Seduction is making me depressed.

take1fortheteam · 2018-12-05T17:34:39+00:00

That's a long and deep tunnel to dig. There's a lot to learn and what helped me the most was working on myself.

Gym, reading, hobby, and focus on your career. Career, of course, can be anything from a degree as a professional to an electrician or even just a small investor. Find something that keeps you afloat and happy.

I found that working on myself improved my self-esteem and gave me more to talk about on a date. Once you have that confidence you'll realize that you're not trying to find someone who will accept you, but rather someone that you accept. I found myself rejecting women I found no interest in rather than being desperate and clingy for no reason other than my sex drive saying I shouldn't walk away.

Oh and work on your vices! If you're a smoker, drinker, or have any other kind of addiction try to control it.

Ezekwesili · 2018-12-05T18:08:17+00:00

Become comfortable with rejection, put yourself out there, practice practice practice, learn from trial and error. We all have to start from somewhere.

Kenic_In_MD · 2018-12-05T18:38:55+00:00

I failed a ton starting out myself, I still mess up even now. "You either win, or you learn" there is no failure.

Dayman-Nightman · 2018-12-05T17:56:09+00:00

Get out of your own head. Easier said than done but try and stop letting it consume your thoughts.

JUST_WANTTOBEHAPPY · 2018-12-05T17:57:21+00:00

It's common, you have days when girl is jumping on your laps or you just have bad day with seduction like God forbid your peepee to enter a woman vajajay. Slow down, take a break, remember why you got into this in first place. Think what you did wrong how could you do better, but for now just relax.

The only way to break the cycle, eg thinking about girl and being more desperate , is take a break a while and come back in fresh, if not you are just banging your head against the wall.

You are still 21,relax, plenty of time to improve. Also sounds like you have trouble closing, read on how to get girls a. K. A strike when the iron is hot instead of waiting too long.

baddog992 · 2018-12-05T18:04:43+00:00

Uh perhaps I am reading this wrong but don't you want to date a single girl that is friendly? I was 25 when I finally got laid.

Like anything that does not come natural you just need to read up and try what works for you. Reading and then doing is what helped me out.

mseand · 2018-12-05T19:20:33+00:00

Find out she’s single? What? Lol if she’s single then that’s a good sign and an easier route.

I really think you’re sulking over the fact that you don’t have skill. It’s either that or you barely approach

A_solo_tripper · 2018-12-05T22:30:01+00:00

Do a field report after approaching and attempting to seduce 10 women. Post the field report and we can break it down together.

None of this "woe is me" shit.

Indyrect4Lyfe · 2018-12-05T18:10:04+00:00

That's the typical situation of a man who is not handsome or popular. Attractive women are scarce and already get all the sex they want from handsome and popular men. There is no untapped undiscovered source of women.

Maybe you could start some stupid hobby like dancing or frisbee-throwing. That may get you a plain at best girlfriend in a few years. But that's what people on this sub consider a great success and a proof that you're worked on yourself and grown as a man.

shushravens · 2018-12-05T18:28:40+00:00

There is another post on this sub about self-compassion versus self-esteem, you might find it useful. It helped me.

spnger4life · 2018-12-05T18:44:30+00:00

Go to the gym, and rep it out. You'll feel better.

brinkrunner · 2018-12-05T20:17:46+00:00

everyone is gonna say the same shit in this thread:

"Just keep at it, it'll work out eventually!"

but imo, those are just dudes so hyped on the idea of game and they want it to work so bad, so any negative stories about it need to quashed.

truth is, it ain't for everyone. I was into it a year ago, realized how super cringe it is, and stopped. you just need to relax and take some time off from it, do what you like to do and just stop thinking about women all the time. tbh, getting laid is nice but its not as important as making yourself happy. i stopped caring about women and started doing my usually dork-ass hobbies that i thought i needed to cut back on, and now I feel way better then when I was anxiously trying to hit on women with cringey, wannabe-manipilative tactics.

PrideInIndividuality · 2018-12-05T17:50:03+00:00

I can’t get laid at 21 at all.

LOL, you think you're old.

AbuSultan54L · 2018-12-05T21:14:26+00:00

To get someone who is attractive isn’t an easy task she has a lot of dudes hitting on her. Start with slightly heavier girls who have a pretty face.. or more average girls.

