First Ever Girlfriend

PsychoticGiggles · 2018-03-25T03:59:23+00:00

Your girlfriend is essentially r/nicegirls material. She's insecure and feeds off of her male friends attention. She's immaturely pushing your buttons by bringing up her history with men. Girls like this prey on inexperienced men, so be careful.

Source : I was this girl before therapy Edit: whoops, was sorting on new and didn't realize what this subreddit was for. Forgive me if my answer is unwanted.

fringeparadox · 2018-03-25T04:46:49+00:00

Someone who really wants a close intimate relationship with you would respect you enough to not act this way. Maybe it is just who she is, but why take yourself off the market for someone who's made it clear through jer actions that she won't do the same for you.

I hesitate to judge, but there's probably a reason she doesn't have any female friends. She probably turns into a competitive queen bee and they're like miss me with that shit, you know?

I had a friend like that and she cheated on pretty much every guy she was ever with. She was only friends with me because I was a beta female and made her look good while not threatening her game.

cbh28 · 2018-03-25T06:47:40+00:00

The "I can have lots of guy friends and flirt with them, but you shouldn't do the same with girls" attitude reminds me of what a cheater/manipulator would say. Maybe I'm wrong, after all, we can only assume based on what you said, but basically what you wrote was red flag after red flag after red flag...

plowzedong · 2018-03-25T05:23:26+00:00

This is a perfect example of why guys need to be spinning plates

DrBalance · 2018-03-25T09:15:41+00:00

She's not really your girlfriend if you guys aren't having sex.

Go find other girls - she's most likely fucking several other guys (the harsh truth, you're there for the cuddling and listening to her whine).

Yewturn · 2018-03-25T07:49:45+00:00

My ex was like this.

Does she make off hand comments about how she hates other girls or constantly talks shit about the ones she works with or ones she knows?

Sounds a lot like insecurity, uses guys as a source of attention and validation. The fact she gets upset with other girls around you shows jealously issues.

If you want to be with her, don't show any kind of feeling when she talks to these other guys, also, don't dig into her past, you might hurt yourself with whatever you dig up. Don't ask questions you're not prepared to hear the answers to.

The fact that you already have doubts a month into the relationship shows you have at least some kind of idea of what could come of all this.

She's a timebomb waiting to go off, don't be there when it does. Believe me, I've been there.

matrix2002 · 2018-03-25T14:26:24+00:00

Sounds like she is a bad girlfriend and pretty immature.

A girl not getting along with other girls is a major red flag.

Also, you are inexperienced, which means she can control you easier.

I wouldn't break up with her, but just realize that this relationship isn't very solid and be ready to leave if she keeps trying to manipulate you.

Also, at some point, you might want have sex with her and this is something that manipulative girls will tease you with.

They will hint that they will have sex, but never do, so they can control you.

If she is doing that, then definitely move on.

The only way I would stay with her is if it was a casual sex type of thing and I wasn't too invested in her.

uniqueusernamex112 · 2018-03-25T12:34:21+00:00

run bro.

DancesWithCouch · 2018-03-25T07:02:44+00:00

Hey man, I've been in a very similar place before. As long as you don't take it to seriously and think you'd have fun, go for it, but as far as expecting a long term stable relationship with a person like that, I'd be really cautious. A girl I was with had a lot of daddy/attention issues which led to her having an all male friend group, and she was just not in a healthy place to have a real lasting relationship.

Of course your girl may have male friends for other reasons, but several of my friends who dated women with only male friends had the same results as myself.

John-lovestosposh · 2018-03-25T04:11:07+00:00

Stop caring .

lookinsideways · 2018-03-25T18:51:52+00:00

Lose your virginity to her and have fun for a bit. Don't get too attached though cause she will mess with another guy; it's inevitable by how you're describing her. Or don't get involved and move on to another girl that you want to be in a relationship with.

mercedesg63 · 2018-03-25T05:32:22+00:00

Only texting? Who is she getting physical with, that’s what matters in the end.

