Q4A: Do you expect rejection

Caetraaa · 2022-12-21T14:52:57+00:00

I'm a woman and I've been rejected by all of the people I've asked out but I wouldn't say I expect rejection. I'm certainly a bit disappointed, but it doesn't really bother me. Someone will say yes one day.

I'd rather ask than be asked.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-12-21T14:43:27+00:00

Yes. Even the chaddiest chads still only have like 20% match rates, meaning 80% of women still reject for whatever fucking reason.

I've been cold approaching as a literal career, I know how well it works and have no delusions.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2022-12-21T14:41:10+00:00

When I used to date I used to always try to figure out how to push it to next level. Get sex, get something happening. Then I realized that most people you meet you will end up not getting g along with. Maybe they are boring, uninteresting, annoying, unadventurous. So I lowered my expectations during dates. And interestingly enough( that's when I had the most interest from women. They were afraid I was going to reject them.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-12-21T14:39:09+00:00

Dating, life, job prospects, potential ventures. Anything with risk can lead to failure or rejection. Learn to handle it so you can still go after the things you want in life.

Anykindofland · 2022-12-21T14:55:32+00:00

I'm a man, of course I do.

UneastAji · 2022-12-21T14:56:40+00:00

Yes. I'm a dude. Seems common among dudes to expect rejection until proven otherwise, and successful men are those who can continue pushing their goals even when they're persuaded they'll get rejected.

Women more often tend to think rejection is unthinkable and are more concerned about if they're actually interested. Which makes sense since when men approach it's not to change their mind later. Some women are extremely neurotic and expect to be rejected regardless of the clues though.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2022-12-21T15:12:43+00:00

On tinder I expect really hot girls to not match with me (supported by experience).

I expect rejection when cold approaching, but I don't now how well it's supported by experience as I get pretty anxious doing it and don't do it that often.

I've managed to make out with some really hot girls approaching at clubs and such, took home once.

On dates I expect girls to like me and eventually (2-3 dates) want to have sex, pretty well supported by experience I'd say.

Smoogs2 · 2022-12-21T15:24:13+00:00

I don't assume I will be rejected because that's like assuming you are going to lose a fight or a wrestling match. It's the wrong mindset to have. I believe that losing is inevitable in the general sense, but not individually. Also, have to take the wins with the losses. Losing is not the end of the world and shouldn't stop you from trying. Additionally, you often learn more from your losses than your wins. There is nothing to learn from pinning a freshman in 30 seconds, similarly to bringing home the easy lay.

odd_cloud · 2022-12-21T14:37:19+00:00

Man, expected rejection when I used to ask girls out.

MarBitt · 2022-12-21T15:14:21+00:00

I assume success.

But I didn't care that much about the result and especially if it turned out that we weren't compatible, it's sometimes sad, but I didn't take it outright as a rejection. Nevertheless, some rejections hurt me (especially when it was after a long effort) and I had a hard time absorbing them.

Raileyx · 2022-12-21T15:15:07+00:00

I don't expect anything. Go into it with good intentions and see where it goes. Whatever happens, happens. Starting out with expectations one way or another seems counterproductive when there are so many unknowns.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-12-21T15:30:50+00:00

Of course. Not everyone you like is going to like you back. Just like every job you apply for is not going to hire you and every lottery ticket you buy is not going to be a winner. That doesn’t mean you don’t keep trying. Well, maybe not with the lottery tickets, so much.

Angrbaddie · 2022-12-21T15:46:32+00:00

Yep.

Just from experience, the majority of the time if I suggest a date I'm going to be rejected. But if I'm feeling it I just do it anyway, better to try it than regret not trying it. As long as I take no for an answer, it's never been a problem, and there's always the off-chance she'll be lonely/horny one day and remember I was interested.

haroldshipman_MD · 2022-12-21T15:58:12+00:00

Man.

Never been rejected, but always expect it nonetheless.

BrummieAMN19 · 2022-12-21T16:00:42+00:00

Logically yes, tactically and emotionally no due to how my brain works. If it happens it’s really easy for me to backwards rationalise it and reframe it in an extremely narcissistic/delusional way

FuckZeeHippies · 2022-12-21T16:20:09+00:00

Yes, always

jrjr_analyst · 2022-12-21T16:23:50+00:00

It's healthy to expect rejection, particularly in a romantic context. Some of us (like me, a late 30s cis het male) have more experience with it than others.

