"Be authentic" is terrible advice

jackythevillen · 2023-10-08T19:29:43+00:00

Being authentic is still good advice but what you did was trauma dumping. You have to find that line between being vulnerable and trauma dumping.

ChickenDinosaurSex · 2023-10-08T20:09:43+00:00

Being authentic doesn't mean what you think it means. Think of it from the other perspective, you meet some guy and think you'd hit it off but he just brings down the vibe by dumping his depression and neediness on you. Of course they wouldnt want to continue the interaction. They'll have to assume all you'll talk about is your bad vibes.

Being authentic means doing things that interest you, sharing you're interests unabashedly. I'd rather talk to someone who was really into trains, who can tell me cool facts I didn't know, rather than someone who just straight up tells me "I'm depressed and I need you to be the person to help fix it"

FlynnRideHer1 · 2023-10-08T20:26:28+00:00

Or you can say "To be honest, I've really been struggling lately, but I'm working on myself and I can see myself getting better"

The way you frame things makes a huge difference

And blatant lies is not a good idea for anybody

Yellow_Squeezer · 2023-10-08T20:12:23+00:00

Dude, you need to work on yourself before you attempt a relationship. In your current state, the only kind of woman you will attract will be a basket case with a personality disorder.

Fuzzy-Bottle-4138 · 2023-10-08T19:25:54+00:00

You need therapy

Casanova-Quinn · 2023-10-08T22:01:02+00:00

Being "authentic" or "yourself" is probably the most misunderstood advice in dating.

It doesn't mean being an open book, being brutally honest, or pouring your heart out. That's your mistake OP. A date is not a therapy session.

It means acting how you would normally act among friends. This includes not overthinking every word or action, cracking jokes, playfullying teasing, discussing fun/interesting topics, and giving your real opinion on things.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-10-08T20:04:33+00:00

Jesus man, go sort yourself out rather than finding someone to share your misery with!

comacove · 2023-10-08T20:26:10+00:00

yeah, be authentic, but you don't have to spill all the bloody beans right off the bat. filter the info you give a person. a girl you're talking to for the first time doesn't need to know any of what you said in the example.

hell, if you said that to me in the street, i'd wtf. time and place for that info. not exactly the best topics when you are trying to see if she'd grab a drink with you.

PrinceDestin · 2023-10-08T21:22:06+00:00

How about stop messing with women that you can’t be real around? They aren’t apart of your tribe There’s always aspects you can improve of

When it comes to men who think they can’t be authentic or it’s not working out for them there’s two things that come to mind

Either your personality is wack or your lacking certain social skills and awareness’s

2023-10-09T01:04:34+00:00

How exactly does one "try" to be authentic?

It seems to me, the moment you've forced a role and expectation upon the way you should naturally feel, it is by definition, inauthentic.

You might as well try to still the ripples in water.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2023-10-09T06:16:08+00:00

The honest truth is you have to find a balance with authenticity. You don't want too much or too little.

BravoPUA · 2023-10-09T02:47:36+00:00

Be authentic is what you should do.

After you fix all your inner game shit.

Be yourself is horrible advice. When “yourself” sucks.

So stop sucking. Then be yourself.

kuavi · 2023-10-09T03:14:50+00:00

Being authentic is still good advice.

Fixing the part about being miserable is the key. If you have good energy, women are into that. Plus, being happy is just a good thing in general to be. Faking it isn't a good idea, especially long term.

Not saying its easy to get to that point though, I wish you the best as you navigate the process of healing from past traumas and fixing bullshit happening in the present.

warramite · 2023-10-09T03:33:26+00:00

If being yourself was enough you'd never look for seduction methods to begin with, be someone else

Weightless-Rock · 2023-10-09T04:07:18+00:00

Being authentic is the best advice you could get. What you need to do is expand your identity.

2023-10-09T06:45:32+00:00

Cause your life sucks. Get it on the right track, start working on your depression and then be authentic.

