PSA: "Cooking together" is not a date.

teampinata · 2020-04-27T19:45:58+00:00

Right. If a guy wants to cook for me that’s perfectly fine, but he can do it once we are already in an exclusive, monogamous relationship. I’m not going to your house alone. I’ve had men try this before and I shut it down every time and explain I’m not comfortable being alone with them while I’m still getting to know them and what our dynamic is. Any man that gets upset is angry because he wanted to fuck. Block them. If they understand and offer a public backup immediately if you really like them I think it’s okay to give them another shot. If they try the alone shit again before you’re ready just block.

Meccha_me_2 · 2020-04-27T17:54:30+00:00

Omg I had a pickmeisha roommate who would always invite tinder guys over to OUR apt where she would cook or bake for THEM as a first date. Then they would go into her room and chill.

Like girl you’re just showing them that you’re cheap and easy and you’ve completely ruined any chance for creating mystery.

She did this for a year and always wondered why she wasn’t making any connections/why guys didn’t want to stick around.

DazzlingMolasses7 · 2020-04-27T16:39:17+00:00

Agreed. Cooking together is an activity for couples who have been together for a while to do for fun and to save money and stay in.

Not only is it a ploy to get sex, it’s also super cheap and they know it. No thanks.

On top of that, 90% of the time they’re a mediocre cook and I would rather eat McDonald’s (by myself).

lival42 · 2020-04-27T18:28:09+00:00

Agreed. Cooking together is not a date.

Later on though, I’d like to highlight cooking as a test for the value of a man. When he cooks for you - and in the beginning HE cooks for you, NOT the other way around - does he modify the recipe to your preference? Is this just the one recipe he’s memorized and doesn’t understand enough to modify? Does he ask you to taste and comment on herbs, salt, etc? Does he handle constructive criticisms well? Think about his flexibility and readiness to accept guidance when he’s in the kitchen... because as he acts here, he will act in bed.

On a related note: Does he clean as he goes or just leave the kitchen as a disaster? Because then there too, as he handles his messes here is as he handles domestic duties overall.

sadpourtoujours · 2020-04-27T17:39:24+00:00

Yep. Basically, don’t ever agree to go to a man’s house, or invite him to yours, unless you’re planning to have sex.

jayda92 · 2020-04-28T00:06:32+00:00

Amen! It's so low-effort. It sounds cute because we are taught to make a pretty picture in our head about it. You, him, the kitchen, silly time, talking about each others cooking qualities etc. It just never works out that way. It's awkward and you don't have that much attention for each other. You need to be wined and dined. You deserve to be.

If a guy is adamant about him cooking for you... He will love to have your friends over too? That would be safe.

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I'd use to tell a guy that we like to share culinary experiences as friends in my circle, and since he is so convinced about his cooking and wants to spends time in my social circle... 😉 Had a lovely dinner with my two friends and him present. We kissed in the kitchen, didn't feel anything so I got him out of my rotation...

I jokingly told another one that I needed an objective pre-taster with me at such events. He laughed about it and suggested a restaurant. Good for him. He is my bf now ☺️ Took him 4 months to let me visit his house and cook for me (boy, I didn't miss anything. He loves to cook... But it doesn't taste good 🤫)

Miss_Insher · 2020-04-28T02:54:55+00:00

Can’t believe I was so naive at 38 😕 Thought waiting on getting intimate is something out of the last century and super outdated. What the hell was I thinking. Thought he would keep respecting and chasing cause I’m “different.” I really don’t sleep around (not that I’m judging anyone who does) and somehow ended up with a fuckboy. Really glad all that 💩 brought me here though. Enlightenment is painful but worth it.

BerryCocoLove · 2020-04-27T16:55:26+00:00

Yes, say it louder!! Seriously, there is nothing more insulting to my standards and intelligence than a man who tries to seduce me to his place with something trivial like a movie or cooking together

Proper dates like fine dining, museums, and shopping are about the experience as a whole and what kind of value he can add to YOUR life. Dates like Starbucks = no value because you can literally go out and do that yourself

Another one I want to add, if he brings up his pet (dog, cat, whatever) and asks if you want to meet them, always say NO or divert the subject and ask him to show you pics instead (even this might be risky). I fell for this trap during my young pick me days because this guy wanted to introduce me to his puppy and we ended up at his apartment. He ended up using me for sex for almost a year :-(

I recently had a guy who wanted me to go over (during quarantine!) because he was cooking up a huge dinner. I quickly declined!

mightbethrowawayyy · 2020-04-27T16:46:35+00:00

True. Any guy who mentioned “homemade meals” on their dating profile is an immediate left swipe from me

plutunic · 2020-04-27T19:21:54+00:00

is this something i would happily do by myself or with my girlfriends? especially if you're paying for yourself, what the fuck is the point? sure, i don't mind cooking, netflix and chillin, going on a walk or hanging out somewhere with my girls. but i'd rather do something and make a memory, and in those cases i'm paying for it. so if a guy isn't leveling up your experiences, what the hell is the point in hanging out with him? you're risking your safety and well being, not to mention how much it costs to put on an outfit/makeup/etc, all for MAYBE finding a decent guy? he can buy you a meal or a fun date. if he doesn't want to or can't afford to, that's not your problem. cheapskates don't make good partners. so thanks, Trevor, for your boring/free/worthless idea that i could totally do by myself in my jimjams without having to get all gussied up. 🤷 how did i ever miss out on this g r a n d o p p o r t u n i t y.

men think they are offering you something. question just how much they are before you agree to show up!

also as a general rule: do not be alone with a man unless you are 100% OK and ready for him to initiate sex. assume that he will, that's why all dates should be in public and/or group settings while you vet him before commitment and particularly before intimacy.

pinkyberries · 2020-04-27T20:53:10+00:00

Some guy asked me on a beach date...nah.
If it's a day beach date - he wants to see me in a bikini. If it's a night beach date - it's too risky and he just wants to make his moves when no one sees.

