So, when do girls start thinking it is offensive to not make phisical moves?

fillfee · 2022-10-19T03:36:53+00:00

As a man you’re expected to lead the interaction, you take the risks and if you make the move and she pulls back then lay off. Obviously you want to make her feel comfortable through out the date, but once you get her laughing and opening up you should be able to make a move.

pikecat · 2022-10-19T06:19:36+00:00

Any girl could think that. You found one that did. Many girls do have a tendency to this.

I'm going to differ from some other people here. You're better off trying when not wanted than to not try when wanted. The latter can make a girl upset.

When your inexperienced with women, you tthink that women will be offended by advances. Later you learn that they're not. They know what's up.

When you get more experienced, you read when to do what.

If you accept a 'no' then you're ok. Unless it's no as Bill Burr talks about.

neversleeps212 · 2022-10-19T06:10:18+00:00

Offensive isn’t quite the right term. But yes I’d you don’t initiate a kiss you run the risk that either the woman doesn’t feel like you find her attractive or she feels like you’re not confident and capable of seducing her.

There’s no easy rule on when to go for the kiss or not. It’s really about reading a woman’s body language. If she’s leaning in towards, seems comfortable when you touch her arm or shoulder, and is even touching you back, those are all good signs that she’s probably receptive to a kiss. But nothing is guaranteed.

Conversely if she’s checking her phone, doesn’t touch you at all, and seems to pull back from touch, she’s not feeling it.

Also, just because a girl denies your kiss on a first date, it doesn’t mean it won’t work out. My ex actually curved my kiss attempts on dates 1 and 2 (this was early summer of 2021) because she’d only had 1 of 2 COVID vax doses. But by date 4 we were having sex and we ended up dating over a year.

Ultimately, going for a first kiss isn’t about some formula or ritual. It’s about connection, intimacy, and vulnerability with another person.

WalkaDawgy · 2022-10-19T03:19:55+00:00

I totally get it. I never know if I should push things or allow them to happen, especially when intoxicants are involved. I figure it’s always good to do less rather than more. Plus, think of your own self respect. How would you feel if you kissed her and she wasn’t into it? You would feel like garbage, or at least I would.

Hmuniz32 · 2022-10-19T10:39:17+00:00

I’ve always tried to kiss on the first date because that usually determines if you’ll get a 2nd date or not. It shows you want to be more than friends to the lady. It’s critical to go for the kiss on the first date imo. You might want to change your strategy, brother. Don’t beat yourself up though, it happens. Maybe try to schedule another date or invite another lady

atomant88 · 2022-10-19T06:33:47+00:00

always try to escalate with consent. always.

key words; with consent.

Javardo69 · 2022-10-19T08:26:05+00:00

You had a date and you dont make a move, for sure she was horny, she dressed and took care of herself for the date, made expectations and you just treat the date like some kind of business meeting. Its not that she might feel offended but frustrated. Its like when you get horny you masturbate but you dont finish the business. Just escalate until she says no.

Careless_Valuable596 · 2022-10-19T12:14:50+00:00

Okay, I've been in this space for ~10 years. At the time I'm writing I'm seeing 3 girls at once, two for sex only, one was fun to have around. This is nothing compared to what an average woman gets, but I hope it adds some credibility to myself. Hear me out OP:

You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. If you feel like kissing a girl, do it, worst case you get a slap. Don't think, do. Sure you can spend 100s of hours hearing advice and stories, but caring sooo much about a date that didn't go well and then insisting while the chick kept saying no is not a way to lead a respectful life, if anything the doormat might get jealous. Let this one slip, there's others & you for caring this much do deserve better!

To answer your question: she probably liked you physically but didn't like the lack of courage/attitude, hence her asking why didn't you kiss her: it's a mix of her own insecurity and your lack of action justified on 'i have my good reasons' excuses. Please don't read this as: "oh I have a shot with her", she's not worth the fuss, trust a burned ass man. Peace, stay well OP!

NormannNormann · 2022-10-19T10:51:16+00:00

In a YouTube video I once saw, dating was compared to a sales situation.

Imagine you go to a car dealer to buy a car and the car salesman has a long small talk with you without talking about the car and selling you the car. What would you think? You would be annoyed because he wasted your time and you went there to buy the car, not for the small talk. It's similar with dating. If you only make small talk and don't go for the "sale", you are wasting the woman's time and she is annoyed or disappointed.