If you lied, you'd maybe be able to get the woman into bed by putting a mask on, but if you think fucking a girl would solve your depression and unfuck your life, you're wrong.

goodmotherfucker2408 · 2023-10-09T11:50:01+00:00

The fuck did i just read 😆

Theverybest92 · 2023-10-09T04:37:50+00:00

I think you took, be authentic, as communicate all your troubles. Everyone has troubles, imagine if a girl told you all her troubles right away you would run the other way. When meeting someone for the first time just have fun and be yourself as an enjoyable person to be with. Eventually when you get to know each other better you can talk about personal problems and guidance.

Y_it8 · 2023-10-09T06:25:52+00:00

Geez I understand that some people are oblivious to basic social interaction and seduction so I’m not gonna fault you too much.

Bro yes, “be authentic” But only display the positive stuff about yourself. Don’t go trauma dumping and talk about how depressed you are, unless you wanna scare the hoes away literally.

If a woman asks what i like to do at night, I’m not going to tell her that I like fueling my addiction to beating my meat to big booty Latinas (Not saying this is the case for me btw), NO. I’m gonna tell her about the positive things I like doing that I normally do when I’m not indulging in my addiction. Why the fuck does she wanna hear about your depression and work issues. THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. Do you want her to feel attracted to you? Or do you want her to feel sorry for you?? Based on your actions: I’d literally think you are trying to repel these hoes on purpose. If you’re trying to get pity sex then that’s not even going to work bruh.

Honestly bro, I hope you laugh at these mistakes one day. We all start somewhere

saulisdating · 2023-10-09T08:42:45+00:00

You have extremely poor self esteem and you completely misunderstand what “being authentic” means.

TwoRepresentative465 · 2023-10-09T19:48:56+00:00

Being authentic is important when you want to establish something real.

If you’re just looking for a lay, stay true to your strengths (personality, humor etc.) and perhaps leave out some weaknesses (poor employer, past baggage, etc.). As long as you’re reasonable in doing so, it shouldn’t come back to bite you as you aren’t looking for anything long-term.

TLDR; if you aren’t looking for something real, there’s no reason to be real

petkoTHEVIKING · 2023-10-09T01:19:47+00:00

Dudes will be 2 bad days away from suicide and think "be authentic" is applicable to them lmao.

I'd wager to say you shouldn't even be dating if your mental health is that poor.

"Be authentic" as a piece of advice is to make your authentic self someone attractive and worth spending time with.

InstructionAbject763 · 2023-10-09T06:15:23+00:00

You remind me of the guys I've dated who tell me literally all of the horrible things that have happened in their lives, never ask me more than two questions then lean back and say "wow. You really understand me"

Like sir, you just went on a rant about your shitty life like I was a therapist

One of the biggest complaints women have is men treating dating like it's therapy.

This is why that didn't work

You weren't authentic. You were a psych patient for an untrained and unpaid therapist

5hr00m · 2023-10-09T09:37:39+00:00

If being authentic means you repel girls, then you need to fix your life in different areas.

Another thing to keep in mind is to open up gradually at each date, the more a person is comfortable with you the more accepting will she/he be to your weaknesses.

Nemehim · 2023-10-09T09:49:21+00:00

Boys fall for looks, girls fall for stories, that is why girls wear makeup and boys lie. One either accepts the girl without makeup and the guy being avarage, or one learns to enjoy the lie. Late addition: and yes, you judge what it is when somebody wearing makeup expects you to be authentic.

Dandys3107 · 2023-10-09T09:59:40+00:00

Be authentic is more about following your own unique viewpoint. Still it should be valid within the frames of reality. It's not without reason that we are calling it "a game".

TheManWithThreePlans · 2023-10-09T10:16:41+00:00

Are you an absolute, abject remedial? When people say be yourself, they don't mean be the fucking loser that you currently are, which you very much are.

You being a loser has nothing to do with your personality. If all what you said is true, then to be honest, you shouldn't even be seeking partnership. You're a worthless partner. You need to seek help. Either help yourself or go get some cognitive behavioral therapy from a pro.

Focus on increasing your value. Get hobbies that you find value in that align with your personal values. Focus on taking care of yourself, eat right, be tidy, exercise. Dating isn't going to make you anything other than a loser. You'd just be a loser that sometimes gets laid. You'll know that deep down you're still a loser and will defend to the death your claims of competence in this area, as your entire system of self value would be predicated on your success (or perceived success) in this field. So....still a fucking loser.

