You can take back consent?

DesignRed · 2014-05-03T22:05:10+00:00

I started reading this thinking, this is great satire, whoever wrote this is really on point. However, as I kept reading, I realized from my experience that this individual was bat-shit crazy, and I did not consent to this experience retroactively. Therefore this author has raped me and I will be filing suit in accordance with their logic.

Some of the funnier bits just have to be quoted:

Of course, this understanding of consent fucking terrifies people (mostly men and sadomasochistic “Dominants”), because it implies that consent (as they understand it) can be “revoked” retroactively. But this is only a problem for someone whose desire to understand consent is primarily focused on how to not get in trouble for violating consent, or at the very least on how not to feel bad about themselves for violating consent, rather than on how to not violate consent.

It terrifies men because when a woman retroactively "revokes their consent", otherwise known as making a false rape accusation, the man's life is destroyed and he has to pay thousands of dollars in court and legal fees just to stay out of jail, of get kicked out of college with no proof required, and when the woman is caught to be lying, it is usually a small fine and a slap on the wrist /r/pussypass. So obviously, the victims in this situation, would be terrified of being assaulted by the justice system over an act which they had got consent for.

People generally believe consent is synonymous with permission. Andy “consented” to sex if Bob asked, “Will you have sex with me?” and Andy said, “Yes.” They behave as if “consenting” means agreeing to do something.

This isn't satire? Seriously? Possibly this person is bilingual, and English isn't their first language -- rape rapety rape rape rape is their first language.

Conflating giving permission (to try something) with consenting (feeling okay about something) often leads to confusing situations where people feel traumatized or violated but tell themselves, “Well…I said yes, so I must’ve wanted it.”

Then why the fuck did you say Yes? Are you so fucking stupid that you don't know what Yes means?

What would you change about your behavior towards others if you acknowledged that violating consent hinged not on what they said about how they felt, but on how they actually felt? What would change about your behavior toward yourself?

Mind Reading Classes $999 -- What would I change about my behavior? I would avoid anything with a cunt as if it carried the plague #MGTOW

Excuse the rambling rant, you just have to get the poison out sometime.

SwordfshII · 2014-05-03T20:46:17+00:00

you have “the right to retroactively withdraw consent”

.... no.

Aaod · 2014-05-03T23:18:50+00:00

I consented to spar with you two years ago at karate class but now I changed my mind because I felt that you hit to hard and I didn't say so at the time! I should be able to have you arrested for assault. When you rephrase it this way you can see how stupid it sounds.

the_pin · 2014-05-04T01:14:34+00:00

This is written by a sociopath who, from what I can gather, has never had a sexual relationship with anyone. If they had they might know:

1) Not every sexual encounter involves a man begging/asking a woman to have sex. In light of that point, both could say they didn't consent to what they did and by her logic, it would be a DOUBLE RAPE!!!!! OMG I can see the stats now, rape culture is DOUBLE what we thought it was!

2) How does this only apply to sexual encounters? This is a philosophical discussion that, in my opinion, could be used by men to say they regret consenting to getting married (and shouldn't pay spousal support), regretted consenting to having a child (and shouldn't pay child support) etc.

It is vexing to me that feminists would demand respect (and all the other great things in life) but want to take absolutely no responsibility for their actions. Success and power come from taking risks and being exceptional; if you don't take responsibility for what you do, you can never be successful because you risk nothing and learn nothing.

This kind of thinking is pretty scary; that someone is THIS delusional is a frightening notion.

outhouse_steakhouse · 2014-05-03T21:43:46+00:00

TLDR: a woman's fee-fees are more important than a man's legal ("legalistic") rights.

Vailen · 2014-05-03T22:36:42+00:00

I really hope this is satire.

Though, I have met a woman who thought like this. (We verbally consented to sex before having sex.) The more she talked though, the more I realized I was in dangerous territory as she fully explained (after we had sex) that the reason why she felt she was raped by another guy... We that she felt like she was raped... "A week later."

How the hell does that even work? You made the decision to have sex with someone. You finish. He leaves. Suddenly a week later you go, "I FEEL RAPED!"

It was scary shit associating with that person.

Ted8367 · 2014-05-04T02:43:19+00:00

Not worth your time. The author wrote elsewhere

I trolled one of the largest subreddits where “men’s rights activists” hang out by posting a link to my “Consent can be withdrawn” social experiment post. The result was better than I anticipated...

http://maybemaimed.com/2014/05/03/wherein-mras-and-feminists-both-agree-that-legalistic-status-quo-on-consent-must-not-be-challenged/

After trying her best to be as deceptive as possible, she has the neck to state

What’s actually interesting about these reactions is that they perfectly mirror one another while not actually addressing anything I’ve written.

http://maybemaimed.com/2014/05/03/wherein-mras-and-feminists-both-agree-that-legalistic-status-quo-on-consent-must-not-be-challenged/

Yes, you deliberately wrote to be misunderstood; so naturally, you complain about how you're misunderstood. Or how interested you are when you get misunderstood.

