Stop dating. Start inviting her over.

guifawkes · 2017-03-15T13:05:56+00:00

I've found that my best conversion rates on tinder and bumble have come from me inviting them over to my place before anything else. It's almost like they're appreciative that you seek sex first as it validates their sexual appeal that they're insecure about.

I get a lot of "I'm not trying to hookup" or "do you just want sex" etc. I usually reply with a sarcastic remark about looking for someone to celebrate a life of celibacy together and then they'll laugh and go from "not wanting sex" to wanting to "see where things go."

I can't tell you how many dinners and drinks I bought girls who had no intention of any type of hookup before I realized this....

Pepe_Prime · 2017-03-15T11:06:16+00:00

Man, this was one of the hardest pills to swallow. Looking back, most "conventional dates" that I've gone on haven't paid off very well.

However, inviting a girl to come over and watch a movie or smoke weed has a huge success rate. I've even had hybrid situations, in which it started as a conventional date but then we moved to my house to "show" her something and ended up fucking...whereas, any girl that I haven't been "home" with by the end of the first date (even if we kissed) has fallen apart without ever getting to the sex.

Also, I think there's another element to it that you touched upon...the modern "hookup culture" in general has twisted women's perception of what it means to be taken on a date. Initially, I just liked the idea of taking a cute girl out on a date, getting to know her and spending time together and see where that goes - although of course I would always hope it would end in me getting laid at some point. But now, with girls so often randomly hooking up with guys from parties or school or dating apps or whatever, going on an actual date with someone must be a jarring experience. Maybe theyll have a mild amount of fun, but won't want to go out again. Maybe they'll think there's something slightly wrong with you for taking her out on a "date" when she's used to getting railed after smoking a few bowls at Chad's house. Or perhaps worst of all, she'll take your "date" as a sign that you're an overly attached beta who's trying too hard to get an emotional attachment with her, rather than the swift dicking she's used to. That's what I'm getting at - I'm currently doing a sort of 50/50 right now with taking half the girls I meet on dates and then just skipping to the "Netflix and chill" with the other half. This could be related to the questionable quality of the women I meet, but things always go so much smoother and are less awkward with the girls who just come over to my house, rather than the ones I actually go out with. I see the same results with my friends: if the new girl comes directly to the guys house, there's a big chance they'll have fun and fuck. If the guy takes her on a date instead, most of the time he'll end up empty handed and even get questioned by the girl about why he's putting so much effort into her or why is he so attached to her etc etc just for spending the effort to take her out.

Rambly reply but I hope that made sense. I've been watching it happen in real time.

thedaynos · 2017-03-15T15:58:23+00:00

I have one instance to share here. I got set up by a female friend with one of her female friends. Completely blind date. We didn't even speak on the phone, only emailed for a couple days. She lived about 15 minutes away from me so I said just come by my place and we'll figure the rest of the night out, I'll get a bottle of wine. She said ok and honestly I couldn't believe she'd be down with that, neither could our mutual friend.

So I clean the place up and she shows up and she's way out of my league physically. Did her hair, clothes, makeup, looked hot as fuck. so naturally i'm conflicted as some of my emotions are to get nervous, but mentally I'm thinking holy shit look what we got here.

Anyway I bring her in and we hug and she sits on my couch. She loves my cats. I get her some wine. Half way through the bottle I said to myself fuck it and during a deep point of one of our conversations I put my hand on her lap. Immediately we lock eyes, start making out. After about 2 minutes I picked her up and carried her upstairs, threw her on my bed and boom, we're both naked in like half a minute, she's letting me do whatever to her. Multiple go-rounds, was a really fun night to say the least.

So a couple days later we barely have been talking but she calls me randomly at around 10pm and asks me to come over to kill a spider. I look behind her couch and fuck, this spider is like crusty as fuck, been dead for weeks probably. So, I just laugh at her like wtf, pick up the thing with a napkin then make a move while I'm walking past her, and boom again, making out, and we just smashed all night. Again, good night, I left around 3-4am.

