How common is for a guy to generate physical attraction in a woman even if she doesn't find him attractive right away?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-05-15T14:11:18+00:00

you started on the friend tip, he probably sexualized and made it clear he didnt have friendly interest right away. men friendzone themselves by actling, like, wello...womens friends. guys who pick you up do NOT act like your friend

the_calibre_cat · 2018-05-15T14:12:33+00:00

It isn't common. You are not the selector, she is. Don't pedestalize women, find your passion, chase it, and give zero fucks. This will 1.) make it easier for you to drive satisfaction in life without women's approval, and 2.) actually make you more attractive to women.

Caveat: make sure at least one of your passions is manly or artsy - no woman will ever feel the tingles for a really good programmer, alas.

SchemingInBathrobes · 2018-05-15T14:13:41+00:00

It happened with me and my fiance.

He always met my attractiveness threshold but he lacked confidence and presence, and therefore I did not feel attracted to him. As he got older he gained confidence and started to have a certain charisma that I find very appealing. He didn't change his looks or his financial status (we were both in our early twenties when we started dating) but his entire attitude changed, and that made the difference for my attraction.

wtknight · 2018-05-15T15:03:24+00:00

I think a lot of guys are in a “kind of attractive” category in women’s minds in which, if he does the right things, he’ll become more attractive to her. On the other hand, there is also a “never will be attractive” category that a lot of guys are also in. A guy will never know which of these two categories that he is in if she is not initially attracted to him, and even she may not know. That’s why it’s important for a guy to let it be known quickly that he is attracted to a woman so he can find out quickly what category he is in and save himself some time and maybe some heartache.

ChasingSunShine22 · 2018-05-15T16:38:45+00:00

All the accounts from BP women claiming they are madly in love with their SO despite not finding him attractive at first sound to me like classic examples of BB.

Lots of men can't wrap their head around that attraction works differently with women. Andrew at Rules Revisited felt the same.

http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/03/men-dont-fall-in-love-same-way-women-do.html

But the common thread among them, and the thing that I found so interesting, was that the woman's love grew gradually, over months, often starting as complete indifference. It amazed me that a woman could end up being so in love with a man that, initially, she wouldn't have seriously considered dating.

I knew a very attractive woman who worked with a man. He asked her out after she got out of a relationship but she rejected him. She wasn't interested at all. She met his identical twin brother and hit it off with the twin instead. It crushed the man and the brothers didn't speak for a year.

Here is a secret about rejection. It's not always about you. Sometimes timing was wrong or other things in life gets in the way. She just got out of a relationship. Maybe she didn't want to date a coworker. There are other factors besides looks.

Lyanina · 2018-05-15T15:40:21+00:00

I would say it is pretty common for women to end up being sexually attracted to someone who didn't really register as particularly hot the first time they laid eyes on them. "At first glance" rarely gives a woman all the info she needs to be sexually attracted; "first glance" doesn't tell her much about attitude, confidence, how the guy acts, body language, his voice, if he's able to escalate... Obviously yes "first glance" is enough to say "He's ugly" or "He's cute," but there's a whole range in-between those two categories, and the latter category is not the only one a woman can be sexually attracted to.

The vast majority of age-appropriate people I meet fall in a "who knows" category. I don't think about fucking them, I don't want to fuck them, I haven't sexualized them in my head at all -- but they're not completely repulsive to me. These are the "not noteworthy at first sight" people you mentioned. It shouldn't be surprising that, yeah, most people start off in that category.

When I get to know these people and see how they interact with other people and with me, when they make their intentions with me known (they make themselves sexual to me), interest and attraction can develop. Not where before there was repulsion, but where before it simply didn't cross my mind to consider them a sexual option for myself because I don't spontaneously think about sexing random people up.

It works the other way around too. Even a cute guy can become ew when I get to know him.

lefactorybebe · 2018-05-15T16:06:25+00:00

I'd say it's common. It certainly happened with me. When I met my boyfriend I wasn't attracted to him right away. I thought he was attractive, but nothing crazy special. As we got to know each other I came to really like him. Of course i think he's super attractive now, but the first time I met him I didn't

It's also not that he's BB. While he currently makes more than me because he's working full time and I'm a student, I could definitely find someone who makes a lot more than he does. My family has more money than his, and we will likely have less money than my family does.

formerlymyself · 2018-05-15T20:48:24+00:00

I will go a slightly different direction and say that many women do not often experience "raw physical attraction", at least not the way men do. So while I understand the question, it's the wrong question. The premise is that women experience attraction in roughly the same way men do, and we don't.

