestly feel so much better focusing back on me and loving myself.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]JoanHollowayWannabeFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
#yeethim2020
[–][deleted] 158 points159 points160 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It’s funny cause these same men wouldn’t be confused if it were a business contract. Most wouldn’t take advantage of another man like this.
[–]Wiggy_BopFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Because if they fuck over a man, there’s a good chance of an old fashioned ass-kicking.
[–]brainsandb00bsFDS STRATEGY COACH68 points69 points70 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly this. They know they’re being slimy. They would never try this at work with another man
[–]FierceMangoFDS Newbie217 points218 points219 points 6 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
I let a guy string me along for THREE years. he kept saying he wasn’t “ready for a relationship” despite the fact that we kissed, cuddled, flirted etc. but my pickmeisha self was like hE jUst nEeDs TiMe!! looking back, I can’t believe I tolerated that behavior.
[–][deleted] 111 points112 points113 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
you would not believe how common this is 😢
[–]AnonPinkLadyFDS Apprentice78 points79 points80 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
ugh girl I feel it. My dumbass has been there too with all that "relationships are scary bullshit" while they're doing everything but calling it that. They can fuck right off
[–]leftclicksq2FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"I'm not looking for anything serious". I've been told that with a guy who lead me to believe we were serious.
Imagine a woman telling a man the same. There would be an explosion bigger than the atom bomb.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel like maybe we should ask what they are looking for before we bed them.
I had one fellow ask what I was looking for. I was clear I am looking for relationship not FWB. I asked him what he was looking for, he hem-hawed around and said 'Relationship is a mighty big word'. The subject came up again. He said 'BJ, and laughed'. So I said FWB, and he said yeah he thought that would be best 'at first'. So I said, well, you don't mind if I date other men then. He shrugged.
Next weekend I was out on a date with someone else. He called. He text. He called again. When I got home, around midnight, I called him back. What's wrong? I asked. He said 'WHERE WERE YOU'. I said, 'on a date! Why?'. He ended up bawling.
Before you get to excited, I still didn't win a committed man. He fooled me thinking I'd won this. His fooling around just went further underground. I was hurt even worse in the end. So, if he says he doesn't want a commited relationship, BELIEVE HIM. And if you do want a commited relationship, its not going to be with him. Deal with it.
[–]cherrybombfieldFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He would immediately demand a commitment bc men always want what they can't have. They are toddlers.
[–]Nikita_kitty93FDS Newbie45 points46 points47 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have been there as well for 7 years..wasted my precious youth on a dumbass.
[–]Deep-BlackberryFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep, I did the same thing. I won't ever be doing that again, lesson learned.
[–]HolaHulaHolaFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I did that for 7 years in my youth, from high school through university and a few years beyond, until he finally dumped me for the last time to get married. After some time I found my inner badass, and have never looked back. Guess who messaged me on FB 3 years ago and wanted to meet up? :) I let him brag about his life, his kids (guy is still married), his fancy 6 figure cars, etc... before passively aggressively shutting him down. The bastard messaged me in front of my husband, too.
I saved all those lines of shit in case he tried doing/saying anything nasty about me in the future with mutual acquaintances. Sometimes shit still stinks, even after 30 years.
[–]throwaway64857FDS Newbie[S] 49 points50 points51 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In retrospect, you can see all that time at once and it feels so bad. However when you are really living it day to day, you can't see all that time at once. So then you let it drag out. A lot of us have been there i am sure.
When i was being a pickmeisha about this "SUPER CUTE!" (Yeah his face was and it looked normal but he was fatfishing and ended up being really really overweight) guy, I literally BOUGHT his shitty self published ebook and left a great review on it to help him and told him it was amazing, despite it having tons of mistakes every single page. So, a lot of us are right there with you, sister. Embarrassed as fuck.
[–]BasieSkanksRuthless Strategist7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Were you me? Because this was me.
[–]thegreatlemonparade2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Literally trying to break off a two year thing just like this. It's absolutely mental abuse because I'm constantly thinking "what's wrong with me? Why won't he date me?" So awful.
