Earlier this month I was answering a (since deleted) post in another sub about why a lot of men don't look to women for dating advice.

One of the things I said in my comment was "Even if well intentioned, being a customer doesn't mean you know how to run a business." before explaining how my female friends, family, and therapist have all had a crack at my dating photos and bio and failed to get more success than me on my own.

A lot of dating advice in general also doesn't consider the man's perspective. For example, "Send a woman a unique message based on her profile." is like telling a store manager "You know, I always buy bread when it's on sale. Just have bread on sale all the time!"

These kinds of things are valid from the customer's perspective, but if you've never run a grocery store, you might not know that "sales" do other things like clear inventory, or that there may be seasonal fluctuations in how profitable certain kinds of goods are, even if the retail price remains similar.

A car buyer or owner can say "I like XYZ features.", but this does not mean that they truly know sales as a specific, under-pressure social skill that their livelihood depends on.

Similarly, "send out a unique messsage" ignores how time consuming and almost always pointless it is to do. A woman may find it exhausting to scroll past 100 "hey"s, but having to write 100 unique messages, with a good chance not even a single one will even be replied to at all, is an even greater effort. Once again, running a store is not as simple as just doing what the customers like.

In dating, there is a difference between expressing a preference and trying to convince others of that preference, or find people who meet it.

I think this is a much better way of putting things than the traditional "You don't ask a fish how to catch a fish."

  • It's less dehumanizing or predatory if someone wants to read it that way.
  • It sets up how things that make sense from the consumer side of things are different from the selling side of things.
  • It addresses how men also feel dehumanized by dating too. We feel more like generic products that are passed by everyday and in overabundance, as opposed to being seen and appreciated as equals.
  • It's more intuitive. Fishing is a relatively rare hobby, but we can all understand that buying groceries doesn't mean we know how to manage a grocery store, and that "Just put everything on sale!" may not actually work, even if it would be something you as a customer would like.
  • It works better in dating because men are often in the position of having to sell themselves must appeal to a wide base to keep afloat, as opposed to a customer who can adopt a "You just have to find one." mentality to the items on their list.