The Fallacious Connection Between Male Insecurity and Female Breadwinners

Kentaro009 · 2024-01-17T05:02:16+00:00

When women make more than their partner, likelihood of divorce goes way up.

I don't even meet very many women in real life that say they would be cool with a man making less money than them.

That's reddit fantasy land nonsense.

Planthoe30 · 2024-01-17T08:44:48+00:00

I know men who admitted their woman making more than them made them feel insecure. As for ending the relationship I don’t think it causes that much insecurity I think there had to be other things going on. I think when negative events happen people tend to cope with them by blaming something else. I can’t think of one past partner I had who would have ended things with me in the event I made more than them. I have likely intimidated men by making more than them, I don’t think I can reasonably blame that though for things not working out we were usually incompatible in other ways.

OtPayOkerSmay · 2024-01-17T04:52:24+00:00

College educated women want college educated men. End of story.

Different_Cress7369 · 2024-01-17T07:08:55+00:00

My husband had no issue with me being the sole breadwinner while he was undertaking his PhD and wrangling kids. His friends reactions varied from “good on you mate, you’re a kept man”, to “wtf, does she keep your balls in her purse”. His father was very unimpressed, and told him he was a Nancy. Thankfully my husband has sufficient self confidence not to be swayed by naysayers.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-01-17T08:20:48+00:00

There was a study posted here a while back showing that men cheat more when they earn less than their partners. It's certainly plausible that their feelings about income are causing problems, even if it's hard to see on an individual level (like a lot of known effects, for example we can say poverty increases imprisonment rates but look at any individual and think "they would've still gone to prison if they were rich"). We know that men often like to feel like a leader or more powerful in a relationship and there's a lot of mocking of "masculine" women who are stronger personalities with many claiming this ruins relationships, it's not a stretch to say this can apply to income.

blebbyroo · 2024-01-17T05:12:23+00:00

Your premise is that guys are either going to be insecure or not and it’s not dependent on the woman’s income - thus as in your example of a guy making 80k being toxic to a woman making 120k wouldn’t be toxic to a woman making 40k- you think this is unlikely.

Why? Lots of people feel more confident around people “lower status” than themselves- this could be financial, looks, education, experience etc.

Lots of people feel better about themselves when they are the smartest or prettiest or most financially successful. Why is it hard to believe there are men who would feel better about themselves when their gfs/ wives make less than themselves?

Specific_Praline_362 · 2024-01-17T05:56:56+00:00

In general, men like to make women feel like they are "less than" in the relationship. It's easier for them to do when they are the breadwinner. They financially support the family and can come home to their stay-at-home mommy wife and constantly remind her that she's the lazy one who stays home all day while he works hard.

Most of us women have witnessed this first-hand with parents, friends, maybe ourselves (never me), so we KNOW how it is.

But then, even if the woman is the breadwinner, the man likes to remind her that she doesn't do enough around the house or that she isn't enough in one way or another. It's the male way.

Men get off on trying to make women feel inadequate.

ShelterNo2786 · 2024-01-17T04:45:13+00:00

TLDR?

mr8p6h · 2024-01-17T04:40:31+00:00

It sounds like you should stop making people up to be mad at.

Aggravating_Insect83 · 2024-01-17T06:06:29+00:00

Its not that guys are insecure. Remember that insecurity dont comes within. It comes from outside. Someone always gives it to you.

Now that we have that over with, lets go with facts and arguments you cannot possibly dispute, so sorry in advance:

As of today, only 30% of working class kids are raised by two parents. 85% of kids of upper class are raised by two parents. In 1960's, that number was 95% all across the board.

It is important to note that ratio of single mothers to single fathers is 5:1 which also ties to the point of only 30% of working class having been raised by two parents.

Now i want you to look at demographic for working class and upper class.

Conclusion: Men are not insecure about income of their partner. They know they dont have any socioeconomic status in comparison to women who begin to outearn the men and they tend to marry the upper class demographic, while majority of the population, the worker class, is basically a stepping stone, seeing that coincidentally the rates of no fault divorce are higher if woman outearns the man more than 15%.

Men are not insecure. Women still see men as socioeconomic trope and measure of success and they need to earn the same or more than them, and men, even the men in upper percentile, are looking in their wallet and are asking themselves: "is this enough?"

Specific_Praline_362 · 2024-01-17T05:52:56+00:00

I'm the breadwinner and my husband is still the "dominant" one in our relationship. 14 years together/10 years married this year.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-01-17T10:43:20+00:00

Men just don't give a shit. I'm cranking out well into 6 figures working part time essentially. Your measly salary ain't shit. Am I supposed to be proud you got a 10 cent raise even though you come home stressed out and tired and you work more hours than i do? Fuck that. I just don't date women who work or work much. I get zero benefit from it.

