How important is intelligence in finding a HV man?

CrochetedCoffeeCup · 2022-04-14T01:11:06+00:00

Do not make yourself smaller to make him feel bigger.

People don’t dislike know-it-alls because of their knowledge. They dislike know-it-alls because they have poor manners and dominate every conversation.

Lab_Brat_13 · 2022-04-14T01:03:03+00:00

I’m a scientist and by nature I ask a lot of questions. I actually find my Boyfriend loves it when I ask him questions and he gets to explain what things are or how they work. He always asks my opinion on things and feels comfortable letting me make a decision if it’s not something he’s familiar with. The red pill ideology is to let a man lead, therefore I try not to offer my opinion unless asked for it or I’ll ask if he wants my opinion and if he doesn’t, I don’t push it. I second the comment about emotional intelligence being very important in a relationship that will help you to know if/when to take a step back. I should note that my boyfriend never wants kids and therefore it was important to him to find a woman with a career who could match his income. He made it clear he did not want a SAHM/SAHW. Not all men are the same. Some want a homemaker, some want a wife with a career. Some men want a wife with a career who will transition to a homemaker and SAHM. You need to figure out what you want and then find a man who wants the same.

OneInternational984 · 2022-04-14T01:42:52+00:00

I would consider intelligence a big plus in a woman, for several reasons. Some problems might occur, however. Firstly, if you are noticeably more intelligent than the man you find, you might feel less attracted to him due to your hypergamy. This is dependent on you personally, so make your own judgement. Most women with degrees refuse to date men without degrees, which causes problems since more women go to university than men (not to imply that degrees necessarily come with intelligence). Some really conservative men even refuse to date a woman with a degree. Secondly, if you are noticeably more intelligent than him some men might feel insecure (worried that you're not attracted to him). You could avoid these problems by finding a man as intelligent as you are or more (you would probably have a lot in common), or by finding a man who doesn't mind you being more intelligent than him (provided you feel the same way). I don't imagine you'll have trouble finding intelligent single men in engineering classes (though be aware that studying engineering doesn't automatically make someone intelligent).

Something else to watch out for is that intelligent people are often heavily opinionated, and the fact that you mentioned political topics indicates this is probably true of you. You want to make sure you won't turn every little disagreement into a debate. I know a smart girl and whenever we disagree on something she wants to discuss it, regardless of how inconsequential it is, while I usually just want to agree to disagree. Not many men enjoy arguing with women, especially their wives/girlfriends, and a relationship spent fighting against each other is doomed to fail. So just be aware of that.

CigarettesandAsh · 2022-04-14T00:20:32+00:00

I don't think that intelligence is a turn off to a HVM (because if he's that insecure, is he really HV?). However, the type of intelligence that can make or break a relationship is emotional intelligence. So knowing how to engage in conversation/debate without coming across as a holier-than-thou know-it-all, knowing when to back down if another person is getting overly upset with a conversation, that sort of thing.

CountTheBees · 2022-04-14T02:03:19+00:00

Do intelligent men want intelligent women? Yes, they do. But due to the way hypergamy works, most men will prefer a woman with slightly lower intelligence than themselves. Not too low, mind you, but just a bit. Because they instinctively realise that a woman whom they can occasionally impress will be much more feminine and pleasant and respectful to him than a woman who can outdo him. It's not in your interest to hide your intelligence as you want to be seen as smart, and then find a man who is your natural superior.

When a man chooses a woman, how she treats him and how she makes him feel will always trump her other qualities. This is why men will choose a nurturing homely woman as a wife over a supermodel, even if they can get one.

Men want a woman that will prioritise them, respect them, support them, care for them, and make them feel masculine even when the world beats them down. If you understand this about men then you will have no trouble.

saddensgirl · 2022-04-14T00:32:49+00:00

First, intelligence does not equal being well educated. Second, I think it is good to be well-informed about current events in the world. However, remember most HVM will not be impressed with your degree as much as you will be impressed with theirs and how that degree can be applied to getting a good job to provide for their future family.