Thunderfin · 2018-03-25T06:45:04+00:00

Coming from another 19 year old, I'd consider breaking up with her if I were you. There's an imbalance in investment right now in this relationship -- you're too invested in her and think about her & what she's doing constantly, while it doesn't seem like she's giving you enough attention. If anything, the girl should be the one investing more than the guy at the initial stages of a relationship.

If you have opinions, voice them. Nothing screams unconfident and "beta" like just trying to please your GF all the time. Either she acts like how you want her to act, or you leave her. Don't put up with BS that doesn't fall within your boundaries / standards.

bluedragon239 · 2018-03-25T20:51:54+00:00

Don’t watch her words

Watch her actions.

I guarantee you she will cheat if given an opportunity in the future. And lie about it to you.

Trust me, I’ve skimmed through the entire thing in like 15 seconds and I’ve seen 4 red flags

If you actually want to improve and have some self respect, you’d leave this relationship right now while you still have your dignity. You don’t have to ghost her if you don’t want to, just tell her you don’t enjoy that she has all male friends and that you know this ain’t going to end well. Ignore whatever she does to get you to change your mind.

Get. Out

rufusjonz · 2018-03-25T06:54:35+00:00

This is gonna be hard:

But take like 3 steps back and chill and try not to sweat her - don't act needy, always initiating contact, passive aggressive etc - let her come to you a bit, or just have her know that you have your own confidence and fun with or without her -

She just wants to have fun with you at this point and sounds young/immature as well, you might run her off or she may flake/ghost - and don't get obsessed/angry/bitter when/if this doesn't work out - plenty more fish in the sea and you are learning to cast

SwordOfTruthHurts · 2018-03-25T04:00:11+00:00

I hope you have a cuckolding fetish... or discover that you have a cuckolding fetish. Because that's where I see this going. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

https://media.giphy.com/media/26gspjl5bxzhSdJtK/giphy.gif

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-03-25T12:57:08+00:00

If I had to guess about the cute guy that she always talks about, I would say they have hooked up before but he didn’t want a relationship with her.

I would be careful of this girl. It’s very easy for girls with a lot of guy friends to cheat.

totallyjoking · 2018-03-25T13:28:26+00:00

Sorry man, but she sounds kind of slutty. Especially in college, girls that tend to show this much attention to guys have a reputation for a reason.

Butt_Man_69 · 2018-03-25T14:04:01+00:00

You need to get the fuck outta there. Send her in the right direction ( a counselor who specializes in BPD) and move on. I’ve gotten fucked over by women early on and it really stunts one’s growth. I dated a girl who had been treated for years with BPD and this is sort of what she would do. Of course it wasn’t really improved after years despite not showing symptoms supposedly. I’m not being cruel. It’s no fair for you. I would highly suggest getting another girlfriend who you will be just as excited about. Keep an abundance attitude, seriously. A lot of women that make you feel tingles are unhealthy to be in a relationship with.

perdipp · 2018-03-25T15:20:28+00:00

Sounds like a super manipulative sketchy ass girl wow... the fact that she has no female friends and has all guy friends (and also kissed one before, lol) put me off right away. Dude have sex quick and move onto other girls. Word of caution: don't get too attached she'll rip you to shreds without a second thought. Talk with other girls too

WhatMixedFeelings · 2018-03-25T15:50:29+00:00

She has a lot of guy friends

This is what she really means

robikin · 2018-03-27T22:02:40+00:00

1) Never enter a relationship without having sex at LEAST once, and even then you should take more time after that to consider her you girlfriend 2) You just cited so many redflags I don't even want to count them... she's not girlfriend material 3)She wants to text/snap/hug other guys but doesnt want you to do the same with girls -- Men should never accept double standards from a woman only the other way around, because girls will accept otherwise unacceptable behaviour if they are really into you

CONCLUSION: You should NOT be in a relationship with this girl, you WILL get hurt. The right course of action would be to break up with her right now, or stop considering her your GF and talk to other girls in the meantime (did she even claim you as her BF?). This is your first relationship so you will NOT listen to me because you are convinced your heart is right and that's fine... you need to learn from first hand experience.

