Avoidant men will claim they were cheated on when they didn’t even define the relationship.

igotbannedsoimback · 2025-12-04T15:17:53+00:00

I feel bad for the people in our generation, not long ago you went on several dates with a Woman over months and it was implied you were already dating, now if you don't directly state it they'll just fuck dudes on tinder simultaneously

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2025-12-04T14:21:41+00:00

This has some truth to it. When I was younger and casually dating, guys would make it clear I'm not their gf, yet get very jealous and even angry if they thought I was "cheating on them". Which wasn't possible because they're the ones who made it clear it wasn't a relationship. Some men want the opportunity to have sex with multiple women without committing and want those women to be committed to them. In other words: delusional. That being said I never dated two guys at once casually or otherwise. It was all figments of their insecurities or projection of their actions.

TrumpFucksKidz · 2025-12-04T12:57:58+00:00

This seems like a long winded attempt to avoid accountability when women cheat.

Can't really tell because it's so disjointed and rambling that a clear point (or even a clear subject) isn't present.

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2025-12-04T15:41:04+00:00

“Situationship” and “cheating” all depends on the timeframe. Someone you’ve known for a month isn’t a situationship, it’s either a friend with benefits or a relationship, regardless of if there’s a label on it.

It is common for sex positive people to have overlapping partners, especially when a friend with benefits is involved while they’re dating around.

One reason I tend to offer kissing or sex to people the first time I meet them, other than getting it, is because if I dated the “traditional” way, I’d just be fucking around with multiple people while a woman who takes a month to have sex would still be making up their mind.

Narrow-Ad-7856 · 2025-12-04T15:27:47+00:00

Sounds like you wasted 16 years on and off with a loser. Not a good look.

OkOutlandishness6370 · 2025-12-04T13:48:32+00:00

I feel like I understand you now OP.

Your ex was just a lazy, excuse making piece of shit. I, however, am not a lazy piece of shit. Ergo, the male species is not to blame for any of this, it's just that bad people exist across the gender spectrum.

I don't expect you to just believe me, because hey, I too am very angry at my ex wife who was also avoidant and 10x worse than the guy you describe (cheats on others to push them away, rather than push them away and get cheated on). And my anger at her sometimes bubbles over and makes me bitter towards all women, dating, notions of romance, etc.

I'm trying to get better though. Some of the people that have helped me through the rough times have been women. Good women exist.

IgorXY · 2025-12-04T12:45:32+00:00

I know women who will date around and not tell their situationship, because why would they? No relationship means no real need for a breakup.

Yeah, if you haven't had the talk that was witnessed and signed by a lawyer and then federal court haven't given you a paper confirmation that you are indeed in a relationship, you can do whatever you want. God forbid s girl ask for clarity or put an end to a relationship before jumping into another one.

By the way, thanks for sharing. I don't think that's all, but still a part of your men hating origin story.

CommissionAny5421 · 2025-12-04T18:06:37+00:00

This sounds like a very specific circumstance your applying broadly. Situationships seem to be more common than previous generations, so the occurrence of these murky situations will likely increase.

I think I understand why you hate lonely men so much now. You hate one lonely man, who did wrong you and put you through somr shit, therefore anyone similar reminds you of the man you hate.

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2025-12-04T14:38:00+00:00

My experience was that my ex (who I was in a long-distance relationship with for about a year) and I agreed that we wanted to be exclusive and not share each other.

Of course, the cheating lowlife justified her infidelity and said that we weren't a couple because I never said the following magic words: "Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

EDIT: Aaaaand I'm voted down, since Lilith can't handle cases that don't fit her narrative.

According-Tea-3014 · 2025-12-04T14:52:19+00:00

Silly men, women don't cheat, the relationship was all in your head. Lmao

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2025-12-04T14:10:16+00:00

I now think this is deliberate sabotage on your part to paint women in a bad light. Because you'd be hard pressed to find such a blatant justification for cheating.

>Also, he brought up “all the heart breaks I had makes me take longer to commit and its hard for me to say I love you”. That doesn’t sound appealing to most women. The only social skills he seems to have is when he’s a casual friend and knows how to put effort into the first few months of dating. And from his stories, it made me realize he was giving mixed messages and creating situationships, claims he’s trying to focus on work/school as justification for when he’s too busy to go on dates, but but proclaims how much he really cares and how lucky he is to find this woman (love bombing). Suddenly, he sees her with other men. what seems to be happening is that he communicates through his actions that he doesn’t take what they have seriously, so they stop seeing it as something serious and move on.

So they dated for a few months, and he still made an effort.

And then she turns around and goes after others.

This is one of the key downsides of modern dating: people can play the uncertainty game and then play the "well, we weren't in a relationship, so I didn't cheat on you" card.

>Yes, considering one of the main reasons female cheaters cheat is due to a lack of emotional intimacy.

Oh, I've heard this shit before as an excuse for women cheating. Classic.

"Women cheat because there's no LOVE, and men cheat because they're lustful animals! There's a difference!" No, there's no difference, just that cheaters are jerks, no matter who they are, for practically any reason.

AnonPinkLady · 2025-12-04T16:12:02+00:00

This has 100% happened to me and If not claim they were cheated on, I have had men cry actual tears over the perceived betrayal of me seeing other men when they insisted on no labels no exclusivity lmao. Not everyone who wants someone casual is being dishonest but I do think you should be honest if you want exclusivity and have no right to have a fit when you don’t receive it if you never asked for it in the first place.

Creation_Soul · 2025-12-04T13:47:39+00:00

maybe things changed, but around 10 years ago, if you had sex and then met again after that for other dates, the default was that you were exclusive, especially is sex happened a second time.

ranorando · 2025-12-04T13:58:13+00:00

Just because you’re not technically cheating, doesn’t absolve you of being a shit person.

MarioWilson122 · 2025-12-04T22:35:22+00:00

Well it makes sense for men to want variety, because its in our nature. For women it isn't so it is a bad look for them to be sleeping around. Of course men cant prevent it and do all they can to avoid such chicks but not much more they can do. If its found out she is this way.

I believe a man can give her the experience, while sleeping around. For women on the other hand, this is embarrassing for a man to be with someone doing this as it is slutty behavior. I know that women know that most men don't prefer this by now. Yet they still like to play dumb regarding this.

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HahaHeyyyFuckYou · 2025-12-04T14:07:09+00:00

Yeah, this was me when I first got to college, was an insecure and avoidant dumbass who was the side piece the whole time

Smart-Mall4110 · 2025-12-04T17:21:50+00:00

Some people love pain, and many people do not want to commit to the deep work required to change. I tend to not stick around people like that.

Title	Avoidant men will claim they were cheated on when they didn’t even define the relationship.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	0
Comments	187
Date	December 4, 2025 12:34 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1pdyvmh/avoidant_men_will_claim_they_were_cheated_on_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/avoidant-men-will-claim-they-were-cheated-on-when.1568029 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568029

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