Men are stressful

ponchoacademy · 2021-02-05T00:26:53+00:00

Thats why its bs, and Ive fallen for it myself, to stay with a guy who is a terrible partner, because you remember what it used to be like, and hope he'll go back to being that guy again.

He was never that guy. That guy doesnt exist. Alll that matters is who he is now, not who he pretended to be way back when.

Delirious_Duchess · 2021-02-05T00:49:44+00:00

I'm convinced this is why so many women in relationships become so much more insecure, they believe their man has changed because of something wrong with them, they're not attractive enough, they're boring, they don't try hard enough to please him etc, when in reality he's just comfortable being who he is - a lazy, ungrateful, disrespectful bum - to feel like he has to keep being the kind, appreciative, respectful version of himself he pretended to be at the beginning of the relationship

EternallySlumbering · 2021-02-04T23:57:43+00:00

Im surprised he didnt start with “why do females...” 🙄

Then_Advertising_773 · 2021-02-05T00:09:05+00:00

She couldn't be any more on point. Many times, once a guy gets the woman he wants, he tends to drop any effort and he's now someone else.

coldfoot23 · 2021-02-04T23:59:51+00:00

She nailed it and other men have confirmed it on this hellsite. Men even encourage men to put on a facade to hide shit until they can trap you then treat you like shit. Men are always the one who “change” aka show the piece of shit they truly are.

bluebird_wings · 2021-02-05T00:32:12+00:00

This almost always seems to happen too.

I literally explained it to my last ex within the first year of dating. I described how it always seems to happen.

And I get it, I do. You both expose your faults over time and you each have to learn whether you accept the other person's individual weirdness. If you mesh then you can continue on and if you don't, hopefully you can both go your own ways with grace and a better understanding of yourself and what you want/need from a partner and relationship.

However, the effort shouldn't be dropping from 100 to almost 0. Nuh-uh.

Maybe 100 to 80 is reasonable and we can work with it.

And don't get me started on cheating. When they are cheating, the entire relationship is literally a lie. It isn't even real. They aren't even who they are pretending to be. They aren't even a real person. You can't be in a relationship with someone that doesn't even exist for either scenario (cheater or zero effort switcharoo).

Oh, but they just hold onto you until they have something better lined up, don't they? Trust your intuition ladies. If you feel sus, that's a strong bye and never look back.

Spittens · 2021-02-04T23:43:19+00:00

Amen. That saying that guys have about women that goes along those lines? Bullshit. And they know it.

Just another way to place their faults on women instead of owning them.

huevos_and_whiskey · 2021-02-05T04:21:47+00:00

The worst one I fell for with this was my ex husband. He waited to show his true colors until after we were married. I went through all the anguish of thinking I had done something wrong, many times he criticized me and flat out told me I’d done something wrong and I believed him. It took me two years to figure out that the guy I fell for never really existed and was never coming back. I’m still grieving the loss of that person, even though it was just an act. The real him is a f’ing monster. I’m so angry that he tricked me, I’ve questioned whether I can ever trust myself again to judge someone’s character, and I grieve for the relationship I thought I had. I’m so much happier on my own, though.

miiju86 · 2021-02-05T00:06:56+00:00

We don't want to change you - indeed, we don't want the change (you did yourself; in a timespan of probably even just weeks)!".

Yepp!

I think that sums it up.

SakuraGirl88 · 2021-02-05T01:20:13+00:00

Amen 🙌. When we meet you, we meet your representative.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-02-05T04:45:08+00:00

Yes we are trying to change you: back into the person you pretended to be.

