Is it wrong to provide boyfriend/girlfriend experience to a FWB?

WilliamWyattD · 2021-12-15T10:14:50+00:00

It's very dangerous. One of the benefits of defined relationship types that have tradition backing them is that people know what to expect. It helps handle emotions properly.

If you are in new territory, you have to work hard to make sure emotions are being dealt with the right way. So nothing is 'wrong' per se, but it can be dangerous without the right type of communication. And even then.

SirRandyMarsh · 2021-12-15T13:19:20+00:00

Being romantic just makes it sexier and more fun… obviously the more attractive you are and fun to be around the higher the chance they will get real feelings.. this isn’t some hard code to crack.

CatoftheBanals · 2021-12-15T07:02:17+00:00

The whole thing felt weird, the way it was written. “I don’t care about these women but I’m so fucking fantastic at eating them out they can’t help but fall in love and get all clingy and it’s so frustrating.” Felt…not entirely true.

Notanothrshitthrow · 2021-12-15T10:40:49+00:00

If you want to act like a boyfriend for your FWB, don't be surprised when they start to see you as a boyfriend.

Honestly it just sounds like that guy wanted all the benefits of a full relationship whilst still having an easy cancellation clause.

Playful_Art_5364 · 2021-12-16T02:58:45+00:00

Love how women are like “men don’t understand that friends with benefits means FRIENDS with benefits”. And the moment we’re acting friendly to. They get mad that we’re not just dating them.

It’s basically a trap. They want you to marry and will use these small step ladder things and emotional guilt to get you to their destination of choice.

CimZim · 2021-12-15T08:20:42+00:00

You're not "supposed" to do anything, it's a casual relationship between 2 people, not a law. So long as both people understand that you are never going to progress any further than friends-who-have-sex-sometimes, you can do whatever you want.

As many of the members here know, I've had a FWB for the last 12 years. We are still just friends who have sex a few times a month, we aren't romantic or physically affectionate with each other whatsoever outside of the bedroom, and there has always been a definite expiration date for our time together. But we are still friends first and foremost, which means we do friend stuff together constantly. This obviously includes things like going out for meals, taking vacations, seeing movies, hanging out playing videogames or boardgames, going camping or hiking, etc. Sometimes our mutual friends are with us, sometimes it's just us...that's pretty normal for social circles, you can't always get everyone together. No reason to consider it "romantic" when you're grabbing lunch at Applebee's lol.

Edit: Also, just read the post. The guy is a fucking moron if he thinks his oral skills are the only reason the women are "catching feelings". Sweet jebas. I do think it's weird that these women are "confessing their love" after only 3 or 4 times spent together, that seems ridiculously quick, even for non demisexual people. Entire post sounds like a humblebrag of his ability to eat pussy.

goatismycopilot · 2021-12-15T11:17:29+00:00

I read the thread the OP was a blend of awful and moron.

Atlas-B-Shruggin · 2021-12-15T13:20:46+00:00

i can timagine a moral system in which it is "Wrong", but it WILL be read as leading her on no matter what stupid mouth words he says

xFallacyx69 · 2021-12-15T16:04:39+00:00

They’re both terrible at setting boundaries… glad they didn’t reproduce

JoanGreenCat · 2021-12-16T00:41:50+00:00

I know it works for people that just do a "booty call" and don't really engage with each other on daily basis much. It's safer for both. Doing bf/gf things could lead to one side thinking there is more into it than it really is.

Educational-Cut4177 · 2021-12-15T06:43:02+00:00

I do think it’s wrong. In a FWB relationships feelings are not supposed to be involved. I don’t think a girl or guy should mislead someone to have a FWD but at the same time be romantic and make the other person catch feelings.

I believe being transparent form the get go is important, talk about these things, be clear that it is strictly a sexual or Physical relationship. If it’s not like that then you might as well have an open relationship.

dbz19 · 2021-12-15T06:53:59+00:00

Nothing is "wrong". Do whatever you feel like. If you're both okay with it, go for it.