Then couple days later I'm like hey I might as well feed this girl and take her out on a date.... she's proved her worth. Beautiful girl letting me hit it raw without spending barely anything on her. She was down. Took her to a decent Italian joint. Definitely the nicest place she's ever been to in her life as she has no clue how to work the oil and bread. Took her back to my house afterwards, we're laying on the couch together but then she's acting cold. Barely get to make out with her. I brought her upstairs with me but she falls asleep with her clothes on, and then asks me to take her home at like 4am.

That was our last date as she soft nexted me. I was talking with our mutual friend about it maybe a week later. I was informed that the girl deemed me "too feminine". Straight up. Honestly I did nothing different this time around but it must have been something I said during dinner convo that just turned her off and caused her to label me beta. That's all it took. Didn't matter it was the best meal she's ever had in her life or that she already knew how good I was in bed. None of that mattered.

Anyway, that was one of many examples during my dating life that taught me red pill values. From then on I slowly started to realize that it's ok to ask a girl over on the first date and if I get a girl who's cool with that (or her place), it's a way higher success rate than being the nice guy and playing that bullshit game. Most girls make up their mind whether they're gonna fuck you within like 5 minutes of meeting up. (and can demote you in less than half that time for pretty much no reason). Don't give her any reason.

I browse the relationship sub and it pains me to hear guys who have been on 3-4 dates without much physicality happening, asking questions on whether the girl likes them. Previous version of me would tell those dudes to keep it up, if you're a good guy, she'll eventually realize it! Now i'm like fuck it man your 3-4 dates without getting any play means you've wasted 2-3 days of your life. Of course i get mad downvotes for that but I'm gonna help out when I see the old me online acting clueless.

Bascome · 2017-03-15T12:03:56+00:00

Also- "The TV is better in my bedroom, lets watch the movie there"

trainwithlino · 2017-03-15T14:35:08+00:00

Why the fuck are guys giving girls lines of credit because they have a pussy?

Make the transaction clear from the get go, you want to fuck, she already knows if she is willing or not.

That way neither of you waste your time and you don't feel used.

ProNotPro · 2017-03-15T13:23:40+00:00

Another Game post the OP of which doesn't know what calibration means.

First of all, of course don't go out for dinner, or something else expensive.

You're planning a date to impress her

No, that's not the right frame. When you ask her out always re-frame it as "you are not sure about her, you are just intrigued, you need to know more". Look at this infield for a very good example of re-framing.
Also, you have to be man-to-woman when you ask for her #/snap/insta/whatever.

it's hard to escalate in public

Only with physicality, but that's not needed for you to close.

she has the freedom to leave anytime, and she can easily say no at the end of the night when you invite her back

Rapey vibes alert OP. She can do that even if you invite her to your home.

Why guys continually adopt this ineffective sexual strategy is beyond me.

I love how you answer your question by yourself without realizing it lol

You can't screen/filter a girl out

Let's say you invite 100 girls straight to your crib, and n of them say yes. It's pretty obvious those same girls would say yes to walk close to your house, coffee next to your house etc.

However, from the 100-n girls you "lost," you would probably get a day2 with m girls.

Obviously, n<n+m.

I am not saying that you shouldn't do what OP suggests. I am just making clear that this is a numbers game, so know how those work.

swaglordobama · 2017-03-15T13:57:03+00:00

Kind of dumb advice. Most girls will not come straight to your place if they do not know you very well unless they are horny or you have high social proof and they trust you. Your best bet is to meet with her NEAR your house so you can go to your house spontaneously 'e.g. oh I forgot my wallet, I live just 2 minutes away' 'i need to grab a jacket' or seed your place during the date. You can just do coffee and seed some cool shit back at your place or have her take you shopping then drop off what you bought at home.

Remember, the girl is coming to see you because she likes you.

Also, expecting something from a date is a really toxic frame. Coming from a frame of just having fun + 'fuck fate frame / eventual fuck destinity' is much healthier for you and the girl as it takes the pressure off of you to 'make something happen' and allows things to escalate naturally.

epixs · 2017-03-15T12:40:53+00:00

This is good for DTF girls for sure, but some girls might feel their slut defensive up (even though AWALT). Instead if you meet them out at a bar super close and then tell them to come back to see your cool poster, it can be hamstered in their head that it was just to see the poster and not to have sex. If you're high SMV most of the time they're down, this from my past experiences.

