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[–]PahapanFDS Disciple204 points205 points206 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
People act like teaching girls to pay on dates will magically fix the issue of men feeling entitled to sex because they paid. It doesn't fix shit, it just side steps the issue and avoids confrontation. If he's the type of guy who expects sex because he paid, a woman should know that asap so she can cut him off immediately and move on. Avoiding the issue doesn't make him a better man, it just allows him to hide who he is longer.
[–]Wise-JellyFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for clearing up this issue! A decent man might appreciate you offered to pay- but lvm are just looking to get laid the cheapest way possible.
[–]vmuzondiFDS Disciple18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. It’s ignoring the main problem which is male entitlement. Paying for your dates is just you paying for his entitlement. He’s not suddenly going to see you as a human being because you didn’t give him something to owe you for. Also why date thinking you owe every man who does something kind or generous to you? Sounds exhausting to me.
[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah, I literally always pay for myself on first and usually second dates if I'm not willing to accept the possibility of some action. It's not healthy but I've yet to figure out what to do otherwise.
[–]PahapanFDS Disciple6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What you do is if he hesitates to pay whatsoever, you ghost him. Block and move on. And if he pays and then later insinuates that he feels entitled to some action because he paid, you ghost him. Block and move on.
This is at the heart of Female Dating Strategy. You need to acknowledge that 99% of men are low value if not negative value or straight up abusive. If you're actively dating you are going to encounter A LOT of men who aren't high value. The goal is to separate the wheat from the chaff as soon as possible so you're aren't wasting your time and needlessly involving yourself with a LVM. You need to be ruthlessly objective and always keep in mind, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
Think of it as less of a date and more of an interview. Getting to be in a relationship with you is a highly privileged, sought after position and your company can more than afford to leave the position vacant while waiting for the perfect candidate. You aren't going to fill the position with the first ill-equipped clown who wanders in off the street. A man's attitude toward who should pay on a date and whether or not he feels entitled to action when he pays are VERY telling. These are early vetting opportunities and you should welcome them.
[–]cupittycakesFDS Newbie163 points164 points165 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Lol y'all I commented on that thread about the toxicity of it and so far I'm at -9 votes and an old man and a lesbian telling me women are not to be prized
[–]MulkvisteeFDS Apprentice105 points106 points107 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I saw the responses about "boys owe her nothing!" Maybe they could talk about how 14 yr old girls aren't allowed to have a childhood anymore because boys get an early start on porn? Or how mommy says it's empowering to practice paying for her half of pretending to be grown because she needs a nice karma boost from strangers? After all, the sooner he gets to groping her, the sooner he can say something he's too ignorant to know will scar her about her body! Then mommy can karma farm about the importance of making sure teens get therapy because mental health awareness is so important teehee!
They don't want to have those conversations though because EmPoWeRmEnT is code for not examining wokeness.
Literally the only thing that was arguably "sweet" in a gentlemanly way was the boy offering to pay for the date because it's something he wanted to do. Which is a subversive act in the days of boys calling each other simps for treating girls as people. Ugh.
[–]cupittycakesFDS Newbie59 points60 points61 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Imagine thinking your girl child would be "entitled" if she expected to be valued and invested in to weed out the hundreds of guys that are going to try to f*** her throughout her life
[–]MulkvisteeFDS Apprentice19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's so sad. I'd literally sooner bleed than teach my daughter to pay up for the privilege of said weeding. Especially since not paying is such an effective and low effort method by itself with minimal investment by either party! It makes so little sense to hobble her right out the gate that in my response elsewhere I totally wasn't kidding about not registering a mom wrote the post.
I certainly wouldn't throw her to the porn drunk wolves at 14, and I definitely wouldn't think she was somehow learning a lesson in financial independence with my money 😂 If I give her money it's done in the spirit of broadening her own interests or improving her life in a measurable way, and the only "lesson" I want her to take from it is that it's joyfully given by parents who love her.
[–]hazelbroomFDS Newbie51 points52 points53 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That's actually an autogynephile male calling himself a lesbian. In his comment history he also talks about his love of degrading his girlfriends and watching BDSM lesbian porn . . .
The mother posts that she doesn't want to raise a girl who feels entitled to that treatment from boys - it's so sad! Her mother should teach her self esteem and that she deserves the best to counter the message from the rest of the world.