If you end up not getting the relationship you were hoping for cause you signed up for something else, that's your fault. Be clear about what you want and what you don't want.

Don't be like "teehee let's be FWB" and then make a reddit post about why they haven't proposed and bought you a ring.

tickledpic · 2021-12-15T07:22:52+00:00

The questions on is how do you clasify fwb. Is it casual sex? Most people would say so. Casual sex means sex without dates. If you are going on dates you are implying a relationship mindset.

medlabunicorn · 2021-12-15T08:30:07+00:00

I do think he’s sending mixed messages, but he’s also being ethical by stating his intentions and goals up front and then cutting things off before the women get even further caught up. So, not a horrible person but could be better.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-12-15T11:46:02+00:00

Yes, lying is wrong.

creekcrystall · 2021-12-15T08:43:41+00:00

He’s intentionally leading them on then pretending to not know why they catch feelings 🙄 Classic case of manipulation

KirthWGersen · 2021-12-15T08:47:57+00:00

It all depends on the overall impression you are giving.

If you are meeting up several times a week: you are basically in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, no matter what you call it.

Paying for dates is a bit weird, unless there is a vast difference in your wealth.

Romantic gestures depend on your personality; some people like to express affection in certain ways and are very liberal with their affections. Just like some women are very touchy-feely with everyone. I remember enjoying all the sweet romantic emojis I was receiving from a woman, until I saw she texted like that to everyone, including work colleagues and other women, so it was just her personal style, not an expression of true emotion.

Personally, I just do whatever I feel like, which tends to be meeting up once a week or two, drinking, talking, having sex, listening to music, sleeping together and texting maybe once between meets as a gesture of politeness.

Yes, some women do end up wanting more. But they let you know and you simply talk about it and say you don't, if you don't. They can then decide if they are happy with the situation or not. Plenty of women are happy to be having regular sex while looking for someone better (or a better fit), sometimes even for years. It is no big deal.

It is not really that complicated. The problem for some men is that they have been brought up to believe they HAVE to always treat all women they are having sex with in a certain way (gifts, expressions of love, compliments, good morning/night messages, etc.) and that can be a false expression of how they actually feel and lead to confusion.

stormcloakporn · 2021-12-15T09:41:38+00:00

I will NEVER do anything that “just” benefits men without benefiting me first.

MelisandreStokes · 2021-12-15T16:19:42+00:00

If you’re a FWB who also does romantic stuff, you’re not a FWB you’re a boyfriend/girlfriend. If you won’t acknowledge it, you’re also a pussy.

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NockerJoe · 2021-12-15T08:15:10+00:00

Discovering this is exactly why I broke it off in my case. I think the number of instances where both parties want a FWB situation and are honest about it is vanishingly rare. I think this is way more common than advertised.

michael1962-01 · 2021-12-15T08:53:21+00:00

FWB allways involes feelings. But that's ok.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-12-15T14:28:42+00:00

I never did FWB to avoid weird shit like this. Casual sex should be one and done.

DerekMorganBAU · 2021-12-15T15:13:22+00:00

He did nothing wrong imo he went out with them and had fun and he cut it off when it got too deep. That’s more than what I’d do I would have kept the gravy train going

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-12-15T15:13:23+00:00

The problem with Friends with Benefits is that somebody is usually going to catch feelings, at the end of the day you got to have a ground rules set, be open to a relationship or just not do it at all, I had some friends who did the whole friends-with-benefits thing and they said some hard ground rules did not break them and are still cool to this day so it's possible but it's a slippery slope

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-12-15T15:40:06+00:00

That post is an extremely cringy humble brag and OP sounds like a malignant narcissist. “I make it so clear this is casual but my oral skills just hypnotize these women I can’t help it.” Lol bs. They’re catching feelings because you’re spending time together romantically, doing everything people do when they’re dating with the intent of progressing to a relationship. And he knows this but is taking advantage of all the benefits of a relationship while using plausible deniability to avoid commitment on his part.

