What are some good dating green flags?

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2022-03-07T14:06:19+00:00

Picking up on signs you are uncomfortable and or not enjoying yourself.
Asking about your well-being "are you okay?", "how are you feeling?"
Listening and giving input without taking away from the conversation
Respectful to you, others, and themselves.
Upfront and honest about their intentions without putting pressure on you.
Daily communication, and weekly or biweekly dates.

alpinepunch2021 · 2022-03-07T14:46:11+00:00

checking in with you regularly (after you're in an official relationship - otherwise this might be kind of creepy)
being actively nice to animals
remembering and noticing details about you
initiating things (messages, dates, words of affection etc.)
doing the above consistently and not just dropping off at some point in time

notallowed2havepizza · 2022-03-07T14:05:09+00:00

Being excited to learn things about you and genuinely wants to be a part of your life. Enjoys doing mundane things with you. Good texter with transparency and memes lol. Cares what’s in your head unlike so many scrotes who are hyper fixated on the body.

This was my experience.

edoth · 2022-03-07T15:08:04+00:00

I had one guy we matched on a dating app he lives in another country (the country I’m originally from). We talked regularly back and forth and he was coming to Denmark where I live to a course (he is a chef) and he asked me two weeks in advance if I was interested in going on a date he knew I’m a vegetarian and from that he choose where we should go to eat and then we went for a small walk before going to the movies he was really nice and considerate he opened the doors actually listened and was very respectful of ideas and goals even though he had different goals. He paid and asked if he could walk me some of the way home ( he knows I’ve had stalkers) so he was very careful as to not scare me by having me show my address which was very nice. He didn’t kiss me goodbye which I liked he asked if he could hug me and that was it he texted me a few days after saying he had a great day

The same guy a week after the date I was having severe menstrual pains and I was very sick he was still in the country and asked if he could come by with some food for me I said yes and he had made me a whole basket of chocolate snacks tampons a bouquet of flowers from the supermarket he had made all nice and my favourite food from the restaurant we were at and my favourite wine he left straight away because he knew I didn’t want company he really showed me if he wanted to he would because he got his friend to drive him two hours just to give me that and leave

It didn’t work out but we are still friends to this day he doesn’t expect anything from me and we have mutual friends in my home country so I see him from time to time he knows I’m dating others and so is he he was very respectful when I broke it off because of the distance.

oddcharm · 2022-03-07T15:38:45+00:00

If they are reliable and you never feel confused. If they have integrity in all situations, run tf away from people when they show you that they lack good character

thinkingaboutfrogs · 2022-03-07T13:31:37+00:00

Of course you need the usual big things (respect, generosity, genuine care, etc) but they also should surprise you with small green flags specific to you. When I started dating my bf I commented one time that I liked the seat warmer in his car. Since then, every time he picks me up, the seat is preheated for me, and if we get in the car at the same time, the first thing he does is turn on my seat warmer. I can give lots of small examples like this, but I guess the main thing to look for beyond all the basics is that he finds small ways to make you happier without you having to ask for them

AdvancedSquashDirect · 2022-03-07T11:17:04+00:00

Genuine listening and not turning the conversation back on themselves, being interested in what you have to say and when referring previous conversations, they correctly remember what you said. Happy to contact you how you want, doesn't push for phone number or begging you move to another app Messages you at a reasonable hour, doesn't double/triple text. Honest and trustworthy, meets you on time, or contacts you asap if might be late. Doesn't tell white lies or boasts or exaggerates the truth.