Rebuffing advances from a person who was expecting the opposite feels amazing, which is why some women love dropping nuclear rejections. Lifefuel, in cel parlance.

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-12-21T16:28:46+00:00

No because I have confidence

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-12-21T19:40:21+00:00

I don't assume that I will be rejected.

I also don't assume I will be accepted.

My politics, my personal style, my seeking only casual relationships are already going to have me rejected but more than half of the straight male population (and a smaller percentage of other genders attracted to my gender). I accept that.

It doesn't mean anything is wrong with me or anything is wrong with them. We're just not compatible. I'm not their 'type' et cetera.

thisreallyisnotok · 2022-12-24T07:17:13+00:00

I don’t think rejection is the right word. Imo rejection implies that they possessed something which they later got rid of. Imo this means you were “dating” but not in a relationship and someone decided you weren’t the right person.

What we should say is, “do you think you’ll ask people out who aren’t attracted to you?” And also it often isn’t “rejection” so much as “judgemental avoidance.” It’s not that that they rejected you, it’s that they made a judgment about you and they don’t want to be around you because of how they judge you.

northernlights190 · 2022-12-21T15:05:10+00:00

Yep, totally. That got ingrained into me pretty young, that I’d always be rejected, and then for most of my teens and early to mid-20s it was usually true, so I fully internalized it and always expected it. It held me back a lot.

I’ve been working on that in recent years, not so much thinking “maybe I won’t be rejected” but more learning to just think primarily about the present and not try to do predictions about the future. In other words, to let go of expectations entirely.

I’m a woman.

LupeDyCazari · 2022-12-21T16:29:20+00:00

Not really.

Live in an environment where the majority of the women are attractive and eventually there will be one or two of those chicks who will find you to be hot.

Then you fuck or date those women. Simple. I'm not particular about the women I date or sleep with.

Slim, young, pretty. That's it.

Those are my requirements in a woman.

I'm not interested in marriage, long-term relationships, or co-habitation or in having kids, so it gets a lot easier for me to date, than it does for the next guy, because the dude's looking for a wife, or a pseudo wife, and he has to look into nonsense like, employment situation, college education, savings, common interests, common hobbies, compatibility with each other, yayayayada, you know, stuff that instantly kills my boner no matter how hot she is.

Yes, yes, I am aware a woman like this in the States is so rare that she could marry the Emperor of Japan, but there's lots of places around the world where attractive women have low self-esteem and an inferiority complex, because when every woman looks good, no woman looks good, get it?

When you come across a woman who isn't aware of her worth - and it gets even easier if she is young and lacks experience with men - all you gotta do is be a tiny bit charming and to show a tiny bit of interest in her, and she will put out.

I've never been rejected in my life, and I'm nothing special. I just know how to pick my targets, because I don't develop emotional attachments towards anyone, and I don't find myself lustful for a particular chick.

Actually, that would be a lie. I'm in love with someone whom the red pillers and black pillers would never touch with a ten feet spear, and the reason why they'd never do it has nothing to do with her looks.

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feanoric · 2022-12-21T15:12:27+00:00

Do you know who does not care about constant rejection?

Sociopaths and psychopaths.

Yes, those are the kind of men that will end up reproducing or getting any sex from women.

SteelFox144 · 2022-12-21T16:31:39+00:00

I'm a man.

Given the kind of situation you seem to be describing where you're developing feelings for someone you know, yes, I would fully expect rejection. If the other person was interested in me, I'd already know it and wouldn't be wondering about rejection.

It sucks, but in today's world, it's kind of a bad idea to try to date people you already know anyway.

If you meet someone at work, asking them out (no matter how little pressure you put on them or how willing you are to just let it go if they say no) is just gambling losing your over a sexual harassment claim. If she feels pressured to accept your advance because she's worried about how it will effect her work since she's stuck in an office with you, that's hostile work environment. Even if you don't think a there's a judge in the world who would see it that way, no company is going to risk putting themselves through a sexual harassment lawsuit to keep you. They're just going to cut their losses and fire you.

