Question, what’s one or two things you’ve done to massively change your dating game?

UnsuitableTrademark · 2024-02-29T04:43:00+00:00

Actually therapy. Deadass. Didn't expect myself to be saying this. The 23-year-old kid in me woulda been like, "Pfft, BETA MALE!"

But as a 31 year old who's seen everything in the game...

Figuring out my deep rooted problems that were leading to cold approach anxiety, lack of CORE confidence, etc... helped tons.

I have a journal prompt that helped me uncover my blind spots and it's what I bring to therapy every week. It's helped me more than anything. Happy to share the list here if folks are interested.

Edit: Ok. Looks like people are interested in the prompt. Here you go:

What happened
What did I feel as a result
What did I do as a result of those feelings
What behaviors did I engage in as a result of those feelings? (If it was a negative feeling, we usually cope with a maladaptive behavior to help us "soothe". An example would be, "oh, I noticed how I acted aloof in that date even though I cared a lot about it. I notice I act aloof every time I'm trying to come across as cool or alpha, interesting)
⁠What beliefs does this reinforce for me? (I am enough / I am not enough)

What you'll find is that lots of stressful situations will trigger a negative feeling, which will result in you adopting some sort of behavior to cope.

Goal is to bring awareness to your patterns. We all have them. But the idea is the more awareness = more you can change.

Let me know if that helps or if there is any confusion. It's surfaced a lot of invisible scripts and limiting beliefs for me.

Edit 2: if you want to keep going down the inner-work and transformation rabbit hole, here are my favorite must have resources: (not associated with any, legit just think these are badass and helped me):

Man's Guide to Psychology by Mark Derian
joinanimus dot com (specifically, the Unconscious Map course)
The Power of Focusing by Ann Cornell
The Angry Book
Transformation course by Julien Blanc (I don't like RSD, but this course is important)

I would focus on these five resources. Then after that focus on whatever you want. These will set you straight. If money is tight, I'd focus on the first two resources.

Cry_Appropriate579 · 2024-02-29T19:28:57+00:00

Hey man, really sorry to hear about your tough times. But it's great that you're looking to bounce back and get out there again. I was in a somewhat similar boat a while back and what really changed the game for me was diving deep into online dating, but with a twist. I stumbled upon this ebook that was all about leveraging AI to amp up your online dating profile and even automate some of the initial messaging. Sounds a bit out there, but hear me out. The idea is to use AI tools to help craft a profile that really stands out. It's not just about putting up a few good pics and writing about your hobbies. The AI analyzes what works best in profiles based on a ton of data and helps tailor yours to be more engaging. And for messages, it helps come up with opener messages that are more likely to get responses based on the person's profile you're interested in. It's like having a wingman who knows exactly what to say. I was skeptical at first, but decided to give it a shot, and the results were pretty eye-opening. The number of matches and engaging conversations I had went up significantly. It felt like I was finally having fun with it, rather than it being a chore. Might sound a bit unconventional, but in today's dating scene, it feels like a bit of innovation can really set you apart. Worth a shot if you're looking to shake things up!

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-02-29T07:43:24+00:00

Becoming more dominant and masculine.

Creating my own unique openers.

Working on my communication and sub communication.

Paying attention to the way women interact with me.

Talking to at least 3 women a day.

Looking in a full length mirror to make sure I was tidy.

Never wearing grey sweats or sandals etc on the street.

Also studying hermeticism and practising self hypnosis.

oyepiyush · 2024-02-29T04:32:32+00:00

Gained muscle and saw how people considered me beautiful and my thoughts looked good. However I was still the same when I was kinda underweight.

But this just irritates me how girls have completely changed their behaviour because now I look "acceptable" and good.

So my dating life has almost taken a UTurn.

Sometimes I feel like being a serial cheater and massive manipulator to take revenge of what I was subjected to, for years.

WatchExpert1672 · 2024-02-29T05:52:21+00:00

Let the girl do 90% of the talking!!!

AnthonyPillarella · 2024-02-29T04:48:10+00:00

I'm sorry about the breakup.

The bar for men right now is...odd. Painfully low as far as being a good partner goes, but kind of unintuitive on how to become someone's partner.

1. Social Skills

This subreddit is more or less about the social skills side of things, so I'll just give an overview.

Most people go into most interactions on some version of autopilot. Being particularly thoughtful about your body language, active listening, or the way you phrase things goes a really long way.