No_Mammoth8801 · 2024-01-17T14:59:56+00:00

This is a whole lot of writing to justify crying about not being desired while broke. And you know, the funny thing about this is that....I think men have it easier now than ever. If women aren't in charge of choosing, do you know who would be? Her dad. And if you look at truly patriarchal countries and cultures, and how they handle courtship and marriage, you'll quickly come to a very obvious conclusion: When it comes to money and finances, men's standards for other men are significantly higher than women's. When they're the ones not meeting a standard, there's all this whining and crying but when it comes to their daughter? They make it clear as day that they understand damn well the importance of a man having his house in order.

I'm someone who has

a) not cared about a man's finances in the past while dating

b) ended up out-earning several men

c) faced major changes in their behavior towards me after I got the big raise or I revealed my income

In my 30s, I started places financial standards on men because I was sick of dating guys, having it go swimmingly, only for them to change it up on me when I started to out-earn them. All these dudes ended up dating like, an iHop waitress right after.

And guess what happened once I started holding men up to a money standard? A lot of the bullshit stopped happening. Another problem that I see in this sub is that men are under the impression that big paychecks are rewarded to meek, shy, insecure losers and while I don't doubt that it does happen here and there, it's not how it goes. There are personality traits to a money maker that these types of posts never take into consideration - the man's ambition, confidence, and discipline that led him towards being a money maker are also personality traits that are generally very attractive to women in a man. And some men WANT to be in high positions of power, but lack the ambition, confidence and discipline to do so - I would go as far as to suggest this is the majority of men.

If you truly believe there exists some connection between male insecurity and female income, then what you are implying (be it intentionally or unintentionally) is a guy pulling $80,000 a year will be toxic and insecure to his partner making $120,000, but that exact same guy will be perfectly happy and stable with a partner making <$40,000.

This ABSOLUTELY happens. A lot of men want to feel or be the head of their households regardless of whether or not they identify as conservative, liberal, traditional or feminist. This is something that is typically innate in many men. They want to be in the position of taking care of a woman, not being taken care of. You know how it goes about the golden rule - he who has the gold, makes the rules and a whole lot of men don't like it when Mr. Gold is the missus and not them.

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-01-17T06:10:48+00:00

People will turn into somebody completely different depending on the relationship dynamic. A woman who is toxic and abusive to her beta bucks simp might treat a high value masculine guy like a king. A guy that's insecure about women earning more than him probably would be more pleasant if he was earning slightly more instead. It only takes one insecurity to sabotage a relationship.

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complete_doodle · 2024-01-17T14:22:47+00:00

I think the implication is that when men make less money than their female partners, they feel insecure as a result. If their earnings increased, I do believe that it would help bolster men’s confidence in themselves.

I deal with this in my own marriage. I make more money than my husband, and he’s admitted to me several times that he feels insecure that he isn’t providing for me financially. I always reassure him that it doesn’t matter to me, but I know that if/when an opportunity arises for him to vastly increase his salary, he will likely jump on it - and I do think that he’ll be more confident as a result.

I think that it’s normal for both men and women to experience feelings of insecurity in relationships, when they feel like some part of them doesn’t measure up. It’s normal, human nature - and money, whether we like it or not, is seen as a measure of success for most people.

Diamond-Breath · 2024-01-17T14:38:32+00:00

Men cheat more and become abusive when the woman earns more than him. There's actual studies about it.

CraftyCooler · 2024-01-17T16:29:21+00:00

For me woman making more than me was total turn off at dating stage. Like the height requirement lol.

Sutanrei · 2024-01-17T21:01:35+00:00

I’d like to see them argue this. This is amazingly well written by the way.

dabbydab · 2024-01-19T15:55:48+00:00

I say this as a high earning woman: reality is, the relationship dynamic is affected by who the breadwinner is. It may have nothing to do with insecurity on the man's part, but being the caretaker and having the most say over finances might be a big part of his attraction/arousal template. Same as some women preferring tall men, it's just a feeling.

Title	The Fallacious Connection Between Male Insecurity and Female Breadwinners
Author	No_Mammoth8801
Upvotes	13
Comments	124
Date	January 17, 2024 3:50 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/198n5dz/the_fallacious_connection_between_male_insecurity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-fallacious-connection-between-male-insecurity.1243197 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243197

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