It's over.

tindercoach1998 · 2020-02-17T22:09:54+00:00

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CeriseNoire · 2020-02-18T00:10:18+00:00

Of course I have sympathy for you. I'm genuinely very sorry you're hurting. But you're really gonna have to work on yourself. This break up definitely showed you where you're lacking. And it's gonna come up again if you don't address it. It's fun being online and high fiving each other. But if you don't apply it in life and you SO easily disregard it all for a man who is exhibiting really trash behavior, then what's the point? You're going to have to reframe the way you think about men. You're doing the same thing that gets women into shit positions they're in, and that is overvaluing men in general. A good man should be a quality addition to your life, not your whole life. If you don't really think that, of course you're gonna cry and beg while some man rejects you. You've put your all into him and you think it's a disaster you still haven't found "the one". Yes, the goal is a good man in your life. But you have to know that you're ultimately gonna be okay with or without one. If you don't find that that's true, you're again gonna go back to these behaviors where you're begging for scraps and remembering the good times just so that you're not alone. I believe you're worth much more than what you got and of course you'll get over it. In fact, you're gonna think it's ridiculous you even pined over him. Just be honest with yourself, clear some things up in your head and then you can consider this a lesson learned

woiashenseea · 2020-02-17T23:36:34+00:00

Good on you!!!! Your idea of failure is still a level of personal success and development that the world's richest men fall short of.

My advice, and I mean this seriously: think of it like being WAY too drunk. Throwing up over the toilet till theres nothing but bile, back aching from the strain, dizziness and nausea, its hell on earth, but everyone who winds up there KNOWS that all they have to do is wait it out. Wait it out!! And when you're in the emotional equivalent of the next morning, yup its rough, but then you can drink water and lemon juice and rest ♥️

It is VERY sad and disappointing. Keep going, just keep waking up in the morning and doing all your shit. The nasty feelings will subside. Wait it out Queen!!!

Chandira143 · 2020-02-18T01:01:09+00:00

One thing I learned that REALLY helped me is that when we’re in pain our brains try to make the pain go away.

This often means that our brains kinda betray us - minimizing the reasons why you broke things off, rationalizing the times they hurt you as being “not that bad”, giving you urges to go back or contact them... ANYTHING that makes the hurt go away.

You did the right thing by ending things. You can stop chasing him right now and regain your pride. You didn’t do anything wrong by loving him... and your brain was lying to you by making you believe that the only way to make things better was by getting him back.

Solidarity, sister. We’ve all been there. Today’s a new day.

SarcasmSlide · 2020-02-17T22:03:44+00:00

I’m sorry you’re in pain.

Go easy on yourself. Sure, you faltered and you regret that. But consider it the price of tuition if you learned a lesson. Next time, you’ll be prepared.

There will be a next time, beloved. You’re a good person who brings value, integrity, and honesty to the table. Look at how honest you were in your post! Don’t hide your light under a bushel: set that fucking bush on fire and walk away like the bad bitch you are. Remember that you if he was really the one he wouldn’t have broken your heart. Life is hard and any man by your side is gonna have to be both tough and willing to go to bat for you.

Work on yourself. Meditate, exercise, journal, set goals and make a vision for your life that has nothing to do with a man. Hold your head high, sis.

2020-02-17T23:35:32+00:00

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uselesssdata · 2020-02-17T23:31:44+00:00

Stories like this kinda scare me. I haven't dated since having my eyes opened to reality and I don't think I'll be pinning anybody with the title of HVM for a long, long time. It'll need to be a few years of consistently high value behavior for that title to be earned, at least. Is that unreasonable? I just don't want to go through this type of rollercoaster anymore.

