Men will not compromise on their space and living arrangements just for being in a relationship. They can use the woman's place as their own when it suits them but not return the favour. Women who compromise for the men that don't, disrespect their own boundaries.

yoursultana · 2022-02-13T20:25:01+00:00

Crop out the subreddit and any usernames or we’ll be accused of brigading

highoncatnipbrownies · 2022-02-13T10:48:41+00:00

All guys seem to do the 'almost but not quite move in' these days. They show up all the time, uninvited, suspiciously right around dinner time. Then they need a shower, and then they're all relaxed, guess they better stay the night.... Ohh guess they get breakfast too..

And it happens over and over... But of course they're not really "living" there (ignore the pile of they're stuff that they keep "forgetting") so they don't contribute.

Plus once they start dropping by whenever they want, then they want to know why you're not home when they expect you to be preparing their meal... Where are you.. why aren't you available to them...

sleeplessbeauty101 · 2022-02-13T10:28:44+00:00

He eata, sleeps and showers at her place 5 nights a week and is MAYBE going to contribute money! Gross. Move out of town and break up with him.

DreamlikeNile · 2022-02-13T11:38:50+00:00

He has a nerve!!!! He's pressuring her to cut her other expenses to stay in a place she can't afford, and shaming her for not being able to afford it. He quite happily pays only for a place with multiple roommates but spends a ton of time at hers. The TERMERITY!!! This is classic financial abuse - telling her how to spend her money, in a way that suits his tastes (at her expense), while saving his own money. He is controlling, entitled and exploiting her financially.

I think she should... block and delete him! Then do whatever she wants with HER MONEY!!!!!!

SayNad · 2022-02-13T14:27:57+00:00

THIS is why ladies, unless you live with your parents (and even then be very, veryyyy careful) - ALL dates should stay formal in public places, and NO going to his place or your place. Especially your place should stay secret till the day he put the ring on your finger.

Because 99% of the time your place will be better than his, and hobosexuals will jump at the opportunity to enjoy the comfort of a complete home without spending a dime. Scrotes like to brag about them "not needing much, unlike women" but I can assure you when he sees your pinterest worthy home, he just can't wait to put him grabby paws on them.

Because human loves a comfortable, clean home no matter what their mouth spew.

lolmemberberries · 2022-02-13T13:49:03+00:00

He wants a clean place to take a shower, sleep, kick it and have dinner. But he wants to continue living at his own residence where his expenses are much lower and he's not held accountable for household chores. In other words, he's using this woman to have his cake and eat it too.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-02-13T09:59:01+00:00

Probably the best part he likes about her is that she's living alone and he can drop by whenever. But when she's in need of help, he gives her twisted logic that their relationship might get stained because of roomates. Why should only the woman compromise? Scrote gets to spend time with his roomates and have company and then he gets to spend time at her place and have intimacy.

She already mentioned that he drops by frequently - probably to have sex, eat and shower, maybe stays overnight too but pays no share of rent and or bills.

Who's been there? I've been! Because my place was nice and put together. I have all the utilities, it's warm, clean and modern. I know how to cook and there's always good food, space and comfort. Meanwhile he may not own to this day a toilet seat or a bedrest and matching sheets.

Just like this, the scrote in this post likes his life with the roommates and wants to keep his independence and gives her trash and practically gaslights her to maintain a lifestyle and an apartment that only suits him but to which he won't contribute. He could lend her money but even she knows that it would put her in a vulnerable position with him.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2022-02-13T11:35:46+00:00

He practically IS already living with her, he spends 75 percent of his week living at hers.

If she dumps him, she could afford her studio with the reduced food and utility bills. Would have time for a side hustle too without the parasitic leech boyfriend sucking the life out of her.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-02-13T10:01:16+00:00

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Saga-the-fierce · 2022-02-13T10:18:16+00:00

I feel so heart-sorry for her.

Women have been socialised to want a fairytale relationship - she is expecting him to rescue her, whether financially or emotionally.

Men, on the other hand, have been trained to seek what is most convenient.

How could our society allow such a disconnect?! I'm so grateful for FDS creating a reality check for women.

seraphinelysion · 2022-02-13T14:47:33+00:00

Ok, so let me get this straight.

There are men out here telling women they just met that they have to go 50/50 on dates because he doesn't know her and doesn't want to date a gold digger.

Meanwhile, this couple has been together for a 1 year, so they KNOW each other, and there's no 50/50 happening when he happens to stay at her place more than 50% of the time?

Make it make sense.