As long as you don't come off as a know-it-all, I think you will be fine. Just don't be overbearing and narcissistic, basically.

maraney · 2022-04-14T06:32:58+00:00

In my opinion, a man who is insecure enough to be threatened by intelligence is losing value. That’s not very alpha.

My husband and I are in very different fields. I’m in medicine and he’s in carpentry. He considers me smarter than him in some areas and I think he’s smarter in some areas.

My love builds the most beautiful homes. He can build a cozy house for family, a sterile dentist’s office, or a detailed and artistic mansion, each completed to perfection and tailored to the homeowner’s vision. He can visualize the finished puzzle and do complex math in a flash. He’s also strong as an ox, sweet as pie, an amazing father to our boys, and he makes me laugh until I’m crying.

On the other hand, I can help save people who are actively dying. I’m a CVICU nurse, so I understand anatomy, physiology, and medicine. I can draw a picture of the heart and describe in detail the electrical pathways and how they’re altered by conditions or surgeries.

We have very different passions and gifts. We have so much passion for our work and for each other that we can talk for hours about it. I’m thrilled to hear about his day and he loves hearing about mine. Because when the person you love’s eyes light up, it brings you joy.

The point of this apparent love letter to my husband 😂😂 is that a man who loves you for you won’t want to dumb you down, but lift you up.

Key-Progress-8873 · 2022-04-14T11:40:08+00:00

To make a man actually fall in love with you you will have to trigger his protective instinct somehow. Men want to protect and love vulnerable women and find domineering “independent “ women unattractive. Women who see themselves as extremely intelligent are in some danger of coming across as domineering and masculine. Humility is key. Men who flaunt their competency can also be insufferable. You can be smart, have intellectual pursuits and still be soft, feminine and a follower. But men very much have the need to feel needed, admired and respected. If you constantly show and hint at being self sufficient in various ways, it won’t be the same for him.

Redlimetree · 2022-04-14T00:33:22+00:00

28f just new to RPW so don't take my opinion as gospel.

I view intelligence as a wide range of things. But let's focus on your interest in political topics and keeping up to date with tech in a RPW way.

I'm personally working on not creating unnecessary conflicts in my romantic relationship. My bf has other priorities in life then dedicating the time to properly research these topics and me talking alot about a serious "problem" would put the stress on him to fix that problem. His interest in developing technology is limited to what is likely to affect his life/work. A debate on politics & tech doesn't benefit him.

Sometimes we'll have a very light hearted conversation to pass the time but I listen to his view and I don't tend to debate against it.

For example he sides with Russia fighting against enemy nukes being put on their doorsteps comparing it to the actions of America against Cuba.

1- it would take me hours of proper research to have a strong debate in this topic. I'd have to research NATO agreements, the embargo on Cuba, the history between Russia and Ukraine whilst making sure my sources are accurate. There's better things to do with my time that would make ME happier and would improve my life.

2- I want to be a supporting partner. I don't want him to come home from a hard day at work to be confronted with a partner who's constantly frustrated at politics.

3- If I actually wanted to make a real change in the world and I was reasonable at accessing what is in my power to change I'd want my partner to be supportive. It changes it from a debate that goes nowhere to a "Here's the reasonable goal how can we accomplish it".

I can however maintain my supporting partner role and have more heated debates with other people. For instance my partners dad enjoys talking about our local politicians. I still take a "listen and understand their point" approach and I usually end up agreeing with them on many things but I'd point out things that rebut their views. The goal isn't to be a sour person who's incapable of changing their views, or belittling the other person for not being as well researched.

I don't think "intelligence" is an issue. I do think pushing your own opinion down the throats of others who think differently is unattractive. Empathy towards other people's views is a lovely trait. You don't have to 100% agree with them and they don't have to agree with you.