Having good answers to the standard, "what do you do," "where are you from" questions sets your conversations off to a great start. Knowing how to turn small talk into deeper conversations keeps them interesting. Being self-amused, makes you more entertaining to be around.

2. Instagram

Now that you're newly single, allow me to let you in on a little secret: Instagram is the only dating app worth using.

No, not to slide in DMs. You set it up with attractive pictures of you doing things you enjoy or care about - you know, the ones that would go on a dating profile.

You post/share stories you find funny or interesting.

You never ask for a phone number again. You swap Instagrams with everyone you meet and even like a little bit.

With a phone number, you're a faceless name in their phone. You have to remind them of what you were like when they met you x days ago.

With Instagram, your message comes with your picture and a snapshot of who you are. You can reply to their stories, they can reply to yours. It feels safer for women, and builds familiarity faster.

If life gets in the way, and you can't meet up for a bit, that's okay. You're still in contact, getting a feel for each other.

Zihut · 2024-02-29T09:27:15+00:00

Not focusing on my attractions, but instead on interacting with everyone. It helped me a lot, with making more connections that lead to dating. But more importantly I think people can sense when you are interacting for a specific reason and not just for the interaction. But when you start talking with everyone then everything becomes just another interaction, and it shows.

Pyroftw3 · 2024-02-29T05:42:58+00:00

Looks: Lost bodyfat, gotten muscle, tailoed my facial hair+haircut for my face, dyed eyebrows darker because they looks awful when not.

Gotten somewhat profesional pictures for dating apps(high quality pictures but made by friends) + premium tinder + premium bumble.

Most important is to not talk to women too much online but try to move them on a date quickly, if they are interested in you they will be down to meet after just a bit of chating.

On date: be relaxed, don't compliment them on looks, if she doesn't seem interested or is acting bitchy or stuck up just leave, no need to waste time, if you have a good vibe invite them to your place.

Noiam_Chomsky · 2024-02-29T10:26:34+00:00

Feeling and especially acting like you love her (whether you do or not) will turn most women off 50-100%. Concealing your affection (or not having it) while acting calm and stoic, and not warm or mushy, will get her wetter than a water fountain. Exceptions apply, but most women want the best guy they can get who likes them the least, because it means he doesn't need her (attractive to her) and has other/better options(even more attractive). Just my 2 cents

Good_Republic_1239 · 2024-02-29T10:55:16+00:00

Not giving a duck if she likes me back or not, being detached from the outcome, not being afraid to offend her in one way or another, throwing in a cunning smrik(not a full-on smile)MOST IMPORTANTLY.. SMELLING GREAT.. I don't know but this always boosts my confidence by 110% being vague about certain details about myself so that she can imagine the rest on her own orme slowly reveal a little about myself

Dante_leigh · 2024-02-29T06:35:44+00:00

Go to a local popular market such as Trader's Joe's and act "dumb" in deciding what to buy and ask for their help.

Dandys3107 · 2024-02-29T06:56:56+00:00

You simply need to catch every possible opportunity. Reach out and take your prize by yourself. Many girls may fancy you from a distance, but they can really fall in love after experiencing direct interaction with lots of deep emotions and feelings.

Radiant-Positive-582 · 2024-02-29T15:26:55+00:00

I'm in a short term drought rn so maybe my input is kinda worthless, but it's still important to have a certain amount of introspection about what went wrong in the past. So for me, I could get plenty of dates and women would be very receptive to me "being myself". My personality is not the problem at all, it is simply my lack of making a confident move and over talking on dates.

Now if you have to carry a convo because a girl is kind of reserved, that's different. I have had women still want to fuck me due to this, but there are also women who genuinely want you to just let them talk. Get to know them. Be engaging and present. I fumbled 2-3 first dates just because I talked entirely too much instead of just letting them carry the convo and I just laugh and flirt. So the best approach is just to make her feel comfortable by just being around you.. ask good questions, show genuine interest in what she's telling you.

Also, you gotta make a move man. I would be way too timid in the past with women who are interested. A girl will be at my place, I won't make a move because I'm not thinking about it. A girl will be giving me the "fuck me eyes" and play with her hair on the date, and I won't invite her over to give her the business. I just asked myself.. why am I on dating apps if I'm not trying to escalate?