Repulsive-Fee393 · 2022-10-19T02:22:54+00:00

Bro, who fuckin cares..

Fluffy_Risk9955 · 2022-10-19T15:43:52+00:00

Don’t care, if she’s one of those harpies that make an issue out of it, I don’t want her. Which you can easily test for.

incognito3107 · 2022-10-19T08:19:54+00:00

Basically when she feels like it. Making strict rules about escalating is pretty pointless, it highly depends on circumstances and differs from girl to girl. You should get better with reading the mood and her body language. If you don't catch that she is eager for more or fail to escalate for it smoothly, she may become really frustrated that she didn't get the candy. But don't worry about it too much. Nowadays girls may do everything they want and get laid sooner than later. You need to adapt somehow to such rough odds.

yogurtonthursdays · 2022-10-19T12:46:21+00:00

Personally I hate when men initiate, but i kinda feel like an outlier. I like to be the one to make advances.

distawest · 2022-10-19T15:53:57+00:00

Pay lip service to that ...

As far as I see, if you had tried to kiss her, she would have you arrested for sexual harassment

Neo-Rio · 2022-10-20T01:42:07+00:00

You don't really know what the woman wants, but more importantly she may not even know herself.

The question is NOT "What do women want?"The REAL question is "What does this woman RESPOND TO?"

Which is why on a date - if you're not pushing her boundaries to see where the GOOD responses are, well you're not really achieving anything.

This is why is always makes sense to push as far as she will let you so that you and her can learn where the positive responses are to be found. This is why I would organize logistics so you get her to your bedroom with a minimum of fuss.

Many women are extremely passive and will not make any moves. They're just waiting for a man to "break down their doors" so to speak.If you start making the moves and she's not rejecting your advances, then KEEP GOING! Force her to say "no" if that's what it comes to.

Kittyeyesx · 2022-10-19T06:25:32+00:00

I don't know because honestly I don't really like when men make the 1st move. I like to make the 1st move. At least ask can I kiss you before you do it.

lildudefromXdastreet · 2022-10-19T12:34:46+00:00

Scared to kiss because legal issues? What? Lmao

realtickle78 · 2022-10-19T02:25:36+00:00

At least by the end of the first date kiss wise. Otherwise it's not a date.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-10-19T12:30:33+00:00

For your own legal safety? What? Lol

You should always be going for the kiss on the first date (assuming it's going well).

CometAzur42069 · 2022-10-19T04:15:42+00:00

overanalyzing this stuff is just a waste of your time and worse, it might lead you to have harmful ideas and conclusions. who gives a shit.

djeewin · 2022-10-19T08:21:26+00:00

Do you mean that she was drunk on the first date? Or she was drunk when she sent you the text 3 weeks after?

If you really wanna stick to your “kiss on second date” habit then, just tell her you that only kiss on second dates .. simple

She’ll either stay or leave...

However, You may miss out on females that are down to kiss and do more on first dates when the vibe is there but it is what it is ..

kristoll1 · 2022-10-19T13:49:12+00:00

Girl I'm going out with realized without my telling her that I wanted to be absolutely sure she was okay with it before engaging in any sort of physical contact (e.g., holding hands, kissing, etc.). She was really sweet about it; she said "oh my hands are feeling cold" which gave me the okay to hold her hand, etc. So some women are happy to take the lead, and maybe you should try to find them!

cryptosis420 · 2022-10-19T14:27:23+00:00

Its should be her trying to kiss you. Not you trying to kiss her.

Mymomdidwhat · 2022-10-19T15:53:28+00:00

All girls are different

chillbill1220 · 2022-10-19T16:39:19+00:00

I never kiss on the first date unless the girl is super flirty. It feels forced. Most girls I meet are from OLD so this is my first time meeting them. I usually don’t like them enough right away to feel like kissing them. Even if they’re hot.

I’ve also found that if the girl really likes you the lack of a kiss will make them chase you a little. I’ve had sex on second dates despite no kiss on the first date.

ZoeticLark · 2022-10-19T17:51:36+00:00

The timeline and boundaries and practice is different for everyone, thats why communicating directly about these things with each idividual is important...

If it were me, Id text the person back and say something like, "Everyone has different approaches, for me i think of the first date as an introduction/meet up, and if there is a 2nd date, dive deeper." Or something that communciates your preferred timeline/boundary with some level of benevolence/innocence.

