Handsome is typically a NOT a compliment.

Lyanina · 2017-02-02T11:13:50+00:00

How are you defining "compliment"? If a compliment has to mean, "Sexy, I'd hit that," then no, handsome is not always a compliment -- but that seems like a very restrictive definition of the word "compliment." A compliment is not "Oh I'm attracted to you," it's just... you know, praise.

Basically, any guy with a clean shave no matter how fat, if he's wearing a suit can be considered "handsome".

How many fat men have you heard people say, "He's a handsome man" about? This does not happen around me, at least. Wearing a suit and being shaved is not enough for a man to be called handsome, except maybe by his mother or grandmother.

Women (not just early 20s) will say about a guy "OMG he's soo cute".

That's true. Cute, hot, sexy are what women use more often. But if and when they say, "He's handsome," they really do not mean "He shaved and put on a suit."

midnightvulpine · 2017-02-02T11:35:48+00:00

Disagree. Handsome is obviously a compliment. Because it is literally speaking positively of someone's appearance.

It may not be the kind of compliment that a man might prefer to get, but to considering it as non-complimentary is obviously wrong. Some men might prefer to be considered handsome than hot. Hot is something one could consider objectifying. A more base and, in my opinion, shallow compliment. Whereas handsome is less shallow to me. It's still shallow in it's own way because any comment based entirely on appearance and more so based on sexual appeal is shallow to me.

SkinnySweaty · 2017-02-02T15:41:55+00:00

Handsome has a classic vibe to it.

Jon Hamm is handsome. Clark Gable is handsome. Paul Newman is handsome. You don't call these men "cute".

Sounds like an age thing. You're confusing "what a handsome little man!" (when you were wearing your fancy suit to church with your parents) and "what a handsome man".

When you're all grow'd up, the word handsome changes.

GridReXX · 2017-02-02T11:53:22+00:00

I disagree on two counts - 1) regardless how any of us personally define "handsome," it's a compliment. 2) IME it's still a compliment that signals physical attractiveness.

Handsome to me still means attractive mixed with classic grooming.

If a man looks very presentable but I don't want to draw attention to his looks for whatever reason (maybe I'm too embarrassed or maybe the more meaningful compliment is the one about his style), I typically say he looks "sharp" or "dapper" or "stately."

The only time I'll see myself calling someone handsome who maybe isn't yet is a family member. Like a son or nephew at prom. The same way I'll prob call a daughter beautiful on her prom day even if she isn't the most beautiful.

And for the record I only know one fat guy in my network who gets called handsome. And guess what? He is. Like he has a weirdly beautiful / masculine face and great swag.

Outside of him most fat guys aren't cute enough to be called anyone's version of handsome.

You also mention there isn't a female version of handsome.

As I said, when I want to acknowledge a man for looking well groomed and having presence I say he looks sharp or stately or dapper.

When a woman strikes me as such, I typically say she looks regal.

Her regal presence is not a judgement of how beautiful or hot or attractive I find her. It's independent of that. However there are some women who I consider beautiful and regal - Ivanka Trump for example satisfies both qualities IMO.

susandeath · 2017-02-02T13:52:28+00:00

How old is the person using the term.

When my mom met my dad she considered him handsome, the words hot and sexy were not part of the vocabulary of people then.

And also its positive so definitely a compliment.

GinSmokeLies · 2017-02-02T13:16:43+00:00

I call my boyfriend "handsome" all the time (as in, "Morning, handsome.") I like it, it's an old-fashioned word and makes me feel like a proper southern lady.

I would probably never call a guy I didn't know "handsome." To me it connotes familiarity.

"Hot" is a word I use to describe a particular kind of good looks. I would use it to describe a man or a woman though. Doesn't necessarily mean I'm personally attracted to them. To me "hot" is somewhat objective.

"Sexy" I wouldn't use to describe a person, but an action. As in "The way he does X is so sexy."

But this is all very subjective. I've had conversations about this with girl friends in the past and literally no two of us agree on what these words mean.

I'd say "lovely" is the female equivalent of "handsome."