Good luck 🔥

ricardoschiller · 2018-03-25T14:24:03+00:00

My first girlfriend was like that. I was 16. Long story short, she betrayed me with 4 guys. I broke up and we went separate ways. It was really hard for me at that time. almost 20 years later, and with the advent of the internet, what have I learned?

At that time I was insecure and very tolerant. She used to say I was too nice, and I didn't get it. Now I understand all the mistakes I made. I'm a completely different person than I was, at least on how I act with women. This transformation took place when I was about 25 years old, and only because I study the subject of relationships very much.

It would take to long to put this in complete sentences, so I'll just throw truths at you:

First things first. Never be concerned or paranoid. That's really beta male thinking.
Never show jealousy to a girl. They hate that. If you don't like she's speaking with all those guys, tell her you don't appreciate that on her. That it makes her look insecure and you want a strong woman.
Never be the nice guy. If you don't like her behavior then don't tolerate it and let her know. And if she starts nagging don't take it seriously.
Don't see girls as scarce, but as abundant. Make her know that if she isn't up to your standards than you're going to move on.
You're the one in control, not the other way around. And believe me she likes it that way.
Make friends with other girls, and talk to them regularly. If she clingy just laugh at it and don't give it to much importance.
Don't believe anything a girl says about what a man should be. They will basically tell you the opposite of what they really desire.
Never let her think she has you at her feet. If you do that you've just friendzoned yourself.
Have it the way you like it. You're the leader and she is the follower. Try to boss her around a bit and see how she reacts.
Be a bad man, and a brute. But never hurt her physically. A bad, strong man, a brute man, is one of the most attractive thing for women.
Basically, if she's talking to all those guys is because you're doing stuff wrong. She has a lot of options on a leash, and this makes you feel insecure. Turn her behavior on herself, by telling her she's insecure and doesn't respect you. But tell her like you mean it, never be a pussy.

SaigonNoseBiter · 2018-03-25T08:51:58+00:00

Chill out and don't react to that shit at all on the surface to her. Acting like you don't care will make her crave your attention. The opposite approach comes off as needy, and very unattractive. Also, don't worry about looks. Took me a long time to realize that looks aren't as high of a priority to girls as it is guys. We think differently than women in this way. Lastly, keep an eye open. She has a few signs of mental instability which could lead to cheating or playing games. That doesn't mean it will happen by any means though. Keep her attracted, have fun, and go with it as long as you are enjoying it.

moeseth · 2018-03-25T09:56:20+00:00

You are only 19. Get out there and fuck son.

Fatt01123581321 · 2018-03-25T11:59:47+00:00

(M17) My first gf (F18) is very similar with guys. She’s super flirty and has lots of guy friends. This never bothered me because i trusted her and new she liked me more than any of them. The difference between my girl and yours is that yours talks about the guys and how cute they are to you. I find this to be more of a problem than anything else. She doesn’t respect the way it could/is making you feel. Imo I would talk to her. Let her know that you love that she has tons of friends (guys or girls) but i.t makes you uncomfortable to hear about how so and so is hot and her friends are surprised they are dating. In a healthy relationship, she should be boosting your self confidence not bringing i.t down. I’d recommend taking a look at this post

StanlyLife · 2018-03-25T10:02:19+00:00

Just got out of a two year relationship with a girl just like that! I would suggest you break up with her because someone is going to get really really hurt and its not her...

Btw: she cheated on me 2 weeks before i got dispatched from a year in the army. Broke me af!

FlashFacts · 2018-03-25T17:11:48+00:00

You've never had a girlfriend, so the practice will be good for you. Having someone you know you can cuddle with and have some girl contact with will help you relax when talking to other girls.

If she's flirting you can too. Its the perfect time hone those skills. I do agree that she's a ticking time bomb, but, if you prepare yourself for that or get out in time then it should be a good learning experience.

The problem with training yourself not to feel when your heart wants to is a double edged sword. Don't forget how to love in the process.

