Unconditional Love

KirthWGersen · 2022-09-13T16:40:39+00:00

Love can be unconditional; tolerance of behaviours is not.

If you tolerate bad behaviour, and continue to be around someone, you don't love yourself and, since you are enabling them, you are not showing love to them either.

Electrical-Elk9058 · 2022-09-13T16:44:39+00:00

Please bear along with me, that may sound incoherent but theres a method

Theres no unconditional love as theres no unconditional living. You live because you get food, avoid hazards etc. Without that you cant live. Everything that exists is bound by conditions. Its like talking about unconditional gravity.

Unconditional love would be random, you would love a fly that happened to stop at your table - really, think about it. I know it may sound confusing to think in those terms, but I only do that to show how absurd the idea of unconditional love really is. You love someone on the condition they are human, you have met them etc

Also, is this unconditional love really unconditional? What if the person starts hurting you? What if they beat you up and keep you prisoner and torture you? Again, its an exaggeration but only to show that the word "unconditional" in "unconditional love" is meaningless, no one really believes it.

And even if someone causes extreme and repeated harm to another person, but that person still somehow loves that someome, they must be "providing" something to that person, even if in fantasy. Love is earned, even if not by conventional standards of what should be just and fair. Something catches the eye and the heart, maybe the persons beauty, maybe their demeanor, maybe their brain, maybe something that make the other person fantasize about or remember something else

Edit: I also believe thats why unconditional love is preached by the Bible. In it, God knew he would be tortured, went down to earth, was tortured, but still loved humankind. In this narrative unconditional love symbolizes the breaking of the limits of conditioning, of matter and causality, by the spirit. But this unconditional love, even if Jesus says we should approach it, is by definition supernatural, transcendental

Unconditional love should by definition extend to everyone and everything, unbounded. If you have "unconditional love" for someone because, to you, they are special, well thats a pretty big condition right there, that means they "provide" you something other people dont, you saw something in them and liked what you saw. If that other person happened to lose that "special something" that you see in them with your eyes, the "unconditional love" would lose its basis and disappear too, like the breaking of an enchantment. True unconditional love makes no distinctions, it is more a religious feeling than a romantic one

CruelAngelGradThesis · 2022-09-13T16:38:47+00:00

Unconditional love exists imo. Unconditional "make my happiness your priority" for the most part does not and should not exist. People have a tendency to mistake the latter for the former. You do not need to essentially relegate yourself to being a perpetual supporting character in someone else's life to love them unconditionally.

OmarNBradley · 2022-09-13T16:41:34+00:00

I love my children unconditionally (after they met the fairly important condition that they are MY children). Presumably they will no longer live with me at some point. I do not anticipate loving them any less when that comes to pass.

I don't love Mr. Bradley unconditionally, but we had to be long-distance during the weekdays for nearly two years, and while it sucked, I still loved him just as much throughout that time. When he came home at the beginning of the pandemic shutdown, I burst into tears because I knew it meant we would never have to be long distance again.

ExpensiveShoulder580 · 2022-09-13T16:49:52+00:00

The only way for unconditional love to exist is if someone had no standards. Otherwise there always is a line that someone can cross and you'd stop loving them.

MarBitt · 2022-09-13T18:26:48+00:00

Unconditional love is love without discrimination. Unconditional love is therefore completely independent of whether you are with a person, because it is also independent of whether it is that person. You love unconditionally, everything.

Once you discern, it's not really unconditional love. For example, a necessary condition for that love is that it is your child. Or your mother. Those are the conditions.

But you can still love specific people with a relatively unselfish love (which can last, even if the person is not giving you anything at the moment) or with a deep love (which will last despite various superficial obstacles, such as the loss of youth, beauty, health...). The level of selflessness and depth varies from person to person....

And you can love someone deeply, but at the same time not want to be in the same household, in a marriage with them... Maybe even for their own good.

bunnakay · 2022-09-13T17:01:33+00:00

I'm in the "it doesn't exist" camp

2022-09-13T17:18:32+00:00

Unconditional love does not exist. Love is always conditional. It's conditional on how the other person treats you, what they look like, and who they are as a person.

Unconditional love means you'd love random people on the street, you'd love that homeless man that's currently shitting in the alleyway of your office building, you'd love Madge, your 80-year-old 3rd grade teacher.

Unconditional love does not exist. A lot of people just don't take the time to really think about why they love certain people and not others. You love your parents. The condition is that they're your parents. If they horrifically abused and neglected you your whole life theres a good chance you wouldn't love them. Children of severely abusive parents often hate their parents.

StopTheIncels · 2022-09-13T18:24:34+00:00

This has been discussed many times. In a heterosexual relationship, it's conditional love regardless.

Back to the dog example. Your dog is the only being that will 100% love you (obviously barring beating it every day). I even hesitate to say Mother because they have conditions.

MachiNarci · 2022-09-13T16:32:59+00:00

Only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-09-13T20:26:22+00:00

I don’t think unconditional love can ever exist in romantic relationships, it leaves too much room for perversion.

You cheat I still love you

You have someone else’s baby I still love you

You beat me I still love you

You financially ruin us I still love you

You’re destroying yourself all for what? To claim you loved them through thick and thin? Keep it. I want. Partner who’s love is conditional on how good of a partner I am to him. I don’t have a right to hurt him and expect him to stay.

NationalistGoy · 2022-09-13T17:03:35+00:00

Unconditional love does not exist, otherwise the term deal breaker would not exist in the context of love and relationships.

Everyone has demands/expectations to continue loving someone. A man has expects to get sex from his wife, expects his wife to be a good mother, expects a warm meal and clean house when he gets home, he expects faithfulness, he expects respect and gratitude from his wife, etc. Some expectations are more important than others, so a man will probably put up with his wife gaining weight, but he will not put up with an unfaithful wife.