So now I'm just being more aware of what is actually happening and reacting to it. I was moving like a dude who had "no hookups" in my bio subconsciously, and that's just not aligning with what I actually wanted. You need to be making eye contact and listening to what she's saying. There are usually caveats that will indicate that she/s feeling you, and you can go from there. Just don't use any corny lines or make shit weird, just go for what you want. That's what worked for me in the past.

Dante_leigh · 2024-02-29T06:35:22+00:00

Go to a local popular market such as Trader's Joe's and act "dumb" in deciding what to buy and ask for their help.

garnageman · 2024-02-29T06:03:59+00:00

Dressing better and not getting too hung up on one person

VrilHunter · 2024-02-29T10:26:29+00:00

Gym
Ability to carry a conversation and gauge interest.

TRTGymBro · 2024-02-29T12:07:27+00:00

Learned to enjoy being alone and to stop fearing it. Once you do that, no woman will ever have leverage over you. What can she do? Deny you sex? Threaten to leave you for another man? Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you.

CheJunSev · 2024-02-29T15:34:50+00:00

Learn inner game: When I first started pickup, I exclusively focused on outer game. Qualifications, push-pulls, all very Todd V stuff. It worked... to an extent. But when I learned how to project sexual intent (thanks James Marshall!) my game advanced 10 fold.

Do you still need outer game? Absolutely.

Think of it like playing a character in an MMORPG. Your outer game is your attack powers, while inner game is your passive abilities. They both work together in unison.

Traveling: This one is a bit unique since most guys won't be able to do this. But I was a digital nomad for approximately a year and a half. I lived in both South America and Asia.

Suppose you're able to date between vastly different cultures (e.g. dating culture in, say, Chicago or Cebu City in the Philippines). In that case, you can learn how to read a girl's blueprint more easily and pivot your game on a girl by girl basis.

This is particularly helpful if you live in a multinational city like Chicago, Los Angeles or New York City.

CharmingRejector · 2024-03-01T00:12:29+00:00

Giving up. No, honestly I did, and now women pick me up. I wish this was simple to explain... Like, I haven't given up in a negative way. Or perhaps letting go is a better word? Yes. Let go. Of outcomes. Of needs. Of sorrows. Of women who does not reciprocate. And linger in that feeling of tension with the ones who you deep down know that really like you. 💘
Early on, though, before I was good at PU, the best thing I ever found was this article: Social Vibing.
The third thing I learned early on, was how you can escalate completely fearlessly if you just find your own state of bliss and inner peace. Also learn how to escalate early. The best first trick, then, is the extended hand hold, where you shake hands normally, but then loosen your grip but don't let go first - to see what they do.

brogith · 2024-03-01T04:49:53+00:00

Idk man, take time for yourself. I’m recently out of a long term relationship and I’m not ready for meeting up or hooking up with girls and it sounds like you could use some personal growth before getting right into rebounding

ChicoBrillo · 2024-02-29T11:55:06+00:00

When I stopped focusing on seduction mainly, and broadened my goals to developing more social skills in general.

If you're good at socializing, you will meet more people, hear about more events, still build up those core skills like confidence and appearing at ease in social situations.

I think a lot of dudes, esp younger guys these days, hyper focus on women to the point that they're just sitting in their rooms swiping on apps until their fingers hurt. You are not improving yourself doing this, you need to go have real life conversations with real people.

listern1 · 2024-02-29T13:16:17+00:00

Getting a solid, emotionally mature, female friend that has my back, is a good wing girl that knows who's my type and is able to point them out whenever she comes across them. Pre-selection, understanding the mind of women, so many benefits of having healthy females around you

letsgetwizzyy · 2024-02-29T16:25:09+00:00

I attribute most of my success to internalizing the idea that women love boldness and they love having fun and playful conversations. There's a saying that "girl's just wanna have fun" and it's very true.

Additionally, I attribute my success to being a really good listener. Being an effective listener is one of the most seductive things you can do with a woman. More specifically, being outwardly oriented and present in the conversation. Demonstrating that your full focus and attention is on the person speaking, and that you are genuinely interested in them and what they have to say as a person is extremely seductive because so rarely do other people take a genuine interest in another person. When you do this, you exude warmth and make the woman you are speaking to feel cared for, things we humans so rarely get from one another.

