How often should you text a girl?

remarque55 · 2020-03-28T18:56:37+00:00

you should use texting to set up dates but also just to see how she is once in a while. if she likes you she will probably text you once inva while as well but if you never initiate she might stop on account of thinking you dont like her

MrMemper · 2020-03-28T20:01:53+00:00

All the time, sometimes and never

Your question is equivalent to asking “what should I set my valve specs to on my engine?” - what make, what model, what year, what type of environment, what type of driving?

Every girl is different and every girl is different in different situations at different times.

You must understand the game, have texting game, know who you are and what you’re about, and what you want.

There is NO rule to texting. It’s just another form of communication. If you can spit some shit in her ear that will make her wet then you can do it over text. Oh, and listen to your gut instead of all those youtube dating coaches

rubensq7 · 2020-03-28T22:59:48+00:00

I think MrMemper said it right. The whole idea of asking if there's a right way or an appropriate way of texting someone is a self-sabotaging question. Say someone does gives you rules? Say someone does give you a schedule or itinerary? But what happens when it goes against your personality? What happens when it goes against the way you usually communicate with people, or the way you usually show the people you're attracted to attention? The reason I think it's self-sabotaging is because keeping up pretenses, and sticking to a facade that someone else has prescribed for you in order to get to a certain girl is like keeping a muscle flexed for a long, long time. It's going to get laborious, it's going to become a chore, it's going to become exhausting, and most of all, it's insincere. It's an act. You will drop it once you feel comfortable, once you let down your guard, once you decide you want to relax. Then the other person is going to see the real you, and they weren't in love with that, there was love with the facade. It's self-sabotaging. Be you! Trust your gut, show the attraction the way you want to, and text however you feel is appropriate. You're going to lose a whole lot of women, you're going to turn off some people, but I promise you, you will turn on the right people! People that will stick around once you let down your guard, that will be there, because they fell in love is a true colors of your personality, and sticking with them will be effortless!

If you feel that you just don't have the personality, the characteristics or the gusto that it takes to attract people, then that's something you want to improve on for yourself. Maybe you want to be more ambitious? Maybe you want to chase success a little bit more? Maybe you want to be more assertive, not just with women but with life! In other words, what I'm saying is, fix your character, make it a sincere and permanent change, and the things you want will come to you. Don't lie, lying is a poison that will sabotage everything you want, and you will build your happiness on a foundation that is doomed to fail.

ThkrthanaSnkr · 2020-03-28T20:19:20+00:00

Some will like regular texting others will get annoyed if you text too much.

During these times, texting is key to maintain contact. A lot of them are getting bored staying at home so now it’s a good time to up your texting game.

Umbran_scale · 2020-03-28T20:45:32+00:00

I prefer an equal exchange, if they make no effort or initiative then that's what they get back.

BetLetsDoIt · 2020-03-28T21:37:49+00:00

You should text whenever you feel like it. Crappy answer? Yes, but also the truth. Overthinking the way you are is setting yourself up for failure already

chunkylver99 · 2020-03-28T21:47:57+00:00

It should be whatever you two do naturally. Everyone is different. The girl I'm with currently and I are able to text everyday, not necessarily full length paragraphs, but we text everyday and we are fine. That's how we were before we even began dating.

Plus don't treat texting like some game, if she loses interest, that's for personal reasons. No matter what you say or do in text, she won't suddenly like you more/less, do what you want :)).

Just don't be needy :ppp.

daudionut · 2020-03-28T20:56:00+00:00

I text with this girl everyday. We only met once recently but we used to go to school together. Haven’t spoken with her for 10 years and now that we got in touch we text daily. I never initiate but she knows this and is ok with it. I say it depends a lot on the status of your relationship. If you like her and she does too, as often as you both like, since both of you should be comfortable with each other. If you never met, only starting to get to know each other, I’d say do it like 2-3 times a week and try and escalate to some FaceTime since a meeting is not recommended. A phone call once a week or so should also play nicely in your favor.

llollazolla13 · 2020-03-28T23:40:48+00:00

Text her frequently at first, to see if she'll be interested. If she's into you, you'll get some responses. Then, make it less frequent, she'll be waiting for you or even initiate. 😉

TeapotTheDog · 2020-03-29T00:48:35+00:00

Everyone here will tell ya don't text back right away blah blah blah. Which is true. If you text too much then it comes off as you have nothing else better to do. That's why all of the texting game is here.

