Getting married is a terrible decision

Moxiecontin · 2013-02-17T18:33:20+00:00

I've been involved with about 200 weddings as a coordinator, and the majority of those weddings have been couples who are stupid, stupid, assholes. So many of my couples got married because they thought it would tie the other person down, men and women. For every sweet older couple who finally found love, there is a young man who thinks that marrying his girlfriend will stop her from fucking the whole town. For every pair of grad students who finally found time to have a small ceremony between becoming doctors, there is a girl who's getting married to show her mom that her boyfriend isn't a deadbeat loser, because she thinks that marriage will transform him into some kind of magical breadwinner who allows her to sit on her ass all day.

I firmly believe that marriage between two sensible people with their own lives and goals is a beautiful thing. A solid, working marriage between two people who love each other very much is amazing. A great marriage provides a great environment for raising happy, healthy children.

But seriously, the worst fucking people decide to marry each other for the worst possible reasons. Stupid, ignorant people view marriage as a solution to their relationship, social, economic, and self esteem problems. Marriage isn't supposed to be a solution, it's supposed to be a natural evolution in a relationship.

VictoryDeluxe · 2013-02-17T17:35:39+00:00

Where are people looking for partners, in a den of vipers? If you love each other and feel like you want to get married, there are a lot of social and economic benefits to doing so. Personally, I think a lot of the marriage failures come from how self centered people are, which probably really shows once the honeymoon period wears off.

This post seems really anecdotal.

MrKequc · 2013-02-17T18:21:12+00:00

I'm anti-marriage (and I'm in a long-term relationship) and yet now, despite organizing my life in a way and avoiding marriage (cohabitation), some governments now want to force the same legal responsibilities into my relationship as those who've signed a marriage contract.

NWOslave · 2013-02-17T21:04:00+00:00

The "half of marriages end in divorce" thing is a bit of a misrepresentation of data. People that get married two, three, four, or more times skew the data. There are also things you can do to greatly statistically reduce your chances of divorce, such as not marrying before the age of 25 and marrying someone with a college education. My point is, for a first marriage, for someone over 25, who has a college degree, the chance of divorce is more like 20%. Also, you have to remember that there is such a thing as an amicable divorce where the woman does not try to rip out your nuts through your wallet.

Funcuz · 2013-02-17T17:36:30+00:00

I can't figure out for the life of me why any sane man would get married in this day and age.

It's a complete risk with absolutely no potential benefits for him. He gets absolutely nothing whatsoever out of the deal. It doesn't guarantee his kids will actually be his. It doesn't guarantee sex (seems to hamper it as near as I can tell) He certainly isn't guaranteed a clean home , any sort of maid-service , or hot meals and that's not because she's too busy working (because there are good odds that she won't be) What exactly does he get out of it ?

It's just a contract that says "If you sign this , you agree to give up everything you have , had , or will have the minute your wife gets bored with you."

Yeah , real mystery why more and more men refuse to touch that shit with a ten foot pole.

Pharmakoza · 2013-02-17T20:21:11+00:00

The 50% stat is misleading. The first time you get married you have around a 30% chance of that marriage ending in divorce. The chances of getting divorced again after the first marriage rise substantially.

Although, as someone else said, the divorce stat doesn't count the number of unhappy marriages, which would probably raise the number to at least 40 percent of failed/unhappy marriages, if not higher. It is a probability that I, personally, don't want to gamble with.

cavacom · 2013-02-17T17:16:17+00:00

all you can do is spread the word.

Bukkake_Monster · 2013-02-17T17:13:43+00:00

This idea has been voiced here countless times. Still, it is true

Geno777 · 2013-02-17T18:01:12+00:00

DON'T GET MARRIED.

http://weddedabyss.wordpress.com/

DON'T GET MARRIED.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AP5w_nAN1mw&list=UUYGc-uFcr1p5ctv-u6UgJuw&index=3&feature=plcp

DON'T GET MARRIED.

http://www.amazon.com/Rightfully-Yours-Past-due-securing-Self-Counsel/dp/1551804042

rightsbot · 2013-02-17T17:10:17+00:00

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newtothelyte · 2013-02-17T18:33:50+00:00

There is money you can set up for yourself that is untouchable in court.

Hamakua · 2013-02-17T23:10:10+00:00

It's not marriage that's broken, it's divorce.

majavic · 2013-02-17T18:15:59+00:00

Not sure I agree that women have nothing to lose from it. Lost youth for a woman is just a big of a deal, and there comes a social stigma with being divorced.

That said, I agree it's a tougher road for a man, but I can't be as cynical about marriage as you. I think it's worth the risk as long as you're moved out of the "passionate love" first 2-years of a relationship.