Women also have expectations. They expect a man to act brave and protect her when in danger, they expect a man to provide a comfortable lifestyle, they expect a man to provide everything their kids need, they expect a man to be ambitious and to be goal driven, etc. A woman will put up with a man who isn't very romantic, but they won't put up with a deadbeat who is neglecting her children.

wtknight · 2022-09-13T17:09:14+00:00

Relationship love is always conditional. My wife and I love each other a lot, but if either of our personalities dangerously changed due to some non-medical reason then I’m sure one of one of us would be divorcing then other. What it comes down to, then, is that different people have different conditions that a partner needs to uphold, some much stricter than others.

Love between parents and children is different because of the responsibility of having to have raised that child, as well as a genetic component in the majority of cases. In many cases it is pretty close to the unconditional love that will never happen between two independent people in relationships.

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Dependapotamus209 · 2022-09-13T16:46:16+00:00

Love is conditional period for instance would you love your parents still if they hunted down and destroyed everything you ever liked/loved or enjoyed? We get it we can love our family members in spite of their flaws but there is always a point. That means love is conditional I think it’s highly irrational/illogical and dangerous to think otherwise.

risdeveau · 2022-09-13T16:46:27+00:00

Every relationship is conditional

RedditsOlderBrah · 2022-09-13T17:17:43+00:00

I can only speak from personal experience, but I still love all of my ex girlfriends. All of them. Wonderful people. We broke up because as we age, we change, and sometimes you grow apart. It sucks, but that's life.

But that's me. With my life, my emotional maturity, and my perspective. How we love is not universal. Don't worry about what other people think you should do with your affections.

SouthernGrass3 · 2022-09-13T17:40:03+00:00

Unconditional love is mostly parent to child/caregiver to dependent and sometimes the other way around.

Regardless of distance, most other relationships don’t include “unconditional” love. It doesn’t mean that the love cannot be deep or long term, but there’s usually some conditions that have to be met for that love to continue.

Pilotsa · 2022-09-13T17:42:08+00:00

When my nephew was born, the first time he ever fell asleep was in my arms. He is 7 years old now, and up until I moved away from home he was always stuck to my side. I took him for ice cream, I took him to the park. I took him with me when I went to visit my mom.

I love that boy with all my heart and there isn't a thing in this world I wouldn't do for him. Leaving the state I was born in was made drastically harder because I had to leave him too. But I still love him from over a thousand miles away. When I play video games with my brother, I always get him to bring my nephew around atleast once so I can talk to him for a minute and tell him how much I miss him.

I think that is unconditional love.

edjohn88 · 2022-09-13T18:04:29+00:00

I love my BPD ex unconditionally but I can’t live with her. That’s why she’s an ex. When you go through a lot with someone and become Their support through healing processes you don’t just forget that you cared about them.

It doesn’t mean I don’t love this person, just that I am not romantic about it.

Spirited-Strain919 · 2022-09-13T19:13:20+00:00

There is no such thing as unconditional love. All love has conditions. For example even “unconditionally” loving my child, there is still the condition that they are my child. If I was a man and found out the child wasn’t mine, that might change how I felt about them. All love has conditions. If it didn’t it would become a meaningless emotion.

festival-papi · 2022-09-13T19:15:34+00:00

Unconditional love doesn't exist as all love comes with conditions

ruboyuri · 2022-09-13T19:40:38+00:00

Love is not unconditional. Men love pussy. Women love feelings. Pet owners love cuteness, obedience, and affection. Parents love cuteness, obedience, affection and their own DNA/ego.

And love is not guaranteed in any of these relationships either

Steakman1 · 2022-09-13T19:59:01+00:00

Unconditional love can only exist if you love everything. If you claim to love one specific person unconditionally, then that’s not true because that person had to provide something to you in order for you to decide to love them. Even the idea of your parents loving you unconditionally isn’t true because they love you under the condition that you are their child. If you weren’t their child, they wouldn’t love you. The closest to the idea of unconditional love would be either through the stories of Jesus or God.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-09-13T20:35:14+00:00

It isn't possible to unconditionally love someone. You can deeply love someone, or have more or less conditions on your love, but loving someone no matter what they did would be insane. I love my partner under the condition that, for example, he doesn't try to murder me and my entire family, for example. Our love is conditional, and that's great.

carlenvirgo · 2022-09-13T23:24:56+00:00

Unconditional love does exist… without question.. would you die for them? That’s the question you need to ask.. if the answer is yes than the love in unconditional. A parent loves their child unconditionally. Can we love a spouse that much.. I honestly believe so.. people have risked their lives to save their spouses..

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-09-14T01:40:46+00:00

In romantic context for me, there is intentional love and unintentional love. The forms describe passive and (pro)-active. Not "conditional and unconditional". You fall into love unintentionally, but loving that person is a cultivated habitual ritual. You can also fall in love unintentionally and be intentionally in love at the same time; or performative intentionally in love - but unintentionally no other love outside of duty/obligation exists.

It's simple to me, honey. I can unintentionally fall in love with a man I have no interest in truly loving/made to feel loved by me - which ever way you want to swish it.

GridReXX · 2022-09-14T05:03:07+00:00

I can still have a deep affection for someone I can no longer tolerate being around without it reducing my peace of mind and general QOL.

✨boundaries✨

Title	Unconditional Love
Author	decoy88
Upvotes	16
Comments	71
Date	September 13, 2022 4:29 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xdc3yx/unconditional_love/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/unconditional-love.1131158 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131158

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