Hi Reddit. Please get ready because this is going to be long, and I sincerely need your help. I'm writing because I've run out of options and have no idea what to do. I'd like to start by explaining the incident, and then detail how what this college (in New York) has done to make my life a living Hell. First, there are no criminal charges against me, at all. Even though the woman tried to file a restraining order, she was denied and there was nothing for the city police to pursue because Spoiler alert: I never assaulted anyone.

I was a college grad student, and this started in August, during classes. I met a woman in class, we hit it off, exchanged numbers after class, and agreed to study together later in the week. We did study, we got food, and then we went to a public are off campus to chill (this is where the incident happened). We talked for a while, then we kissed, things were going well, she complimented me, and I reciprocated. Then we walked back to campus and I dropped her off at her dorm and went back to my place off-campus.

Three hours later the police come to my door asking if I forced myself on this woman, who told them she told me about her boyfriend and that I forced myself on her at this public place.

Needless to say, I was stunned, shocked and panicking. My father rightfully told me to write everything as I remembered in as much detail as possible. I did, and shortly after got a local attorney. As I stated before, the city did not press charges despite her trying to get an Order of Protection against me and being denied. However, the next day I received (via a college cop that forced himself into my apartment and me having to tell him to get out) a letter of charges from the college. They said under her complaint I was being charged with sexual assault, sexual harassment, and physical assault. They immediately issued their own temporary psuedo-restraining order against me (despite proving nothing, and of course not putting the same mandate on her). They also told me if I plead guilty I would get a two-year suspension with a therapy mandate, and a permanent psuedo-restraining order for the woman (all of which they ultimately imposed on me anyway). I also received her written complaint, in it she makes numerous accusations about me stalking her, sending her texts to come to me late at night, and offering her drugs (via text). I printed out the actual log of texts to disprove all of it; but don't worry, she weasels out of it and they let her.

I met with my attorney and told him my story. He was allowed to sit at the hearing, but forbidden from speaking at all, I had to present my own case entirely. He said to me that it was good, and there was no way they could convict me since there was no evidence, and it's essentially word against word. Yeah..

I went to the hearing and had my attorney present, but he was not allowed to speak. There was one judge, a health department professor I've never seen before. They told me to "tell them what happened". Right away I knew this was going to be bad, because they made me go first, giving "the victim" a chance for rebuttal after me. I told the truth, and said that I didn’t do what she alleged, I had consent, she explicitly said that conveyed that during our time. Whenever I said something that contradicted or disproved one of her claims, she was allowed to have outbursts by yelling “WHAT?” or by hitting the table. I however, was constantly told to mind my demeanor beforehand.

Then she got her chance, and basically got to say whatever she wanted about me, and they ate it up. She basically said that I coerced her into giving me her number (uh-huh), then I told her about my family history and how my parents kicked me out (what?), and that I was offering her drugs (this accusation makes me furious). She then proceeded to detail how I repeatedly gouged my tongue down her throat when we were together (not making this up) and that I threatened her that I would use “my mixed martial arts” when she “resisted” (no, really, that’s the entirety of the threat according to her) (She knew I did MMA because I told her I practiced MMA when we studied ). Finally, the coup de grace for outrage, she said something like this: “He told me not to come forward with charges because he said he knew people in the Student conduct office. Well guess what (My name)? I’m here, and I’m coming forward” …

She made allegations that I stalked her via text. What happened when I printed them and proved that everything she said was wrong? She simply said “Oh, he did all of that verbally”. So, things like “he invited me to his apartment at 11PM and offered me “drugs””, which she wrote was true in a sworn statement to University Police became “I made a mistake and he did all that verbally”. Yeah. Right.

She had “witnesses”. As defined by this school, a witness can be someone who didn’t see anything, but heard what the “victim” had to say after. That’s okay with them. So, I was notified of her having two (Resident Assistant, Resident Hall Director), and a surprise third I wasn’t aware of (her friend of ten years, because that’s really objective). They all basically testified this “She came to us (individually and at different times) and was very scared”. Again, these witnesses were all after we parted, so they only heard her word. But it gets better. I got written statements from the two I knew of ahead of time, and pointed out clear contradictions in what they wrote against what she wrote. Basically, they had me in different places than her sworn statement, and doing different things. For instance, the Resident Hall Director, one we can assume knows her job and can document well, wrote: “She said “X” had followed her to the dorm and last she saw him he was sitting on a bench outside waiting for her. The “victim”, however, wrote that “he looked as though he was going to sit at a bench outside my dorm and wait for me, but then took off to another part of campus (like I’m the goddamn Batman or something, I was just going home). I made sure to, minding my demeanor, of course, point these and other contradictions out. Oh, but it gets better.

So, the witnesses got to testify. The Resident Hall Director was straightforward, testified what she knew and left, nothing wrong really. The Resident Assistant on the other hand, was a total bafoon. He wrote next to nothing in his statement, and when I asked why, he basically forgot everything… despite writing his statement the day after she supposedly went to him…

The last witness was interesting. I say this because I only had her verbal testimony. Nowhere did the “victim” write that I had groped her in a sexual way. Yet this “best friend” she told via text, said I groped her numerous times. Oh I pointed out the problem with that, and Oh, they still didn’t care. When the “victim” got to ask her bff questions, it was something to the extent of “Omigosh have I ever freaked out about something like this before?!” “Nope!”, because apparently to her, and to this school, that is a viable argument for proof.

Speaking of questions, not only was I not allowed to address her directly (even though she got to do that to me, instead I had to ask through the presiding arbiter), but they stopped me when they knew my perfectly reasonable, relevant, and “well-demeanored” question was going to hurt her case. How did they know, you ask? Simple, I phrased the question to the officer, and was met with a “You can’t ask that”. Yup. Further, I had to phrase the question first, so they could “amend” it, if need be. As you can imagine, they did. So much so that any point I was trying to make via questioning was mangled to the point of losing all value.

Knowing she was allowed to bring BS witnesses, I decided to bring someone to speak for me who didn’t see what happened, but knew me deeply. My school counselor. In our years together I divulged everything to her. When I told her of the charges, she made me the offer to speak for me first. I figured she’d be kind of relevant on these things because she has a Masters in Social Work, someone who you’d think is kinda more qualified to speak on these things than the bureaucrats, right? She testified about me, told them decisively “This is a man who understands boundaries, and even when presented with challenges, always respects women”. An instance she gave was when I confided in her about my frustration when I was dating a Protestant girl I cared about. She didn’t believe in pre-marital sex, and even though it was a challenge, in her words I “always, always respected that”. But yeah, they didn’t care about that either.

How, you say? Well, I got the verdict, and the reasoning behind it, let me read it as it’s written for you: “I (the one professor who decided everything, including punishment) have decided that you are in violation of Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment, and Physical Assault. This is because of the credible testimony of the victim and the witness” (which witness? Your guess is as good as mine). The hearing lasted three hours, I was the only person who provided actual proof, I showed the contradictions, and made a case that sounded perfectly reasonable: She cheated on her boyfriend and now she’s trying to cover for it by filing sexual assault charges.