Men can fake things for so long.

improbablystudying · 2020-02-18T00:48:06+00:00

So sorry that you’re going through this girl. Heartbreak is so hard to go through, especially when you thought this was the person you would spend your life with. My ex broke up with me (randomly, with no prior signs) 2 years ago and I was BROKEN. I’m going to college very far away from home so I would call my mom at least 4-5 times a day just bawling my eyes out and at one point I was so sad over this my mom told me she wanted to Baker Act me because she didn’t know what I would do. I didn’t leave my room other than for class for weeks. I thought I was going to marry him, I took him to my home state with me to meet my family and everyone loved him. I loved him and he was my first “true” love, losing that will truly leave you with so many questions and such a low self esteem you feel like you can’t carry on. The only thing I can say about all of that is that every day it gets easier. Each day you wake up hurting less (even it’s only a little bit), and one day it just doesn’t hurt anymore and you’re okay. What helped me was throwing myself into my classes. It kept my mind off of him, and at that point I would do ANYTHING to not think about him. (i actually got a 4.0 that semester, ayyy yooo) Focus on making YOU happy, and do what makes YOU feel successful and what boosts your confidence and what will help you take your mind off things. Id be lying if i said I don’t still think about him from time to time and i still feel a pang of hurt in heart, but I’m happy, successful, single and focusing on me and I’ve never felt better. Maybe you don’t understand the reason why you guys fell apart but I assure you that everything happens for a reason, and you just have to find that reason! You are so strong, you can get through this ❤️❤️❤️

smg222888 · 2020-02-18T02:17:30+00:00

Time to collect all that love you were giving away and bring it on home. Throw yourself into work, staying active, being a good friend, redecorating the house, gardening, any and all projects to keep you busy and away from your phone. Then when you’re ready, just get back out there and keep dating. Men are like buses, there’s always another one coming. You don’t need to live life wondering how someone is feeling or if they are into you. It’s stressful and unfulfilling. You got this girl.

tindercoach1998 · 2020-02-17T22:27:24+00:00

As usual, this sub never disappoints 😭 I'm literally emotional (maybe because of the rollercoaster that the last days have been haha) with the amount of support and kind words you're giving me. I'm reading everything attentively, and I appreciate each and every one of your messages. THANK YOU 🙏❤️

GraveyardH2020 · 2020-02-18T00:50:55+00:00

I’m so sorry. But at least you realized it sooner rather than later. And hopefully you can start the process of healing ASAP. You’re strong, and you’ll be strong on the other side of this. Try to just take care of yourself and turn to this group if you feel yourself sliding back - that’s what I’m trying to do. Best wishes to you.

IloveKoreanfoodyaaas · 2020-02-17T23:31:22+00:00

**HUGS You should feel proud for being brave enough to break up with him. That’s not easy.

hikerkay · 2020-02-18T00:00:37+00:00

I broke up with a HVM on Saturday because he “wasn’t ready for a relationship” and this post hits me hard. Thanks for sharing. May we both find our persons in the near future. Hugs to you.

7_0f_9 · 2020-02-18T09:40:24+00:00

He will be back. They all slide into our dms eventually. That's your second chance to use fds and ignore for good. Trust me in a month you'll be over his shit and the rose colored glasses will come off.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-02-17T22:14:32+00:00

You did the right thing in the beginning and you recognize the reasons your slip up was terrible. That's good at least. Keep the Queen mindset you had when you decided dumping him was for the best. Do yourself a favor and block him and delete his number. It makes moving on easier. He's clearly confused about what he wants and you don't want that back in your life. The hurt will fade. It always does. The first few weeks are the hardest ones.

tonymademedoit · 2020-02-17T23:35:02+00:00

Your feelings are completely acceptable!! Everyone has a feeling process. I am so glad you know your value, you should too. You’re human and are allowed to feel sad, etc. Allow yourself to feel whatever which way you want to. Don’t forget you did this for YOU. Better to feel a little sad now than a whole lot of confusion later. Be proud of yourself for taking care of yourself. This is just another step in the process of finding your person.

2020-02-18T06:49:36+00:00

You have learned from your mistakes and now you can move on. You made the right decision breaking up when he wanted a “break”.

In my opinion, relationship breaks are one of the stupidest social constructs. You don’t get breaks when you’re married, you don’t ask your friends for a friendship break, you communicate, work your issues out, and move on from there. Breaks are complete bullshit, and ANYONE who’s not taking you for granted will never spew that headassery to you.

Let yourself heal and level up. Get someone who wants a REAL relationship with you, not a temporary one whenever he feels like it.