And then we find FDS and just block.

pascalines · 2021-02-05T01:13:45+00:00

I can’t stand when men call us girls

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-02-05T04:42:18+00:00

Fuck that guys whole beard and hat look is barf. And whatabout all the sad fuck guys who get dumped and are all sad and expect their girls to help them change and work on their anxiety and low self esteem issues

localgirlcult · 2021-02-05T09:25:09+00:00

This very grown man who looks like he's been taking steroids for 27 years really thinks he's doing something and being clever when he asks "Why do GIRLS get ~narelehshenship~ with us knowing who we are and then"

The real question is "Why do women get in a relationship with us? For the love of GOD, why?"

penelopekitty · 2021-02-05T03:10:09+00:00

It's their representative. They know 100% who they are showing you.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-02-05T10:35:11+00:00

My ex confirmed. When I asked him why are you a different person now? He said, I've always been like this, but if you knew from the very beginning you wouldn't want me. Then he mentioned honey moon phase...etc. Then why I didn't turn into a massive bitch after honey moon was over?

perhapsbutnottoday · 2021-02-05T09:24:11+00:00

This is why we need to vet viciously and hold off on the sex. Men send their representatives ahead of who they really are. This is why we block at the first sign of a red flag. His representative is his best face that he’s putting forward. If you accept that initial shoddy treatment from his best self when he’s trying to get you, you are signing up for a world of hurt when the real him shows up.

2021-02-05T00:16:48+00:00

Thank yooooooooooou Yes.

aquietsword · 2021-02-05T03:06:57+00:00

Every. Time.

Villanelloh · 2021-02-05T09:20:08+00:00

YES! Off topic but that guy looked like the stereotypical NVM

MACMUA · 2021-02-05T21:58:47+00:00

Chris rock said it best...men are auditioning when you first meet them. You’re not seeing the real version, you are seeing their representative

boredbitch2020 · 2021-02-05T16:56:19+00:00

Looking at that dude is stressful

light_workerx3 · 2021-02-05T19:14:14+00:00

Spot on !! This is exactly how my ex was and I even explained this to him when we broke up ... Still didn't understand what I was saying ! Ughhhh 😩🙄 so deceiving in the beginning ! It angers me to think about it . Then one time he said " well it's been over a year since we been together I can stop holding doors for you ! " He said it as a "joke" but I was pissed because first of all I don't expect you to open every single door for me but yeah it would be nice to keep doing it from time to time because that's just what you do with your girlfriend ?! .. all intimacy and nice dates and everything totally went away right at our 1 year anniversary. It was a totally different person the next 2 years after that and I couldn't take it anymore . He did nothing with me ! Didn't even cuddle or kiss me . It was like he only wanted sex and now that he had me doing his bdsm fetishes he felt he didn't have to try to put an effort in my needs and wants . It makes me sick I'm so happy I left him .

dan98ne · 2021-02-05T15:30:40+00:00

I believe in general men are dumb, and even HVM can start doing this in some aspects, but they can be woken up from their BS, my boyfriend from the start opened doors for me and constantly bought me gifts and stuff, but he progressively stopped opening doors and one day just plain told me that he would spend less on gifts and that kind of stuff because he didn’t want me to become super “spoiled” I was completely astonished but he was a very good man in a lot of other aspects so I told him that “Ok, I’m okay with that but I am letting you know in advance that I will be gaining weight (not to be full of myself but I am pretty cute and he loves how I dress and do my makeup and how I look in general) because staying fit was too tiring, and that I wouldn’t be dressing up much anymore and in general grooming myself too often, because if what we are doing is to stop putting as much effort as we did in the beginning now that we are deep into the relationship, then it would be from both of us and because it would also be easier for me to diminish his value and to take him for granted” Obviously he apologized and never said anything like that again, also there are a lot more gifts now

XxShykatxX · 2021-02-06T06:15:48+00:00

This woman says it how it is! I absolutely love how simple and easy she put it! Guys usually change to someone we don't like after the first couple months in the relationship, why is that so hard for them to get?

spinsterchachkies · 2021-02-06T16:19:18+00:00

Truth

2021-02-05T10:07:30+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Men are stressful
Author	German_girl97
Upvotes	914
Comments	54
Date	February 4, 2021 11:25 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lctckl/men_are_stressful/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-are-stressful.1193150 https://theredarchive.com/post/1193150

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