I'm devastated and hopeless

seduction-ModTeam · 2025-12-05T01:06:09+00:00

This post is being taken down because it violates Rule #4: Keep it civil and on topic.

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PracticalThrowawae · 2025-12-04T02:35:16+00:00

I recently came out of a 4 year relationship with an stunning gf

Are you FULLY over your relationship? If you've given advise before you may still need to fully complete the separation from that relationship to be fully back in the game.

travism2013 · 2025-12-04T03:13:44+00:00

I'll get swords at me for it but- we can benefit a bit to remember this is modern society yet we are still not brain-adapted for dozens and 100s of rejections. Our human build and brain and framework of "being"...has not caught up to the modern "sense" of the world. No human existed before that had been subjected to what we are nowadays tormented by.

100 years ago or 50yrs ago a man in the age-range 20-40 trying to find a gf or a wife/lifelong...the "village effect" was real. It's social media and internet that says "50 women isn't much at all" - dude 50yrs ago in 2025 means 1975 ...in '75 it was hard to get to that many women *and* get all 50 no in 4 days alone....the numbers guys pull now are to be put under a few different ...idk "lens" or 'scopes' or something 'cause there is yes "being desperate" or "just trying to get used to it" (it = no or some reluctance/hesitance) and then you know...a yes but they're not sure or ready yet emotionally and you could have but that's their state internally and weren't actually honest and tried to shy away/get out fast to not hurt your/my/the dude's feelings.

Notably - i am writing dead ass freaking tired AF so ...i'm also just in furious funk as fuc right now...not feeling filtered though

Perfect_Reception864 · 2025-12-04T03:22:25+00:00

Bro, you need to get your ego in check ASAP, this is what is really coming out of your post. Why are you even approaching girls that are way beneath your ex to begin with? These women are probably picking up that you see them as such and are rejecting you outright for it.

Push yourself, stop trying to feed your ego and approach girls that are way hotter than your ex, that is the path of real growth.

ThisParticularUser · 2025-12-04T09:47:57+00:00

There's no context about how did you get that stunning girl. Probably not from cold approach. If so, it's not relative.

ImpossibleWaiting · 2025-12-04T10:49:26+00:00

Fix your lingering trauma of coming out of a 4 year relationship. No one wants your pain or neediness in the club, people come there to have fun.

ThrowAwayMySadButt · 2025-12-04T12:07:24+00:00

You are not over your ex gf, you don't enjoy yourself while talking to other women, you're desperate to get them, because you treat it as a chore, you don't focus on them when talking to them, but on your ex gf. Need I go on? All of this gives off bad vibes, man...

I think you need to cut yourself out of dating altogether for a little bit. You clearly need to heal after the breakup and being by yourself is the only way to do that. When I was in your place, I went to therapy and I can't express how much that helped. Choose healthier methods of coping, not the self-destructive ones. The game will come back by itself, trust me. Take care.

HomelessMilkman · 2025-12-04T12:47:07+00:00

decent social skills

'Decent' isn't good enough, the feedback is telling you.

Frankly, it's just 'competing stimulus'. The bar is higher if there are drinks, music, dancing, etc. I mean, it's not 'difficult' or complicated, you have to be a more fun option than those things at that time, that's it. You need enthusiasm, charisma, etc. because being 'good-looking' isn't stimulating enough to hold attention amongst other, more engaging options.

So, considering the circumstances of you feeling it's "gut wrenching" and "unbearable", you're "devastated" and "hopeless", the likelihood of you appearing more fun, more stimulating, more enticing, more 'attractive' than the other available options is zero. 'Decent' isn't good enough.

hyper-geometry · 2025-12-04T02:35:55+00:00

Clubs are not good places to pick up.

Some_Cat3514 · 2025-12-04T05:21:44+00:00

I can see why your relationship failed and why you are not getting the results. All your values and validation seems to come from your ex. I'm only attractive men if I have her or some hot chicks.

Worth_Newspaper3678 · 2025-12-04T02:33:56+00:00

We all are

readonlyuser · 2025-12-04T02:38:47+00:00

So you approached like 30-40 women total? That's not exactly a ton of women, and you shouldn't be expecting huge changes within 2 months, especially at that slow rate of approaching.

ConsistentPomelo3303 · 2025-12-04T03:31:07+00:00

Try daytime approaching. Girls are usually a lot nicer. They don’t have their shield up.

Dynamix86 · 2025-12-04T03:40:42+00:00

I’m guessing you either give off the wrong energy and/or are needy. Try approaching when you’re in a really good mood; a smile can help so much for girls to give you a chance

Realistic-Run-4758 · 2025-12-04T03:41:30+00:00

Do you have bad breath possibly?

marsbar890 · 2025-12-04T04:30:40+00:00

Hey man out your energy tp boost morale first. Train your mind and body , travel - take those wanted bucketlost holidays, ofcourse meet random people and just have convos and no hanky panky. Befor you know youll be there again... its a hrd transitiom whem you have been serious about someone..

Prestigious_Water336 · 2025-12-04T07:40:02+00:00

You need to be 100% focused mentally on the woman your talking to in the club.

She can sense when you're not. She'll see the gears turning in your head.

Remember to enjoy yourself and have a good time.

Flirting should be fun for both for you and not feel like a chore.