Let me give you an example. Sam Heughan (who stars in Outlander) is a very attractive man. His bone structure is damn near perfect, and he clearly works very hard on his physique. I am a fan of the show and the books, and the sexual relationship between the two main characters is pretty hot. However, I am not sexually attracted to Sam Heughan. I don't know him. I cannot experience sexual attraction (or physical attraction, or whatever you want to call it) to someone I have never met. Moreover, it is highly unlikely that I would ever feel physical attraction for someone who is so far out of my league that he might as well not even exist. Part of what inspires attraction in me, and I suspect this is true of many (most?) women, is being desired. If someone is attracted to me, I may become attracted to them -- now that I know that they are an option for me. If they are not an option, why would I waste my time and energy being attracted?

I mean, I guess you can call that BB if you want, but honestly ... very few of us, men or women, are what you would call "empirically attractive" - where it is not really a matter of opinion. Most of us are average, and our attractiveness to others is largely situational. And yes, it is affected by personality, character, etc. For me, intelligence is huge. Other women may care more about sense of humor, shared interests, compatible political and religious beliefs, and so forth.

The conversations on this sub about this subject crack me up. Everyone is talking past each other. I mean, I find it incredibly strange that looks could possibly be the end of the inquiry for anyone when deciding whether they would have sex with another human. But I can accept that that is the way men experience the world due to biological programming that I do not share. I just wish men could accept that the same is not true for most women.

The truth is, you don't need to be Sam Heughan or Chad or whoever in order to have a sexually fulfilling relationship with a SO and a happy life. You just have to accept that you're not a genetic lottery winner and make your peace with it. It's hard -- I know. I've never totally gotten over it myself, and I still do everything I can to maximize what little I was given, even though I will never be beautiful. But I accept my SO's love and desire, such as it is, even though I know I do not look like [insert name of female celebrity of your choice]. And this is what most people do - they come to terms with the hand they were dealt and try to be happy anyway. Believing that you can't be truly loved if you don't look like a celebrity is a shitty attitude, and there is nothing less attractive than that.

blackedoutfast · 2018-05-15T21:12:48+00:00

attraction doesn't work for women in the same way that it works for men.

for men, we can look at a woman and almost instantly know whether or not we would fuck her if given the opportunity. it's very black and white, yes/no, hot/not.

women don't work that way. there are very very few guys who are absolutely fuckable or unfuckable based on that very first impression of his physical appearance. most guys will be in the gray area in-between where his attitude, personality, behaviors, social confidence, status, and lots of other things will be the deciding factors.

a guy can meet a guy and have a first impression that he's kinda cute. but if that guy has a weird attitude and seems awkward and desperate once she starts talking to him, it can quickly turn her off.

or she can meet a guy who doesn't look like anything special, but once they start interacting and the guy is charming and charismatic and cool and fun and makes her alive and she really enjoys being around him, she can really start digging him. even though he started solidly in the gray area, he is quickly getting close to that "fuckable" zone.

I spent months confined in the friendzone trying to follow her same interests, trying to be witty, funny etc,

this is a huge mistake and even if you started out as a "maybe" this type of behavior made you sexually unattractive

then this other guy comes along and basically with not much effort from his part in a couple of weeks they are dating.

it usually doesn't take a lot of effort if you know what you're doing.

The most remarkable thing about the whole situation is that this guy wasn't taller or in a better shape than me, it was just a matter of facial aesthetics. She was attracted to him while I was sexually indifferent to her.

it wasn't about his looks. i'm sure both of you started out in that gray zone in between absolutely fuckable and absolutely unfuckable.

you just did everything completely wrong while he did the right things.

LooksMatterToWomen · 2018-05-15T17:35:20+00:00

Attraction cannot be "created" where none exists previously. People who claim otherwise are either virtue signalling, trying to rationalize the fact that they settled, or trying to sell you their "dating advice". Listen up, dude. Personality, character, mind, etc don't actually trigger sexual attraction, and money/status without sufficient physical attraction only "attracts" settlers and other opportunists. If she isn't immediately physically attracted to you, she's not a good fit for anything more than a strictly platonic friendship.

