I need support leaving my bf once and for all

bleda_princezna · 2021-11-06T21:06:54+00:00

Just wow, what a shitty boyfriend. You deserve better.

He's being a sick perv and then he decides to take it out on you? He knows what he's doing is not acceptable and he's trying to make you feel bad, shift your focus somewhere else and gaslight you into accepting his crappy behaviour.

Yes, the world is full of pretty girls. In other news, water is wet... But is that all that he's dating you for? You're just another pretty girl to him? Sounds like if you were to leave or deny him the benefits he gets from dating you, he'd be okay with having any other pretty girl around (obviously after throwing a hissy fit about you putting your needs above his). Because he's not capable of seeing any other qualities women have. Just some pretty things walking around.

He doesn't respect you, he doesn't love you. If he did, he wouldn't have talked to you about this in such a harsh and disrespectful way. He's using you.

When people who love and respect each other disagree on something, they listen to each other and don't insult each other. They try to understand, calmly explain their point of view, so you can try to understand their side (but in case of porn there really isn't another reasonable side to understand). Telling you you're just like any other good looking woman is an insult. You have unique qualities, your story is different, you have your own quirks and dreams. Not only is him saying that an insult, it's also a big fucking red flag.

SupremeDearLeader · 2021-11-06T21:08:14+00:00

Eeeeew, second hand cringe, imagine if you had a daughter or son and they started copying HIM ???? Hell no , alone is better than being put down.

Nonnasaysfuckoff · 2021-11-06T22:03:09+00:00

Okay, I'm gonna go tough love here after looking at your post history. Girl, he is a 32 year old man who is an alcoholic and has other issues. He verbally and emotionally abuses you, refuses to leave your house so he's a squatter. You have children as you've stated and you're 27 yrs old, having been with him for two years.

You need to step up, it's not just about you. You have this man living with you and near your children. You are not protecting your children and you are actively putting them in harm's way. You described your relationship as good in this post and yet that was a lie. I'm sure there are other things you have not mentioned but this needs to stop. You keep coming online, and form the other posts in the other subs you got some amazing advice. Shocking yes, but everyone time you've posted you've been told to leave him, but you're still there.

Now I feel for you, I do but this is not okay. You need to make the decision, you can't just keep going online and not doing anything in real life. His name is not on the lease you could call the damn police to get him the hell out of there. I'm sorry but enough is enough here, you can do better. You don't need him, the way he treats you is abhorrent and it's worse for your children to see it and probably experience it themselves.

GabbaG0ul · 2021-11-06T21:48:10+00:00

He consciously chooses to do something that he knows makes you unhappy. Then shows absolutely no remorse. It does not bother him that it hurts you. Do you want to be with someone who is not bothered by thought of hurting you?

Platipus6 · 2021-11-06T21:50:35+00:00

Porn addicts are junkies. They lie like they breathe.

My ex "only looked". At terrabytes. For hours at a time. He's wasting his time on this shit and he's wasting your life.

He's blocking you from being with a man you truly want. One who loves and respects you.

lostmillenia · 2021-11-06T21:38:13+00:00

Calling this dude your boyfriend is not something to be proud of. Him and his porn will be very happy together.

And you will be so relieved once he is gone. He clearly doesnt value you. Its sad and hurts to come to the truth.

It's time to end the pain and act now. He's weak anyway. Isnt that unsexy? He wouldn't know what to do with that woman if she walked into his house because guess what? He doesnt know what to do with the woman in front of him right now.

He's still like 14 furiously stroking his little dick while mommy is busy. He hadn't grown up. Your children deserve a better father figure.

Screw this loser. Time to make a plan sister.

MadamePotpourri · 2021-11-06T21:00:40+00:00

Please get rid of this guy. Can you see that he's manipulating you? It seems to be working...

When you confronted him about porn (which by the way is a very reasonable concern), he decides to turn it on you to make it seem like YOU are the one who's insecure. Then he proceeds to talk down to you and make you feel less desirable.

"oh well, other girls are pretty, I can't talk to you about it because you are insecure and think you are the only pretty girl in the world. Did you really think you were the only one"

The only reason a man would say something like this to his girlfriend is to intentionally chip away at her self esteem. This creates a cycle where your self esteem is so low, that you won't leave him because you think no one will ever find you desirable. You said it yourself:

My self esteem has gone down the drain and it is hard to face the fact I will be alone forever most likely

So can you see how his manipulation is working on you? You have low self esteem because you are with a porn sick loser who talks down to you. Those other women that he looks at would never ever want him and he knows it, which is why he so desperately tries to lower your self esteem so you don't leave. He knows he has no other options and that most women wouldn't put up with his nonsense. But in this relationship YOU are the one who feels she has no other options!

He's trash, sis! Do yourself a favor and dump his ass! I read your post history and he seems very emotionally abusive and selfish. You said it yourself he's a POS. His behaviour is not normal or ok and you don't have to deal with it.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-11-06T22:20:36+00:00

Hes a sniveling fucking coward and absolutely doesn't deserve to spend another moment with you. I can't believe he would say that! He is the one who is insecure if he has a loving relationship and still has to satisfy addiction to porn and then rationalise it in such a hurtful way that puts you in the centre of blame and avoiding his own issues. Cut that toad loose so he can fill his days with watching porn and jerking off, and you can go and be happy.

--qtbunny-- · 2021-11-06T22:53:12+00:00

You are not overreacting. A man who cares about you, won't look at other women. If there are so many pretty women out there, why did he even choose to be in a relationship? What a jerk.