Consent does not equal permission...

Hmmm... my dictionary's very first definition says "Permission to do something"

What all this lying talk and tiresome trolling boil down to is the desire to use the term "rape" how and when you please, while maintaining the severe penalties associated with it. Ladypower, enhanced.

Catmandoes · 2014-05-03T21:05:43+00:00

What the fuck? This makes no sense if anything it's telling people that they can take action against people for previous sexual acts that both parties consented to. If you consent, that is permission for sex. During sex if you want it to stop you must say it. If you don't then guess what, it's still consent!!! You don't get to just wake up the next morning and accuse someone of rape after you consented to intercourse.

I need to go to the dentist and he fixed my tooth and it felt great! I didn't like how much pressure he used though hmmm he must have raped me. That wtf this shit is basically saying. What a load of shit.

M4Strings · 2014-05-03T21:13:28+00:00

I think I read three sentences total from this before I wanted to drill a hole in my head to get those sentences out of my brain...

2014-05-03T23:13:08+00:00

I think I'll go sell the author something, then later decide that I didn't really consent to the transaction. After that I'll report the author to the police so he/she/it can be arrested for theft. Maybe I'll even sue for loss of use for the time the item was unavailable between when it was stolen and recovered.

adam93mt · 2014-05-04T02:54:30+00:00

Upon further investigation, this article is a troll article. Confession by author here.

Tjagra · 2014-05-04T00:05:19+00:00

"Consent: permission for something to happen or agreement to do something."

This author doesn't know what the word "consent" means.

AlexReynard · 2014-05-04T04:32:19+00:00

The comment I left there:

“Put another way, you have “the right to retroactively withdraw consent” from any encounters you had, at any point in the past, that no longer feel good or safe to you.”

No, you don’t. No one does. No one has ever had this right, nor should they.

It doesn’t matter how much you try to justify it, you cannot have a functioning society that allows this. What it means in terms of practicality is that any sex act is now a minefield. It means that no one can trust consent given in the moment, because they have no way of knowing whether it will be retracted later. There would be literally nothing stopping someone from lying and claiming they didn’t really consent when they did. If the ideas in this essay became law, no one could ever trust their sexual partner ever again. You would be destroying sexual trust irrevocably.

Your intentions for this essay, no matter how good, are irrelevant to how monumentally unworkable this idea is.

KristalGarcia · 2014-05-04T13:28:58+00:00

Terrifies Dom's?? This is what makes myself as a Dom leery about working with women. I will work with women who come with a high recommendation or who have studied emotional clearing work and are ABSOLUTELY clear on their sexuality. There could be one of these nutters hiding within the realm of real subs at any time. We Dom's know how to sniff out the victims and stay clear. Sometimes they are not recognized until in a session. When this happens it's vital for the Dom to end the session and get the hell out of there. These victims are a liability. This nutjob says it's because we want to violate consent?? They have no fucking clue about BDSM then. The MOTTO for BDSM is 'Safe, Sane, Consensual'! This is the core part of BDSM! Boundaries and teaching noobs that if it's not safe, sane or consensual it's abuse and you need to not interact with that person. A key teaching of BDSM is teaching people how to learn and respect their own boundaries!! What an idiot this 'writer' is.

These victim mentality driven people -not to be confused with REAL victims- lurking in sexuality are EXTREMELY dangerous and on the same level as rapists. Because they are so deeply ingrained with they can do whatever the fuck they want and they can blame others for their stupidity, they will not see just how much of the attacker THEY are.

These sickos bait people with their 'maybe' sexuality only to attack those who are generous and share their sexuality with them. The innocent person is NOT the 'maybe' person, it is the person that trusts the person they are having sex knows how to take care of themselves like an adult.

So, now we're left with fucking sexual infants in adult bodies preying on the unsuspecting sexually healthy adult person. Unbelievable.

To see their mentality written so blatantly is scary as shit! What a deep bucket of crazy!!

SpanishGuy · 2014-05-04T00:07:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

smeissner · 2014-05-05T13:39:01+00:00

It's infuriating when ignorant feminists spout off complete bullshit like this. I am a woman, and a rape victim, and if any of you were wondering, THIS is "rape culture". Women using rape as leverage and applying the term to just about anything that irritates or bothers women makes rape less of a serious issue and it makes it harder for both male and female rape victims to report their assault. When I raped, I gave consent to kissing, but clearly and verbally objected to everything else that followed. If that's taking back consent, then yeah, I took back consent. But that's very different than deciding a couple of years later that you feel kindof weird about a random hookup in college so you're just going to call it rape and instead of feeling ashamed of yourself for a lack of judgement or whatever, you can now call the guy a rapist and now you're a victim. Absolute ludicrous.

GAOOO · 2014-05-04T02:14:42+00:00

This is just awful. And now it's story time.

