When does putting your best foot forward become deception?

wtknight · 2023-12-17T16:44:06+00:00

Nobody is going to be honest about all of their flaws when they first start dating, neither men nor women. It's up to the individual person to be able to judge others well. It's only deception when it's an outright lie (lying about one's job, lying about being married or having a girlfriend/boyfriend already when directly asked, etc.)

blarginfajiblenochib · 2023-12-17T16:58:39+00:00

I’m willing to bet the woman in that video wouldn’t loudly announce all her flaws to someone she’s interested in. As least we know she’s an asshole from her behavior, so I guess she’s honest in that sense.

But to answer your question: putting your best foot forward becomes deceptive when you either lie by omission to completely change how others perceive you (“I own my own business” vs “I took over my parents’ business”) or mask certain behaviors just long enough to get commitment from the other person.

ta06012022 · 2023-12-17T16:52:40+00:00

She's driving down the street with a megaphone shouting that men need to be more honest about if they suck.

Why do you care about what she thinks? Those aren't the actions of a normal, mentally healthy person. People who drive down the street shouting from a megaphone on any topic tend to be pretty unhinged. I mean everyone is welcome to their opinion, but I give the opinion of crazy people less weight.

Natural-Sun1850 · 2023-12-17T19:12:11+00:00

Why is at always unpleasant and abrasive women that seem to hate men the most?

Actually, I think I just answered my own question.

macone235 · 2023-12-17T17:35:43+00:00

No one is "themselves" in dating just like they aren't in job interviews. If everyone was themselves, then hypergamy would be even worse than it already is.

Women are obsessed with status, and if you don't at least try to pretend to be able to project that, then you won't be successful.

Mekosaurus_Rex · 2023-12-17T18:29:23+00:00

I have a couple good female friends and i've been giving them dating advice for a long time. One thing that ive always find surprising is how they tend to buy the descriptions that guys give when they're in the knowing each other phase.

"But why would him be texting other girls? He told me he doesnt like to spread his attention while meeting someone!!"

"But this doesnt fit him, he always says he would rather end the relationship than lie!"

"He said..." , "he says he's..."

We tend to take people's views of themselves at face value, when really we should be looking at their actions, specially when those actions blatantly contradict their words.

Im not saying we all should become serial cynicals but at least we should have an eye open and be smart enough to put more weight in their actions rather than their self perception.

Live-Maize6410 · 2023-12-17T18:33:32+00:00

This was dumb and the idea that it’s unique to men is peculiar. In fact, my gut instinct would be that based on societal pressures and norms women are probably just as likely to lie about certain things as men are when dating and in a talking stage.

Spaciousone · 2023-12-17T19:48:34+00:00

So masking that pretty much what it is tho it’s probably foreign to you neurotypicals.

MikeArrow · 2023-12-17T18:02:39+00:00

Fake it till you make it. I'm not a confident or charming person, but in short bursts I can pretend to be.

ComfortableOk5003 · 2023-12-17T19:08:55+00:00

A woman is telling men to be more honest…okay don’t wear makeup, shapewear, push up bras, fake hair…then get back at me lol not to mention all the ways women’s actions aren’t congruent with their words.

Fact is some people lie and suck from both genders

Crimson-Pilled · 2023-12-17T17:16:34+00:00

Always. Women want a naturally high-value man, but most men must make great effort to become high-value, indicating a miss-match between his place in life and his genes. So most men must be dishonest about their true nature to maintain a relationship. As seen in the video, women hate low-value men just as much as they hate liars, so you might as well pretend to be higher value than you are to get on her good side. Play the game, and make her believe you want to play the game.

SeveralLiterature980 · 2023-12-17T18:15:11+00:00

When she isn't attracted to you. Next question.

gntlbastard · 2023-12-17T23:05:48+00:00

Oh no, another princess fucked an asshole and then realized he was an asshole.

Da_Famous_Anus · 2023-12-17T18:47:48+00:00

It’s a deception even when it’s not.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-12-17T19:57:15+00:00

When you're actually deceiving someone, I reckon. Nobody starts off with their worst characteristics but some people will fabricate positive ones. Everyone has flaws, I don't think it's a good idea to start off with them but if you're lying about not having a certain flaw or pretending you have some positive quality that you know you don't, I'd say that's the point of it being deception. Not telling the person you met for a first date that you're a tad messy or that you sometimes get into a funk around the holidays is pretty reasonable.

bcollegec · 2023-12-18T02:30:24+00:00

Did anyone else notice she was basically driving in the woods and there was only one house and no pedestrians? Lol

Turbulent-Tonight975 · 2023-12-18T05:44:37+00:00

Her argument is very stupid when you consider who many women:

-use filters that can drastically change her appearance for the better making a 4 look like a 7

-use old photos that she her far thinner than her appearance in person

will not tell you they are sleeping with other people on the side
will not tell you how many mental illnesses they have

and so on.