He's probably had considered/or has used prostitution behind your back too. You're with a trashbag who is only tugging you along for fun. Please leave him and focus on yourself. Although it might not seem like it, there are so many good men out there.

boiledgatorade_ · 2021-11-06T22:34:48+00:00

This guy sucks and you deserve better. The negging & gaslighting reminds me of my ex, he used this same line . I doubt they watched porn & didn’t jerk off but it they actually did..that’s even weirder 😆 they’re so desensitized to it, they watch it like a tv show

catastrophejr · 2021-11-07T00:55:12+00:00

They see us as interchangeable.

liberty_5-30000 · 2021-11-07T01:02:45+00:00

Porn is a drug on the same level as OxyContin. You need more and more for the same endorphin level.

It’s hard to walk away but he is an addictive. Get everything in order pack your bags and tell him either you or porn?

You will have your answer? There are nice guys out there - you just need to look.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-11-07T02:06:28+00:00

What is your local support system like? Do you live in an area where things are open and you can do fun things? If you can keep yourself busy, and reconnect with the person you were before him (hobbies, hangouts, etc), it will be a lot easier to be away from him.

ETA: when one of my friends finally decided she wanted to leave her now-ex, the rest of us rallied around her. We’d always known she deserved better, but she had to take the first step.

We checked on her throughout the week, and made ourselves available when she texted because she felt week. We created a weekly lunch date and wouldn’t let her back out of it. That might sound heavy handed since you don’t know her, but those lunches were a reminder of how good life was without her ex. When she stayed at home, it gave her time to pretend that things weren’t “too bad” (they were), or just get depressed.

She’s in a much better place now, and dating someone who is so, so good to her. She makes more time to see us (her ex isolated her and brainwashed her into thinking she deserved to be alone; that was another reason we pushed to get her to show up for lunch).

You can do it too, sis!

MofoMadame · 2021-11-06T23:50:30+00:00

Add idiot to his problems.

NUTELLALOVER97 · 2021-11-07T02:45:39+00:00

your feelings are valid even if people say otherwise. obviously they are many beautiful girls but you deserve someone who only has eyes for you and makes you feel like the only besutiful girl in his world. life is too short to waste it on people who make you feel like you are not good enough.

ScrappleSandwiches · 2021-11-07T08:09:08+00:00

You know what else the world is full of? guys who aren’t addicted to porn who will be nice to you.

CandidKick · 2021-11-07T18:13:23+00:00

I think, when we are mistreated, it is helpful to know the difference between how you are being treated and how you should be treated.

My husband was asked by his friend to go to a strip club. He was so upset and disgusted that he not only told me about it but had no interest in hanging out the guy again.

My husband does not want porn or strippers or sex outside of our relationship. He has no interest in sex without love and intimacy.

You deserve better.

jijitsu-princess · 2021-11-07T03:16:15+00:00

You’ve got my support. I’ve been in shitty relationships before where the dude held me hostage because I “loved” him.

I hate to break it to you but you aren’t in love with him. You are in love a dream and the hope that he will one day love you back in the way you need him to be. With his porn and alcohol addiction that’s no going to happen. Those things are his true loves. Not you. Not any human.

I’ve walked this road before. I promise that you will be thankful you left this sorry sack of shit.

scorchedsouI · 2021-11-07T09:36:53+00:00

Think of him like a drug. You're addicted to it, but it's bad for you. Block him everywhere and resist the temptation to engage with him for any reason. Try to fill up your schedule with productive activities/sports/hobbies/exercise and meetings with friends, or even dates. Avoid letting yourself think about it and make sure you have little free time.

Decreasing exposure to the drug, distracting yourself with other things and taking care of your physical and mental health is a step in the right direction.

Your body and mind are two connected machines, treat them well and you'll see attraction to addictive substances, like the hormones your brain releases when you're with him, hold less and less sway over you. Eventually, you'll only feel mild disgust at the thought of him and wonder how you were ever even affected by him.

AmeliaEmiliaEmma · 2021-11-07T09:56:45+00:00

You CAN and WILL do better without him, trust me! What good think he’s adding to your life? Stress? Humiliation? Insults? What example he is for your kids? Imagine them picking up his characteristics thinking that’s normal. Once a guy told me on like 2nd, 3rd date “you’re pretty, but there are so many pretty women so it’s nothing unique”. Pff, ditched right away. It’s probably harder for you because you have invested time, love, energy into this guy and it’s hard for you to let go of that loss, not him. And he knows that, he thinks he has you hooked so he acts like a douche because he secured his place in your life. It will just get worse if you stay.

FDSfollower1 · 2021-11-07T15:43:19+00:00

You can do this.

Don't waste your time, youth and beauty on this loser. More and more women are waking up to fact that porn is deeply harmful in relationships. It might take a few months, but you will realize you are much happier and better off without him. As far as just looking -- he's lying.

Edited to add: you are not overreacting, you are not insecure. You are waking up to some unpleasant truths about your boyfriend, that hurts. Don't waste time arguing with him. He's showed you who he is and how he feels about you. Just break up with him.

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2021-11-07T02:26:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	I need support leaving my bf once and for all
Author	serilda2020
Upvotes	305
Comments	48
Date	November 6, 2021 8:10 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qo8773/i_need_support_leaving_my_bf_once_and_for_all/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-need-support-leaving-my-bf-once-and-for-all.1085561 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085561

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