The gospel truth

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-01-08T16:41:26+00:00

“You can do better.” Major red flag when a man tells you this since he knows himself and what he’s capable of. Consider it one of the few times an NVM is telling to truth and doing you a kindness by warning you. 🚩🚩🚩

chateauduchat · 2021-01-08T14:38:10+00:00

This is absolutely true and every one of my exes said this

oneheadlight312 · 2021-01-08T15:44:25+00:00

Every single one who has told me that ended up proving it true.

Blackandbeautiful95 · 2021-01-08T16:24:51+00:00

He's giving you an easy exit! So take it and runnn for the hills ... Guys no damn well what they can and what they cannot offer for us in the future

sassenachpants · 2021-01-08T18:17:08+00:00

I’ve heard this from men and it just perplexes me. Like.... then BE BETTER??!!

EddingsFan · 2021-01-08T18:25:03+00:00

My current partner told me this, and I deadass looked deep into his eyes and said, "You are correct. I CAN do better. And I WILL leave you by (x date) if you don't shape up. You have the power to be the man you think I deserve. So get off your ass and do it."

It's past that date, and we are still together. He is continuing to improve himself, and I'm very happy about it.

Small tangent: I have had a LOT of luck with telling men my expectations, and leaving their low-value asses in the dust if they don't shape up. It gets rid of ANY guilt on my part, and it has seemed to really get through to some of them. I have a hard time with boundaries, so setting up the cause and effect in advance and having them agree to it is much easier for me then dealing with them AFTER they have crossed it. All I have to do is follow through, which is hard enough by itself.

-pop-fizz-clink · 2021-01-08T19:33:24+00:00

"why do you like me lol"

ended up dumping me for not being "independent" because I was constantly seeing him online, while not texting back for ten hours.
pulled at my skin on my stomach while bent over petting his dog. He is overweight and I am not.

Remeber ladies, if he doesn't love himself, not only will he not be able to love YOU, but he will often project his crap on you. Imagine saying someone is not independent despite: - paying all her own bills, - is not fortunate enough to have been given business and business relationship from daddy; has forged her own way and paid for her own schooling... - got her Board membership on her own merits rather than her surname 😉, -drives lunch to you, with her own car that she insures, pays for and puts gas into - watches your dog for you, brings said dog back to her place that she pays rent on -enjoys her own hobbies - enjoys her own company and is extremely comfortable with doing things solo (dinner, events, whatever)

...Isn't independent.

His ex worked part time, lived with her parents, refuses to learn how to drive but she was better than me because she could "handle his ADHD". Well when you're not taking your medication, I think it is wrong to use ADHD as an excuse to ignore me ("you have to gently place your hand on my shoulder or something to get my attention" - I'm serious.) Or to drive very dangerously because it's funny to see me scared (I'm a retired equestrian, not much scares me).

I've been called a lot of things, but someone asserting I'm not independent while they still have a silver spoon in their mouth is something fucking else.

repurposedschleem · 2021-01-08T18:29:24+00:00

Man the way my HVM mentor, and his HV wife who is now one of my close friends, told me this, so matter-of-factly, got me thinking about my NVM ex in a different light.

dollymyfolly · 2021-01-08T17:48:45+00:00

“You deserve better” = “I cheat”

MargotteL · 2021-01-08T18:48:40+00:00

9 out of 9 time he's right 100% of the time.

Papaverinum · 2021-01-08T15:38:42+00:00

My ex would say that and I'd be like :((( "he's sad and depressed". You can never be emphatic with those men.

sealcrab · 2021-01-08T19:24:34+00:00

Looking at dating apps, I always ignore guys who have some sort of self-deprecation or joke about low standards in their profile. If the first impression you make is that I should lower my standards, you've literally fucked up at the first hurdle.