[–]SundanceDogFDS Newbie38 points39 points40 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So true. A lot of the people on Reddit claiming to be women just aren't. Reading cupittycakes's original comment, I had the feeling that the person claiming to be a lesbian was not really a woman. What type of woman-loving-woman doesn't see women as a prize? That's right - a man. 😆
[–]sweetpotatocupcakeFDS Newbie71 points72 points73 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love societal gaslighting and devaluing of women 🥰
[–]adertinaFDS Apprentice19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Commenting on the lesbian as a lesbian myself: have fun explaining that you’re pointlessly paying for your daughter’s dates with random dudes to your sexually and romantically unfulfilled SO who won’t feel at all like maybe you could’ve used the money to take her out and made her feel special
The fact lesbianism is becoming more accepted right at the time of this total bs pisses me off, no woman should have to pay for a date she was asked to go on, and this is lvw behavior is gonna be ingrained in wlw relationships in the future 😡
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]cupittycakesFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't know how to make a link to only my comment and I'm afraid to link the post bc I think it's against the rules?
But you my girl 😻 no worries though, I got like 700 upvotes today for other comments so I'm not stressing losing a few for speaking on the truth!!
Plus all it takes is a dope meme post in here to gain a thousand or so ☺️
[–]samarsharqiFDS Newbie80 points81 points82 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
One of my coworkers bragged to a break room full of us about how she had paid for her uncle’s dinner because he’s sexist and “that sure showed him”. It took all my strength not to look straight at two of my coworkers who are in relationships with HVM. One of them then said “Did you really show him though” and I had to leave the room because I was about to pee myself laughing. You know when I feel empowered? When the money in my bank account is growing. That’s it. Bye.
[–]ello-mottoFDS Apprentice28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Wtf. 😂
[–]samarsharqiFDS Newbie40 points41 points42 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She’s a forever gf and she’s young and comes up with these zingers all the time- bragging about being the primary breadwinner, etc. I really don’t think her uncle was rethinking his misogyny while eating his pad thai. All I heard was “I spent my hard earned bucks on a shitty person”.
[–]ello-mottoFDS Apprentice19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly wtf. What kind of clown shit is that. 😂
[–]Alma00019Pickmeisha™️20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I once had a friend who was dating a guy 15 years older and went on a double date to an expensive dinner with him and his college friend+date. When the check came she was bragging about how she was paying HER part of the meal and her boyfriend wasn't paying for her, while bf's friend paid for himself and his date. Oh and she kept making disparaging remarks about the friend's date, saying how this girl was obviously not an empowered woman and needed to depend on a man.
Like..... yeah. You sure showed everyone.
[–]modernmedusaaRuthless Strategist10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am a strong independent Pickmeisha! I work hard to allow my useless manchild afford a home, he otherwise would never have a chance to bc he’s so incompetent & lazy! Go me! Oh wait...
[–]basicbagelsFDS Newbie148 points149 points150 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sooo many moms encourage this kind of behavior in their daughters. It’s very sad for society...
[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie132 points133 points134 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She's independent so her mommy will pay?
So they don't know what independent means for starters.
[–]NeoragoFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And if she's 14 then the guy will be of a similar age (well I hope so) so would be relying on his mommy to pay for the date anyway lmao so he's the one that benefits..
[–][deleted] 72 points73 points74 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think that (sadly) some gen X mothers are prone to buy into libfem propaganda more than their daughters. They see ambitious, independent girls and (especially if they have no sons) they assume young boys are also flourishing. They aren’t aware of the amounts of depravity and pornsickness and how it peaked.
[–]x3meteorFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i cant stop cringing
[–]howdoilogouttFDS Disciple22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ehhh what that makes no sense, if she wants to be independent get a Saturday job, and don't use your mum's money. Better yet don't write fake posts, because this is fake as hellll ahahaha.
[–]MulkvisteeFDS Apprentice44 points45 points46 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
EDIT: I literally read that as her Dad encouraging this. After reading it again I see it's the mom, but my brain actually rejected the possibility a woman would do this to her daughter. I've reached peak levels of "can't even" apparently. That she went to go farm karma for making her daughter pay for the privilege of male attention broke my brain.