[–]AnonPinkLadyFDS Apprentice131 points132 points133 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Strongly agree. The whole FWB thing is ridiculous. They want all the emotional affection and physical intimacy of a relationship but the right to fuck whoever and have you ask no questions about it. A person does not deserve both. If you wanna sleep around and play games your manwhore ass does not deserve the love and affection you can't give. And if you want to keep your relationship with your amazing girlfriend, don't "open it up" or all that bullshit. Guys never deserve to have their cake and eat it too
[–]haveanicedaytooFDS Disciple104 points105 points106 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sayeesa13FDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This exactly!!
"I'm not ready for a relationship".
"I'm not ready to waste my time, bye".
[–]winterTurnedmean1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Love this! I’m gonna start using this when guy says this to me!
[–]hayleymikaelsonFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
dealt with something very similar to this for 2 years, i still can’t believe i sat back and let it happen. it’s definitely screwed me over mentally. but a few weeks ago i finally told him off and said goodbye
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Sometimes its just a simple case of throwing good money after bad trying to make it up. We invest so much, we don't want to walk away just before the 'miracle' we are hoping for happens. "Maybe if I just try this...."
[–]hayleymikaelsonFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
this is very true. i was waiting for the “miracle” to happen for so long and it eventually kind of did. but he still didn’t fully change even though he told me he did. i couldn’t take the mind games anymore so i had to end it, even though i kind of didn’t want to.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
By the time they take us seriously and clean uptheir act, it’s too late. Love has been damaged.
[–]hayleymikaelsonFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
you are absolutely right.
[–]Whovianspawn46 points47 points48 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is the “girlfriend experience”. All the benefits of having a girlfriend with none of the commitment. In their minds if they don’t commit then apparently you have nothing to be upset about. And it’s a really shitty feeling when it happens to you. This is part of the reason I’ve given up dating.
Nothing says you must have sex with them.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think we've all been here, Sweetheart. I know I have, more than once, I'm hardheaded, and don't learn! I'm 64, and got caught up a little while back, and wasted 5 years of precious precious time before I threw his crap all out on the lawn and slammed the door on his philandering ass. I wish I was young again and knew what I know now!
[–]Amanda_davilleFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Girl, i learned this and never looked back. No need to reward bad behavior. I just wish I could get my time back. It was kinda hard in the beginning but this book, No F*** Boys Allowed helped me through most of my shitty thought processes dealing with this guy. I wouldn't wish a fuckboy on my worst enemy. Thank God you're free!!! I'm happy for you.
[–]pinkliquorFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I was in a situation like this with one of my exes. We were together every day and night, I helped with his bills, cooking, shopping, emotional support etc so I thought we were back together. One day his friend said “you guys look very good together” and my ex got extremely pissy and disgusted and said we weren’t together. I felt so angry and embarrassed. Shortly after, I walked away. He didn’t chase me. And not even two months later was with someone new. Men aren’t shit. Never settle for half assed bullshit.
[–]pinkliquorFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
God I know, he’s a narcissistic asshole and completely awful, but I literally felt like the biggest 🤡
[–]Hannahsd16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What about the polar opposite of this? A man wanting to be in a committed relationship’ but doesn’t want to engage in any of the ‘benefits’ ??? Tbh it’s almost equal if not worse mental abuse that I never thought in a million years I’d be experiencing and hating life because of constant I security’s and sexual frustration ruling my mind.
[–]Sayeesa13FDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do not waste your time on any many who frustrates you. It's not worth it. Walk away.
[–]ComicalacimocFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is exactly it
[–]LattikaFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh my God yes! This was my first relationship ever. Went out for six months before we became exclusive, but then immediately got told he did not love me that way but enjoyed my company. Six months. I regret to say that I did not see the signs, but I was 18, naive, and struggling with debilitating depression which was made much worse by our break-up.
Rule of thumb now is, if he doesn't love you within two months, he is not going to love you ever.
[–][deleted] 34 points35 points36 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I feel bad because for 3 years I've been committed to my boyfriend but now I'm having doubts so I'm the person in this post too.
[–]redpeithosFDS Apprentice56 points57 points58 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
How do you consider him your boyfriend, when he says that he isn't ready for a relationship and still expects the benefits?
[–]leftclicksq2FDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Beyoncé said it best: "If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it".
[–]redpeithosFDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Iconic quotes from Queen B herself 😔☺️☺️
[–]gfcacdistaFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep, when you start feeling it's the case for you prepare your bags ladies !