My recommendation is put your phone down and find some interesting hobbies so you aren't faking it. Most definitely text back, check in etc. But do it on your time. You're busy? Don't drop everything to text her. Keep doing what you're doing and text back when you get a chance. Now is a really good time to improve yourself. Silence your phone for a bit, and work on yourself.

guest123420 · 2020-03-28T23:12:08+00:00

This is based on each person and each situation. I feel as though I have a strong text game (witty, humor, good question asking, etc) and I look at it as a form of foreplay. Sometimes, I admit, I overdo it with frequency or openness/topics, but that's a part of who I am and it helps qualify/disqualify some girls who I'd waste an evening figuring that out face to face.

BlueTiger9948 · 2020-03-29T01:44:58+00:00

When you’re texting a girl, text with a purpose, which should be to arrange dates with her and check in periodically (if she’s out of town, has plans to do something, etc.). Save the intimate conversations for when you two are on a date. There are so many verbal cues and physical signs that can’t be communicated over text. Plus, if everything has already been said over text, it defeats the purpose of meeting up with her in real life. Also make sure not to ramble in your messages, keep things short and to the point. Great luck!

tanenbaum · 2020-03-29T06:50:27+00:00

There's really no absolute answer. Depends on her personality, the contents of the texts and where you are in your relationship and the place it's coming from. But here's some general rules.

If the girl just can't be bothered to communicate over texts, you should just use it to setup things. Of course, you can send her something that will make her laugh or whatever, but don't try to force conversations over text. Think of times in your life where you're super busy with school or work and some friend texts you just to small talk. It's just a distraction when you got better things to do.

Some girls will seem like they're not into texting you when in reality they're not just into whatever you're sending or the way you're doing it. Take a moment to consider why you're texting her. Do you just want a girls' attention? Do you feel like you should be talking all the time? Well, you need to work on that. Being too available is a classic way to kill attraction. Make sure that there's some kind of impact when you text her. You can of course small talk from time to time, you're a normal human being, you do menial shit, but don't try to take up all her time by texting her about todays weather or her work or whatever. Text her for a REASON. To share a meaningful moment and to show her your qualities. Not because you want attention and validation. It shows in your behavior. It's easy to pick up on if you answer every text immediately because you want to make her your whole life and you answer every text because you're so eager to talk to her. Don't do these things. And NEVER fish for a reply if she doesn't answer or try to return to the subject of an ignored text. It's pathetic. Try not answering her for a change. Consider how you'd text a friend.

If you have established something meaningful with a girl, she will initiate eventually. Meaningful meaning that you have shared some moments in text or person that she appreciates and identifies with.

JWPapi · 2020-03-29T10:51:37+00:00

never imo

Arbon45 · 2020-03-29T13:36:12+00:00

This is just my opinion/advice. I dont think it matters too much how often you text as long as its not all day every day, as it can grow a tad stale. What really matters imo is WHAT you text. I always keep texting very light, fun and flirty. Meaning small texts, maybe a sentence or two long. You dont wanna be taking texting too seriously, I use it more just to let the girl know I'm thinking about her. My advice is to not put paragraph long responses taking about eachothers and plans/lives and all that crap. Keep the interesting and more meaningful stuff for in person. Last thing, when you are texting, dont be glued to your phone. Go about your day, do what ya do, and drop her a text every 10-20 mins. It makes her anticipate your text a bit more and shows you're a busy guy, which is admirable.

Tatin109 · 2020-03-28T23:38:35+00:00

I barely text except to set up dates. That makes them curious

boredAsf_rose · 2020-03-28T22:05:08+00:00

you really over thinking this. just say hey everday my dude it always makes girls happy to get talked to

IEatButtHoles · 2020-03-28T22:37:02+00:00

Whenever you want bro who gives a shit. You should have 10 girls you're talking to plus a vibrant work life and hobbies. The natural cadance will occur without thought. Personally, phone game is one of my strongest aspects. It allows me to get girls to come over without a "date" since I hate wasting time on frivolous nonsense and don't have the time anyway.