FinancialEmotion3526 · 2025-12-04T09:24:57+00:00

That’s your cue to take the advice from here with a pound of salt, guys. If you're looking for a female perspective, most of us find it repulsive when a guy approaches more than one girl in front of us. If they see you wandering around a bar and bothering attractive women just because they're good-looking without trying to make a compliment personal, they won't reciprocate when you talk to them next.

Chicagoj1563 · 2025-12-04T10:53:26+00:00

3-4 girls per night is probably not enough. You could also consider combining night game, daygame, and online to up the numbers game. Or just go out more.

Also, these results is how the game works. You need to improve your social skills. You aren’t standing out. You probably come across like every other guy, so they ignore you.

How can you be more fun and engaging off the open? What can you experiment with? Don’t just keep doing what isn’t working.

A pickup coach used to say that he watches his students reactions in between sets closely. Are they having fun? Are they in a good mood even off negative responses? You probably need to work on this.

leafygyal · 2025-12-04T11:44:50+00:00

Maybe you need to focus on quality over quantity.

OneChrisHanson · 2025-12-04T13:34:30+00:00

I have been in this situation many times; date hot girl (you think shes hot) for years- easy sex, that return to dating market which is harder than ever.

Truth is - you are being a pussy. I was same way - you are still craving your gf, and youre letting it get you down.

Go to club. Do more numbers. Dress better. Bring more friends. Talk with more energy. Get back your hope

SuperPoop · 2025-12-04T13:46:01+00:00

Self-pity is an extremely unattractive quality. Something is not adding up with what you are saying. Only you know the answer.

Discopotatoz · 2025-12-04T15:08:23+00:00

You're young mate, and just out of a four-year relationship.. With time the experience will come. The best advice for you is to stop caring so much. Really truly believe it. Amused mastery is key. You're literally above the rejection and you're amused by girls antics. That's the mindset. Approaching girls in the club is different than approaching them in other places. Women get dolled up and go to clubs because their value instantly increases by walking through the door. It's fairly likely you're bringing some issues from your relationship into your approaches and it's hurting your chances. If you're out talking to other girls, your ex should be the last thing on your mind. Falling into the trap of "I just need to get another girl like her" will haunt you and negatively affect your outcomes.

javlck_stripe · 2025-12-04T15:53:07+00:00

That's what you get when you decide other people should determine your own value.

ModeoneUk · 2025-12-04T21:53:16+00:00

Honestly bro, you have to remember you're not going to get high quality girls at clubs.

And I think you start focusing in yourself more.

Level up.

I've been on one night out the past 365 days.

Honestly can't say I'm missing much.

Night out and clubs feels like Satan to me.

Experiential with day time approaches and focus in yourself.

ModeoneUk · 2025-12-04T21:56:08+00:00

OK yeah so u know you can get attractive girls right? So why you bothered if some girls don't want to know.

It could be your approach, it could even be your looks who cares? Looks are subjective meaning one girl could find you hot while another can find you not so hot.

Acrobatic-Show3732 · 2025-12-04T08:12:08+00:00

There is something that really gives me off vibes in your way you describe cold aproach, the Girls you aproach and how you describe your relationship and your ex.

I think you need therapy because you sound like a dick, and a walking red flag.

Daproachint woman you consider "below" you, and talking about them like that? The entitlement?

And whats worse! Not anyone calling you out on this sub. Like, hotness IS the only thing you can see in a women? You are blind! You are meeting an entire universe of a person in each interaction and you only see a category and a 1-10 rating? If course you are getting ignored.

Here IS my analysis:

You have been relying in good looks Up until now, but in terms of Game, you have been cutting corners and slacking off. Your inner Game IS a mess and your value system too, and as you get older It Will be more difficult because women that just want a fuck Will just look for a younger dude. They have been exposed by this age by douches like you and they avoid that. Online dating also Will eat your toast in that sense more and more.

Thats one possibility. Other one IS you are giving desperation vibes , trying to hard. What else IS going on in your Life? Do you have Anything going for you besides good looks? Career? Hobbies? Etc. When they start meeting you, IS there Anything worth meeting? How old are you?

[Deleted line because I was a dick]

Edit: the last line was completely unnecesary, maybe i was reading too much into It and came out too judgemental, sorry op. I really Hope you find the success you are looking for. The Core of my post and my advice would be, maybe reframe what success means. Sex and seduction is much more than scoring, and you are missing out on tons of fun because of obsessing over it.

How many Girls have you made smile in the last 2 months? How much sexual tensión have you created in an enjoyable manner? Maybe start measuring yourself by your skills and how you dominate the craft, and not your results in that sense. Maybe the solution to your problem IS there, in the fundamentals.

Special-Outcome-3233 · 2025-12-04T02:34:01+00:00

That isn’t even a lot of girls. Try going to different bars and talking to at least 20.

TMGP19 · 2025-12-04T02:35:53+00:00

You need to be doing high volume approach for any attempt at success. I'm saying 50-100 per week at minimum for multiple plates. If your looking for a gf I'd say 50. Let me know if you need me to elaborate

Sufficient_Might3173 · 2025-12-04T04:23:23+00:00

Ex gf was stunning but the girls who reject him are “way below” her. 🤣🤡🤡

Nikalinov · 2025-12-04T22:10:24+00:00

you’re cooked twin

Title	I'm devastated and hopeless
Author	Morty7654345
Upvotes	66
Comments	64
Date	December 4, 2025 2:31 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1pdo6p1/im_devastated_and_hopeless/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-devastated-and-hopeless.1568008 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568008

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