Everyone puts their best foot forward when meeting someone. It becomes fraud when you lie about things like your education and work history, or tell someone you want a relationship when you have already decided in your head that you may want a relationship, but have ruled out the person in question as someone you would consider for a commited relationship. Those are unacceptable lies that I don't think should be done.

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2023-12-18T08:00:02+00:00

The tiktok video is asking men to be honest. It's not asking women to.

Typical_Samaritan · 2023-12-18T16:50:26+00:00

The short answer is that it becomes deception when it's inauthentic.

A lot of men (people in general, but this was prompted by a woman's commentary on men) are very willing to be inauthentic in presenting themselves to women, if it increases their potential for early access to a woman's time and attention.

I am outgoing: I enjoy hiking, running and playing soccer. I do not like concerts, or large social gatherings. She is outgoing: she enjoys going to social events like brunches with friends and concerts like Burning Man.

We're both outgoing. But our outgoing isn't complementary.

We're incompatible.

A lot of men will ignore that incompatibility. Even dudes who aren't outgoing at all, who just want to sit down in peace and quietly play a video game to relax will still try to get at her because they find her attractive. And they'll essentially misrepresent who they are to get access to her. They won't say, "Hey, for a first date, let me doordash you some food, we can eat, share a video chat and play some games together." Nah, they're going to ask her out. Something that isn't a habit in their own lives. And they cnanot keep that up, because it's not who they are.

neinhaltchad · 2023-12-18T18:26:32+00:00

Can somebody explain to me why a man suddenly losing feelz for a woman is always attributed to some Machiavellian plot rather than just a man changing his mind?

FFS, women have lots of the most insane, petty “Icks” (sneeze like a girl, wears a raincoat, ignored by the waiter, etc) that will instantly trigger their famous “light switch effect” and DQ a man.

But, god forbid a man who was previously into a woman changes his mind when he finds out her vagina smells like rotting codfish, she uses teeth when giving head or she sounds like a chew toy when she moans in bed.

Women, internalize this truth:

You are not entitled to a relationship and a man is entitled to change his mind about you.

SupposedlySapiens · 2023-12-17T19:26:16+00:00

That video is a great illustration of why I only date younger women. Women over 30 tend to be bitter and obnoxious, always looking for a reason to be upset about something.

Aafan_Barbarro · 2023-12-17T18:32:11+00:00

Just don't fall for her shit-test.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-12-17T17:34:49+00:00

No one is expected to reveal ever flaw

Generally it's about men who say they want a possible relationships but are actually after casual. I don't think this happens too often and are mostly just guys operating in the grey area. They don't say you're not relationship material, they imply that you are without saying anything outright. And the girls things they're more than they are and feels lied too

I think just being upfront and asking the guy "what are we" before getting attached or having sex or whatever her thing is would solve that

The other obviously though are somethings both guys and girls do. Which are don't reveal deal breakers.

Kids. No kids. Religion. Marriage. Just be upfront instead of pretending it's not a thing.

apresonly · 2023-12-18T21:48:06+00:00

i can't imagine acting more interested in a guy to get him to have sex with me? that's creepy and rapey. I don't see a problem with her saying this?

AutoModerator · 2023-12-17T16:38:33+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

ConanTheCybrarian · 2023-12-18T14:01:01+00:00

when it's dishonest. this seems so obvious that I feel like I may be misunderstanding the question...?

hot_garbage_fire · 2023-12-18T19:02:35+00:00

Honestly one of the worst parts of modern women is that rather then making blanket generalized disparaging comments about all men that they don't really mean to just their friends on girls night, they now shout them on tiktok for everyone to see and thus fuel misogamy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa_QtMf6alU

Title	When does putting your best foot forward become deception?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	20
Comments	119
Date	December 17, 2023 4:38 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18kl7m8/when_does_putting_your_best_foot_forward_become/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/when-does-putting-your-best-foot-forward-become.1240982 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240982

Comments