jason-todd22 · 2020-03-28T22:41:06+00:00

How often to text her. Maybe once a week but it depends on how long you’ve been communicating (longer would be safer to wait less). Let her look forward to it. Don’t leave her on read for days though, if she texts wait a bit to check so you have some time to forget about it and get on with your day, then reply. The point is not so much to make her feel anything but more so you can keep yourself in check so your emotional needs don’t get in the way of your brain from thinking clearly, you don’t want to be waiting like a dog for her messages you wouldn’t be like that for your buddies so don’t be like that for a girl you may barely know

nanareee · 2020-03-28T23:25:25+00:00

If u approach every time saying hello or so I wouldn’t make the effort of initiating and it would feel like u are trying too hard. Strange enough, if somebody text me to tell something about a shared interest or an inside joke, I feel like he texted for the sake of sharing something I may like.... i don’t feel like he’s needy, I feel like he’s thoughtful and tries to get to know me. It’s a win win situation. But actually is not how u text, is how cute u are and how much I like u

Mammoth-Biscotti · 2020-03-29T00:52:39+00:00

That depends on each individual girl...
you can’t apply the same time with everyone; we’re all different. If she’s busy, if she’s likes texting, if she prefers talking over the phone... all these things factor in... I say text her when you’re thinking about her and reply when she texts you. Avoid playing games... Keep your texts on the short side, but try not to be too monosyllabic and PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF INTELLIGENCE AVOID ACRONYMS!! 😂🙈

klippklar · 2020-03-30T14:05:10+00:00

When it comes to texting: quality > quantity. And never invest more than she does.

Tatin109 · 2020-04-03T21:21:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

hkxh · 2020-03-28T21:39:29+00:00

Text her every other time you have the urge to text her. That way, you give her an opportunity to text you as well so that you’re not texting first all the time, and you can see how interested she is in you.

lukak2002 · 2020-03-28T22:02:25+00:00

Texting is just for setting up dates. You don't wanna talk too much before because she might lose interest.

If she really likes you back, she will check-in with you, but if you're DMing her, she won't initiate anything.

Every other day is probably good. Just ask her how her day with, just small talk. But other than that, texting is for setting-up dates.

praisebetothedeepone · 2020-03-28T21:46:23+00:00

I don't like texting personally so I use it mostly for arranging meetups. If she initiates then I'll chat, but in the end I still push to meet up instead. I figure my time is better spent being given to whatever is directly with me, and a meetup puts her there with me.

quirkypinkllama · 2020-03-28T21:57:45+00:00

Every few days is good to have some meaningful conversation

advant525 · 2020-03-28T22:33:26+00:00

There's no right answer... If u just got her number, maybe once or twice a week depending on how she reciprocates... If friends for a while then continue at the usual pace... Rly depends on the condition and the girl

DaftOdyssey · 2020-03-29T00:02:32+00:00

Text for logistics but since we're human too, ping her as well.

gbnz87 · 2020-03-29T01:53:50+00:00

Every girl is different. Some like 100 messages a day and some are ok with 0 or 1. Some find just texting to meet up creepy and too direct while others really like it. You just have to judge it depending on the girl.

If the girl is active on dating apps, facebook, instagram etc..etc.. she will be getting a lot of attention from thirsty guys so I always like to give a mid week text just to put yourself back in their mind. A couple of check in texts along with being direct in what you want to do is the best imo. I personally really dislike texting as you cant read the person and know what type of reaction you are getting from what you say. Ive never had any skill at texting nor any online type dating because of that. Im just fortunate that the girl im seeing at the moment is pretty direct on text and shes even told me shes not into sending messages that just have no content

bballinboytmac · 2020-03-29T02:11:54+00:00

Don’t overthink and don’t be like a robot sticking to a script for how often you should text. Just don’t blow up anybody’s phone, be patient for responses, and use it for setting up dates.

IsaacShSe · 2020-03-29T03:20:04+00:00

More hopeful response:

Get experience (and learn how it works)
Grow an instict
Listen to your instict

More realist response:

Whenever the fuck you want to, why do you even care and why the f are you thinking about that lol you play by your rules, period.

ryan_the_traplord · 2020-03-29T04:05:26+00:00

My rule of thumb that has helped me is text a girl whenever you have something worth saying. “hey I’m in your town tonight, we should hang out” or “hey I heard the news about (someone mutual) how are they?” Will keep you from ever sounding like your desperate and without making you look like you’re playing a game which can also make you look desperate.

aleister1111 · 2020-03-29T05:45:53+00:00

Just call her. If you like her, ask her out.