Tldr- Basically treat her as a friend. Build your confidence with other women. Take advantage of the situation while you can.

BeanNCheeze · 2018-03-25T08:47:04+00:00

This is how I would handle it. I’d continue talking to her but other girls as well. Why? Because she obviously is not exclusively in a relationship with you. Is that what you want? Then search for a relationship! Talk to other girls. Make connections until you find someone you click with

aznology · 2018-03-25T14:03:15+00:00

Bro same situation my advice amp up your game and get more girls, (back-up girls if you will). Also work on yourself

eyesopen1111 · 2018-03-25T14:29:30+00:00

Two types of women have social fields like the one you describe your girlfriend as having: one type has sex with many of the guys orbiting her and the second type flirts, but does not have sex with the guys. You will likely improve your chances of maintaining a relationship with this girl if you are the guy she is sleeping with.

If you can’t tell if the Snapchat guy is competition, all the more reason to seal the deal with your girl ASAP. Don’t try to logic or reason your way into her bed, just go read The Joy of Sex (a classic), get her aroused and, then the two of you should go have some college aged sexual fun.

Mechanik_J · 2018-03-25T14:51:26+00:00

This is not the relationship you are looking for.

jordan20x1 · 2018-03-25T14:59:10+00:00

Smash and leave. You’re still very young my dude, I lost my virginity at your age to a immature girl just like the one you explained. It’s not worth sticking around that. Have fun you’re in college, and if you can smash this one, you’ll be on the right track.

Osafune2 · 2018-03-25T15:13:12+00:00

There's always a reason why a girl has no girl friends and only male friends and it's never good

gmos905 · 2018-03-25T18:19:23+00:00

but I don’t want to end this and end up single, because I really like her and she says she likes me.

This here is a horrible mindset. Abundance. Would you put up with this if you had a hundred other girls wanting to date you? no.

Also girls will mention guys like she is to test you. If you are bothered by it she will lose attraction. However you're 19, you're still very, very young. Lots of lessons to learn.

PotLimitOmaha · 2018-03-25T18:32:40+00:00

From what I've experienced there a 2 types of girls with all guy friends. The first is some what of a Tom boy and doesn't vibe with women mainly because of the dynamics between other women and usually hangs out with a tight group of close girlfriends or a group of fairly beta guys. The other is girly girl who sleeps around and hangs out with a fair amount of above average masculine dudes. She lightly flirts with a couple of them and gets a touchy with some as well. From what I've seen usually the leader of the group has slept with her at least once. She's usually hooked up with some other acquaintances of some of the male's of the group. A lot of them get a boyfriend from outside her friend group who doesn't know her past. She could be using you to fill some emotional void in her. When it's full she could cheat on you until you break up or just become really distant and leave you. All of them have daddy issues. Please take this with a grain of salt I'm from LA and the girls out here are scandalous. I don't want you to read this and start getting all jealous and needy. That'll drive you guys apart. If anything I said is unclear don't hesitate to ask

CD_Johanna · 2018-03-25T18:39:23+00:00

You're the time ho (look up Patrice O'Neal)

JustSatan · 2018-03-25T19:11:23+00:00

Smash and dash.

lean_cuisine2 · 2018-03-25T19:55:00+00:00

She's insecure.

theXcepshin · 2018-03-25T21:26:36+00:00

There are 114 comments, so far, that I haven't read, so this might have been pointed out already; a chick who isn't fucking you, and who is hitting on lots of other guys, isn't your girlfriend, no matter what she calls it.

circlhat · 2018-03-26T10:47:18+00:00

At this point I wouldn't suggest you talk to her about her chatting with other guys, this will come off as controlling, and if she gets jealous, let he know that she is begin insecure, and if she continues say she is getting annoying

Now, you should be focus on making a move and what you want from her and if she is providing it, don't think of relationships as Give X, get Y, but rather ,this is who I'm and what I want, can you provide it?

Accnumba69 · 2018-03-26T22:09:38+00:00

Little late to the party but just saw this and wanted to throw my perspective in.