If you want another date, maybe you can follow the simple light hearted explantion, with an ask/tease: "Why? Too old school for you?" Or just "Why? Would you have like me to kiss you?" Might open up some flirtation between you two and warm up the connection without any boundaries being crossed.

Point being, talk about it!! Build the rapport... How else are we ever going to know what's what with each other, when we all live by different rules and concerns??

Personally, im not into kissing on a first date if its a standard get to know a stranger from online type of date. There could be a rare exception, but after seeing the trends in dating in recent years play out, id rather do it out of genuine lust/connection, not duty or obligation. If someone makes projections bc of that, good riddance!

Ribbet537 · 2022-10-19T18:03:36+00:00

Most girls will be comfortable with a kiss on the first date, in my experience. I use a checklist anytime I do a first kiss that may be useful for those nervous about how to. But if you try and go in for the first kiss make sure she has a "way out" if she's feeling cornered or forced into it that raises alarms. Then I will wait till they enter my personal space (if they enter mine that means they put me in theirs), then when I go for the kiss I go half way and see how they react, do they go in as well, stay the same, or pull back?

Here's an example from just the other night because it's fresh in my mind: we were walking and we ended up near an old wooden covered bridge in my area (romantic and intentional). On the bridge I stopped and leaned against the wall, if she leaned against it and I went in that would be cornering her [checkpoint one]. She then stood with her feet between mine, clearly volunteering to enter my personal space. I put my hands on her hips (we were already holding hands earlier on the walk) and pulled her in a bit more and she leaned against me [checkpoint 2]. We talked like that and we hit a moment of silence in our conversation so I tilted my head like I would during a kiss, she did the same, leaned in a bit, she did the same [checkpoint 3] and I went in for the kiss.

The biggest factor is if she feels comfortable in that situation with you, which is what the first two checkpoints of mine are for.

DOC3RD · 2022-10-19T19:09:50+00:00

Yesterday

Majestic_Meal_5655 · 2022-10-19T19:27:31+00:00

Always assume girls are just out to have fun! So always just go from there. But it's a good thing you didn't kiss her. Who knows what cocks she's been sucking 😆

azicre · 2022-10-19T21:49:08+00:00

After about 4 girls start thinking it is offensive to not male a physical move.

cormacru999 · 2022-10-20T01:58:44+00:00

I swear, from the questions to the answers, this page is a stew of ignorance & assumptions.

Consent is the best thing & just ask.

Y'all are convinced men must make the move but since women are so crazy, its a mine field of danger.

"I'm really enjoying my time with you. I'd like to kiss you but I don't want to swoop in without your consent."

If she gives you a hard time that you asked, that's a red flag, not of danger, but of maturity. Most women will appreciate that you asked.

MissionAd399 · 2022-10-20T09:24:55+00:00

That’s actually wild she was thinking about that for 2 weeks and actually swallowed her pride to ask out of nowhere even after flaking

Virtual_Judgment7147 · 2022-10-20T14:48:15+00:00

I don’t know if you are truly asking when someone feels offended, or when to properly ask haha. Honestly some people can get offended when you ask them if you can make a move, lol.

It boils down to each situation and how people are really feeling. As other people have said it simply, it’s usually not offensive to ask for consent early on or later (it’s actually really great that you do) and if you respect them saying no, it’s all good, nothing to be worried about.

To be honest though, if you don’t really feel comfortable in giving out a kiss on the first date, then don’t try to change your standard on that. It’s completely fine!! Many people won’t relate to that though, but that’s okay!!

If you want to know usually kissing is often acceptable on a first date when consented to, and sometimes sex happens on the first date depending on the circumstances. But these are other peoples rules and standards, you don’t have to follow them.

It will be harder for you to find someone that respects that boundary and reciprocates but they are out there so don’t stress. However if you want conform to the norm to make getting people easier, then do it by all means but do it if you are comfortable with it.

Either way, the choice is yours.

Title	So, when do girls start thinking it is offensive to not make phisical moves?
Author	HHaTTmasTer
Upvotes	84
Comments	95
Date	October 19, 2022 2:11 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/y7pynz/so_when_do_girls_start_thinking_it_is_offensive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/so-when-do-girls-start-thinking-it-is-offensive-to.1248126 https://theredarchive.com/post/1248126

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