DicklessAlpha · 2017-02-02T16:18:41+00:00

You guys are seeking issues in the most trivial innocent of things.

buartha · 2017-02-02T17:15:12+00:00

This is insane to me. I never hear handsome being used to describe an ugly or fat man who's just well put together (except by people who are lying because have a stake in making him feel good, but that's applicable to every compliment.) I can agree that 'hot' is more sexually charged and understand why it might be preferable to hear because of that, but handsome is absolutely a compliment (usually meaning physically attractive and well maintained,) just one that's less overtly sexual than hot.

goatismycopilot · 2017-02-02T12:57:15+00:00

To me, handsome is an old school way of giving a compliment, it means somebody has classic looks and presentation. Cute has a weaker meaning than handsome. Cute is a passing fixation.

A fat clean shaven man in a suit is still a fat clean shaven man in a suit, he may be look "well put together" or as we say down my way "cleans up well" he is not handsome.

EchoZeroEleven · 2017-02-02T13:00:05+00:00

Disagree.

"Handsome" may not be a litmus test for sexual attractiveness, but it's still a compliment on one's appearance.

If someone is ugly as hell and unkept, he isn't going to be called handsome.

-almost-blue- · 2017-02-02T14:20:16+00:00

handsome is more than just "okay looking" to me, and it's a compliment for sure. if i'm thinking that a guy is handsome, it's usually because he's really great looking. i've never had to explain the feeling behind it so this might not be perfect but... for a sappy example, i'll catch myself looking at my husband and his facial features, how nice they are separately and then how well they go together, and think, "wow, he's really handsome." it's not quite hot or cute, but it can be combined with those and it's something that generally means i think a guy's really attractive.

that said... on occasion, it can be used as just a simple friendly compliment, with family members, for example, as /u/GridReXX mentioned. but most of the time, if i find myself thinking of someone as handsome or go so far as to tell a friend about someone i think is handsome, it means i think they look really great, usually based on (apparent) genetics. i don't know where the idea that any guy in a suit is handsome came from, though; more than that is needed for me to think of someone as handsome whether i recognize that they're well-dressed or not.

Candy_Kittens · 2017-02-02T14:25:03+00:00

STOP CONFUSING US WITH YOUR DARK MAGIC MUMBO JUMBO! TRUMP IS IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND WE COULD ALL DIE AT ANY MINUTE IF ALEC BALDWIN DOES ONE SKETCH TOO MANY.

Justapasserby557 · 2017-02-02T16:14:11+00:00

Handsome is a compliment, it's just a little more familiar than "hot" or "cute". IME, I use handsome when I appreciate someone's good looks and have an emotional connection (call my boyfriend handsome regularly). But I use cute or hot when talking about guys I find attractive but have no connection to (movie stars for example).

When I'm complimenting guy friends, I tell them they look good, or I like their shirt or something. Because I actually think they look good and have an emotional connection with my friends, but not as close as my boyfriend (which to me, is what handsome implies, that romantic connection).

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-02-02T17:45:14+00:00

Basically, any guy with a clean shave no matter how fat, if he's wearing a suit can be considered "handsome".

what planet are you all on?

Battle-Scars · 2017-02-02T12:45:00+00:00

Although it seems that Handsome has fallen out of favor with the younger generation I'd much rather be called Handsome/Hot/Sexy than cute/pretty. The former has a masculine connotation that says I want to fuck you, the latter is feminine. Boy bands are cute, George Clooney is handsome.

PhantomDream09 · 2017-02-02T15:36:58+00:00

Women have traditionally been described as 'handsome', but I agree it's not common today.
I would never refer to a man (in a complimentary way) as 'pretty.' I do not refer to men as 'sexy' or 'hot' either...but this is a personal preference and I'm sure other women do.
Handsome, rugged, attracted are my 'top' compliments for a man.
Your example is odd - because no (normal) mother is going to say to her daughter's SO "You're so sexy!" A compliment can be versatile and fit many different scenarios. A father can also refer to his son's gf as "beautiful" - does that mean 'beautiful' is suddenly not a meaningful compliment?

genghiskhannie · 2017-02-02T16:27:37+00:00

If I say a man is handsome, I mean he looks like a GQ model. Jon Hamm or Daniel Craig are good examples, imo. And it is very much intended to be a compliment. If I say a man is cute, I mean he's pretty. Like Trevor Noah is very cute. A man who is sexy doesn't even have to be conventionally attractive. "Sexy", I think, is more subjective than other terms. Firefighters are sexy, men who are naturally adept with children are sexy (I don't even like, have or want kids), men who are very smart are sexy.

matrixpush · 2017-02-02T18:27:31+00:00

Well wasn't expecting a discussion of a word to be this controversial lol.