I’ve been good friends with a girl very similar to this for 2-3 years now. I’m her co-worker, hang out with her multiple times a week, and go on trips with her a couple times a year (not alone, with friend group) Another commenter mentioned “Nice Girl Syndrome” and I would agree or maybe even say with her “Ugly Duck Syndrome”. She wasn’t very attractive growing up but is very much so now and I don’t think she knows how to deal with it quite yet.

This girl also has a vast majority of friends who are guys. She has one girl friend she’s really close with but a LOT of dudes. I’ve never dated her or anything but I’ve known pretty much every guy she’s been in a LTR with or has casually dated over the last couple of years. I can see how having a bunch of guy friends would be a little intimidating to guys that are trying to talk to her and for the most part she ends up with guys that are somehow connected with our friend circle because after they get a chance to hang out they realize the guys she’s hanging out with aren’t a threat to them.

The point I wanted to make which is a little different from most people in this thread is she, although a bit crazy sometimes, is probably one of the most thoughtful and caring people in a relationship I know. Way better than me for sure. Again, I’ve known most of the guys she’s been with over the past couple of years and she absolutely would never cheat and bends over backwards almost to a fault for them.

Basically YMMV in these situations. If you aren’t really crazy about the girl, fuck it. On to the next. If you potentially do want to see where it goes, don’t necessarily discount her and try to get to know her friends. If she doesn’t want you getting to know her guy friends, THAT more then anything would be the red flag. The aforementioned friend of mine would not hesitate to introduce me to a guy she was seeing and have me talk to them or any of her other guy friends.

Good luck bro

abcgoodyabc · 2018-03-25T07:03:19+00:00

dude, just be yourself. if you like to talk to other girls, just do it and just do not betray your girlfriend. Tell her what you feel and what u want to be treated. You cant change her to become the way you want her to be. Be cool with that. You must learn to be able to pick up and let go a relationship in the pursuit of happiness and most importantly, start losing your virginity.

hostergaard · 2018-03-25T09:27:38+00:00

Run for the hills! I was seeing a girl who I was getting serious with, even went on a trip to my home country with her. Hell, I even fount a apartment for her when she wanted to move out from her parents place.

She had a lot of male friends. I kept hearing rumors and mutual friends told me stuff but I choose to trust her as trust is important I a relationship. Turned out that she already had a boyfriend and was sleeping around with a lot of guys.

No wonder she was stressed all the time and acting weird, her having to try and make sure none of us discovered each other.

Anyway, my tip is to see other girls, if she has male friends then you can have female friends. Dont invest any emotion into her. Girls like that are looking for validation by surrounding herself with men and fucking them to keep their attention. You being nice and inexperienced means you will accept all of this without too much question which is why she is officially dating you will having fun with the other guys.

Again, of course, I don't know anything about you or her, but this a flag redder than any flag in a communist flag factory.

Turkpowered · 2018-03-25T10:44:24+00:00

Since this is your first girlfriend, you don't know how bad a breakup can hurt when she cheats on you. I promise it's way worse than you can imagine and will fuck you up for months atleast. This girl sounds like she will fuck you over soon enough so don't let her hurt you.

Honestly if I were you I'd do the following for shits and giggles. Since she flirts and talks with other guys and says she would be mad if you did the same just act like you are doing it too. Like at some point bring it up. Then she'll give you shit for it. Then you can point out to her that she shouldn't be doing it too. See what she says. I'd do that for the fuck of it.

But honestly I'd just walk away dude. You deserve better. Don't let her create a terrible first experience for you.

_-_steve_-_ · 2018-03-25T06:54:38+00:00

Just ghost the bitch. She’s riding the cock carousel and you’re not getting any. You’re just her cuddlebitch.

wolfram6 · 2018-03-25T13:53:46+00:00

Alright, I think this would be the best and most mature way to handle this. Don’t stop caring, or acting cold, or whatever BS. Just talk to her. Communicate what bothers you. It’s clear some of this stuff bothers you, as it rightfully should. Say something along the lines of “I realize you have plenty of guy friends. That is okay, although some behaviors make me feel uncomfortable. I want us to build trust. I hear you’re flirting with a coworker and talking to him frequently. I don’t think that’s appropriate. Please distance yourself from him. I want to be able to trust you. Please work with me otherwise I will leave you.”