Women are asking men to pay for dates because women KNOW men are just going to turn into THIS once they get too comfortable with you. The "upfront payment" for dates is like the LEAST they could do, and they still don't want to do it.

And about the post: If after 1 year together and he's still hesitating to move the relationship forward in any meaningful way (moving in, talking marriage, etc) then you're not the one; you're just the one right now.

xdecadent · 2022-02-13T10:29:59+00:00

I feel for this girl, I really do. Living alone in NYC is hard but not impossible. She could absolutely find another studio for half of what she’s paying now. Her boyfriend, on the other hand, should stay at his own place more. Period. Anything more than half the week at her place and he should be kicking some money in for something. I don’t think he should rescue her but what kind of person stays 5 nights out the week at someone’s place and doesn’t think to pay anything? If the shoe was on the other foot, if she was staying in his room with him, his roommates would DEFINITELY say she needed to pay her fair share to stay there. There’s posts on Reddit about this all the time.

bleda_princezna · 2022-02-13T10:55:13+00:00

How very convenient for him... He can cheap out by living with several other people while benefiting from privacy his girlfriend's place provides while not having to contribute anything financially as splitting the cost with her or contributing at least something since he spends so much time there would end up costing him more than his current situation.

Absolute trash. He's using her and doesn't care that if she does what he wants she's going to be losing a lot of money. The least he could do is offer contributing to the bills, he already made himself home in her apartment.

And not some "oh I guess I could pay some" and then hope she doesn't want to take it and you don't have to do anything. If she declines, you make sure you help in some way anyway, or properly explain it's not help, you're just paying your share. He's relying on her feeling ashamed for accepting money that she's rightfully owed.

AnniaT · 2022-02-13T14:36:44+00:00

And they say men aren't gold diggers.

ArtisticBrilliant491 · 2022-02-13T15:01:07+00:00

No sister! Do NOT touch that 12% 401K contribution. That's your future and shan't be compromised for some LVM who doesn't wanna pitch in on the rent even tho he's so broke he has to have roommates. I hope she gets to keep her studio...I have fond memories of my small but private and peaceful studios. They gave me a place to escape the world, including LVM.

These LVMs will hungrily eye that fatted pig of a 401K 20 years on....believe me. I got one now eye-balling mine and very mistakenly believing that I'm going to continue to finance his lifestyle with it altho his preferred way of living no longer works for me. If it ever did. Nope. That was MY labor and sweat. Keep those LVMs far away from your "emergency parachute" if you should be so lucky to have one.

And run an annual credit check on any partners you share any kind of financial division with, no matter how casual. Just good to know when legally financially tied to another person if they have debts--credit cards--you don't know about. Things that should have been paid off but weren't. This can help uncover financial dishonesty.

SupremeDearLeader · 2022-02-13T15:12:49+00:00

If a man is not enthusiastic and capable of providing you decent housing and pay your bills, he's not serious about a " relationship ". He is merely using your body for fleshlight services/ free meals/ free maid/social status increase/ relief from boredom. Dump Hobosexuals to the curb where they belong !!!!

Sheravenous · 2022-02-13T16:29:15+00:00

He's 31 with THREE roommates???

Housing is a mess in NYC, wow. It's really holding people back from moving onto the next stage of their adult lives. That being said, there's something that doesn't sit right with me about a 31 year old man having 3 roommates.

I really feel for OP because having a space that you love is so important BUT I don't think him moving in is a good idea at all. He made a passing comment about helping with rent probably because he felt he should and he knew that OP wouldn't press the matter, not because he wanted to.

And realistically, she would have to move anyway if she weren't in a relationship. So I think it's best she either asks for a raise or just finds a place with a roommate. But she should probably get rid of him too.

There seems to be a lot of men with gross, noisy or otherwise unwelcoming homes who just spend all of their free time at their girlfriend's instead of improving their own home situation. All for free too, of course!

Davina33 · 2022-02-13T10:46:35+00:00

I don't want to live with a man again but if I was dating one then he must have his own place. I have my own place, so it's the least I expect of him. One of my good friends also has her own place and was dating a man 20 years older. He was staying at hers so much that he was practically living there. All her bills went up and he didn't contribute anything to the cost. Someone snitched on her to the council so she lost her single person's discount.