I am not saying your strategy doesn't work (I've had girls come over straight to my place first date from tinder), but you can have a much higher success rate doing the first meet at the bar and then bring them back to your place the same night within 40-50 minutes. Plus this makes it to where if the bitch is crazy, she dosn't know where you live.

I never do anything besides drinks for a first "date", only a LTR would ever get a dinner date or an actual date.

iOSvista · 2017-03-15T15:41:46+00:00

This has its ups and downs. I usually briefly escalate on Tinder and have never had a fantastic experience with meeting a girl for sex prior to meeting just to meet. The last experience I had has really put a damper on my outlook when it comes to doing this.

I invited this 7/8 over to get plowed and the anticipation of knowing I was getting new pussy that night made me fairly horny for a couple of hours leading up.

She eventually texts saying shes here and I expect to run out and see the thin, busty, cute faced latina chick that I was talking to, but instead, at the bottom of my staircase, already inside my apartment complex, looking up at me, is the porkiest hambeast I have ever seen. My heart sank, "wtf do I do in this situation." She was wearing a grungy black hoody with the hood up, some nasty leggings with lint and dog hair on them, and some gross fucking slipper type things.

Me being the horny fuck I am, more importantly the major pussy that I am, smiled hesitantly, didnt really say anything and walked back to my room in horror. I get to my bedroom, she sits her stankass hoodrat noass on my bed, as quickly as possibly I run to shut off the lights, hold my breath and pinch my nose, whip out the cock and let her suck it. She wasnt bad actually at blowing me so I busted and literally said IMMEDIATELY after "holy hell would you look at the time," and pulled the old yawn stretch. I proceeded to hand her belongings, ordered her an uber just to hurry her the fuck out, and shut the door behind her, immediately after I blocked her on tinder and from my phone and took a long, seething hot shower.

Be careful, these hoes is hambeasts. For real. Lesson learned

Mangoinhand · 2017-03-15T17:06:06+00:00

The problem with this is that it will bring in all the ho's too quickly.

ingenjor · 2017-03-15T12:58:06+00:00

"That's too risky. She'll say no of course, she's not a slut." Oh yeah? Well, have you tried it?

I always try it with girls I don't feel like wasting the time going out on a date with. It pretty much never works. Maybe it's location-based (I'm not in the US).

the-capitan · 2017-03-15T14:01:02+00:00

i was originally a chump and was taking girls to nice dinners. swallowed the pill and moved it to drinks. for new girls, i cut it off hard after 1 drink. if she goes to order food, "i just ate" and i don't bother to pay for anything of hers. "[to the bartender] hey, can i close out? oh, just my drink." this one girl ordered a $14 glass of wine and 3x $10-14 food items after i told her i wasn't hungry... when i noped out forcing her to pay for all her own shit, she looked at me like i just curbstomped a baby.

i've recently started testing tinder girls for skipping drinks and going straight to "netflix and chill." i don't know what i think about it.

especially for online girls, you really have to meet her first. i'm fucking ruthless with that shit. virtually all women look 1-3 notches worse than her worst pic. ignore pics of them at weddings entirely. if she doesn't have a pic showing she's clearly skinny (straight angle, bare arms or waist), she's overweight or obese. committing a whole night to online girls, sight unseen, is a recipe for burning a shitload of time with women you don't even want to fuck.

i'm usually meeting 1-2 new girls a night, followed by a plate. it's only wednesday, i've already slept with 3 girls this week, and my plate tonight will be the 4th.

sumethreuaweiei · 2017-03-15T14:34:02+00:00

Any advice for those of us in a dorm? Also, how would you set this up?

"Come over to my place, I've got some drinks that I think you'll like…"

And the meet me outside part:

"Meet me outside, I need to make sure you're not a thief or anything like that"

ArkAngelEV · 2017-03-15T14:24:55+00:00

BIG FUCKING POINTS HERE, PAY ATTENTION YOU BETA FAGGOTS. Blew me away when a hotshot lawyer invited me to her place on park ave without even fucking meeting OR EVEN TALKING ON THE PHONE. We txted a few times, sent and received pics. I txted her something like, "you seem like a stuck up bitch that drinks too much wine and doesn't get fucked hard enough". Didn't message me back in 3 days, then on the 4th just txted me her address/apt # and time and said if i had the balls to come over and say that to her face. So I did, and face fucked her.