Bring up the texting thing as well. Say EXACTLY how you feel but don’t be disrespectful. Just communicate what’s wrong. “I see that you send me short responses. It feels like your upset at me or too busy talking to other people to give me a decent response. What’s going on? You know I’m your boyfriend. I should be #1. You’re #1 to me. It’s only fair.”

You want to build boundaries that will build faith in your commitment to each other. That might be too serious a concept for her at this young age, but you should give it a shot. Better than putting up with BS like a SO that tows the line. If you want to talk about it more, PM me.

All in all, if she isn’t willing to work on you with this, leave, and find someone who treats you well. You should feel cared for and respected.

theantinaan · 2018-03-25T08:27:37+00:00

A lot of advice here isn't great, considering your situation.

Honestly, just talk to her about your concerns. A big reason why a lot of relationships end is a lack of communication. It's better to bring up a fairly small issue early instead of letting it fester and become a bigger problem.

Be calm and assertive and tell her that you're a bit concerned by how familiar she is with other guys. Don't talk like you're blaming or accusing her, because that's just going to put her on the defensive and cause a resentful fight rather than a discussion. Instead, phrase your concerns around how you feel. Tell her you don't want to control her or anything, but that you think it's important for her to know how her actions affect you. If she gets a little defensive or doesn't understand why her actions might be an issue, stay calm and talk to her about specific events or specific guys so that she gets a better picture.

A lot of times we don't fully understand how our actions truly affect those around us. It may be likely that this is just how she naturally acts as a person, and she sees nothing wrong with it. By raising this issue to her, it could help her realize that she's unintentionally bothering you. If she's a rational and caring person, she'll appreciate you being upfront and she'll hopefully try to address the situation.

There's no guarantee that she'll understand where you're coming from or that she'll make a change. If she doesn't, it's up to you whether you're ok with the current situation. It's only been a month, so you might want to ride that ride a bit longer, just to have fun and see where the relationship takes you. You can always end it at any point in the future if you so choose, not all relationships have to be long-term. If you're not okay with the current situation after you've talked to her, than you probably want to end it. There's no reason to be in a relationship if you aren't happy with it.

Of course, this all relies on the fact that you're both exclusive, or at least are both on the same terms about the status of your relationship. If you're not exclusive, then you can't really find fault with her actions.

Cirrustratus · 2018-03-25T08:18:08+00:00

mr locario on youtube, go see his videos bro

gundruk09 · 2018-03-25T09:14:52+00:00

That's a shit test. Checking to see whether you get jealous, insecure, etc. She is judging your value. A high value guy wouldn't react cuz he got options and busy banging multiple girls. You should flirt with other girls without getting angry or jealous to keep her in check. Don't stick to one

Machiavellyy · 2018-03-25T10:10:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

creamyturtle · 2018-03-25T11:50:39+00:00

the answer is to chill and keep progressing in the relationship. if things get more serious, you can ask her to cut it off with her male friends. if she refuses, then go date someone else, or show her another female and let her feel how it feels. a girl who actually cares about you would not do those things you describe in front of you, in my opinion. but you guys are young so who knows

headydude · 2018-03-25T11:52:46+00:00

Be careful with that one, but see where it goes. Don’t fall head over heels if you can help it. If you’re confident enough to walk up to a girl you like and ask for her number once, you can do it again. Make other women friends. If she has male friends, you have every right to have female friends. The good ones will want to only hangout with you.

Don’t initiate conversations. See if she does. Give her short answers and see how she reacts.

Good luck, man.

Title	First Ever Girlfriend
Author	Machiavellyy
Upvotes	130
Comments	129
Date	March 25, 2018 3:50 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/86yeq6/first_ever_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/first-ever-girlfriend.1443697 https://theredarchive.com/post/1443697

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