CMV: Rejecting someone for things like height or cup size is not morally equivalent to rejecting them for things like weight or personality

Seabears2006 · 2022-04-21T21:59:31+00:00

Do women even get rejected for having small boobs? It seems like men are way more tolerant of small boobs than women are of short men and small dicks.

Hoopy223 · 2022-04-21T16:49:45+00:00

Rejection is not moral. You are either attracted or you are not attracted.

If a girl doesn’t want to date a short guy or a guy loses attraction to his girlfriend because she’s fattened up its not morality. Its just something that happens.

KirthWGersen · 2022-04-21T16:44:16+00:00

No, they are exactly the same.

The reason you are not attracted does not matter. You can't negotiate attraction. No-one owes anyone their sexual affection.

sarkington · 2022-04-21T16:54:44+00:00

Depends on if you think attraction is or should be moral

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-04-21T18:00:22+00:00

I don't look at attraction as moral , you either are or you aren't, if a guy being five foot five makes one woman drier than the Sahara Desert it just is what it is, if a chick is built like an ironing board she can't do anything for me as far as attraction, the only thing moral is not being an asshole about it

mikey152 · 2022-04-22T18:31:53+00:00

To be fair, you could almost argue the opposite…

If you’re not attracted to someone because of something they can ever change, well…it’s never going to change. If, on the other hand you’re not attracted to them because of something they CAN change, perhaps it is less of an issue in the long run.

FFTzzz · 2022-04-21T17:03:50+00:00

having too short breasts,

OMFG!!! I can assure you that men most definitely do not want long breasted women.😱😱😱

athlete2biz · 2022-04-21T17:07:44+00:00

has a man honestly ever rejected a woman for cup size? lol

gofigure62 · 2022-04-21T17:06:03+00:00

I don't believe that rejecting people romantically or sexually is a "moral" issue to any capacity. No one male or female is owed romantic or sexual access to other human beings.

No one has to date or have sex with anyone that they don't want to, whether that reason is beyond someones control or just a matter of being shallow.

Sexual and romantic preferences do not need to be defended or justified. People are allowed to date and have sex with who they want to be with.

funlightmandarin · 2022-04-21T17:54:21+00:00

rejecting someone for something they can’t control is not equivalent to rejecting them for things they can.

Yes it is; ultimately you're rejecting them.

The reason doesn't matter, they're not looking at someone thinking "I don't find her attractive because she's fat, but I might change my mind if she loses weight in the future", they're thinking "I don't find her attractive because she's fat now"

You're measuring attraction at the present point in time when evaluating partners, not an alternate future where she might be attractive in the future. No one's looking for a partner hoping to find an improvement project.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-04-21T18:28:12+00:00

They are morally equivalent. You have no moral obligation to romantically or sexually engage with anyone for any reason. Morals only apply to whether you have an obligation to communicate or refrain from communicating that reason to anyone and how. There are no moral restrictions on thoughts.

enoesraht · 2022-04-21T16:47:41+00:00

Breasts are literally unimportant, no woman is being rejected because her breasts are too small. For most men a woman having just a few traits they like is enough. No such leniency for men

AquaChip · 2022-04-21T17:11:00+00:00

There is nothing moral or immoral about rejecting someone for a personal relationship. Period.

sabiinvesting · 2022-04-21T17:05:02+00:00

I don't really think it is the matter of morality, but it is due to the imperfect nature of humans. I know many will, but I personally don't even blame someone for losing attraction to a partner who has gotten fat due to having to take medications. Yes, it is shallow and undesirable, but I consider attraction to be out of our control. Immoral could be leaving the sick partner. Immoral could be lying about what one is attracted to and not attracted to. Immoral could be giving false hope. However, I don't think failure to feel the attraction is immoral.

2022-04-21T17:24:27+00:00

Morally equivalent by what ethical standard. It is impossible to argue morality without first establishing the basis for it.