Edited. Cause I rushed the first time and forgot to add the point I was going for.

goldenappletits · 2022-04-14T00:51:40+00:00

Hi! I'm 29F and have been married to a loving HVM wealthy, kind, amazing man for four years, together for six! We are both in Mensa, but I've always found it better to date a few IQ points above me - say 5! This is not to brag at all, I just find it a bit better because I am pretty nerdy/knowledgeable and need someone to keep up!

I was pre-med and did grad school in science communications. Now work as a consultant. It was always a struggle with men who weren't on my level to connect, so I ended up going for guys with Asperger's who were real sweethearts, outdoorsmen, kind, handsome - really clean cut Ron Swanson types almost! There is nothing wrong with being intelligent - a HVM will be able to keep up with your interests, conversations, and intellect! Also, it helps if he's into classical taste-oriented hobbies, like opera, the great composers, politics, religion, and philosophy, besides working in science like we both do - makes for a solid marriage! I'd say joining a hobby group, such as book club, local history group, getting into hobbies like marksmanship or being outdoors (great way to meet climbers, Boy Scout types!), or definitely a religious group with traditional values (I'm liberal but have major housewife tendencies when it comes to doting on him, just roasted a duck), no matter your denomination or religion really helps! Never be afraid to let your intellect shine - academia is also a great place, so look in your major, lots of people are able to find love with common interests in college or grad school! Best of luck! :)

Stock-Letterhead5752 · 2022-04-14T07:26:24+00:00

Hey,

I am an electrical engineering student in Switzerland. At my school, we have like 85% boys and 15% girls, so there is obviously an imbalance in terms of supply and demand to put it crudely.
In my view, and I do not consider myself to be exceptional or particularly of High Value, girls should not be limited to engaging just in scientific topics or politics. Most of the ones I know are pretty involved in their studies which is great but, know nothing about being wifey material. As in, they do not seem suited to be long term partners to have a family in the traditional sense.

Also, I don't know that many girls that embrace their femininity. Their whole personality usually revolves around social justice and things that are far out of their reach (e.g. climate change and feminism typically). I want to emphasize that this tends to be the case with the boys as well. This seems to be the case elsewhere, as I have noticed the same phenomenon after spending a semester at a University in Johannesburg.

This whole situation I have just described appears to me as another test life puts on us, and most of us fail to grasp that after all we are just men and that part of making ourselves and the world better, is to understand our natural roles and that pretending to be people we're not just to integrate better in the system won't necessarily play well long term especially if you want a HV guy long term.

For me, this situation translates in my relationships only being casual hook-ups at faculty parties and short-lived relationships that don't bring that much added value in my life.
If I were to give you advice on the topic, it would be don't submit entirely to peer pressure and what everyone pushes you to become; i.e. a hardcore engineer, there is so much more to life, and you probably should explore more your inner feminine side. But then again, it's just my opinion.

Finally, I want to point that many of my inner circle friends think the same, but then again it depends on what your life goals are. There is nothing wrong with being a very career-driven woman, just know it's not what most of us want.

Good luck and happy Easter from Switzerland!

absoluteidealismftw · 2022-04-14T09:22:53+00:00

An intelligent woman can make a great companion for a high value, traditional/RP man, but he will likely want her to be feminine and pretty, to take good care of her looks, and to defer to him i.e. happily follow his lead. My wife is like that (lucky me!).

TheLonelyCoyote · 2022-04-14T00:14:35+00:00

Hey there! M26 here and that's a really solid question. For me (and my circle of friends at least) intelligence is a very attractive trait to have BUT not a primary one. (Ruling out physical attraction) I am most attracted to a womens femininity, sense of humor, emotional maturity, and adventurousness. Ranked below that would be intelligence and income. I have had many wonderful long lasting relationships with women that dont even have a high school degree. Same with women working at fast food restaurants or other low income jobs.

aussiedollface2 · 2022-04-14T05:12:57+00:00

Just pick a guy who is smarter than you are. That’s what I did. I am not attracted to men less intelligent than myself xo

riceweight · 2022-04-14T01:10:42+00:00

If being educated on these matters is important to you, don’t stop. Worst thing that can happen is you damp down how much you love STEM and constantly feel stifled in a relationship where the guy expects to be the expert and feels insecure about your expertise.