I am not going to fall into that and it's obvious the woman in this post has a boyfriend who doesn't care about her.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-02-13T12:21:59+00:00

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katiekat0214 · 2022-02-13T13:37:54+00:00

Living apart together once again for the win. I'll go a step further: if and when I ever date again, no man can just come inside my place and just encamp himself. I'm next level territorial about my space, and I own it. I don't ever want a man showering in my house when he has his own. I don't want, quite honestly, to entertain much in my home, because I don't want a man getting used to better amenities, better cooking, and a more lovely, calm, quiet space than his own house. I want to go out and socialize, or go over to his place. My place? SACROSANCT.

I'd urge her to do what's in her own best financial and social interest. Think as if she had no boyfriend at all. Then make the best move for her, up to and including moving out of NYC which like LA is just hideously expensive.

karabnp · 2022-02-13T15:47:18+00:00

He’s already practically living at her place 5 nights a week, and he HASN’T been helping financially this whole time..??🥴 THE WHOLE TIME?! Oh HELL NO. And then THE AUDACITY to tell her “check her spending?!”🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

$3k a month for a studio?! Where does she live?! San Francisco or NYC..?? *Edit: just saw that last slide. NYC. FIGURES.🤦🏼‍♀️

She needs to tell him he’ll have to pay x amount of dollars since he’s practically living there, anyway. If he refuses, time to dump him, and see if she can find a chill lady to be a roommate with and split costs. I’d rather live with a girly friend/roommate who actually contributes rather than that barnacle of apparent helplessness she calls a “boyfriend”.

In a relationship you are supposed to care about how stress affects your partner. ESPECIALLY a living situation change that would have a great impact on your relationship. Clearly, he doesn’t seem too concerned about that, since he’s only mentioned “financially helping”, while NOT already handing her the cash or writing her a check to help with the rent.🙄🙄🙄🙄

And YOU KNOW he has a MUCH better time over there with her, than with his 3 ROOMMATES.🤦🏼‍♀️ CLEARLY, being over at her place “5 nights a week”.

seashellsupplier · 2022-02-13T15:34:18+00:00

I bet he doesn’t even help with grocery bills and it’s likely her utility bill and grocery budget that could be halved without him there. Also telling that she was counting on a promotion but didn’t receive it. He is holding her back. He is emotionally manipulative and I think especially young women don’t fully understand how draining that is in your day to day life. She can stay in the apartment, lose the man and be better off than with him. Even more, a guy in his 20s who lives with roommates is not interested in anything serious and possibly not good with money. I find it highly likely that she makes more than him. If she moves into a flatshare he will break up with her and find another woman with a studio apartment.

MsWriteNow07 · 2022-02-13T16:53:41+00:00

These scrotes really want all of the benefits of solo apartment in New York for free! And I bet you anything while she’s out hustling her life away to afford $3000 a month in rent, he’s laying up in her apartment, funking it up, and enjoying the life that she’s paying for. He might even be trying to sneak girls there behind her back. Dump this loser and watch your utility bills, food bills, and everything else get much lower and you can easily afford this place. I moved into my own one bedroom in the city almost as expensive as New York and I have not let one guy know that I’m living by myself. No man has crossed my threshold in the 6+ months I’ve lived here. Men in these big expensive cosmopolitan cities are like hobosexuals with their own homes. They always have a bunch of roommates, but they want to lay up with you and your large, expensive solo apartments and juice you for gf labor. Fuck that.

Or if they do have their own apartment/house, it’s either a fucking mess or in the middle of nowhere so it becomes “more convenient “to stay at yours because these guys work in the city but are too cheap to pay city rent so they live an hour outside of town. I don’t care if a guy is a techbro or engineer in the valley making crazy money, these guys are more headaches than they’re worth because they’re still cheap leeches. They brag on their salary, but they still want to live off of your largesse and spend all their own money on toys and take out. Just no!

Zurflu · 2022-02-13T17:35:22+00:00

Has she ever been to his place before or are his "3 roommates" his wife and kids?

alpinepunch2021 · 2022-02-13T14:29:50+00:00

Oh god this post has me all anxious and confused. Doesn't FDS say you're not supposed to move in with a boyfriend? Surely you can't solely hang out on dates outside with a boyfriend for like, years. What if you enjoy spending time with him at your place? What's a reasonable amount of time for a man to be over at your place if he doesn't live with you and isn't paying rent with you?

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spinsterchachkies · 2022-02-13T18:55:50+00:00

He’s there 5 days out of the week… He lives there girl he can help pay the rent. And when she said “We’ve only been dating a year” 😑 girl is just playing herself. He’s a bum

MsWriteNow07 · 2022-02-13T14:34:01+00:00

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Ok_Neighborhood_6971 · 2022-02-13T21:57:33+00:00

Y'all I can't see the post. Can someone do it to me?

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