This girl was thin, big boobed, blonde and angelic face. Had I seen her out in the streets I would've NEVER suspected what a nasty girl she was in the bedroom. You really do have to go into every situation thinking they are the nastiest sluts in the world.

As hot as our short lived rendezvous was, I miss her apt. I would use her than sit on a windowsill naked looking out. This young professional had absolutely killer views. Casually had a (real) blue face, full gold rolex on her nightstand. Walk-in closet; tasteful and outrageous collection of clothes and purses. Even then, I knew I most likely won't ever have experience living on park ave or living that lavishly

BillyBones8 · 2017-03-15T13:01:33+00:00

I don't think I would want to fuck a girl who agrees to come over to a random guys house on the first date.

It's different if you already know each other though. But even then, most girls simply will not come over unless they get to know you first.

Buchloe · 2017-03-15T14:40:33+00:00

I've gotten to a point with online dating where we are talking online with enough innuendo, that she knows the plan is to fuck. We'll go meet for a drink, just so she gets public assurance that I'm who and what I appear to be online, but before we even meet I make sure that the stated plan involves going back to one or the others place.

Popular-Culture · 2017-03-15T13:27:38+00:00

Dating is like putting down a deposit on a university you haven't been accepted to yet.

Or taking out a mortgage on a house you don't own.

You get the point.

OilyB · 2017-03-15T15:59:26+00:00

This is true for me. I'm a Caribbean type guy living in Europe, with a hammock hanging in my apartment... So I tell them about it and it always results in interest in my hammock experience. Either the first date ends there and sometimes begins there - sex guaranteed.

The only condition though is that I'm always cheeky, naughty on the first date, I shittest them and lightly poke fun at them, which positions them ever so slightly beneath me.

Good post!

insoucianc · 2017-03-15T17:37:29+00:00

Congratulations son, you've re-invented Netflix and Chill.

TrumpRules2016 · 2017-03-15T17:44:32+00:00

One of the reasons I will be excited when I can afford to rent or buy my own apartment. I will be able to invite women over and get laid, instead of having to do it at their place.

tall_bacon · 2017-03-15T18:07:09+00:00

I've started doing this. If not the first date (which is usually under 20 dollars at a local craft beer and wine bar), DEFINITELY by the second. I'm a genuine, honest, straightforward guy. I will tell a woman that I want to spend some quality time with her, cook her dinner, and enjoy some wine and a movie. Usually leads to an intimate evening.

It's failed once in the last couple years out of maybe 20 attempts.

ddiimmaa123 · 2017-03-15T20:51:15+00:00

be wary of doing this with girls you haven't met yet, pictures are deceiving as FUCK

ransay3277 · 2017-03-15T12:32:16+00:00

Good post and good strategy. separate yourself immediately and separate her immediately. Cut out the time wasters.

-Phaethon · 2017-03-15T15:10:34+00:00

You're not going to change her mind; in fact, she might even change her mind from "yes" to "no" after you take her out on a date and reveal your beta tendencies.

Hahaaha I laughed so good there, nice humour man 😂👍

TheVagWhisperer · 2017-03-15T17:16:56+00:00

Same advice every time. Treat a woman like a sex object if you want sex. Not one single post about a relationship consisting of anything more than banging.

MrAnderzon · 2017-03-15T21:48:58+00:00

Damn I need to get my own place.

p00nbrigade · 2017-03-15T13:07:14+00:00

Great write up. I'll have to try this strategy out more. My go to strategy is to invite a girl out to do something with me, escalate as much as possible the bare minimum being making out and then just move it back to my place then continue to escalate. Usually flows pretty smoothly.

I like this strategy because I feel like it helps me with my one night stand game where I need to carry an interaction and escalate over a longer period of time.

Virtusvitium · 2017-03-15T16:09:45+00:00

This is true as fuck. If she can't drive, pick her up, buy coffee or pizza, and take her somewhere and smash. I did this, however I was seeking a relationship. I learned the hard way that most women just want pizza and one night stands because they're too busy with their personal life for any commitment. Do yourself a favor and don't try to date a girl you fuck on the first night. If she's done it with you, she's done it with many others.