Prepared to wait for sex, never pushing, no coercion or nagging, begging, whining. Respecting your timelines and boundaries. Treats everyone the same, eg: not rude to waiters, doesn't bad mouth or gossip about people as soon as their back is turned Puts effort into the dates, no coffee and walk, takes you to a decent restaurant and pays automatically, doesn't complain about the bill or try to split, tips decently. If your not interested, the end of the date is still friendly and respectful

sammytheforsaken · 2022-03-07T12:09:37+00:00

I have one, I believe. Spoke to him about my best girl friend and he was a little curious about her opinion on him. I proposed to show him the chat, just one bit of the conversation, but he declined and said (roughly translated) "don't show me. Women need to speak to each other unsupervised. Just tell me in a few words" and I liked that a lot.

redrighthand01 · 2022-03-07T11:49:11+00:00

Does he genuinely listen to you? Take note of past conversations you’ve had? Simplest one I’ve had was an ex always remembered my bubble tea order and would often surprise me at work when I was having a rough day with one in hand. That being said, he was not high value based on some smaller actions lol

cwinparr · 2022-03-07T18:21:27+00:00

Your pets like him. My cats hated my ex, but they love my (now) husband. He's now their "papa" and is so good with them, I forget that I had them first.

warinmymind94 · 2022-03-07T19:31:21+00:00

Consistency in communication: he responds quickly and with effort, he let's you know he is gonna be heading to sleep or to work, says something like "how about I call you tomorrow?", asks how your day was and actually listens. If he listens he will remember things you told him amd mention them here and there.

Enthusiasm: when he is talking to you, he seems interested. When he sees you he genuinely looks happy to be around you. Some guys get a little nervous but still he shouldn't be looking bored or miserable.

Conversations are balanaced: when in person and over the phone/text it's a good balance of him asking, listening, but also him letting you get to know him. He will also tell you about his hobbies, how his day was, what his hopes are, etc. He will share some stories about himself too. Be careful because you don't want a man that is looking for free therapy or unloads his issues on you for pity!

Consideration: he will ask if you have food allergies, be mindful of the times he's seeing you, he won't have you drive too far away to meetup, he will respect boundaries, he won't pest you when he knows you're working or busy, he will text to ask you got home safe, when out he will make sure you're comfortable not too cold or hot, he will help you not slip on ice, he will hold doors. Etc

Some lvm will pretend. You also want to make sure a man isn't overly needy or clingy.

Hvm will make it clear that they want to see you again. They won't leave you confused or hurt or stressing. He won't rush things but also won't string you along. Dates in the beginning should be every week or 2 for most cases. He will make it clear he wants a relationship after getting to know you not too early, not pushing, but also not waiting for months. A hvm when you are exclusive for a bit will want to include you in more aspects of his life: he will what you to start meeting his friends and family and join in for events and holidays.

Remarkable-Ad-4758 · 2022-03-07T10:41:10+00:00

Green flags 1) slow movers 2) respectful 3) not constant communication - not wanting to know where you are etc 4) open with his feelings 5) no future faking, no love bombing 6) weekly meetups with good communication inbetween to begin with 7) respectful of sexual boundaries - not wanting to have sex straight away 8) non smoker no drugs

Essentially most of the things opposite to what woman are socialised to believe are green flags. Any situation where a woman have been rushed into anything marriage, kids, sex, living together - I have usually seen an element of abuse.

If he cannot go slow it usually means he is a selfish short term thinker. Or has his own agenda which very rarely is about YOU.

I had a pattern of being a complete clown - having sex on the third date, being someones girlfriend after being lovebombed after two dates, having a guy literally turn up to my flat and move in with me one weekend - I can assure you; I have been there and done that.

I have been dating someone past 8 months - we have not had sex yet and see each other once per week. He told me yesterday he is going to speak to his parents about marriage someday with me and how I would feel about that. Can you believe it. This was the slowest moving relationship I had ever been in.

