Top mistakes newbies make

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-11-28T16:25:32+00:00

Regarding #5 and 6.. I have recently been studying some materials that refer to "logistical escalation." I never heard it put in that way, but that makes total sense. You should be able to gradually escalate on the logistical front, starting with simple bounces across the room within a club, larger moves like upstairs or outside for some air, out of the club for some food, etc. Then it seems like a natural progression when you bounce back to your place.

I like this idea. I don't do much club game lately but I'm trying to fit it into my process.

TAOofSTEVE · 2012-11-28T18:02:54+00:00

Very nice write-up. My only concern is your wording in #4.

your goal as a seducer is to find girls you can lay

You should know the whole situation and if you could bang her within 5-10 minutes.

The way you describe it, you are going around looking for ladies that are DTF. In my opinion, the point of seduction is to create attraction with any girl, not just bouncing around looking for a girl that is DTF.

I don't think that fucking should be considered the end-all-be-all goal in seduction. I think that creating attraction with the girls you are interested in should be the goal.

Maybe it's just semantics, and maybe I'm reading into too much since you did state this guide is for beginners, but I think it distorts the goals of what many are looking for from this sub.

I think your other 5 bullet points are spot on, but I think the message of #5 gets distorted in your explanation of it. I think should be more don't fluff as in what you described in #6, don't be scared to escalate.

But I think if you encourage guys to only focus on getting a SNL and dismiss anything else that is not a SNL, you lose valuable learning experiences and discourage guys from trying. I think that if you didn't get laid that night, but if you learned something, that is more important than just bouncing from set to set until you find a girl that is DTF. That doesn't seem like seduction to me, that sounds like the opposite of seduction. That is just looking for low hanging fruit in my opinion.

I could get laid by dozens of girls that I wasn't interested in if I just went looking for girls that were DTF. But it wouldn't mean as much to me as hooking up with one girl that I was interested in and attracted to.

Anyways, cheers, everything else in the post is extremely helpful.

Gishnu · 2012-11-28T19:57:00+00:00

Is there a link on seddit for how to escalate? That's one of my biggest problems.

NotAModerator · 2012-11-28T21:06:19+00:00

You're better off getting rejected than ejecting out of the set!

I couldn't agree more. Do not assume the girl is not interested, do not assume she is not DTF and do not assume you should leave her alone. She will tell you to leave if she wants you to. Just play your game until you score or until you're out. But DO NOT LEAVE.

Fiach_Dubh · 2012-11-28T21:37:03+00:00

Great write up on what not to do. By judging others and projecting your judgement of yourself onto others YOU reject YOURSELF. This can be very problematic for those who constantly judge themselves and others. Its a horrible habit and mindset thats very difficult to change that limits yourself. Which is why it is important to switch from a judger mindset to a learner mindset. This applies not just to sets, but every where and all the time the learner mindset should be practiced.

Judgers ask: whats wrong? whose fault is it? how can i stay in control? how could i lose? how could i get hurt? why bother? (these subconscious questions already define your success. that you will have none.)

Learners ask: Whats right? what am i responsible for? what are my choices? what's useful about this? what can i learn? what's possible? (the primary mood of the learner is curiosity.)

so be curious with life. stop trying to control it and put it in a box of your judgements of how things are. let go and explore.

sxl464 · 2012-11-28T18:29:41+00:00

"your goal as a seducer is to find girls you can lay"

is it? this is what bugs me about parts of "the community". I think its all very interesting and all but I personally am more interested in being able to approach strangers and speak to them confidently. If your goal is to find girls you can lay then instead of spending money on seduction techniques why not visit your local brothel?

cajj · 2012-11-29T00:08:11+00:00

Don't make assumptions about the set unless you know for certain the girl has a boyfriend (you can still lay her but it will require more skill)

(you can still lay her but it will require more skill)

Glad to hear you're such a great guy

chemfreak87 · 2012-11-28T17:40:31+00:00

How about pre-selective bias: where a guy knows what he wants but none of the selection meets his criteria? Or is that idol delusion...

gallez · 2012-11-29T05:38:50+00:00

Everything that should be said about this joke of a post has already been said, I'd just like to add that you're a fucking douchebag.

backtothegame · 2012-11-28T19:47:11+00:00

There is so much wrong here. I object to the term newbie for one. The rest seems to be vague platitudes mixed with actually bad advice.

"In order to fuck beautiful women you should fuck a lot of less beautiful women". "DON'T EJECT UNTIL YOU KNOW IT'S OVER AND SHE TELLS YOU TO LEAVE." "The typical newbie: virgin or a guy with less than 30 lays who is extremely picky, entitled, and judges women too much. "

Just terrible and without basis in fact.

This is a ridiculous post and does not deserve attention.