SolidTunnelSnake · 2022-04-21T16:52:15+00:00

I’m going to get to these, but I need to work on something first. Expect replies within 5-6 hours.

DreamsOfWishes · 2022-04-21T21:09:45+00:00

The problem is that we know yall are bullshitting.

The rules change, depending on how you get impacted by the rules. For years and years it was "we can't control attraction " and then when it turns out that women ALSO reject men based on attraction, NOW SUDDENLY it's only ok if it's based on choice.

And there's already people complaining about such attraction. "All women have to do is eat less, the desired male form is almost impossible to get. It's not fair."

And you know damn well that if you encounter a fattie that's fat because they have lipodema or a digestion issue or even an other ailment altogether that's kept in check by eating high fatty diet... you know damn you aren't gonna try shit with her, even though it's not "fattie by choice".

Yall keep making rules and then changing the rules the moment it effects yall too (and it ain't just this).

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Im_The_Daiquiri_Man · 2022-04-21T17:34:45+00:00

Women: It’s not immoral to be unattracted to a man based height, balding or dick size. It is what it is. We don’t control what we like. Teehee.

Also women: It’s morally wrong for men to pursue and date younger women. They should stop liking that.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-04-21T21:49:14+00:00

Should rejecting someone based off height, hair, cup size, ect be considered just as bad as racism?

RealNiceLady · 2022-04-22T07:57:57+00:00

Weight is not as controllable as you would think.

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-04-21T19:41:32+00:00

show me the research that says most people people can lose weight for 5+ years and not just temporarily.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-04-21T17:42:15+00:00

why is rejecting someone for something out of their control immoral at all? if both are your right, as said in the post, they are morally equivalent in that they are both 100% moral.

PhilosopherHistorian · 2022-04-21T17:50:22+00:00

Attraction is amoral.

ruboyuri · 2022-04-21T18:01:49+00:00

Is attraction moral?

goatismycopilot · 2022-04-21T18:26:42+00:00

There is no moral component to attraction. That why when you are rejected for whatever reason exists it is hard to sift through and easy to lash out over.

gladusgates · 2022-04-21T18:41:26+00:00

Attraction cannot be negotiated or debated. You can't talk someone into finding you sexy. That's not an issue, people need to accept that. The issue is women have quite literally created campaigns and movements to shame men into finding them attractive. There are no campaigns for short men, but there is for "plus-sized" women.

SolidTunnelSnake · 2022-04-21T23:27:35+00:00

From: u/Hoopy223

Rejection is not moral. You are either attracted or you are not attracted.

If a girl doesn’t want to date a short guy or a guy loses attraction to his girlfriend because she’s fattened up its not morality. Its just something that happens.

“Though it is your right to reject or accept someone for any reason, rejecting someone for something they can’t control is not equivalent to rejecting them for things they can.”

Onto the second point, I’m not stating it’s outwardly immoral. Comparing the two instances, however, there is a clear distinction between a guy or girl breaking up with their partner because of ugliness in their control vs. outside. A person can control their body fat percentage more than they can control their age or height. Though I wouldn’t moralize the breakup or rejection as a result of either case, stating that they’re equivalents is my main point of contention.

Mentions: u/KirthWGersen, u/AquaChip, u/gofigure62

From: u/SnooSprouts1580

Do women even get rejected for having small boobs? It seems like men are way more tolerant of small boobs than women are of short men and small dicks.

“Even though, there are different consequences based on your sex, you will experience the world as an undesirable men/woman differently from your desirable counterparts.”

A 4/10 woman can instantly shoot up to 9/10 so long as she targets the right men and the goal is “no-strings-attached” hookups. However, that’s not a standard of success that most women ascribe to. Women’s romantic standards are more aligned with getting the best possible guy to commit to a long-term relationship.

When you move with that goal in mind, the limitations caused by your physical appearance can become increasingly more apparent. After all, if your target for an LTR is a guy who has access to women that are 10/10 in both looks and personality, then your competition is going to bulldoze you to the wayside.