Madholley · 2022-03-07T15:09:47+00:00

I want to add that a huge green flag is men who understand and respect my safety measures. I had a man flip out about my using a Google voice number (OTHER GIRLS gave me their REAL NUMBER- instant block) versus a guy who said he understood and appreciated my trust when I finally told him my real name (I use a nickname on OLD to prevent scrotes from finding me on other platforms.) Also men who ask intelligent questions, are curious, read books and have hobbies- all green flags. Men whose humor is based in silliness as opposed to putting others down- huge green flag. And my favorite so far was the man who asked me for resources to learn more about my hobby on his own, instead of asking me to tEaCh HiM.

lolmemberberries · 2022-03-07T23:28:13+00:00

-Picking up when you're uncomfortable or don't like something and seeking to resolve it (offering you a jacket when you're cold, noticing when a dish they have cooked is not to your liking and offering to fix it or asking what/how you would have preferred it, etc.)

-Listening to you without offering unsolicited advice or judgement.

-Actions that show they listen to you and support you. (For example, asking if there's something they can do to make things easier on you if you're having a stressful week/meeting a major project deadline and doing that thing.)

-Actions that show they want to include you in their life and/or that you matter. Things such as taking you out to a restaurant after you expressed interest in trying out the food, taking initiative in planning dates that are tailored to your preferences and comfort zone.

-Consistent interest in your well-being and an ability to have conversations that aren't one-sided.

-The ability to support you emotionally and be present.

-They are respectful of your space, your pets (if you have any) and the people in your social circles.

-They don't speak poorly of their exes.

-They are reliable.

-They don't push against your boundaries and move at your pace.

loud_opinions · 2022-03-07T10:21:40+00:00

If he's able to look on the bright side of things. Yes, things suck sometimes, but it's how we approach the situation that makes the biggest difference. It suggests that he'd be able to problem solve effectively, won't get sucked into a pity party when things don't go according to plan, and that he won't impact your mental health with negativity.

When he talks about past failures (jobs, relationship etc) and takes responsibility for his part in it, as oppose to being a victim of his circumstances. It also indicates that he is able to self reflect and that personal growth is important to him.

legoflowers · 2022-03-07T14:18:59+00:00

I’m vegan. I have it on my OLD that I am vegan. I don’t suffer fools who cannot plan around this. I’m currently dating a man. We started taking and on Saturday, he asked me what my availability was, and I told him the upcoming Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. He said “OK, I’m going to use your profile and base my choice on a place where you can get something vegan.” Comes back 20 minutes later with a restaurant and time for the upcoming Thursday. So he gave me 5 days notice, he used my profile choices, and HE planned the first date.

Another guy asked me if I would like to go out with him. It was a Monday. We agreed to have a Saturday lunch date. We chatted back and forth over the week. When Friday came around, he texted me “Where would you like to go?” I said “I’m vegan, so literally anywhere I can get something vegan.” He said “What’s your favorite spot?”. Blocked, deleted. I’m not planning our date that’s happening TOMORROW after you’ve had all this time to figure it out. I’m vegan, it’s not that complicated.

The first guy tried hard, the second guy expected me to do the work.

First guy is also in therapy! He’s incredibly open and honest. He’s good at sex, we discussed safe words and consent beforehand. He’s also open about his drawbacks. For example, he told me that he’s messy, and he wanted to make sure I’d still be interested after knowing this. (I was and still am).

ExistentialJelly · 2022-03-07T19:20:58+00:00

My now husband would message me to make sure I had eaten. I had a tendency of getting busy with school and work and ended up forgetting my meals, so he would cook and drop off some lunch for me or come to my house and make me dinner and do some chores. Then he'd head back to his place.

Feeling cared about even when we weren't in the same room was really nice.

melympia · 2022-03-07T11:46:33+00:00

This post is 2 hours old, and there are no (visible) comments yet. I think that tells you all you need to know.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-03-08T10:30:37+00:00

He's willing and keen to step out of his comfort zone with you E.g. you enjoy a very spicy dish he's never tried, he wants to try it, he even tries cooking it for you. You dance flamenco, he takes a flamenco class with you even though he has 2 left feet and never danced in his life. You've always wanted to go to a far-flung destination, he drives you there and makes great travel plans. This is different to "mirroring"--it takes effort and attention to detail.

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