[–]PreachyGirlFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Actions speak louder than words; however, your words still matter. What you say is just as important as what you do. Men just want to have their cake and eat it too. They don't want the responsibility of a full-blown commitment so they can have sex with other people as much as they want but they still want to reap the benefits of a vague understanding of a pseudo-commitment that you're loyal to them and only them.
[–]anonymous_monkey2FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Mind blown
Only if she lets it be. She doesn't have to play by his rules.
[–]Sarah_FishcakesFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've had a guy string me along like this and it is a form of mental abuse. It was several years ago, can I still report this behaviour? Just so the police have a record
[–]Spiritual-Ambassador1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The problem here is not men but women. If we dont value ourselves then of course a man will take advantage. We have to ensure that we know our value and worth in order to get our desires.
When I was dating, other women would call me callous, too picky or wrong for leaving a man for not meeting my standards. Now that i am married to a superb man, those who judged are all asking for the 'secret'. The secret is to respect and treasure you! No one (man or woman) will be able to pull anything that you dont want.
[–]HoneyNJ2000FDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I don't think it's abuse at all.
If a guy is HONEST enough to tell you he's not looking to take things to the next level - but the douche bag still expects all the perks of said next level - then he's made it very simple for the woman.
That's when she leaves his ass. Why would anyone hang around for that?
[–]Wiggy_BopFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Or, you could really stick it to them and continue to see other men. Flagrantly and openly.
Believe me, they cant handle the FWB if it’s truly a two way street.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, you will put them over a barrel. Momentarily. He may then pretend to be in a relationship with you, but will continue his bs behind your back. If a man says he doesn't want to be in a relationship, believe him.
[–]sophrosyne2189FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It is abuse if the man prolongs or allows the woman to prolong the situation. Feelings of infatuation/attraction is a drug. It's not like you can automatically delete your feelings for someone once they tell you that they don't see you as relationship material. Especially for women. And especially when sex is already involved in the relationship. If a man is truly decent, he would back up his words with his actions and not contact the girl further.
FDS principles and actions (like leaving the man at first offense) is actually unnatural and counterintuitive in practice. It does not come easily to most women as this sub would show.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I disagree. We have to own what we cosign.
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[–]radical__daphneRuthless Strategist46 points47 points48 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry but I looked through your history and the first thing that came up was that this guy is 32, 12 years older than you. Don't waste your time, he'll never be serious and he's just looking to play. Also don't believe that abusive relationship crap from men.
[–]Khakislacki0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good to see this in explicit terms. I’m really scared I (29F) am this person though. I did this on-off thing with a great guy who I’ve now lost. If anybody feels like they may be the ‘guy’ in this text, look up attachment styles.
Reading about the “fearful-avoidant” attachment style fits me to a T. You protect yourself from being hurt by keeping your relationship at a distance but also desperately want to be close to that person—not a great combo! Not that being that way excuses my behavior or anybody else’s who gets scared about committing but really wants the relationship, but it has been helpful to look in that mirror. Now trying to figure out ways to be more conscientious in future of why I’m scared and whether that’s valid because at least I’m aware that I follow an unhealthy pattern.
[–]sunflowerthelightFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen
[+]Asopaso07FDS Newbie-9 points-8 points-7 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It’s rape.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
No, it's not. Unless it's actually RAPE.
Women can say no to a man that doesn't want a relationship. And she should find that out BEFORE she has sex with him, if a relationship is what she is looking for. She can still decide to have a FWB deal. But she cant cry she is being abused if she does. She's just settling for less hoping he will change.
[–]Asopaso07FDS Newbie-2 points-1 points0 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If a man knows that a woman is in love with him and he uses her body knowing that he will dump her afterwards, that is rape. Not legally but morally it is.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie-1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Maybe a woman should get a commitment before she is far enough along to fall in love? And rape is a legal term. With prison consequences.
consent is consent. Even if tricked into it.
[–]rinabeanFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You literally can't consent to something you have been tricked into, legally
So for example if you believe a man in the dark is your husband, that is rape if it is not
It's also gone to court that if you believed a woman with a sex toy was a man, that's rape
The point of engagement rings used to be about that you'd probably be having sex with his promise to marry you
According to all of these standards telling a woman you love her so she'll have sex with you is rape. But it's not prosecuted because they already don't have enough room in the prisons for the violent rapists and abusers.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You make very good points. I was never saying that it wasn’t a total shitheel that would do that.
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