SaintVirgin · 2020-03-29T05:56:55+00:00

Hi, You should feel it out. Text her when you want to talk to her. If she responds to your texts, that means she’s into you, and the texting will come naturally.

Go for it!

iedaiw · 2020-03-29T06:40:25+00:00

as often as she is texting you

fourthwallmotionless · 2020-03-29T06:42:05+00:00

Never lie about your age, in any event. Never lie about anything, really. Too much work. If your reality isn't good enough, you need to either improve that reality (where possible, age not so much) or accept when it's a limiting factor in a given situation. When it comes to dating, I expose as much potentially negative or disqualifying information about myself up front. You want to rapidly filter.

ORyantheHunter24 · 2020-03-29T06:45:46+00:00

I actually found myself looking for answers to this just yesterday. Here's a mixture of what I came up with through a few articles as well as what's worked fairly well w/ this new girl I just started texting & a little personal experience(new girl is a gorgeous Latina that's seems a lot more my speed & way diff than girls I've pursued in the past so I'm still learning myself)

*Little tough to give you a super accurate answer as its not stated how long you've known said girl but here's my take:

1)You're the guy & best to err on the side of confidence(still learning this myself also). If you like her, doesn't hesitate to shoot her something friendly to keep things fun & light between you 2, just don't make yourself look needy texting 7x a day, 7 days a week. She likely has other dudes she's talking to & you should be ABSOLUTELY & comfortably doing the same for yourself. By that I mean, just don't feel pressured to chat everyday if that hasn't been the established pattern thus far.

2)Mirror her actions: If she keeps her text to 2-3 lines, you should do the same. Pay attention. Not sure how old you are but at my age(33), there's a # of different things that could be keeping her busy in her everyday life so give consideration to this. Notice the pattern you 2 have been building; take note of that & reciprocate until you get that 'yes' for date night. Same goes for if you only hear from her once every 4-5 days for 10mins, take note & be prepared to move on.

3)as far as her initiating, If she likes you, you won't be forgotten I don't think but females have options my guy, don't ever forget that, especially if she's good looking. My own recent enlightenment & reading has pointed to understanding this: females love confidence, a lot of guys (me included in the past)friendzone themselves being too passive or trying to play it 'toooo cool'. Don't friendzone yourself. All in all, just make sure your conversations are pressure free, fun, & set the tone w/ your intentions, at a reasonable pace of course. You got this my guy & good luck!

MasterSeaworthiness1 · 2020-03-29T07:18:41+00:00

Everyday

blizzyboy23 · 2020-03-29T08:38:32+00:00

Just slowly increase how often you text her, start with simple text and wait 2/3 days. After that talk little longer than first time and slowly build up the amount of texts until she texts you very often and just keep up the pace and set up a meeting. Don't forget flirting via text. It's very important. Just make her want to text you

purple-cockroach · 2020-03-29T10:23:21+00:00

I have 2-3 friend that I like .yes they are girl and I like them and don’t confess to them But I like them to myself I am the one who start conversation every time. I don’t know how to attract them...

modidlee · 2020-03-29T10:55:15+00:00

I was going to say that holding back on texts is unnecessary once you establish that there's a connection between you. But then I realized my girl and other women I've talked to wanted to text all the time even before we started officially dating or the connection was established. So I'd say women that are really interested in you won't see it as a negative if you text a lot no matter what stage of dating you two are at. But some guys taking dating coaches advice and get real stingy with texting and end up losing out on a girl who actually was interested in them.

15458434 · 2020-03-29T10:59:21+00:00

I only text to setup a date otherwise I’m busy.

modidlee · 2020-03-29T11:17:19+00:00

Here's the thing about women and texting/communicating: there's no one size fits all for every situation. A conversation is a two-way thing. She can tell when you like talking to her and she feels you should know if she likes talking to you. Where guys fail is they don't recognize when the woman isn't into their conversation and keeps trying to initiate contact. But on the flip side, if she enjoys your conversation, she feels you should recognize this without her blatantly telling you. So NOT contacting her when she's shown that she likes talking to you can make her feel you're just being an asshole OR that you just want a physical relationship. So if you're texting or talking to a woman and you know she's enjoying it don't limit your texting or talking. I can't even tell you how you'll know though. It takes a certain level of empathy and being present in the moment.