I’m much more intelligent than my boyfriend and we get along great. He acknowledges my higher all-around knowledge base and intelligence as a fact of life (“something would have to be seriously wrong with the world if I knew more than you”—my bf). He respects me a lot.

I respect him for his positive outlook, leadership capability, and steadfastness. Every day I feel very lucky to be loved by him. If there is mutual respect, there is a happy relationship. I do want to note that we both studied computer science at the same university, so the intelligence/thinking style differential between us isn’t THAT big. I could not date a man who studied French or something else in the humanities, and neither should you tbh.

There are two instances where I will brandish the weapons of my mind in a relationship.

First, my bf appreciates when I call him out on stupid decisions. I usually calmly raise an eyebrow like “you sure about that baby?” and if he doubles down, that’s when I thoroughly and bluntly break down his illogic.

Second, my bf and I love getting into intellectual debates. If you’ve watched Shang-chi, you know that romantic scene at the beginning where Wenwu and the Ying Li kick each other’s ass but there’s romantic tension? That’s our debates. We get turned on by the beauty and elegance of each other’s arguments. LOL.

I think that as long as you don’t constantly feel the need to one-up someone with a “well actually”, you’re gonna be just fine. Go find your engineer boy sweetheart!

glitterymani · 2022-04-14T02:41:40+00:00

Like other women have said NEVER dumb yourself down to appease other people. A true HVM will feel proud to have an intelligent lady by his side, and by pursuing your own education and interests you’ll naturally surround yourself with men at your intellectual level and higher. Water seeks its own level. Strive to be your best and you will find others on a similar wavelength. Molding yourself to a hypothetical man who doesn’t even exist yet is just not the right frame of mind to be in

Indolomnir- · 2022-04-14T15:54:19+00:00

Why is it the engineers that always overestimate their intelligence? I bet you think Ordinary Differential Equations is a challenging subject too.

Try being a woman in Physics and Math. Our freshman Mechanics class had 130 people in it, 35 of whom were women. By 4th semester Quantum Mechanics we were down to 70 people with just me and another girl left as the only female representation. She was barely afloat and I was getting by with B's and occasional C's. I don't know what it is, perhaps a genetic or evolutionary artifact, societal pressures or a confluence of all of the above and more but women are just not nearly as good in the realms of intelligence that lend themselves towards difficult subjects. Things like critical thinking, coalescence & deduction, spatial reasoning and so forth.

There has been research done that while men and women have relatively similar expectation values for IQ (100 for women vs 102 for men) the distribution is an important qualitative difference. While most women tend to stay within 1 standard deviation of the mean we see men with much greater representation 2 standard deviations and over (in both directions.) Hence why you see more women in college (though often pursuing very 'easy' degrees - psychology, sociology, education, english, biology, etc...) but the 'hard' fields dominated by men (Physics, Math, Computer Science, Astronomy, Engineering, etc...)

I wouldn't worry too much about being too smart for a man. Likely you are a hard worker and fastidious but if you are operating in these academic realms and fraternizing with the people who inhabit them then it's my guess most men that you interact with will have the edge in terms of IQ over you. Of course, you could be a major outlier, I can only base my conjecture off statistics, probability and anecdotal experience

TootTheRoot · 2022-04-14T07:47:27+00:00

You think of things in a very “young” way. Lol you’ll realize in the coming years how little your Degree and keeping up with politics and etc matter. Intelligence isn’t defined by school. I would argue school is a place where intelligence is stifled. When you’re in the real world and having to navigate through all of that and creating vastly different opinions/ideas than the ones you hold now, you’ll learn how ridiculous what you’ve written is. Focus on good grades and finishing college lol. When you’ve grown up completely then you’ll realize what adults value and see as intelligent.