BookwormJane · 2020-02-18T03:11:29+00:00

The attachment is mostly a neurochemical thing. We women release more oxytocin when we're in love which creates attachment, whether in amazing, stalled, boring or even abusive relationships. This kind of neurochemical attachment takes a while to go away, but eventually you'll be free of this hormonal and emotional turmoil where you are right now.

Regarding the "pickmeisha" attitude, I guess all women here have had this attitude in the past and perhaps sometimes have it in the present, for various reasons that may trigger our old habits. It's not the right attitude to have and it's great that you recognize your "mistake" but remember you're human, you're a woman and feelings play a great role in your decisions. Don't be so harsh on yourself. Think over your breakup and have in mind that it was for your own good. Sometimes the best remedies are bitter.

Estelwaterbottles · 2020-02-18T03:01:15+00:00

I did a pickmeisha like this last year but as soon as i got back i realized i dont even want him anymore after being away from him. it just wasn't the same when i came back so i said, im going and he said "okay when are you coming back" and i said probably never. Then i said goodbye and havent spoken to him since. He didnt need an explanation because he knew he was bad, he just thought i was going to stay like i did before.

We all do dumb things. Its okay, its much harder when you actually go through it. Keep moving forward.

lostinkyoto · 2020-02-18T03:42:36+00:00

So sorry you're going through this, sis. I'm going through something similar. Its not easy! Here is what I did/am doing:

I blocked him on everything - Instagram, Facebook, even the Xbox I purchased just to play with him. I can't see him and he can't see me. If I don't see, then I don't know, then I don't have anything new to analyze and hurt over.
I am marking on a calendar every day I go without talking to/checking up on him. It's a running tally of exactly how strong I am. And when I see my streak, I don't want to break it! (And I must say - I'm doing really well!)
I turned to my network of girlfriends. They are so understanding and supportive. We just did a Galentine's dinner together.
As much as I want to just lay in bed, I force myself to go to work and engage in my usual hobbies/exercises. It's a drag but once I'm there, I'm surrounded by good people and good distractions.
Weekday evenings are the worst because I have less distractions. So I make some up - I do evening yoga, play with my dog, watch videos of puppies on Youtube, take baths...
I turned my mental resources to planning a great spring break trip for myself. Researching the destination, making purchases, and coordinating with a friend has given me something exciting to focus on.
Don't feel like you must date again right away. It's normal to feel sad and want some time to yourself. There will be ups-and-downs, some days when you feel more sad than others. When that happens, take a moment to notice the general trendline of your emotions. Are you overall feeling just a little bit better every day?
It's totally healthy to talk to a counselor or therapist about these feelings. They can help you develop positive coping strategies. And these are strategies that could be helpful for a lifetime.

harrohamtaro · 2020-02-17T22:22:51+00:00

The initial days of trying to pick yourself up from being disappointed really suck. I’ve been there. Just focus on getting through each day, and the pain will fade in time to come. It always does.

HungryExamination · 2020-02-18T10:03:13+00:00

Sorry that you're hurting, it really is a painful thing to go through and obvs he's not made this easy by telling you he still loves you. I think part of the issue is theory vs practical reality...what does it really mean to walk away? How do you manage the inevitable feelings? I found it useful to get through an hour - get through an hour without contacting or replying. Then make it through another hour. Aim for 72 hours. If you can get through that - get through the next 72 hours and so on. This isn't about him, it's about you and healing in the best possible way.

IWannaBeAnArchitect · 2020-02-19T17:17:47+00:00

I'm going through something similar. Much love and hugs to you.

mandoa_sky · 2020-02-18T02:23:34+00:00

onward to better things! now you can work on what the signs of a genuine HVM really are :)

505ithy · 2020-02-18T04:31:05+00:00

It happens to the best of us, don’t sweat it! Let it all out because that genuinely sucks when you think you found a diamond and it turned out to be glASS. Alsooo don’t beat yourself up about calling him back, you probably had more faith that he reciprocated it and got the wake up call you needed. Lesson learned. Don’t dwell on it, think about yourself and moving forward, you already got so far as far as knowing who you are, what you’re worth, and what you deserve.

Title	It's over.
Author	tindercoach1998
Upvotes	280
Comments	56
Date	February 17, 2020 9:56 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f5ghpg/its_over/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/its-over.682210 https://theredarchive.com/post/682210

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