Then there are women who are so unattractive that they’re legitimately invisible to most men.

Mentions: u/enoesraht, u/athlete2biz

From: u/sabiinvesting

I don’t really think it is the matter of morality, but it is due to the imperfect nature of humans. I know many will, but I personally don’t even blame someone for losing attraction to a partner who has gotten fat due to having to take medications. Yes, it is shallow and undesirable, but I consider attraction to be out of our control. Immoral could be leaving the sick partner. Immoral could be lying about what one is attracted to and not attracted to. Immoral could be giving false hope. However, I don’t think failure to feel the attraction is immoral.

I agree with your point on attraction. Attraction, in and of itself, is amoral and outside of your control. For me, even though a dwarf is that way because of factors outside their control, I can’t feel attraction.

However, I wouldn’t consider that morally equivalent to failing to feel attraction to someone whose flaws are due to their own sinful behavior (fat: gluttony, sloth; mean: pride, envy).

When it’s on its own, morality is irrelevant. But when it’s something like an obese person comparing their struggles to someone that was born with a deformity, that’s when I have an issue.

From: u/localmicrodosechamp

and if you do, I have some bad news for the men in this thread about what porn has done to their preferences.

I got that news a long time ago. Still struggling, but I’m definitely going longer without.

From: u/mistgivenveil

Morally equivalent by what ethical standard. It is impossible to argue morality without first establishing the basis for it.

I’m going off of the ethical standard that considers it “bad” to prosecute someone for their father’s crimes. I don’t have a degree in ethics. I’m just going by modern standards in the United States.

From: u/Smitten_Squire

Should rejecting someone based off height, hair, cup size, ect be considered just as bad as racism?

Comparing passive discrimination to active discrimination, I would consider all forms of active discrimination to be immediately worse than any passive.

For instance, if it was a choice between:

I would consider 2 to be eviler than 1. Because while 1 has no control over their appearance, 2 means I’m going out of my way to make the person feel terrible for the flaws.
Viciously bullying an overweight person.

I would consider 2 to be eviler than 1. Because while 1 has no control over their genetics, 2 means I’m going out of my way to make the person feel terrible for the flaws.

From: u/DreamsOfWishes

The problem is that we know yall are bullshitting.

The rules change, depending on how you get impacted by the rules. For years and years it was “we can’t control attraction “ and then when it turns out that women ALSO reject men based on attraction, NOW SUDDENLY it’s only ok if it’s based on choice.

And there’s already people complaining about such attraction. “All women have to do is eat less, the desired male form is almost impossible to get. It’s not fair.”

And you know damn well that if you encounter a fattie that’s fat because they have lipodema or a digestion issue or even an other ailment altogether that’s kept in check by eating high fatty diet… you know damn you aren’t gonna try shit with her, even though it’s not “fattie by choice”.

Yall keep making rules and then changing the rules the moment it effects yall too (and it ain’t just this).

I agree with this. In the past, men had access to all the wealth and resources and there was no internet, so women were limited to stable guys in their vicinity and looks weren’t too important. Because of this, the myth that a man’s looks don't matter so much became prevalent. Fast forward to the age of the internet and women having college and high-paying jobs, and it’s more apparent now than ever that women care about a man’s looks and physical abilities.

I won’t deny that my perspective is ultimately limited by my personal experiences, but I tried to use rhetoric that applies to both men and women in this post.

As for the “lipoedema” question, I do understand that there are people who are overweight due to genetics. Rather than focusing on fat, my main point was that people who are flawed because of things they can control are not equivalent to those flawed because of things outside their control. A person who’s fat because of lipoedema (and they work out and diet) is not equal to one who is fat because of their poor life choices.

From: u/gladusgates

Attraction cannot be negotiated or debated. You can’t talk someone into finding you sexy. That’s not an issue, people need to accept that. The issue is women have quite literally created campaigns and movements to shame men into finding them attractive. There are no campaigns for short men, but there is for “plus-sized” women.

That’s more where I’m coming from.

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