2022-04-14T10:22:09+00:00

You sound smart but don’t overestimate it by always acting superior to others. Remember to remain humble

Catherine772023 · 2022-04-14T10:56:20+00:00

Studies about assertive mating show that like attracts like within reason (don’t literally become a man or anything). Lots of successful men marry successful women. If you want a smart guy be a smart woman and show it while still treating him with respect (otherwise he won’t like your arrogance).

abacabbmk · 2022-04-14T12:51:17+00:00

book smarts arent really relevant. How smart are you when it comes to being aware of your actions and how they affect relationships? How smart are you when it comes to finding the right person, who align with you on things that matter? Are you self sufficient when it comes to handling yourself, your feelings, your emotions, etc.? Can you stop yourself when you're being a drag, can you identify situations where you need to boost someone else? Are you combative? Defensive? etc. Pretty much all the normal stuff is what matters.

LostAbbreviations463 · 2022-04-14T17:49:35+00:00

Not saying this is the rule, but most of my female friends who work in STEM found boyfriends within their fields who appreciate their intelligence. For example, my friend who made Forbes 30 under 30 met her longterm boyfriend while working as engineers at JPL. Don’t dumb yourself down, find people on your level. That being said, nobody likes to date argumentative or pedantic people. You can be smart and charming at the same time :)

LightOverWater · 2022-04-15T05:21:10+00:00

The overwhelming majority of successful relationships have IQs within 1 standard deviation of each partner. This does mean that people with an average IQ will have the most potential mates available for LTRs. The higher (and lower) IQ the harder it gets. You can probably imagine why most geniuses struggle with dating. In terms of why these relationships fail/succeed, every relationship needs the right amount of challenge for both partners.

I've written lengthy posts about intelligence on other subs, but I'll give you a brief primer on intelligence: the best measure of intelligence that we have is IQ, which has been rigorously tested cross-culturally via factor analysis. A lot of people try to make up their own personal definition, like being a great dancer, or having emotions (EQ was debunked), being ambitious, knowledge, getting older, etc. But all of that is not intelligence. You have IQ, talents, skills, and knowledge. Being a great dancer is a talent, learning things are skills/knowledge, and IQ is raw processing power & capacity that drives excellence in several competencies. Namely: pattern recognition, abstract thinking, working memory, how quickly you learn and how much you can absorb (ability to know 50,000 words as opposed to 10,000) etc. A quick example: it doesn't matter how much you study, only a tiny fraction of the population can square any 2 digit number in a couple seconds. Another example: if 25 numbers blink on your screen then disappear and you are challenged with remember the order... most people might get like 4 of them right and a tiny fraction will get 15+ right.

Back to dating within 1 st. dev.... 98% of people shouldn't have a problem. It's only at the extremes (genius level) where things get way out of balance.

Why are there so many highly intelligent women that are single?

This is primarily because of women's choice in finding a partner that is equal to or more intelligent than them. But men generally care a bit less about intelligence and will date down. Since women are hypergamous, there is a very tiny pool of high intelligent HVM compared to a larger pool of highly intelligent women desiring to date them.

itsmemaggi · 2022-04-16T03:48:16+00:00

Not necessarily a turnoff, but always keep in mind that it isn't your intelligence (or your degree, or your career) that's going to attract him. It may keep things interesting, but it's not getting your foot in the door.

BiomedStoner · 2022-05-16T08:46:06+00:00

I may be way out of my element here. But H/LVM dont really exist. Those are ultimately value judgements that we impose on other people. You need to think anout what YOU value in a relationship. Personally intelligence is very important to me when choosing a prospective partner and would never be a turn off.

epicharlie12 · 2022-04-14T15:40:16+00:00

Men want a women to be less intelligent since they want to be seen as a hero.

With intelligence do you mean IQ? Only intelligence which I would find to be benificial in a woman is their capacity to understand their own nature.

Title	How important is intelligence in finding a HV man?
Author	katx_x
Upvotes	38
Comments	59
Date	April 13, 2022 11:58 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/u342xf/how_important_is_intelligence_in_finding_a_hv_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-important-is-intelligence-in-finding-a-hv-man.1112768 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112768

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