How common is the AF/BB scenario?

Texastentialism · 2018-09-28T16:41:20+00:00

I think that AF/BB, or something closely resembling it, is probably more likely to happen with women who marry after 30 or so. I still don't believe it describes the majority of relationships/marriages even in that age cohort, but I'm willing to concede it's a thing that happens in non-insignificant numbers.

However, we know that the average age of first marriage for women in the United States is 27. We also know that married couples now enjoy longer dating and cohabitating stages than ever before. It's not at all unheard of for a couple to date/live together for 3-5 years before getting engaged, and the average length of engagement is 14 months. These numbers corroborate what I have seen in my personal life, as a newlywed millennial whose friends are all newly married or engaged after extended dating/cohabitation/engagements.

So even being conservative and assuming a two-year dating period and one-year engagement, that puts the average woman meeting her husband around age 24. (Again, this corroborates what I've seen IRL; almost all of my friends met their spouses before 25.)

I can't imagine why a 24-year-old woman, who's still young, not yet in the throes of baby fever and not yet seeing her options dwindle, would "settle" for a BB. Women in their early-mid twenties aren't desperate yet, are still attractive and still have plenty of options. In my experience, the guy they settle down with is the same guy they had fun with when they were younger.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-09-28T16:25:51+00:00

i think its alpha fucks/beta COMFORT, not "bucks". unless youre using bucks as a catch all word for comfort and provider traits

CatchPhraze · 2018-09-28T15:29:32+00:00

Every attractive woman ends up with a handsome man who also has a good job if she wants.

Barely-moral · 2018-09-28T16:02:15+00:00

Every single friend I had in high-school and university ended up marrying the kind of woman that would have showed them no sign of interest before they got their status and money. Half of those friends are in the proccess of divorce or are already divorced (around 2/3 of those divorces were iniciated by the woman.) Half of the marriages that are still standing are dead bedrooms. The other half... I am not going to bet on that half either.

Sure, I did hang out with some specific kind of men, the borderline autistic nerd with a specific career in mind kind of men. But I have seen enough horror stories for a life time.

whichbladeN · 2018-09-28T15:29:19+00:00

Alpha and beta aren't mutually exclusive.

Most men are a mix of both.

Nobody wants to marry a slut. Man or woman.

wtknight · 2018-09-28T15:50:59+00:00

I think that it's common for women to date or sleep with men who are much more alpha than beta when they are younger. What I don't think is common is that most women ending up with someone who is completely beta. I think most women end up with a man who is a good mix of alpha and beta in the end. I also think that many formerly alpha men become more beta when they finally want to settle down and have a family. It's only the minority of women who wait excessively long to settle down who have to settle for really beta men because the guys who are a good mix of alpha and beta are already taken. But, I'm sure that even some of these women manage to find a man who is compatible for them.

crumblesnatch · 2018-09-28T16:10:58+00:00

I suspect it seems really common... to people who believe it. It's largely a projected narrative. "All the girls I went to high school with did X", "the guys I work with got X'd", "you see it all around!" Like... how do you know Dan from grade 10 biology married a woman who had alpha fucks? You've never met her, only seen pictures on Facebook.

It's amusing to me to wonder, what does red-pilled guy see when my husband and I board the train? Attractive white woman with Asian man, in their early thirties, both wearing nice clothes, wedding rings.

His mind is gonna go: Asian men are lower in SMV than white men and all women are hypergamous, ergo that man is beta bucks, ergo that thot rode the carousel in her twenties, and now she's recently settled for money. It doesn't matter that two minutes of conversation would prove that wrong; he's gonna go home and write a post about how "AF/BB".

ATastefulNude · 2018-09-28T15:37:31+00:00

Depends on what you mean by alpha and beta. Are alphas all stupid jerkoffs with no jobs? Are betas all wealthy engineers?

Most men are decent and most men are financially self supporting. Most women have a few boyfriends before settling with someone they consider "husband material".

stats135 · 2018-09-28T17:23:51+00:00

I think there is two parts to this question. Question one: Are women fucking alphas when young and then settling for betas when their looks start to fade? Question two: Are women actively engaged in this process?

To start off, there used to be a time when the average women only fucked one man in her whole life. That is no longer the case. Most women nowadays fuck more than one man in her lifetime. So, the only question is whether the men that get to fuck her when she was young and hot have any characteristics that are different than the men that end up marrying these women when they are old and used up. As long as such differentiating characteristics exist, then AF/BB exists. The characteristics that are shared by the men that get the young hot pussy are deemed alpha characteristics and the one that don't are the beta ones.

So there is no doubt in my mind that AF/BB exists and is almost universal. The only point that is really up for debate is whether women engage in it consciously or subconsciously. Do women actively choose to have their fun fucking certain men (alphas) when they are young and then settle down with different men (betas) latter on when their looks are about to fade? This is the women are evil explanation. Or maybe its something subconscious left in our biology. This is the biotruth explanation. Or maybe the women don't really have much agency and its the men that make it so that this is what happens? That would be the women are forever teenagers and its the men that make things happen explanation. Or maybe its something else. I personally think its a combination of all of the above.

CainPrice · 2018-09-28T17:58:55+00:00

When a woman is looking for casual sex, "beta" qualities don't matter at all. She doesn't even necessarily have to like the guy. She is primarily concerned with the guy being hot enough to turn her on, fun to be around, and the guy demonstrating enough signals that he knows the game (e.g., will be discreet, has enough casual sexual experience to be decent in bed, etc.) In fact, in this kind of situation, "beta" qualities may drive the woman away because she's not looking for a boyfriend and doesn't want a guy who's going to make too much out of the sexual encounter.