[–]rinabeanFDS Apprentice19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe I was a late bloomer but I think 14 year olds dating is pretty off from the start, asides from the crazy low standards her own parents are attempting to instil.
[–]OrchidLionFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This mentality is so dumb. "I will make males BENEFIT OFF OF ME and get nothing in return. That'll show em!"
[–]galian84FDS Apprentice16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Umm, wow. This woman's daughter is going to wind up with a deadbeat cheapskate loser. Ask me how I know...
I'm so glad my parents never promoted this. They always told me "you better make sure the man takes care of you!!" But of course to take care of him in return. I just didn't listen and thought I was all independent by paying my own way, and even for him. Well, I wound up with lazy cheapskates who were content to leave me as a forever girlfriend.
[–]vmuzondiFDS Disciple14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I hate this so much. A man paying doesn’t mean you’re not independent. It just means you’re giving him the chance to show his generosity. Her mom is setting her up to be with stingy men. She’s also making her put herself in the pursuer position. Bad parenting at it’s finest🤦🏾♀️
[–]cherieblosumFDS Disciple7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This girl is so brain washed. So sad.
Idk if 14 year old girls should even be going on dates.
[–]Muffy217FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Y’all, let the boy use his allowance and buy her a happy meal. My god.
[–]blueveinnobleFDS Apprentice[🍰] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dafuq!?
[–]muricaxoxoFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hahaha "independent" yeah girl that ain't it, independent means she can pay for herself and relies on NO ONE ELSE (mother included). When I was 14 I had a job, as my parents were sick of me asking for money (to help teach life skills etc), as did many of my friends. that's what her mum should've done instead of patting herself on the back for teaching her to go 50/50, help her get a job and manage money. She's 14 she should be learning, growing and focusing on a future. Not dating! Call me old school but an education is more valuable then a date as it's rare that teenagers stay together forever anyways.
[–]SewudFDS Disciple10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She's right that she shouldn't go on a date at 14 and it's not a date if they are each paying their own way. That's just hanging out with a friend.
[–]plummyjellyfishFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Honestly, the kid sounds like an entitled little shit. "You need to pay as my mama :)" When I was 14 I personally didn't run around saying, "Mommy, pay for my food, pwease!" I would have whooped this kid if she were my daughter...
[–]cantstopthemachine77FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Right, she didn’t ask, she essentially demanded, and in the name of her “independence”... that’s not independent that’s just shifting who you are dependent on to pay. I wonder if she would be quite as eager to be independent and pay her way on the date if she had to work for that money herself.
[–]plummyjellyfishFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes, that's exactly that. Why is asking your mother to pay for your date more acceptable than asking the man? I bet it's not the 14 yr old's boyfriend's money either, it's probably HIS mother's money, so what's the problem? It's just pantomime in the first place, and if the kids are going to pantomime grown-up dating, then pantomime it the right way damn it haha. Let the boy pay!
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why is asking commanding your mother to pay for your date
Yeap, not her money, they don't have any money. They better sell some lemonade or cut some neighbor's grass if they wanna have money for their dates. Also, at 14 they shouldn't be anywhere near dating.
[–]sewingmachinesaviorFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well, for balance in the universe I recently told my young teen son that a date is where he takes a girl out AND PAYS.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice46 points47 points48 points 5 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
The Majority of men are searching for easy sex. By making him pay you weed out the ones who were their for just the sex, and by making him wait for sex 3 months you weed out the ones who were also just there for the sex. At end you will get guy who was their for YOU and who is generous.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
[–]RadioactiveJoyFDS Disciple19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
If you were actually old school you would let men pay for dates. He offered, he asked you to take time away from your busy life to pay attention to him as he tries to impress you.
If you believe it is buying time then does that mean you believe you are free? I won’t pay a man to waste my time.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]notallowed2havepizzaFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
Look at this way. Once women marry and have children, they are in the most vulnerable state. They are more likely stay at home mom, which means that they are vulnerable financially-wise.
So, having men being generous without you asking him to be by offering to pay for dates among other things will help with the vetting process. It is an insurance that he will be there for you when it gets difficult financially when you become a stay at home mother.