Because no offense if you were an attractive guy you barely even need game. About 2 years ago I used to be in fairly good shape.. groomed myself a lot and put myself out there. I got a lot of girls hit on me or I if I tried it wouldn’t be too hard. 2 years later I gain weight and let’s just say it’s not that easy. Now getting back in shape and grooming myself.

My tip is to pick a girl keep it simple. Start a neutral opener build upon it and put in the fact that you’re doing this because you think she’s gorgeous(use that term) and tell her you like her vibe. Small talk.. get her number and that’s it. Text her, set logistics meet her up.. during the date show her no special respect. Make jokes.. touch her.. and at the end try going for a kiss .. and tease her about going to her place or bringing her to yours.. if she refuses ok,,, if not then it is what is.

DarkArtsPUA11 · 2018-12-05T19:47:00+00:00

you haven't experienced enough pain yet. if you were really in pain and really depressed, i fucking guarantee you'd be changing shit up quickly and starting to get laid. simply put, you aren't suffering nearly enough, you need to go through more hardship

TigreBrasi · 2018-12-05T19:49:53+00:00

First and foremost is you need swag and confidence. It sounds like you're a good natured guy who wants love. Most of us are. Yet you can't seem to be "too in need of love and attention". Play it cool. Like you could careless because at the end of the day you are the mfing man.

Second read the Art of Seduction. You need it.

FeelTheLove- · 2018-12-05T20:30:37+00:00

Attitude is really important and be patience.... patience is a virtue that you need to focus on! Patience pays off!

jdmcong · 2018-12-05T21:13:24+00:00

This may not be the answer you’re looking to hear but sometimes it does take time. Like some of the other guys have mentioned sometimes it’s better to work on yourself first. Once you find things you like to do that can help serve as conversation starters etc. I had trouble for a long time and kept wondering why I had no luck with girls despite thinking I had some type of game.

Start thinking about some of the things you like and try and find someone who has similar interests. For me, I like EDM music and festivals so that was my go to for a lot of the girls I had first started talking to. Starts off as who do you listen to/have you ever been to a festival/if so which etc. Once people feel they have a more common ground they may be more prone to opening up and building from there.

PinballWizrd · 2018-12-05T21:25:00+00:00

I HIGHLY recommend you read this post from yesterday, it sounds you really need it right now (Watch the linked video too):

https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/a35m3k/this_youtube_video_i_found_kind_of_fucked_with_my/?utm_source=reddit-android

Being harsh on yourself when you are not successful is like kicking yourself while you're down - it doesn't help, it just makes it worse.

Foobyx · 2018-12-05T21:33:42+00:00

lot of people outside of movies, "chad", braging people over internet, are virgin 21+. There is really nothing to be alarmed.

Crixusgannicus · 2018-12-05T21:38:16+00:00

The easiest seduction is music. Guitar works best. Piano second best, but you can't lug one around.

Actually if you can sing that works even better than guitar, but you have to have more balls to walk around singing than just sitting somewhere strumming a guitar.

Also walking around singing can look, well, nuts in some situations and places, but nobody thinks anything of someone walking or sitting around playing a guitar.

unclesteve_12 · 2018-12-06T01:29:49+00:00

Most of it is boundaries.

Understanding what yours are. Accepting it. Living by it.

It sounds like you have some sort of expectation, I would dive further into this. Why do you have an expectation? What is the expectation?

The easiest thing that I learned is to do the things I want to do.

Also, recognizing that attraction is more than seeing a hot girl. You may get to know that hot girl and be repulsed by her actions. Again goes back to boundaries.

Don’t put women on a pedestal just because you wanna fuck her over one ...

Sit yourself on the pedestal and enjoy life. Say hi to the women across the bar you wanted to. Tell her why. Tell her a joke. Be playful. Key thing here - enjoy yourself first.

edkd · 2018-12-06T02:28:38+00:00

/u/recyclablebanthas

recyclablebanthas · 2018-12-06T03:03:28+00:00

Seduction is making me depressed.

It's really not. There's something else going on. You tried to pave over it with seduction and it didn't work.

