How abusers use your anger against you

WeirdRockbaby · 2021-05-19T00:27:48+00:00

Isn't that what the whole society do to women?

starlight_sequence · 2021-05-19T00:57:38+00:00

So true. My ex was psychologically and emotionally abusive, but god forbid I ever take a tone or raise my voice to him when his behavior was hurting me. Then suddenly I'm the "bad" one who needs to be "fixed" because "you don't speak to someone you love like that."

BeautifulLeek · 2021-05-19T01:46:23+00:00

"An abuser doesn't have a problem with his anger, he has a problem with your anger"

MACMUA · 2021-05-19T00:54:57+00:00

It only works if we entertain these clowns.

There is mental domestic violence. It’s abuse

Austenma · 2021-05-19T03:10:59+00:00

A lot of us learn this at home. My mom never let me be angry.

PinkBlair99 · 2021-05-19T01:37:12+00:00

Oh, hi, Dad

EveSerpent · 2021-05-19T02:50:23+00:00

I stayed friends with an ex after we broke up. It worked for a long time until we had a falling out. He then wrote me a lengthy letter which included him telling me that he’d stay friends with me if I never got angry at him ever again! I was already done with him by that point, but it was still shocking to see his controlling mindset & absolute entitlement written straight out like that.

anotherdamnloser · 2021-05-19T02:12:13+00:00

Lived it, the resentment and anger are always with me. It’s been a hell of a road to try to forgive just for my sanity.

the-lonely-spirit · 2021-05-19T03:15:21+00:00

Immediately thought of my Dad.

I'm just coming to grips with feeling anger in general and it's sometimes scary. I've always been teary and whenever I reach a peak of anger I start to cry.

SO crazy how FDS has these nuggets of wisdom that speak to my soul, love you FDS!

Devils_Tango · 2021-05-19T08:17:14+00:00

I was so afraid of expressing any displeasure or anger no matter how reasonable it was because I knew it would be met with an accusation of me being mean and hurting his feelings, then days of stonewalling and silence while I drowned in anxiety.

Confidence_Relative · 2021-05-19T08:41:16+00:00

‘We are so busy teaching girls that they should be likeable that we often forget to teach them, like boys, that they should be respected. Soraya Chemaly ‘Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger’ I can’t recommend this book highly enough, the audio is available free on library app (borrow box etc) it’s exactly this topic. Here are some other quotes https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/60165024-rage-becomes-her-the-power-of-women-s-anger It’s an empowering read ladies!!!

Novemberinthechair · 2021-05-19T04:09:21+00:00

My parents did this. Fucked me up big time.

queen_beastmode · 2021-05-19T02:41:34+00:00

Yea, too bad my stimied anger is easily redirected to cold brutal strategizing.

UnstrirringCoffee · 2021-05-19T09:53:39+00:00

In school, having all my buttons pushed till I get angry and then cry. Then, ofcourse, I am blamed for "being hysterical". I have been in so many situations where I felt trapped and then have my resulting emotions weaponized against me. Sad part is that it was women and girls doing this as often as men and boys. Glad my childhood is behind me.

heleninthealps · 2021-05-19T09:32:37+00:00

I wish I knew this book before meeting my ex because this described 50% of our total dynamic. I was emotional and created drama - he was angry because of how I acted. Me: irrational. Him: Justified.

pugaczalla · 2021-05-19T10:40:26+00:00

Because my sperm donor is exactly like this, I had sworn to myself as a teenager that I’ll never be in a relationship and will never marry. Of course, as I grew up, I’ve realised that not every relationship has to be abusive.

Having an angry and abusive family member gave me the power to recognise them in wild and stay away from them. I can’t tolerate men who have a short fuse either.

My childhood was ruined. I battle many issues stemming from growing up in a verbally and emotionally abusive household. I wish there was a way to reach out to EVERY woman in the world with Lundy Bancroft’s wisdom so NO WOMAN MARRIES these piece of shits and ruins her life and the life of her children.

There are so many signs and red flags long before the marriage. They typically show their true colours fully years later, but there are signs from the beginning...

I personally struggle to believe that a man only became abusive after the marriage. I firmly believe that they were giving you hints for a while. Women just don’t know what these hints are and are taught to ignore them/accept them, and ignore their gut feeling. Lundy Bancroft’s book is a modern bible for women.

The_Oracle_of_Delphi · 2021-05-19T09:55:17+00:00

I get this from my angry, cold, white Southern male boss who is mediocre and who does not deserve his leadership position. He is a very antisocial person in general, but he absolutely hates women. He and his wife have a hostile relationship, and he projects his bitter dynamic with her onto other women. However, he puts on enough of a front that others (his male higher ups) who don’t have to work with him every day don’t see it. I’ve even seen him speak over/talk condescendingly to women we work with (externally) who are internationally recognized experts in their fields. What an ASS! I can’t wait till I get a job offer somewhere else...

yomommahouse · 2021-05-19T15:07:19+00:00

This is exactly what my emotionally and physically abusive ex did to me. I would be angry...not even screaming angry, but just angry and want to talk things out. He would always use my anger as an excuse of why he can't talk to me. He'd say things like, "see, this is why I can never talk to you about anything and why we never get anywhere! I'm not doing this right now with you because you're irrational, you cant let things go" Meanwhile, I'd just be like, just because I'm angry does not mean I cannot have a rational conversation, and everything I was angry about was over shit he did, like emotional cheating etc. And me not letting things go would literally be about something that happened the day before. Then he'd storm off and never give me an opportunity to talk about what happened. At the end of our relationship, me confronting him over things he did ended up in violence. Him pushing my face into the ground, pushing me, threatening to rape me. But, yeah I was the one with the anger issues.

Eccdysis · 2021-05-19T03:57:05+00:00

Honestly this is so relevant today. My roommate broke up with her LVX but he's on the lease still and things are escalating so severely we called the cops and are going to work on getting a CPO against him because we both feel unsafe around him. Such a disgusting, insecure boy.

BlackJeepW1 · 2021-05-19T04:48:06+00:00

I’ve NEVER been allowed to be angry. It was only ok if my brothers got angry because my mom was a misogynist pig.

zagreus8me · 2021-05-19T17:42:59+00:00

Oh boy this is so true.

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adalovelace1793--- · 2021-05-22T00:45:00+00:00

You have a right to foam and rage at people who belittle you.

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