All that being said, this is why you never assume anything with dating. If you want commitment, wait for clear verbal confirmation before taking yourself off the market, both in practice and mentally. Manipulators and users like to work in the gray areas, so don’t allow those gray areas to exist. I’m mainly speaking to women who date men, but this applies to everyone.

I personally think FWB is a bad idea, but if you’re going to do it, it’s very important to set clear boundaries. I’m not a traditionalist, but the main weakness of modern dating is lack of clear intentions. That’s the benefit of embracing some level of tradition and formality - you know where you stand with people, and everyone is less likely to get hurt.

TomorrowsWar · 2021-12-15T17:31:59+00:00

We all get to set the rules for FWB but a mature person will create reasonable boundaries.

It sounds like he has no boundaries, will treat anyone like a girlfriend because maybe that does it for him. And it sounds like he picks women who also have no boundaries and accept boyfriend treatment from an unavailable guy.

It’s not wrong. I do it too. But I’m straight up about it. “I’m really romantic and physical, I love spending time with you and having a connection but I don’t see myself wanting a relationship”

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-12-15T17:58:19+00:00

I'd like more of the girlfriend/boyfriend experience. I think it can be done but you have to communicate whenever they indicate they are catching feels that you don't want a deeper involvement/ want to remain a FWB. That was weird about the linked post; the guy didn't seem to be communicating his limits often and clearly enough. (I suspect that post was fake but it is still a good question about boundaries).

IcarusKiki · 2021-12-16T03:08:00+00:00

It’s stupid. On the woman’s end you’re providing gf benefits in a sexual relationship and he more than likely will take it for granted and not promote you (why would he when he’s getting it for free?). On the guy’s end she’s gonna comfort test more and give you a lot of shit and might even go nuts and turn people against you if you jerk her around too explicitly. If that you’re seeking bf benefits from her why not just promote her to “gf” have an open relationship if you really want to fuck other girls?

EDIT:Ok I read the stupid post and he attributes eating the women out to why they feel lead on and not the fact that he wines and dines them and takes them out on romantic dates tf is he retarded?

Murphysmongoose · 2021-12-16T03:36:35+00:00

It's a proverbial, "slippery slope." You don't want to be cold, but too much warmth leads to cuddles and snuggles.

This is basically why I can't have casual sex/not a casual sex type person. I'm too into giving, "the bf experience." I like actually snuggling up and sleeping with women.

TheHeroReditDeserves · 2021-12-16T05:23:26+00:00

Ok which one of you posted this?

Reddisitt · 2021-12-16T09:52:33+00:00

If a man and woman are having sex eventually they’ll fall for each-other. Actually they already have but they just wanna fuck around and not be serious because accountability evasion duh!

Square_Inflation_534 · 2021-12-16T14:43:06+00:00

Threads like these are why TRP says that at best women are teenagers.

midwestufohunter · 2021-12-16T17:01:43+00:00

its not wrong to catch feelings?

If he continues to treat her with respect that's fine.

It's wrong to act like this and then say "well we weren't dating so you're crazy" when someone catches feelings.

CosmicBioHazard · 2021-12-17T22:23:52+00:00

I’ll answer with simpleton man logic, but clearly if these women are being mislead by these gestures it’s sure as hell not how women think;

Sex is the height of intimacy, paying for dinner for someone isn’t. If you can have casual sex, and it’s ‘just sex’ then you can buy someone dinner casually and not have it mean anything; if you can readily afford it treating your platonic friends isn’t weird at all.

Icy_Can2010 · 2021-12-18T15:08:30+00:00

It's not wrong, not his fault those girls got their feelings hurt. They got a couple of dinners paid for and saw dollar signs and wanted more.

They played their game he played his and he won. Play again and try to win next time.

Title	Is it wrong to provide boyfriend/girlfriend experience to a FWB?
Author	PM_ME_ZED_BARA
Upvotes	5
Comments	119
Date	December 15, 2021 6:38 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/rgsqxf/is_it_wrong_to_provide_boyfriendgirlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-wrong-to-provide-boyfriendgirlfriend.1092368 https://theredarchive.com/post/1092368

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