And remember, there's always a prenup

2013-02-17T20:40:57+00:00

Eh. I don't entirely tend to agree. You just have to be smart about a wedding. A lot of people are not (partially due to unchecked feminism, partially due to this idiotic culture of doing things on a whim. People don't know what love is anymore).

I'm getting married at the end of this year, after 5 years in a relationship. And even then, I'm going to have a pre-nup written up for us together. We both honestly agree it is the best thing to do. I would assume there would be a big red flag if he DIDN'T want a pre-nup.

We're also mainly doing it to make things easier on the legal side. Travelling (specially to islamic countries), house buying, getting loans, taking care of children... These are things we plan to do, and splitting them 50/50 is easier if we are married (although I do acknowledge that some women (and men) exploit this quite a lot).

Marriage isn't for everyone. You've just gotta be smart about it.

ThePigman · 2013-02-18T01:51:21+00:00

"Over half of marriages end in divorce."

Add to that the men who are miserable but stay in the marriage for fear of losing their home and children and it's a no-brainer -- men shouldn't get married, except maybe the gay ones.

AnAdultWoman · 2013-02-18T02:46:33+00:00

If you look past the financial aspects, there are intangibles that come with a long term relationships. I've spent 21 years with my husband. We had a lot of life milestones in those years: bought our first new car, bought our first house, graduated college, no kids - but we have a cat.

Other conviences are included such as being considered next of kin, inheritance, health benefits, pension benefits/social security benefits and a well understood definition of your relationship by others.

None of this is impossible without marriage, you can do legal powers of attorney, some companies are considering partners for health insurance, you can leave a will.

For some of us, it means something. If it doesn't mean anything to you, then don't do it. But, warning other people away from marriage seems a bit of an over reaction. Sure, tell them the hazards but I think it should stop at the point you actually say "Don't ever get married."

2013-02-17T19:58:18+00:00

Us nice guys can't help it. We have integrity and really want to believe that the person saying she loves us has integrity too. Guys want love just as much as women do. The stereotype that little girls dream of their wedding day while boys just care about football, well it's wrong. Boys dream about that stuff too.

It's a shame that if/when things fall apart, she is by law better off than you, at your expense. That's not equality. But even still, the whole point of love is that you trust that will never happen, otherwise it wouldn't really be love. Perhaps in some ways, guys know the risks, but taking that risk is an unconscious sign of devotion. "I really want to show her that I love her"

nlakes · 2013-02-18T00:18:35+00:00

Hopefully, Civil Unions take off in the Anglosphere. France has it right. A simple document that doesn't tie your assets or liabilities together but provides a means to 'unite' for those romantically inclined, with the associative tax benefits and decision making powers should something happen to the other.

Prenups also need to be made to be unbreakable so long as the clauses do not violate any existing laws.

Given that women have careers now:

Child support needs to stop existing. If you get the privilege of primary custody, you also bare the RESPONSIBILITY of financing it.

Spousal maintenance needs to be abolished. You're not entitled to your old lifestyle if you're divorced. You decided you wanted out, you have to live paycheque by paycheque now.

DinosBiggestFan · 2013-02-18T02:41:26+00:00

Over half of marriages end in divorce.

Because a lot of people are idiotic and get married on a whim.

When I find someone that I can live my life with, I'll be willing to get married. As long as they're not a radfem. It would be interesting to have a marriage between an MRA and feminist though, and see what they can do together.

notarapist72 · 2013-02-18T06:04:02+00:00

And my parents wonder why I don't plan on getting married

Gharbadgoatman · 2013-02-18T07:29:50+00:00

Over half of marriages end in divorce.

You think that's bad? The rest end in death. Say no to marriage.

TheRealPariah · 2013-02-17T17:22:52+00:00

Unless she makes more than you, of course. Then she is screwed by alamony. Divorce only seems skewed towards benefiting the woman because traditionally the woman earns less or nothing at all, but when that's flipped the divorce benefits the man just as much as it would the woman. Divorce isn't a gendered thing; it's an income thing.

Xc2U · 2013-02-17T21:16:32+00:00

I honestly don't see the point to marriage in the first place. If you're not gonna have kids, it's possible to have a long term partner you live with. And if it doesn't work out after a few years you'll still have your shit in the end, you can just tell them to leave. No courts or divorces or any shit like that.

gamerpull · 2013-02-17T21:28:56+00:00

Prenup is the way to go

2013-02-17T23:36:27+00:00

I'm reluctant to even share a home or apartment with a female. If she is abusive (screaming, constant nagging, making huge arguments over trivial things like dirty dishes, button pushing, lying to police), there is no escape but to leave your own home.

I date women in their mid-20's and early-30's, and when I tell them that I don't believe in marriage, they lose interest real quick. I feel pressured to marry, and even idealistic at times about marriage, but evidence suggests that is a horrible decision for men - that is unless you have little wealth and property and she is rich.