InfiniteAscent · 2017-03-15T16:41:24+00:00

I sometimes bring up the notion of "what is important to people in a spouce/LTR" and point out that people will prioritize things differenty - personality, appearance, common interests, whatever. Then I point out that sex trumps all of those things in every case. Not that it's higher priority, but that it's a must have item on the list. Because everyone (except people who are bi) automatically eliminates half the population based on their gender. Women look for that "companionship" with men, and men with women. Gay folks look for it in their own gender. Because at the end of the day it's a requirement that you be able to fuck them regardless of where that falls in the priority list. It's non-negotiable for everyone. After I mention this to people they're often not sure how to respond. This post basically changes the "getting to know you" phase by screening for this absolute requirement first and foremost - everything else is preferences of various degree.

godfatherchimp · 2017-03-15T17:14:50+00:00

Sometimes with online dating is impossible to meet a girl anywhere but a public place, where you are automatically in her frame

But yes, I agree for the most part. Even in my blue pill days, one girl I met in college who was obviously interested, she just straight up invited me over. To fuck obviously

jrdnsln · 2017-03-15T17:29:15+00:00

Well said my man. If you don't want to be the guy taken for a ride then don't pretend to be a guy who will be taken for a ride.

Inevitably the point in the conversation will come where she asks what you guys are gonna do for your first meeting. "You're gonna come over so we can fool around" This works so good. If she says sure or ok or something smart and cute like "oh you think you got it like that" the by god you're in. Game over. If she's hesitant and insists on meeting in public first then you gotta gauge on your own if she's worth it. You should've been gaming her enough to know the likelihood of smashing. If she rejects the idea outright then you saved yourself a ton of time.

sickofallofyou · 2017-03-15T18:23:07+00:00

Yeah most of my first dates end up at my house, or tinderellas they just come right over.

Queefy_McGee · 2017-03-15T19:59:08+00:00

Love this idea. My best plates have been direct invite fucking on first meetup.

Question though. On tinder game /real life game, is it better to ask them to come over or lead by saying you should come over?

" We are having drinks this Friday at my place"

Vs

"Wanna come over for drinks Friday?"

TheRedStoic · 2017-03-15T21:28:49+00:00

Excellent advice. I learned this lesson when I began going over to their place commonly instead of a first date. I noticed a definite increase in numbers. Then I started using mine. Now I'm back to going to theirs though since I prefer my place to be off limits unless they've been plates for quite a while.

heartbroken_nerd · 2017-03-16T00:43:18+00:00

Using it on chicks met in real life (daygame/nightgame) sounds like a good plan to me.

Any tips for above scenarios?

esperanzablanca · 2017-03-16T09:40:30+00:00

I always invite them over to a "pijama party" and ask them to bring her pijama. Works most of the time.

Masterleek · 2017-03-17T03:18:26+00:00

Damn they removed this before I could read it. I had just saved it yesterday to read today, is there any way you can repost or send me the gist of it? Seemed like a great read!

count_bratula · 2017-03-15T14:30:56+00:00

I don't deny that a girl might come over on the first day knowing that sex is on the menu.

Most girls I've met though are pretty scared of being raped/killed by a psycho and wouldn't do that immediately. They at least need to meet a guy somewhere public first to assess him.

SgtDowns · 2017-03-15T17:25:02+00:00

Wait did you really say part of the success is "she has the freedom to leave anytime." Bro, even if she's at your apartment she should have the freedom to leave at anytime. I hope that's a misstatement in your part.

DamnDirtyApe87 · 2017-03-15T12:03:59+00:00

I do both, but I try and get them to my place with a nice 'let me make you dinner at my place' by the second date usually. If we made out already or they're really into me, I can skip the coffee bullshit usually.

VanillaVeku · 2017-03-15T12:26:41+00:00

Something I'm confused about though.

I thought one of the main purposes of TRP was to differenciate yourself from other more "beta" and "generic" men.

With the hookup culture being so dominated by guys trying to get a quick no strings attached lay out of women, are you not behaving just like the typical man if your sole intent is to just get a quick lay as well?