A while ago when my boyfriend and I were just a new couple we fought a lot. Most of it was because of his mental health issues and his feelings of inadequacy in our relationship. I was the primary financial support and his mental support but sometimes he would get really depressed and call himself a burden on me and a fuck up and say he's better off alone. This was one of those times. He tried to break up with me but I wasn't having it. I love him and adore him and tried to console him all night long into staying in the relationship. Of course I got angry at somethings but in the end we fell asleep in his bed in his college snuggled up. In the morning we had sex. A bit afterwards he broke up with me. I was livid. I cried and screamed "why are you doing this?! Why did you just have sex with me if you still felt like ending this? Bastard!!!" I kicked his table and he ran at me to hold me from kicking his guitar too. Of course the RA'S heard the noise so they were at his door with the residence life coordinator and he let go of me then and I slapped him across the face. I felt violated and I left with the coordinator crying with out her needing to ask me.

The cops were called and I told them exactly what happened. They asked me if the sex was consensual and I knew right then what power I had. In my state of anger I was sorely tempted to use it too. But I didn't. I couldn't make his life a living he'll over something I knew I'd eventually get over. So I told them the truth. That it was consensual but I still felt violated. The police said it was shitty to have happened that way but if it was consensual then there was nothing they could do. They asked me if I was going to be all right in my apartment alone and I said yes.

I cried for days afterwards stopping only long enough to go to work. I started texting my boyfriend at the end of the day. Just simply hey. How's your day been? Stuff like that. Eventually he came over to my apartment and apologized and cried and said he was stupid for letting me go and just wanted another chance. I cried too and told him that's all I ever wanted. We've been together ever since and are engaged now. My girlfriends think he's a huge jerk for what he did and don't understand my decision. And I don't expect anyone too really. But I love him.

And my point is that if I had retroactively changed my consent I'd be missing out on all the great stuff that came out of our relationship. He's still getting counseling for his mental health Issues but he's leaps and bounds better now than when we first started dating. And if you can retroactively change it once, you can again and again. But you can't fix a ruined life of a man accused of rape. If I had done it I'd also have to live my life as a victim. Those things don't go away.

I really think as a gender us woman need to stop feeling violated over little gestures. And we need to stop being told we are victims all the time. It's constantly being told we are victims that we start believing it and start accusing every sexual advance that doesn't go in accordance to our wishes as us being taken advantage of. I also think our collective mental health would be better as well if we convinced ourselves that we are made of stronger stuff and can accept our own mistakes as well as bad shit that happens as just shit happens. Of course I'm not talking about forced sex and abuse. But drink a little too much and end up in bed with someone less than lovely? Shit happens. Climb on top of your boyfriend and initiate sex because he grabbed your butt only to then break up? Shit happens. Ruin someone's life over shit happening? Technically, shit happens but the world would be a better place if we didn't shit all over each other like that.

Gawrsh · 2014-05-03T22:33:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ponyflash · 2014-05-04T03:54:05+00:00

I retroactively revoke my consent of my enlistment in the Army because I was forced to do things I didn't want to do...bahahaha

mycatatemyface · 2014-05-04T08:38:22+00:00

So. What stops men from revoking consent retroactively too, if they happen to come across that kind of crazy case woman?

...oh yeah. For a moment i thought men and women were tried like they were equals by law and media. Silly me.

kinkthrowaway4022 · 2014-05-04T08:30:31+00:00

This guy is known for being an asshole in BDSM circles. He doxxed a bunch of people on a kink social network and wrote an app to label people rapists.

Just an utterly despicable person.

Roguta · 2014-05-04T14:40:55+00:00

That would be like selling your car and then calling the cops on the buyer for car theft, because you changed your mind later.

aussietoads · 2014-05-04T02:52:01+00:00

The article is proof that Feminist thinking is a mental illness.

manofsea · 2014-05-04T00:09:40+00:00

Well now is the time to start testing there idea: In such a model, if Bob and Andy have sex, and Andy says, “Yes,” “Sure,” “Okay, fine, whatever,” or even, “Ooh baby, do it to me!” but still wakes up the next morning feeling like he was raped, that means Andy was raped. Men need to start calling rape! All the time that "bill raped me" " i feel used, she demanded desert!"

seanyfarrell · 2014-05-04T02:22:48+00:00

10/10 would read again. GGWP

AloysiusC · 2014-05-04T08:48:43+00:00

I know that guy. This is fucked up even for his standards and that's saying a lot.

KillJoy575 · 2014-05-04T22:43:55+00:00

Apparently. All after the fact and shit...

writeonbrother · 2014-05-06T21:23:46+00:00

Wow. Some one needs a real job, with real bills, in the real world because she has way toooo much time on her hands.

Title	You can take back consent?
Author	adam93mt
Upvotes	108
Comments	95
Date	May 3, 2014 8:10 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/24n6g3/you_can_take_back_consent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/you-can-take-back-consent.1001056 https://theredarchive.com/post/1001056

Comments