We live in a society where degrading and abusive sex is celebrated and classified as the norm and the "cool thing to do." If you want to "spice up your sex life" to please your male partner, you're expected to literally bend over backwards and endure all sorts of abuse from your partner. I don't know about you, but I don't need my partner to dress up in a gorilla suit wielding a chainsaw in one hand, and an electrostimulation tool in the other hand for me to cum or have fulfilling sex.

BDSM is deeply rooted in misogyny. It's another way to mask abuse from men to women. There's nothing empowering about letting your partner choke you, leave bruise marks, defecate/piss on you. Liberal feminism and the fruition of pornography would make you believe that this is the only way to pleasure your partner.

Other "softer forms" of BDSM, such as shibari, are also inherently harmful to women. Shibari, which is Japanese rope bondage, is derived from Hojojutsu, a martial art used in the Edo period (1600 to the mid-1800s) by the Samurai to arrest and restrain prisoners with rope. Often prisoners were publicly shamed by being displayed tied in ropes, which usually conveyed their class and crime, before execution or imprisonment. So many women are mystified by the "beauty" in shibari, yet they fail to realize the deeply rooted history behind it. Being rope bound and hung up like a piece of meat just further personifies what women really are in the eyes of men.

Vis-à-vis with the truth, many men will argue until their blue in the face that we shouldn't kink shame them and that many women actually enjoy BDSM. We're in 2021 after all, kinkshaming is soooo backwards and close minded.

The women that they're talking about that "enjoy" BDSM are usually women who have deeply rooted issues and a history of severe mental/emotional/physical trauma from their past. They use BDSM as a way to relieve their experiences and trauma bond with their "dominators." These dominators actively seek out women who really need therapeutic help, and rather than help them, they abuse them under the guise of BDSM.

Performative sex is not conclusive of a healthy mutual sexual relationship. A man who truly loves you and cares for you will refuse to hurt you in any way, and will shun the idea of BDSM. A man who suggests BDSM or any other harmful, performative acts is a man who just views you as a human fleshlight at his disposal. He does not care about the physical harm BDSM will cause you, nor does he care about the emotional long term effects this kind of sex will bring you. In fact, it's no coincidence that the men who engage in BDSM relationships are men who believe in polyamory. They do not view women as human.

I love having vanilla sex where there's mutual pleasure. I love being caressed, cuddled, and asked if I'm enjoying myself. I love having the ability to have an orgasm. I love falling asleep in the arms of my partner and cuddling until the sun rises.

There's nothing wrong with being vanilla. In fact, having vanilla sex is the healthiest way to formulate a fulfilling sexual relationship with your HV man whom you've vetting carefully over a long period of time. Any man who tries to contest this with you does not have your best interests at heart. At FDS, we not condone BDSM for this reason at all. If a man suggests anything close to performative and BDSM affiliated, run.