If you meet someone through friends outside of work, you're risking the friends you met them through if it doesn't work out. If you're willing to lose those friendships for a shot then you can do it sometimes, but it's going to be clear if the person you're interested in is interested in you. Women figure out who they're interested in and who they aren't really quickly. The TV show trope of winning over a girl who isn't initially interested doesn't happen in real life. If she's not flirting with you in the first week you know her, she's not going to. You're just going to seem creepy or pitiful if you try to make something happen after that.

The only real good way to meet somebody anymore is through online dating. You go on a date with someone and you both know why you're there. If things don't work out with someone, you move on and it doesn't have a huge impact on the rest of your life.

2022-12-21T16:41:49+00:00

No, I do not expect it. But I'm always prepared for it. A big difference in mindset.

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2022-12-21T16:44:24+00:00

Of course. As a guy, I like to think of it like baseball. If you're batting .300 (i.e. you can get a date with 30% of the women you approach), you're doing quite well. If you get turned down, so what? You (usually) haven't lost anything, and there's lots of other women on this planet.

asofiro · 2022-12-21T17:26:43+00:00

It depends on the situation. If I'm on dating apps I expect multiple rejections, ghosting and failed dating attempts.

I can tell from women irl if they're attracted to me from body language and other behaviours. It's easier to figure out whether to approach or ask them out.

2022-12-21T18:10:06+00:00

Sometimes. I've been rejected before, I probably have like 1/7 chance of it happening if I'm making moves.

I don't expect it per say, but I never rule it out.

I don't think I've ever been rejected one feelings exist. It's usually in initial asking out stage/first attempt.

MistyMaisel · 2022-12-21T18:16:57+00:00

You'd have to define rejection. As a woman, I'm pretty sure I could get sex or a first date with MOST men. I wouldn't expect rejection on that. In my experience, I can pretty much get a relationship from most guys if I'm persistent, but the process of that is often quite filled with kinds of rejection, ego damage I'm taking on the chin, and bits of heart-break. But I expect some forms of initial rejection that I have to swim through or be patient with before my inevitable victory.

To be fair tho, I think that's pretty unique to me as a woman and most of my female friends hate that I have the confidence I can have any man provided I'm willing to enter and win a war of attrition. They don't think this at all. They tend to think a guy will either reject them outright or will just use them and go.

But yes, I will experience many "battles" which include rejection until I ultimately win the "war" in the end with that man.

jonascf · 2022-12-21T18:34:50+00:00

I usually manage to have outcome independence and to not expect anything, neither rejection nor success.

2022-12-21T18:42:18+00:00

I don't expect imediate rejection I expect women will waste some of my time...

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-12-21T19:14:16+00:00

I never make any of my intentions known until I've gotten my confirmation that the guy finds me physically attractive.

I'm deathly afraid of rejection. I think it's extra humiliating when a girl gets rejected, and worse than if a guy gets rejected.

RegionalPolice · 2022-12-21T19:20:52+00:00

I don't expect rejection unless I'm at a club. But if I've been talking to a girl for a while then I can pretty much guarantee she's interested in me because it's just observing subtle social cues. If I have feelings for someone to me it's a strong indicator, they like me back and my brains just picking up on the chemistry of the social interactions.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-12-21T19:32:32+00:00

No. I assume that they’ll either like me or that things will fade out naturally. Either way, I’ll survive it easily. If they don’t like me, who cares?

IhaveLostCount · 2022-12-21T20:45:23+00:00

Even as a socially anxious 26m, I actually don’t. I simply expect everyone around the 2 us to cause a ruckus since that’s what has always happened for me. And given how much I absolutely despise being anything resembling the center of attention, this inhibits me a lot.

y2kjanelle · 2022-12-22T04:48:02+00:00

No because pessimism isn’t attractive nor is it helpful especially in dating. I can be very pessimistic sometimes and I’ve worked hard to limit that. There’s just no need and it dampens good outcomes.

I don’t expect rejection, I expect that person to make a decision based on their own lives not my projection of what I think their decision should or should not be.

guywithaccount · 2022-12-21T19:27:59+00:00

Every man who isn't an ultrachad (or one of those rare weird dudes who still drowns in pussy anyway) or a cocky egomaniac expects rejection. We all know dating is a numbers game.

Title	Q4A: Do you expect rejection
Author	imeannothing
Upvotes	8
Comments	70
Date	December 20, 2022 9:08 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zqzq5h/q4a_do_you_expect_rejection/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4a-do-you-expect-rejection.1144975 https://theredarchive.com/post/1144975

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