When a woman is looking for a relationship, she wants -both- "alpha" and "beta" qualities in a man. She wants the kind of guy she would have hooked up with for casual sex, but who's also kind, romantic, and into her for a relationship.

Where things go wrong is that the kind of guy who can get casual sex easily and regularly often doesn't want to commit to the kind of woman who has casual sex easily and regularly. He can get ten other girls just like her and doesn't gain much out of being tied down.

Which means that women looking for a relationship sometimes have to compromise. They have to enter into a relationship with a guy who has those desirable "beta" qualities, but maybe is only so-so attractive with regard to those "alpha" qualities. He's not unfuckable or unlovable, just not as exciting as the guy she really wanted to end up with. Over time, that kind of relationship can wear on a girl, and she ends up in a low sex marriage, cheating, or divorcing the guy.

Uncommon_Sense_12345 · 2018-09-28T15:46:21+00:00

I would say very common and this is IMO one of the very few things I agree with TRP on and think they got right.

Willow-girl · 2018-09-28T18:51:01+00:00

I think it is easier for men to believe that "She never loved me; she was just using me for money and as a sperm donor," rather than acknowledging that their wife/GF probably did love them at the outset, but was gradually disillusioned by their negative qualities. (Resentment will kill passion quicker than anything else, IMO.)

TheGreasyPole · 2018-09-28T16:30:05+00:00

Which one ?

AF/BB can be done serially or in parallel... a woman who settles with a BB after some years enjoying AFs or, what is essentially, an affair.

We could make some estimate of the second from affair stats (although for obvious reasons they’re not good stats). The first I don’t think you could get a reasonable estimate for.

filamilano · 2018-09-28T17:26:53+00:00

There is only slightly more virgin men than women in their late 20s. So everyone is "having their fun", then they marry. I don't see why this phenomenon is only viewed from the perspective of women. Those women are "having fun" with other men (not aliens). It's not like the men have been saving themselves

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squidracer · 2018-09-28T18:16:33+00:00

Very common among the working class, which is the majority of the population

-AveMaria- · 2018-09-28T19:44:57+00:00

I mean, like, it's just something that happens naturally. When you are young you have less responsibilities, so you select for different traits than what you do when you are looking for a long term relationship.

Supremedis · 2018-09-29T05:42:52+00:00

Marriage rates are going down.

Five_Decades · 2018-09-30T15:48:53+00:00

Very common among single mothers.

Not nearly as common among women without kids.

Merger-Arbitrage · 2018-09-28T16:04:08+00:00

The more extreme form is bullshit (most men are ultimately a mix of various "alpha" and "beta" as per the TRP definitions of it).

I may have seen one example of the extreme form of it.. here's a story about something that happened to me within the last 2 years.

I'd love for some self-styled gender experts to digest this one and tell me what they think:

I was at an upscale bar in Fenway in Boston having a drink (I'm 30, married, wife was out with a friend). A 40-45 year old blonde (other than being fit, she had visibly bad skin, cigarette breath and gave off the vibe of low class trailer trash - to be blunt) eventually sat down next to me in what was a fairly crowded bar, and after a while asks me about my drink (some nicely garnished Tiki-style cocktail). I small talk her for a bit and she starts getting closer to me, asking more personal questions (I tell her I'm married, too) and then starts showing me pictures of her in a bikini and pimping her sister out as being single. Starts rubbing my arm. Then some guy talks to her, who she tells me is her husband (guy was 50-55, poorly dressed and overweight - strikes me as a stereotypical Lockheed engineer type - Neckbeard meme worthy). Then she ignores him and continues to touch me, show me pics of her in skimpy bikinis. Asks for my # (which I give out reluctantly) and then starts sending me her bikini pics right on the spot. Then leaves shortly after last call after almost planting a kiss right on my lips, which I dodged slightly to turn into a cheek kiss.

Did I witness a betacuckbuck situation (her husband) in real life? A world premier for me. Did she wants me to fuck her while her husband watched? What the hell is wrong with some people?

analt223 · 2018-09-28T18:36:49+00:00

Nobody is completely alpha or beta. Most women tend to marry men with traits they value.

A super smart person can be just as alpha as a the guy who benches 400 lbs. They just will attract different women.

Really the main thing is for men: be good at stuff. The side effect of this is a patriarchy.

Vulgar_Professional · 2018-09-30T05:16:15+00:00

In general, I think a lot of RP tropes are slanted toward younger and trashy women.

AF/BB applies to men as well. You fuck the smoking hot girl from the club, you don't wife her up.

Basically, a lot of the things we find attractive in our 20's become giant red flags in your 30's

LowCreddit · 2018-09-28T19:06:30+00:00

There is a term used called Extra-Pair Paternity(EPP). EPP is the percentage of children fathered by a male other than the male socially pair bonded with the female. This study pegs the number for humans in Belgium between 1% and 2%. I would bet that this varies regionally but doesn't break 10% anywhere. This is only a lower bounds on AF/BB couplings. It doesn't include step-fathers, unsuccessful couplings, and single mothers.

Title	How common is the AF/BB scenario?
Author	Whodunnit88
Upvotes	3
Comments	119
Date	September 28, 2018 3:23 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9jnvzi/how_common_is_the_afbb_scenario/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-common-is-the-afbb-scenario.260664 https://theredarchive.com/post/260664

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