But "seduction," at its heart, is social interaction. Humans are social creatures, so if you're doing it right, it should be helping, not "making you depressed."

I’ve had zero luck with seduction. I’ve had a lot of opportunities to meet women, yet I always mess it up. I either get ignored, find out that girl is single, or if that girl is single and friendly, I wait too long and another guy swoops right in and starts sleeping with her or dating her.

Sounds like you're not building enough of a foundation here. Quick checklist:

Do you have one or more social circles?
Do you have a tight group of close friends?
Do you have plenty to do even without potential dates with girls?
Are you happy spending a quiet night in, even on a Saturday?

Rhyat450 · 2018-12-06T03:33:37+00:00

Check RSDTyler on youtube it helps

tinchy5 · 2018-12-06T07:34:06+00:00

I can tell you for a fact that you are basing your happiness on your interactions with other people. No matter what happens from this you will never truly be happy. I'm also 21 and I used to be absolutely horrible with the ladies because in every single interaction i would over think things and try and act in a way o thought girls would like. Be yourself. First learn how to be comfortable around women without having any expectations, learn to enjoy your time as an individual then people will enjoy spending time with you.

And don't feel pressure because of your age. Life is not a competition, just because things are happening to others that aren't happening to you doesn't mean you are in a bad place. We should continuously seek to improve ourselves, and in that vein improve yourself, not for any girl or for the sake of picking up girls but because of your own sake. Work out, get a hobby, just do something anything.

Been on r/seduction for a couple months now and I still don't have a girlfriend but I've been on more dates in the past couple months than in all the previous years in my life. The guys here have helped me improve my interactions and have taught me to better love myself.

Company should be an option not a necessity for you to feel happy.

GITOUTofhere · 2018-12-06T16:08:40+00:00

It IS hard. Women will never understand how hard it is to get laid or attention since they get it in spades. Never expect them to be able to understand that.

Take your attention away from them and work on yourself and also seriously see all of this seduction stuff as a game. Like points and non-reality. Don't put your ego on the line and don't expect them to sympathize. It's a constant frame battle and right now you're gonna have to work on being the best you can be ASAP. You have no time to be upset on being sexually/emotionally deprived. You need to find it in yourself to keep yourself tuned up and working like a well oiled machine. Put yourself out there after a while and talk to these girls like they're your little sister and never take them serious. Lower the standards for success and learn to turn girls into beta orbiters.

Don't see sex as a goal but see it as a side reward. Don't worry about being validated or loved and focus on making yourself into something you always wanted to be. Forget the emotional bullshit and just get to work.

fr4nc1s4 · 2018-12-06T22:19:55+00:00

First off, take a step back and pride yourself with the fact you're trying. You're already doing more than most by approaching women.

Second, I think you answered your own question here. No offense but you might be coming off as desperate since you want it so bad.

Try this: instead of focusing on the bigger goal, I.E. getting laid, focus on micro goals that may lead to the bigger goal. Such as making a girl laugh, getting a girl's number, maintaining a substantial convo for a period of time.

All those little things will lead up to the overall goal eventually. It isn't easy.

You're 21, you have plenty of time.

UncomfortableRun · 2018-12-05T20:24:17+00:00

First of all, your 21...the simple fact that there's so much life ahead of you should make you optimistic not depressed. I'm sorry that you're down, as someone who has struggled with depression I know how bad it can feel and how good(?) The self loathing can feel. Please please please don't let this ride continue. Get off this rollercoaster asap.

Best thing you can do is to stop chasing women and start attracting them. What I mean is, pour yourself into your life. Re-enstill some lost self confidence, build on your victories in life to build yourself up. Pour yourself into things you are passionate about. Focus on your life and hobbies and women who are into the same things will take notice of your excellence and be attracted to you.

kslidz · 2018-12-05T22:37:16+00:00

I would say get drunk and sleep with a couple people that are interested in you but you arent really interested in physically. Boosts ego and makes you not rusty.

Title	Seduction is making me depressed.
Author	edkd
Upvotes	47
Comments	105
Date	December 5, 2018 4:42 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/a3dziw/seduction_is_making_me_depressed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/seduction-is-making-me-depressed.1287762 https://theredarchive.com/post/1287762

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