CursedLemon · 2018-05-15T14:28:10+00:00

Physical attraction? Doubt it. When it comes to physical attraction, any person - male or female - decides in the first two seconds whether or not they'd fuck somebody.

The syngergistic attraction from both attitude and physical characteristics, however, can change over time.

carefreevermillion · 2018-05-15T15:56:04+00:00

He has to be visually appealing first and foremost. If you're good enough there, then you have to have the attitude of someone she has sex with, not some whose shoulder she cries on. You can change that, but it takes a lot of work and you have to be certain that your looks aren't what's holding you back.

tiposk · 2018-05-15T16:11:13+00:00

Attraction is attraction regardless of its source. Its sometimes hard to separate physical attraction from personality based attraction as it is usually a combo. Personally, I can eventually become attracted to a guy that I found physically unremarkable at first. HOWEVER, this happens after a short period of interaction. If I don't feel any chemistry during the first a few minutes, chances are I never will. Some people believe that your mistake was becoming friends with her. I think that the fact that you've become her friend for months is just a signal that sge didn't find you attractive at the early interaction stages. "Trying" to become witty and following someone's interests isn't a good way to start relationships of any kind. Forcing attractiveness isn't attractive and it means that you're incompatible. Next time something like this happens, just move on.

the_calibre_cat · 2018-05-15T16:15:52+00:00

Pretty fuckin' common. I liked the "How many men in your Facebook friends list would you fuck?" post, virtually all of the women commented "ew" "no" "gross" or "1.x%". I suspect the reverse question would be much, much different.

yasee · 2018-05-15T16:16:28+00:00

just from my own experience, it's common

trail22 · 2018-05-16T02:28:44+00:00

I think it is possible, but in my experience it has less to do with how she sees you , and more to do how she thinks society perceives you.

So you can be awesome with you, but she will take you for granted until she sees other people who don't.

In other words what changes most women's opinions is not seeing how you treat her. That has stayed the same so if she was going to liek you for that then she woudl have. Its seeing how other people treat you, that will change how she sees you.

DXBrigade · 2018-05-16T20:05:03+00:00

All the time, typically women are slow burner. Men are the reverse, they fall in love or lust at first glance. Most men I find meh at first glance and then the more I know about them, the hotter they get.

AutoModerator · 2018-05-15T14:04:39+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

truedemocracy3 · 2018-05-15T18:01:39+00:00

Actually pretty common if she doesn't visibly know a guys status/wealth. Personality to overcome looks is possible but less so

Remember that women only find 20% of men physically attractive, but that doesn't mean they can't still hang ones they don't find physically attractive but enjoy their status

Maikowski2 · 2018-05-16T04:25:38+00:00

The trick is to have IDGAF mindset. The moment you think "how to attract that particular girl" you not only get oneitis disease but you lose. That's why that guy started dating her - he did not give two fucks about "how to attract her". He came and he took it while you waited.

You can not negotiate attraction.

quicklogaccount · 2018-05-15T14:17:14+00:00

how common is for a guy who's not a celebrity to inspire raw physical attraction in a woman if she doesn't find him attractive at first glance and I'm not saying necessarily ugly, just non physically relevant or noteworthy at first sight?

Quite common.

How common is for a guy to generate with time physical attraction in a woman by virtue of his personality, character, mind etc.?

by virtue of his personality, character, mind:
Unusual, maybe impossible.
by virtue of "etc":
Quite common.

Or do you need status and money?

No. You NEED to turn on the attraction switches, and those two help a lot, but you can do it otherwise.

Some extra thoughts:
It seems that you'd benefit a lot by seeing Mystery material regarding PUA. Also, while leaving the friendzone is known to be no rocket science these days, it is NOT done by being a better friend.

LewisCross · 2018-05-15T16:00:55+00:00

Extremely uncommon.

reluctantly_red · 2018-05-15T15:04:17+00:00

If she isn't attracted to you in the first few minutes it aint ever going to happen. Being friendzoned is confirmation of this. Move on!!!

Title	How common is for a guy to generate physical attraction in a woman even if she doesn't find him attractive right away?
Author	ifelsedowhile
Upvotes	4
Comments	86
Date	May 15, 2018 2:04 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8jltci/how_common_is_for_a_guy_to_generate_physical/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-common-is-for-a-guy-to-generate-physical.262433 https://theredarchive.com/post/262433

Comments