Handsome is unique in the aspect it's oftentimes used for men who are below average. It was probably invented for that reason. There had to be a word back in the day that equated what "hot" does today.

"Sexy" means at least some iota of sex appeal, even if the man isn't the woman's type, so it's better than handsome.

"Good-looking" is to the point.

Handsome can be a compliment, given it's extremely common usage, but it isn't everytime (even most the time) where the other ones are.

Entropy-7 · 2017-02-02T18:36:35+00:00

It's a compliment but a fairly weak one. However, traditionally it was gender neutral and meant something like "easy on the eyes".

brianharveyofeast17 · 2017-02-02T10:46:10+00:00

It is a compliment, its just not a compliment often used by younger women so not a compliment that often means you're gonna get laid.

Still a compliment though.

Yangel · 2017-02-02T11:11:39+00:00

I assume every compliment is to fuck with my head.

Aaren_Augustine · 2017-02-02T11:38:41+00:00

Handsome is womanese for you don't disgust me, but I'm not going to fuck you either.

Her mother calls you "handsome"

He's a decent beta and relationship material if there's nothing better and available.

333i · 2017-02-02T16:18:08+00:00

Next time someone tells me I'm handsome, I'm going to say, "Handsome handsome or just handsome?"

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wtknight · 2017-02-02T13:21:52+00:00

Well, it is a compliment, it's just a compliment that means that you're a step up from average. I think "You look really good." is a better compliment. I've never had a woman tell me that I look hot, but I imagine that's an even better compliment.

IIHotelYorba · 2017-02-02T15:20:06+00:00

There are several reasons women may do this:

Touch/compliment in a condescending way as a consolation prize meant to dismiss you
Trying to impress you because she is already attracted
To fish for betamale validation
To flirt or just fuck around. You could group this with #3, but for some girls it's practically part of their personality

1 is easy to tell because she is STRONGLY HINTING at you. 2-4 are harder to tell apart. 2 is the least common on a grand scale of all women.

Ignore all of these things though. Because you should be trying to get COMPLIANCE out of her, and not worrying about what every fucking head tilt/muscle twitch/pupil dilation means. Dont get me wrong, doing so is completely understandable for anyone new to the game ...but also FULL BETA. Taking the girl so seriously you study her behavior like a scientist (pedestalizaton.)

theiamsamurai · 2017-02-02T15:36:23+00:00

I dunno, I've been called sexy, and it doesn't mean shit at the end of the day.

darla10 · 2017-02-02T16:44:00+00:00

Handsome = Hot + Smart. It is definitely a compliment. Hot = Good looking + Sexy

anitapk · 2017-02-02T20:17:38+00:00

Nope, most guys don't reach the handsome threshold. It's a compliment, not as good as hot, but better than "why's he even trying dressed like that"

It's only not a compliment when grandmas use it

nemma88 · 2017-02-03T08:28:28+00:00

Bit late but thought I'd throw in.

When I think of handsome I think in relation to facial features in context, so this might be somewhat regional, so I asked the man instead...

Do you think handsome is a compliment? Yes.

Would you prefer to be called handsome or hot? Handsome.

Why? Handsome suggests distinguished and desirable, hot sounds like a bit of a throwaway. (I think he feels 'hot' is a bit too working class for him).

manletttime · 2017-02-05T09:41:58+00:00

Handsome definitely is a compliment. It tends to mean classically good-looking.

If you're talking about what girls say when they're attracted to you....they will say hot or cute more often. But they say handsome, too.

Generally, if a woman compliments you without you asking for it, you should just assume she's attracted to you.

ClarityofDisaster · 2017-02-09T16:16:57+00:00

Hot/sexy/pretty...also way better than handsome. Hot being the ultimate compliment.

What about the term "gorgeous"? I almost exclusively refer to my boyfriend this way, every once in a while using the term hot. Idk..."hot" just sounds juvenile to me. It reminds me of listening to the popular girls in high school going on and on about how hot this or that boy was.

NowEarDis · 2017-02-02T15:19:16+00:00

You're absolutely right.

Title	Handsome is typically a NOT a compliment.
Author	matrixpush
Upvotes	5
Comments	102
Date	February 2, 2017 10:41 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5rm1zy/handsome_is_typically_a_not_a_compliment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/handsome-is-typically-a-not-a-compliment.270285 https://theredarchive.com/post/270285

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