The fact that you're a loser is a result of the cognitive distortions you fall victim to day after day. The lies you tell yourself are the truth. You are the male, loser, politically agnostic, equivalent of an extreme left or right wing activist. You don't live in reality. You live in an imagined reality, and that imagined reality causes you to adopt beliefs that make you a loser.

When people are telling you to be yourself, they're telling you to be the version of yourself that isn't lying to themselves 24/7. The one that isn't a victim of circumstance. The one that takes charge of their life.

Once you've shed the bullshit, you'll discover who you really are. Right now, it appears like you have no idea.

DeanG30 · 2023-10-09T10:33:32+00:00

Hey bro the words "To be honest I'm miserable, I'm anxious all the time, I can't work due to depression, and I'm happy if I manage to eat something in a day. I have no hobbies because I can't focus on anything. I wish I had someone who cared about me so I walk around the city for hours, approaching random girls and hoping they like me" this is not being authentic this is just listing egoic script that is running your mind and life, being authentic is connecting with your true self and allowing that to be expressed

potatoeswithfries · 2023-10-09T10:36:00+00:00

What you did is called "oversharing" and is most definitely NOT what people mean when they talk about being genuine.

Commercial_Judge7248 · 2023-10-11T02:30:06+00:00

your quote sounds like an excerpt from Les Misérables

step 1: please try to infuse some positivity into your 'pitch' and perception of yourself — that should help significantly!

. . .

authentic = not donning a false persona, and not second-guessing your actions+speech

ride the wave and talk about passions that you're genuinely interested in, and let those guide you >> keep an eye out for topics that make you feel euphoric, and direct the conversation to those topics
you know that your authentic self is on display when (1) you're excited and (2) people are smiling as a result of your warmth!

Hope that helps!

FigurativeLasso · 2023-10-08T20:57:26+00:00

This strikes at the core of something I’ve been thinking about lately, would love yours or anyone’s thoughts:

What if one’s approach was authentic, without being self-deprecating, but absurdly transparent?

Example. “Hey. I’m not gonna lie, I hate the whole PUA scene and I think most first-liners I could use here would be contrived and tacky. I’d rather just talk like a normal human. How are you?”

Or something with the same idea but less wordy.

Pain_Tough · 2023-10-08T22:28:50+00:00

A large part of being authentic is believing that you are enough

great_account · 2023-10-08T22:57:54+00:00

What are the fun parts of your personality? You gotta put the best foot forward while still also being yourself. Masking who you are isn't a good long term strategy.

Star__boy · 2023-10-08T23:31:32+00:00

You don’t share stuff like that until they are emotionally invested in you. There’s such a thing as being too honest until that point. Put yourself in her shoes, if a woman who you werent emotionally invested in trauma dumped this early on you you’d run for the hills.

nanoepoch · 2023-10-09T07:50:20+00:00

Personas are fake. Fakeness is not good. You just need to achieve your best self beause this ain't it. Why would any girl find this attractive?

OriginalAZVIC · 2023-10-10T06:01:43+00:00

Wow, okay..... I'm done with Reddit for tonight. Best of luck to you.

ResearcherNatural479 · 2023-10-10T08:22:19+00:00

"Be authentic" to most people means something completely different than to you and me.

A different example: If sb says they want honesty in their relationship they do not mean "Tell me if you think I look fat in that dress", they mean "Do not lie to me with the intent to do harm to me or the relationship. Don't cheat and somewhat open up to me in a way that I can handle".

So if someone says "be authentic" they just mean "don't lie about yourself". And "don't lie about yourself" does not mean you have to tell the full truth. If you feel like you have to take on a persona to be of interest to anybody the two pathways are: try to become the persona you are displaying (currently omw to do just that) and/or seek therapy.

KyloEffingRen · 2023-10-10T16:51:26+00:00

It's great advice if you are a genuinely good person, I think this says a lot about the OP. That's all.

Title	"Be authentic" is terrible advice
Author	Yellow_Squeezer
Upvotes	31
Comments	85
Date	October 8, 2023 7:06 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/17374cm/be_authentic_is_terrible_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/be-authentic-is-terrible-advice.1428658 https://theredarchive.com/post/1428658

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