LadyOfLuCidDreamS · 2020-03-29T11:33:13+00:00

Stay home.

-DIrty__MARtini- · 2020-03-29T13:37:17+00:00

How about, you get rid of that toxic masculinity, and text her whenever you want?

raidenbinns · 2020-03-28T20:07:47+00:00

Never lol

LakersAreTerrible25 · 2020-03-28T21:46:38+00:00

Like other people on here have said, it really depends. I'm in uni right now and from my experience with the women I've been with is that there's no definitive answer. Some women I've been with will say they hate texting a lot, some say they don't mind it, some say they really enjoy it. Then you have to consider their preferences in terms of conversation topics on top of that. Some will love to flirt over text, others won't. Same applies to in person, some girls just like to get straight to the action without all the dirty talk per say. If you break these barriers, they could lose interest. The key to this is to not care and text how much you feel you need to. It doesn't make you needy and it doesn't make you an asshole. Just getting enough reps in the dating game will allow you to gauge what type of woman you're dealing with

Rook8875 · 2020-03-28T22:53:27+00:00

Think about this

You likely have less people vocally after you than she does, there will be guys likely trying to wow her

Give her too much space and you shoot yourself in the foot, make sure you keep interest up, time can degrade things because if they arent texting you, they are still on their phones

Time apart from messaging can lead to overthinking too which you dont want either, check in with her, make her feel engaged and dont overconfirm the date either, you dont want that to be the purpose of the check in, it should be you just want to see how they are doing and whats been happening in their life

princewaynekent · 2020-03-28T23:39:32+00:00

With the obvious that’s going on, I need to know this too

relentless_pma · 2020-03-28T19:05:28+00:00

I think think is also matters where, how and when you have met her

JDeezyNYC · 2020-03-28T20:35:51+00:00

Only to schedule the time and place for your next time you will meet or maybe if you have something of extraordinarily significant value you want to share with her....preferably a picture of something interesting of exciting you are doing BUT make sure it's unpredictable

You're welcome

Sid_Insidious · 2020-03-28T20:17:18+00:00

Never. During COVID, all texts from women should go unanswered. Just for a week or so. ;-)

Depressedkid1998 · 2020-03-28T21:29:47+00:00

New question is, how often you should text while in quarentine?

If not i try once a week, maybe 2 if they are into me including spending the night here

Poljon · 2020-03-28T21:31:32+00:00

Just make the conversations last by not answering too soon too often.

depressed_potatobag · 2020-03-28T21:46:31+00:00

Really depends. On many factors ofc like, her mood and your impression. Text her when you feel like it. Generally, you know she isn't interested when the replies get delayed a lot or you get short laconic answers. If that's the case, ask her if she's busy and say "until next time", "ciao" or something like that. This has effect rather than ending the conversation coldly, I probability that she'll text you back when she's free rises significantly.

Also, check her out once a while. The frequency really depends. Girls (or any person in general) like if someone tries to understand them. For example, if you know she might be busy rn, don't text and let her know you haven't texted her at that time. Like, "hey, I found this funny today morning, thought you were busy then" like that. Sometimes, like in vacation, you could text her often. Maybe twice or thrice a day.

oblivionguard69 · 2020-03-28T21:49:07+00:00

Just to set up dates, and if she contacts you first talk a lik then set up a date. If a girl doesnt like you because you dont text her she is insecure

koolex · 2020-03-28T21:45:56+00:00

Usually I dont initiate conversation after a date for a day, then I message her and in that thread I make sure to setup the next meeting usually by next week. I wait the day to give her a chance to reach out to me first. Once the date is setup I respond, but I dont really feel a "need" to keep the conversation going. I'll typically let it die, and then if I see something cool that reminds me of her midweek I'll send her a message to show it off, but I dont expect a big conversation, I never send her boring texts.

So the point is as long as you have a date planned you should not worry too much about texting her. If you start texting her and become seek validation its going to end poorly.

suzieQueue · 2020-03-28T20:42:37+00:00

leave her on read. Girls love that shit.

Title	How often should you text a girl?
Author	Tatin109
Upvotes	375
Comments	150
Date	March 28, 2020 6:30 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/fqpmfa/how_often_should_you_text_a_girl/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-often-should-you-text-a-girl.1493127 https://theredarchive.com/post/1493127

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