Hateorade_ · 2021-01-08T20:05:34+00:00

Lmaoooo I’m so ashamed at this because my ex said this to me on several occasions. The last time he mentioned this was when I sent him photos from his brothers wedding and he was saying “man I look handsome” or something along those lines. I then said “nah you good” and he said you deserve someone who’s handsome for you or something like that lol. I felt like I called him handsome and gassed him up more than he did for me lol.. don’t get me wrong, he was supportive but shit, he barely called me beautiful and I feel like he barely thought I was the most beautiful girl in his life. When he stopped gassing me up, I felt like I had to stop too. I’ve jokingly called him ugly but that’s because he did that to me too. I feel guilty because he was pretty handsome but oh well. Never again lol.

sikulet · 2021-01-08T22:58:06+00:00

“I don’t know why you’re with me” “I feel like I’m not worthy”

Yep

Rasaya87 · 2021-01-08T23:55:33+00:00

Definitely this. My ex said this to me when I was trying to get him to be an adult. "You deserve better/I don't deserve you".

Damn right he didn't! NVM narcissistic prick!

artemis-code · 2021-01-09T01:10:10+00:00

If a man ever tells you anything bad about himself when you first start dating, believe him!! It is either 1. he is telling you the truth or 2. testing you and your self-worth or 3. eventually bring you down to his level because he thinks you can do better and it will always be on the back of his mind

I repeat. If he ever says anything bad about himself, believe him and walk away. Do not lower your standards for someone who thinks shit about themselves and has the opportunity to do better but doesn't. Anyone who says "you can do better" is really saying "you can do better but I don't really want to change. Can you just accept me as I am? I don't plan on doing better but I don't want you to leave for now. Yes I may eventually hurt you because of my bruised ego and lack of self-esteem but I already told you when we first started dating that you can do better."

Men are not charity cases and don't be a "builder" - always meet a man at your level or the level you know you deserve

AnonPinkLady · 2021-01-08T22:11:09+00:00

Even more so if he tells you that you can't do better, dump his lame ass. Or that HE can do better, kick em to the curb

Fun_Sherbet · 2021-01-09T03:35:24+00:00

Other examples include variants of:

"I don't deserve you"

"Thanks for putting up with me"

"You're too good for me"

warinmymind94 · 2021-01-09T11:27:30+00:00

Also if his friends meet you and say things like "wow she's too good for you bro" and "you don't deserve her bro" or make jokes to you like "you're out if his league why you settle for him?" Uhm they're telling you he's a train wreck and that you look like a clown with him.

If his family says things like oh you're a Saint for dating my son or you're never gonna find another woman better than that or wow how'd you score her etc its a big sign. His family "liking you" isn't always a compliment- sometimes they only like you because they see you're way out of his league or as like a mommy 2.0 that'll take care of him and cook for him rather than him actually having his mom still make him dinner.

TextualRibbons · 2021-01-09T00:19:48+00:00

And yet, ironically, when they say “You’ll never do better than me”, it’s also a red flag.

Men complain all the time about how women talk too much but really, they’d do so much better if they learned to keep their mouthes shut more often because half the time it’s shit like this.

DayAfterManana · 2021-01-09T01:46:38+00:00

YESSSS there’s saying something like “I can’t believe you chose me” or “I’m not good enough for you” cuz yep that’s true. Now if he says something like, “I got so lucky to find you” that’s also true cuz I am unique and there’s not many out there, so you did get lucky. Hopefully we both got lucky. I’ll be happy one day when I can say that to an SO because goddammit is it hard to find a good one.

Yeah_hey_kittycat · 2021-01-09T03:41:42+00:00

Oh my gosh, I’ve had this happen to me with two different guys... I should have listened 😂

kczyk · 2021-01-08T20:42:44+00:00

Mine tells me I can’t do better than him 🙁

afrodizzy25 · 2021-01-08T20:00:32+00:00

Sometimes this is because the dude has just levelled up - cut hair, lost weight, got a promotion - and doesn’t realise he is now a CATCH

(Sorry if I’m uncharacteristically generous, found what I so far think is a good guy recently!)

Title	The gospel truth
Author	_xyoungbellax_
Upvotes	2758
Comments	52
Date	January 8, 2021 2:37 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kt3nkt/the_gospel_truth/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-gospel-truth.735318 https://theredarchive.com/post/735318

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