This article goes into more detail about how to seduce women via listening: https://open.substack.com/pub/jackedguy/p/how-to-seduce-any-woman?r=31tj3q&utm\_campaign=post&utm\_medium=web

This goes into more detail about women loving boldness and having fun and playful conversations: https://open.substack.com/pub/jackedguy/p/how-to-seduce-any-wom

ExpensiveGrave · 2024-02-29T04:30:06+00:00

Looksmaxxing is really the only thing that ever changed anything.

It’s like the key and peele skit “okay”. It’s incredible how little effort is involved once you’re considered physically attractive.

Theboynextdoor09 · 2024-02-29T14:38:35+00:00

Your a great man keep staying strong.. In regards your question, developing a deep connection that is incomparable to what she has had on the past with other men

Pain_Tough · 2024-02-29T19:05:13+00:00

I don’t force the issue and let it come to me

SugarMyChurros · 2024-03-01T01:58:13+00:00

If you don’t already: Start lifting weights

IntrovertDatingCoach · 2024-03-02T08:40:15+00:00

I learned about "The Illusion of Action." Basically, as men we are designed to be doers, so we feel in order to get the results we want in life, we have to constantly be doing things to make them happen.

We do this same thing in dating as well, and cause overwhelm to the women we're trying to date. How so? We text constantly; we tell them all the feelings we're having for them as they come to us; we fight tooth and nail to get their attention, even moreso when it feels like they're starting to ghost us.

In short: we do all these actions thinking it'll help us progress with women and keep them around. And yet, it usually does the opposite.

The biggest shift for me occurred when I realized that doing LESS action - and only doing actions at the right time - would net me better results.

Example: I could spend hours on the phone trying to text a woman to "build rapport", which usually resulted in her eventually answering back less; OR, I could send ONE text to ask her out for a date.

Lo and behold: doing this resulted in more dates, more hook-ups, and more relationships.

Another example: after a couple of dates, I would try and go out of my way to start buying the woman I was dating gifts and presents, and be surprised when she wasn't as enthused about said gifts as I expected. They didn't lead to her having more feelings for me, so it was wasted effort. BUT, when I held back on buying gifts until we were in a relationship, that first gift I bought would cause them to be ESTATIC, in part because it felt more earned to them.

So... yeah. These days I find it's easier to get into relationships by doing LESS work. Do not confuse that, by the way, with NO work - I've just learned to know WHEN to work and when to be patient and hold back a bit.

Westernation · 2024-03-02T10:13:31+00:00

Tbh?

ADD MUSCLE.

It’ll hurt like nothing else in this life - but get in the gym.

Use some ‘supplements’ if you need to.

But the fact is, only about 20% of men have flat stomachs. Less than 10% of men have visible abs.

Do that, and you automatically have women looking at you. They can’t help it, they’re hardwired to be drawn to fit, muscular males.

Seems pretty obvious, right?

AnthonyPillarella · 2024-02-29T04:39:57+00:00

Paying a little extra attention to my social skills, and correctly using Instagram.

1. Social Skills

Most people go into most interactions on some version of autopilot. Being particularly thoughtful about your body language, active listening, or the way you phrase things goes a really long way.

Having good answers to the standard, "what do you do," "where are you from" questions sets your conversations off to a great start.

Instagram

Now that you're newly single, allow me to let you in on a little secret: Instagram is the only dating app worth using.

No, not to slide in DMs. You set it up with attractive pictures of you doing things you enjoy or care about - you know, the ones that would go on a dating profile.

You post/share stories you find funny or interesting.

You never ask for a phone number again. You swap Instagrams with everyone you meet and even like a little bit.

With a phone number, you're a faceless name in their phone. You have to remind them of what you were like when they met you x days ago.

With Instagram, your message comes with your picture and a snapshot of who you are. You can reply to their stories, they can reply to yours. It feels safer for women, and builds familiarity faster.

If life gets in the way, and you can't meet up for a bit, that's okay. You're still in contact, getting a feel for each other.

Also, I'm sorry about the breakup.

The bar for men right now is...odd. Painfully low as far as being a good partner goes, but kind of unintuitive on how to become someone's partner.

I hope this helps.

BulletDodger · 2024-02-29T16:12:47+00:00

Join a band as lead singer.

Title	Question, what’s one or two things you’ve done to massively change your dating game?
Author	pikestreetjitterbug
Upvotes	88
Comments	153
Date	February 29, 2024 4:23 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1b2reoj/question_whats_one_or_two_things_youve_done_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/question-whats-one-or-two-things-youve-done-to.1427401 https://theredarchive.com/post/1427401

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