No thank you!!

pinkyberries · 2020-04-27T17:33:44+00:00

[deleted]

moonbeamrant · 2020-04-27T17:42:40+00:00

This is 100% the truth, ladies.

The only time I can ever see “cooking together” as a proper date is if they do something like my husband did for me once - he took me to the farmers market in town to pick out whatever cuts of meat and vegetables I liked and then we took his portable grill to the park where we cooked and went fishing together. Remains as one of my favorite dates to this day. Either that or he’s taking me out to a cooking class - that can be a proper date too. Foodies- you CAN have a food centered date without getting groped and sequestered in his apartment alone.

2020-04-27T18:12:08+00:00

I was going out on dates with this guy, seemed nice. Had kissed me but nothing inappropriate or unwanted. For date four (after other dates being out for drinks and restaurants paid for by him) he wanted me to go to his house so he could cook for me. When i told him i didnt know him well enough to go to his house i never heard from him again. Months later after id deleted his number obviously, he popped up thru text sending some chain news articles to everyone in his phone. He had kept me in there. LvM!!!!

BlackThummb · 2020-04-27T22:53:29+00:00

Only caveat to that I’d add is that if you are going on a date to meet a guy for the first time, a lower stakes spot like Starbucks is what I prefer. It’s a lot easier to dip out after half an hour if he really sucks than it is at a 5 star restaurant. I’ve had some bad experiences where I’ve been stuck with a guy on a date (canoe ride was a no-no lol).

alwaysdaydreaming993 · 2020-04-28T01:48:09+00:00

Met up with a guy from Tinder for some drinks back in January. He pretended to be a woke Bernie supporter, and got exceedingly handsy as the night went on so I decided to test him. I told him I was hungry and suggested we go to my favorite taco stand a few minutes away. He agreed at first, and then kept making jokes like “sure you don’t want to just come back to my place? I have food there” after I had made it extremely clear that I don’t hook up on the first date. He continued to bring it up, and needless to say, eating food with him was not enjoyable. His “performance” had ended and he awkwardly didn’t eat all his food while I enjoyed every last bit of mine. He tried again to get me to come home with him after we finished eating, and I told him no. He texted me later that night and tried to be funny about my “no sex on the first date rule” and I dunked on him by telling him that my “rule” exists to protect myself from jerks like him, who think they can outsmart women into having sex with them. Never heard from him again. LVM for sure.

jimmbie · 2020-04-27T18:20:30+00:00

Yeah, it's sad that dudes use this to get laid. It's actually really fun and cute to cook for/with your partner, but it seems like a shitty idea to do with someone you've just met

naamshiko · 2020-04-28T01:56:35+00:00

Also another thing but if you've already had several dates and want to get a taste of each other cooking (because I genuinely believe that can be fun) or he wants to cook for you, I think that a picnic sounds like a lovely date. At the beach or at the park, on a bench in front of a museum, who cares. Personally I wouldn't mind the fact that it doesn't cost actual money because organizing a truly nice picnic would still require investment.

lonelybones1 · 2020-04-27T16:50:07+00:00

Yes this. I was tricked by an LVM coworker once in this exact way. At the time I was a full pickmeisha and was super happy when he invited me to his place to cook for me. Note that it was all very sudden and he invited me like an hour before. I thought he was being romantic...LOL 😂😭🤣 Never again.

woiashenseea · 2020-04-28T00:36:02+00:00

P r e a c h ❗ my friends still go on chain-dates... they think of cooking together as romantic... I've stopped trying to wake them up

jpa96 · 2020-04-27T20:04:47+00:00

Cooking together is only a date if you’re in an established relationship.

Jumpingonair · 2020-04-27T23:21:54+00:00

Preach

Summerlycoris · 2020-04-28T08:43:17+00:00

Tbh this is kinda what really drove it in, that guys should pay on dates. I got stuck thinking that it needed to be fair for a while.

However, during courtship is the best time to make an impression. The best way to make an impression? To show he has enough of a brain to realise Netflix isnt special. To show that he values your time and money.

Solid-Liquid · 2020-04-28T16:08:23+00:00

Lol my ex called me over the house to “get dick, my pussy eaten, or hang out”. When I flipped out on him, he backtracked and said “we could play video games instead”. Like...I have video games at my own house that I can play in peace, why would I go over to your house to play and get negged for sex?

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afrodeasyak · 2020-04-29T12:13:19+00:00

I'm so glad I stumbled upon this subreddit literally 24 hours ago because it's been so enlightening. I was persuaded into having a guy cook for me as a date and he turned out to be a sleaze bag.. sigh, never again!!

DazzlingMolasses7 · 2020-04-28T00:46:07+00:00

[removed]

Title	PSA: "Cooking together" is not a date.
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	412
Comments	88
Date	April 27, 2020 4:32 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/g942qp/psa_cooking_together_is_not_a_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/psa-cooking-together-is-not-a-date.677439 https://theredarchive.com/post/677439

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