4scoopscomeon · 2017-03-21T03:04:09+00:00

Yo /u/abbafishhead, do you know why this got deleted? I remember it being useful so I bookmarked it, came back to this..

bastardson9090 · 2017-03-16T17:46:01+00:00

All I could keep thinking while reading this was Dennis "the implication"

DesignerTom · 2017-03-15T13:06:13+00:00

Interesting, of course dinner dates and cinema dates are terrible bUt actually hanging out with a girl outside of your apartment can be lots of fun. I think your method would screen for girls DTF but there will also be girls who are equally DTF at a the end of a good date who don't want to seem like such an obvious slut.

mcr00sterdota · 2017-03-15T13:23:08+00:00

What if you don't have your own house (renting or living with parents)

PurpleDrank88 · 2017-03-15T22:44:02+00:00

Don't disagree with a lot of your points, but I also don't think that taking a girl out once before bringing her back is going to kill your chances at getting laid. I'm not taking the girl out to dinner or on some nice date to impress her, but shit if she wants to go have a few drinks at a bar beforehand who cares? Odds are you are still getting laid either way

RedditAdminsSuck_88 · 2017-03-15T15:49:52+00:00

I agree with this post for the most part in principle but I always make meet up #2 at my place not #1.

No. 1 is usually something ultra casual and short to see if she is someone I would want in my apartment. But #2 is always at my place every time.

Poptart318 · 2017-03-15T22:43:16+00:00

What if you're a college student who still live at home with parents?

Swoledinger · 2017-03-16T01:11:03+00:00

I'm not going to invite randos back to the Bat Cave. You want crazy in your house? That's how you get crazy in your house.

You have a girl meet you at a dive bar. It's great because they are cheap, scuzzy, and have become quite popular with girls out to prove something. Meet her there. Don't pay for shit. Play some pool. Go back to hers. It's really pretty simple. Stay on script.

darkstar128 · 2017-03-16T13:33:19+00:00

Alright. I promise I'm not a troll (says every troll ever, but hang with me here).

You have to ask yourself who's interests are served by you having casual sex with bottom of the barrel women. Because lets face it, high value women do not hook up.

Does your mother not want a quality woman in your life because it would steal your attention to her? Or maybe a high quality woman would poke her nose into her business or make her look bad?

Stefan Molyneux covered this very topic with a caller the other day. Some of his best work I think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pmp0SWpZOrA

Have fun guys. Make sure you use a condom. We don't need more cuckhold babies and single moms parasiting off the welfare state.

3axapu · 2017-03-15T13:18:41+00:00

I find it hard to reconcile conflicting goals. On one hand I want to work on my career, invest in myself and save money, which entails going to graduate school while staying with parents. On the other hand, a successful dating life pretty much requires you to have a place of your own and spend less time building up your skillset that will eventually get you very high salaries.

I think the best course of action seems to study a lot while in school and then start dating more regularly when you get a job. This means you'll be spending your university time in your parent's place though, which is a huge downside.

Seems to me that career / wealth vs regular/casual dating are two irreconcilable things.

[deleted] · 2017-03-15T13:03:23+00:00

I'm sorry my man I can't read that full post right now (I've got to go out) but I wanted to comment 2 quick things:

1 - "Hambeast" - OMFG, I'm stealing that one right now. I've never heard it before!

2 - "YES." - If your post is as good as you're title then you're exactly right my dude. As long as she knows enough of you to be comfortable in that surrounding (note I'm saying comfortable, not completely 100% at ease and schlepping around in her manky slippers) then you're definitely putting your best foot forward by doing this, women like men of action and you can put up mental barriers as much as you like but Action talks and Bullshit walks.

Only caveat - bearing in mind you might touch on this in the post, and I'm 100% not criticising - I can't recommend this for brand new guys in the game.

zephyrprime · 2017-03-15T14:33:01+00:00

Are you kidding me? Girls won't even meet up with me for dates. How the hell are they going to come over to my place from the get go?

Title	Stop dating. Start inviting her over.
Author	abbafishhead
Upvotes	583
Comments	188
Date	March 15, 2017 9:14 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5zibx3/stop_dating_start_inviting_her_over/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/stop-dating-start-inviting-her-over.41761 https://theredarchive.com/post/41761

Comments