Yet a lot of men commit suicide after divorce (sometimes murder suicide), no doubt due to the constant stressors placed on men by corrupt divorce law. To lose your wife, children, home, wealth, job, and freedom is enough to drive anyone into a psychosis - like Thomas Ball.

There is always the child support issue too that can occur outside marriage. I've seen quite a few men homeless and imprisoned due to draconian child support laws.

bigrob1 · 2013-02-17T23:45:30+00:00

I heard that the 50% of marriages end in divorce statistic is distorted by the fact that those who get divorced once are much more likely to get divorce 2 or 3 times,thus driving the number of divorces way up.

sacman · 2013-02-17T23:48:34+00:00

Just by looking at statistics, getting married is setting myself up for failure. Over half of marriages end in divorce.

Just looking at the percentage of marriages that end in divorce can be misleading, though. What really counts are the percentage of first marriages that end in divorce.

Here's a thought experiment to illustrate my point: take four first marriages. Three last until the death of a spouse, the other one ends in divorce. The each divorced person remarries, and gets another divorce.

So that's 6 marriages and 3 divorces. Easy to conclude that there's a 50% divorce rate. But the 3 divorces all involved the same people! The more salient point is that some people are more divorce-prone than others - and there are a lot of reasons why this is. But in this scenario, 75% of first marriages have succeeded.

And that's not far from reality, actually. Second and third marriages have an even higher chance of failure, BTW.

If you want to get married, you'd do well to pay attention to money, religion, age of yourself and your fiancee, whether your in-laws will become an issue, and your stance on children.

rathum2323 · 2013-02-17T23:54:57+00:00

Do not marry unless you find an exceptional girl who is a real good person - not brainwashed by feminist ideology.

whoasir · 2013-02-18T02:35:02+00:00

I've come to realize that if you want to get married, marry someone exactly like you. If you think you're awesome and they're just like you, you're going to think they're awesome and they're going to think you're awesome. Narcissism at it's finest. Opposites attract is bullshit. Not all women are awful, just stay away from the ones who are.

tenix · 2013-02-18T08:53:34+00:00

You want to know the shitty part? This stuff is starting to come to men who aren't even married.

Bohica69 · 2013-02-19T00:23:41+00:00

Prenuptial agreement, if you're going to marry.

Bohica69 · 2013-02-20T02:14:22+00:00

I love women. I love variety. I love my assets, my career, my homes and rental properties in 2 states and Europe. WTF would I marry and change all that? Facepalm. Why?

2013-02-17T20:11:30+00:00

100% agree with the OP. Do not do it. You cannot reliably make another person feel happy. And if she is unhappy and blames you (can't prevent that either) you are fucked.

2013-02-17T21:01:58+00:00

You don't even have to get married anymore to lose all your stuff. If you're living together for six months in Canada you're considered common law and basically all the same bullshit laws apply.

HoopyFreud · 2013-02-18T13:52:40+00:00

Hell, don't even move in with a girl. After awhile you get stuck in that "common law marriage" bullshit.

yourotherusername · 2013-02-17T18:08:01+00:00

Prenup.

totally_jawsome · 2013-02-17T19:48:05+00:00

I came here to discuss the ideas of marriage and to talk about this. But I forgot that this place is as bad the feminist subreddits. My beliefs on marriage are based from facts and seeing what works in marriages and what doesn't. One poster (/u/moxiecontin) posted a comment that was exactly what I was wanting to say but couldn't figure out the words.

I believe in equality. I am a logical person that doesn't like to jump to crazy conclusions. The idea of men's rights is a fantastic idea but this subreddit is just a circlejerk for hate. I have not posted anything irrational or insulting and yet I'm receiving a myriad of down votes because I posted an opinion that is not what you wanted to hear. I'm disappointed and wish that you all could understand that with time things will change. They are slowly changing. It was women's rights for the longest time, now men are finding their feet. It won't be long before there is pure equality. Right now there are pro's and con's to being any gender really. And honestly, there are a few that won' change as they are more nature vs. nurture. My point is...if you're not standing behind human rights as a whole than you're doing it wrong.

2013-02-17T19:35:50+00:00

You must really hate women to say you shouldn't go broke and potentially end up destitute to ensure that they don't suffer any negative consequences that may arise as two incomes become one.

Thank goodness the likes of you don't decide how these things work. Thanks Feminism!

toysjoe · 2013-02-17T18:46:10+00:00

its*

You're a man, so spell like one.

Title	Getting married is a terrible decision
Author	reddit_is-Gay
Upvotes	67
Comments	228
Date	February 17, 2013 5:09 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensrights/comments/18p4e6/getting-married-is-a-terrible-decision/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/getting-married-is-a-terrible-decision.1606447 https://theredarchive.com/post/1606447

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