If one doesn’t want to become a stay at home mother, this method weeds out men who want to put in low effort just so they can get what they want - sex. They would lie, deceive and charm you into sleeping with them. But if they have to pay for dates, they would ditch you immediately because they don’t want to spend any money for easy sex. Only men, who is genuinely interested in you, would stick around and see no issue with it. Don’t you want your man to display generosity as it is a positive trait?
Remember not to take their word to heart as their actions may contradict their word. The best way to bring out their true intentions through action is to vet them thoroughly using FDS methods, including men paying for dates.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]notallowed2havepizzaFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
I’m sorry to hear about your ex husband. You don’t deserve that.
It’s not uncommon for men to have some HV qualities and some LV qualities at the same time. That’s why it is so important to use all the FDS methods to bring out any dormant LV qualities, so it won’t be a nasty surprise down the road. His paying for dates was HV for sure, but he had LV qualities that led up to that point.
It doesn’t negate that one method because of your anecdotal evidence. It has worked out for a lot of women. It’s fine if you don’t want to apply it to your life and you’re more than free to do so. Everyone has the right to live their life the way they want to.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]notallowed2havepizzaFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I don’t think you were dumb at all. Most of us have been there, which is why we are here. I certainly think you don’t deserve a ban for having your own standards even if it’s not 100% aligned with FDS. Clearly, you are here for a reason.
We were all conditioned to accept lower than bare minimum treatment and stay in a relationship that’s bad for our mental and physical health because we were brainwashed into thinking that “love conquers all” and that men are our project to fix. We were never taught to love and value ourselves. We were never made to feel like we matter and that we have autonomy outside of men and their desires.
That’s why I think every women should be exposed to FDS even if they don’t 100% agree with FDS. It could potentially change their lives for the better and begin to see the value in their lives outside of men and relationships in general.
[–]samarsharqiFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why is it either/or? He can be nice to service staff, generous with his time, respectful of his exes and STILL pay for a date. Nowhere on FDS does it recommend that women be financially dependent.
[–]ello-mottoFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Money isn't the be-all and end-all of vetting a man at FDS. You look for HV traits as well (like the examples you mentioned, kind to service staff, good listener etc).
A man who is so cheap that he wants to split dates from the get go, is more likely to be LV. There are a whole new breed of misogynistic men out there who date women on rotation and just use them for sex. This is easier/cheaper for them to do if the women they fool on dates pay for half. So you're trying your best to weed out men like this by only accepting dates with men who are willing to put the effort in to go all out for you, both financially and with their effort/time.
FDS also advocates for women to be financially stable and have their own career going on. It's not just a thing of oh he pays for dinner, yay let's get exclusive. It's literally just the first step before further intensive vetting of his character and HV-ness.
[–]pickmieshaexorcistFDS Disciple8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Men admit themselves that when it’s a woman they are really into, it’s no trouble being a gentleman. They enjoy it. But when they are just angling for an easy plate, they are cheap. Would you not rather weed out the men who aren’t really into you, or are just lukewarm?
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]pickmieshaexorcistFDS Disciple6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So I don’t know that we actually disagree too much in some ways. People have this perception that FDS is all about loudly demanding during dinner that he pay. No, that’s not tactful or classy. I’d pay half if he insisted, but the difference between you and me is that I’d take it for the sign of disinterest that it is and disengage afterwards.
I’m no longer on the dating market, but looking back at those days, none of the guys who insisted on 50/50 or slyly hinting that he wanted me to pay the whole thing ever were a good dating prospect. Most of the time they ghosted, as I never took them home like some wanted (yuck). Sometimes they’d try to text me a week later with some lame bullshit.
Only the guys who had no problem being gentlemen on the first date were in any way serious. Now this didn’t mean they were now forever great guys or that things worked out, but what it did was show me he was at least serious about being in a relationship rather than just sex for the cheapest he can get.
[–]RadioactiveJoyFDS Disciple1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There was no aggression...
[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It is not buying your attention or sex. It is about seeing if the guy is this crazy dusty ass who fears "golddiggers" so much. A lot of men who think they are entitled to your time and sex are always against paying for you dinner or try to take you out on a very cheap date. With splitting the bill you are attracted this type of men.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]CassieGreen85FDS Disciple13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I believe in FDS 100% but this isn’t the worst mindset a young woman could have.
Then you're not 100%.
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