“Traditional” relationships

FabledAngryVillager · 2021-02-20T09:32:44+00:00

"Cleaning isn't hard."

crowns toilet rim with piss

Maingurl · 2021-02-20T10:01:11+00:00

[deleted]

MixWide · 2021-02-20T14:26:08+00:00

Out of desperation, my spouse and I hired a day nanny to watch our small kids during a few weeks of the pandemic when daycare was closed. (We both work full time at jobs we don't want to lose.)

We could only afford it for a few weeks, but let me tell you it was fucking amazing.

She did art projects with the kids so that we could mail them to grandma and grandpa or the cousins. She got our preschooler baking with her so that we had fresh muffins or rolls twice a week. Every day around 4:30 she'd prep dinner for us, so that at most we'd just have to turn on the instant pot or pull something out of the oven. She didn't just pick up after them, she also wiped everything down with sanitizing wipes, changed the beds, and rotated the toys in the bins so that the kids wouldn't get bored in the evening after she left.

It's hard to put into words how much of a difference it made to come downstairs after a long day of work and find clean, cheerful children, a tasty balanced meal ready to dish up, and no immediate chores needing to be done.

One side effect of this is I find myself being unable to read or watch stories of "great men" without immediately wondering who was cooking and cleaning and watching their kids for them. I never want to see another biography of a "great man" again, I want to see the biography of his wife, his housekeeper, his eldest daughter, or whichever other woman was doing the actual work to produce his greatness.

Papaverinum · 2021-02-20T11:26:37+00:00

They want a slave, that's it. Don't fall for this.

Exsqueeze_meh · 2021-02-20T09:46:03+00:00

Seat down is a non compromise for me. I keep the whole lid down, it’s cleaner that way. It’s just more lazy shit on their part to leave it up. Makes the room stink like their piss. Nope!

Lysa3 · 2021-02-20T12:30:39+00:00

When they say "traditional", what they really mean is "be my slave".

Sarcastic3 · 2021-02-20T09:50:50+00:00

I once read that a stay at home mum is worth 160K a year because of all the work she does. Imagine losing so much wages and dealing with ungrateful brat at home. This is how much men undervalue and under appreciate women's work.

rightioushippie · 2021-02-20T15:21:31+00:00

That’s great to add it up that way: (rough estimated value) - cleaner 3x week - $35,000 - chauffeur - $45,000 - gardener - $15,000 - full time nanny - $50,000 - social secretary $20,000

Estimated value $165,000

my_curated_life · 2021-02-20T17:07:23+00:00

Hear me out: in my home country, women who homemake are considered to be modern-day slaves by their husbands. Husbands who do not provide outside help (maids) for their wives are classified as abusers. So, if a wife is a homemaker in my country, the outside world automatically feels compelled to feel so sorry for her because we see it as her husband abusing her.

I came to the States for University and when my psychology professor came rushing in after dropping her children off to school...I was shocked. Then she began sharing how she was running behind because she had to make breakfast, pack their lunch, dress them, etc., and my jaw dropped. I thought, “wait...why is her husband abusing her? Surely he provides help for her”

It has now been 10 years since I have came to the States and with each passing year I am saddened by how women see being a homemaker as an honor, when in actuality, it is a husband taking advantage of you. Men are predators, if they can use you, they will. He can use the wife as free labor: birthing children, cooking, cleaning, running and maintaining a household, emotional support, mom & dad role if the dad works most of the day, and so on. Meanwhile, the man is working and establishing himself. He is building connections and wealth, sometimes it is for their family, but mostly the man cheats and leaves for another woman. A woman who does not clean nor cook, and a woman who does not believe that she has to earn her keep. But, rather, a woman who believes that simply being a woman is deserving of the world handed to her by the woman. And for this woman, the man provides help to while he continues to enact being a predator with the mother of his children/ex-wife.

I know hiring help in the states is not always financially feasible. But, if a family has a little more extra that is not needed, it is good to note that by hiring help a family is providing a means for employment. Often for single mothers and women of color too.

deep_faked_beans · 2021-02-20T13:41:46+00:00

Honestly, I think most hetereo relationships with kids are only held up by women's selflessness.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-02-20T16:29:46+00:00

My ex used to say this to me as he sat in his home office doing his cushy 70K a year remote job that he was so shitty at, never once lifting a finger to clean and do a single chore. I remember thinking to myself, “he’s going to get fired and I could do that job better then him, wtf I’m wasting my life” I dumped him and he did get fired a couple months later. Saying this shit is a way for privilege insecure men to feel better about themselves. They know they couldn’t do it and they probably can barely do the job that they are doing so they belittle you to keep you down and in your place. So fuck them.

Smart-Platypus6762 · 2021-02-20T18:01:07+00:00

Alimony reform also means that the women who sacrifice to be SAHMs are at huge risk of poverty in the event of divorce. One of my friends stayed home for 15 years. Her ex left her for a younger woman. She got half the assets, but it wasn’t much. Child support wasn’t a lot, and her kids were teens so she only got it for 4 years. Alimony for a 20 year marriage is between 5-8 years depending on the state. She had zero work history, so he lived a comfortable upper middle class life while she struggled to pay rent. And she had to start at the bottom in terms of getting a job and balance that with raising teens.

Do NOT become a SAHM unless you have enough marital assets that your half of the assets will support you if your husband leaves you. Lifetime alimony is gone in most US states.

R_U_Pennybags · 2021-02-20T15:51:54+00:00

Let’s talk about the cost of actually “outsourcing” some of this labor... combine those costs and we are talking massive dollars involved, and definitely more than 6 figures a year

relationship_reddit · 2021-02-20T16:55:42+00:00

You take care of all the cleaning, cooking, childcare, appointments, grocery shopping, planning, and any other needs that arise from sun up to sun down, and he works one 8-hour job, and then sits his ass down in his chair and does literally nothing productive for the other 16 hours of the day. You know, "traditional".

Hampered-Siren · 2021-02-20T17:24:52+00:00

It's "easy" but they will fight to the death of the marriage not to do it.

Affectionate-Cut-460 · 2021-02-20T16:09:12+00:00

This hurt

HumanAdhesiveness360 · 2021-02-20T19:21:37+00:00

And usually women are doing both, so ...

cat-inspector · 2021-02-21T02:38:48+00:00

After getting nothing or a “gift” he found around my house, I just started giving back the same energy of giving nothing but less than the bare minimum. I grew up with you treat others how you are treated. I paraphrased that BUT

Title	“Traditional” relationships
Author	greenteaapplepie69
Upvotes	1369
Comments	59
Date	February 20, 2021 9:03 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lo39vj/traditional_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/traditional-relationships.743697 https://theredarchive.com/post/743697

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