72697 · 2012-11-28T20:08:37+00:00

Female here. If you came onto me with all of these techniques, you'd have to do it pretty fucking well, otherwise you will be seen as a guy who's ego compensating for his lack of talent and you'd still have to work hard. The basis for it works if your working an area with low standards or just looking for practice.

keikenamarinai · 2012-11-28T23:34:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

The_Thane_Of_Cawdor · 2012-11-28T20:46:21+00:00

I dont really get the whole "get with girls that you dont find attractive angle", am I reading this wrong? If im at a place with my buddies and I dont see attractive girls it does not mean i hit on ones i dont find attractive because i need to

multiuser77 · 2012-11-28T21:54:28+00:00

Saved, I've been out of the business for a long time since I had a stable partner and move to another country.. I think this really help. Since I considered myself back to zero

GeneralRouge · 2012-11-28T21:56:58+00:00

3) I've been told recently that I eject too quickly. I find that at the start of the night especially, if I'm not feeling it, I'd rather just go find someone I vibe with a better. By the end of the night (or if I think there are slim pickings), I'm a bit more committed. Any thoughts on this?

5) I tend to do basic kino within the first 5-10 minutes and escalate as I build rapport. I usually take at least 10 minutes to isolate to a different area of the same bar and then go for a makeout there. I tend to be fine with number closes after good rapport. If the rapport is good, they tend to lead easily to dates. Am I going to slowly here? I'm pleased with the results overall, but I'm going to experiment with this.

6) I've never bounced a girl to a different venue anywhere close to that quickly before. Is bouncing that quickly common? My usual women are 19-23 year old college women who are out with a group of friends.

choc_is_back · 2012-11-28T22:30:14+00:00

Djeezes christ, I consider myself pretty good with girls by now, but the numbers always casually thrown around are, well, a tad extreme or am I wrong?

The typical newbie: virgin or a guy with less than 30 lays

I would argue that if you've been laid 15 times you're hardly a 'newbie' when it comes to girls. Am I being naive?

the_brick_attack · 2012-11-29T03:34:06+00:00

I have a problem with number 2. Why am I supposed to lower my standards? In any situation in life, that is what leads to people become lethargic and overly compromising. I am entitled, and I live that way. I'm not going to sleep with girls who are DTF. I don't want to sleep with girls who are only DTF. You're putting too much emphasis on the results of sex rather than seduction. I get what you mean: we have to start small. That's fine, but that doesn't mean you have to feel trapped with girls who you have no interest in. I have plenty of girls who are into me; I'm not into them. Why do I have to give up my standards of attraction? That's settling.

2012-11-29T08:58:11+00:00

I totally disagree with #3.

Why should i have to wait for her to downright tell me to leave? That's got to be the least smooth thing you could do.

Sometimes it's just not working out, and you usually feel that in the first 5 minutes. Why the hell should i keep pushing it, waste my time, and just make the whole situation much more uncomfortable?

If you got any sort of social competence, you should realize quite early if your presence is not appreciated and leave. She shouldn't have to tell you.

AFC_to_PUA · 2012-11-29T15:51:25+00:00

As a newbie who is steadily getting more and more success but not as much as I'd like, this really hits home. I can definitely relate a lot to this. Thank you for writing this up. It will help for sure.

Also, I really like your mentality. You sound exactly like who I'd like to become over the next few years.

itsmehobnob · 2012-11-28T16:50:33+00:00

It's ugly how you use the "number of lays" as some quantitative gauge of someone's worth.

anewman1993 · 2012-11-28T19:35:19+00:00

So what if we are looking for a LTR, and not sex..........these whole thing just seems to be about getting sex as quickly as possible.

xStagief · 2012-11-28T22:59:21+00:00

I think what people have to understand about this post in particular is that it is geared towards people who are new to the seduction game. This could mean anything from someone who has never had sex to someone who has, but is out of practice in the ways of seducing a woman. Like everything else, being good at seduction takes practice and it seems as if a lot of people coming into seduction aren't practiced and jump ahead too quickly. One doesn't start in the NFL, they have to learn the game first.

That being said, I think this post is very good and very to the point. Overall, I think the biggest takeaway from this post is #2. I'm inexperienced and I find myself setting the bar very high in terms of who I will and who I won't try to "seduce". The fact is, I'm someone who has virtually no idea what to do in the bedroom and I need the practice. Getting the ego out of the way is the first step to success in this case, and many other cases.

MonkeySteriods · 2012-11-28T19:17:16+00:00

Not setting up logisitics before hand How are you going to get back to your place? If you have to drive 2hours to get back to your place... suggesting your is going to end up going badly.

2012-11-29T00:09:12+00:00

Wow, this helped a lot and it's very true. These point are exactly what's wrong with me. Thanks for MAJOR eye opener!

dwon · 2012-11-29T02:43:50+00:00

Well written for the most part, but framing seduction within the framework of just "getting laid" might instill a sense of outcome dependency in people looking to improve.

I know that people may see infield footage or something of people like Tyler from RSD doing shit like k-closing girls within seconds of meeting theme, pulling tons of girls, etc. (Obviously editing and such play a part in this as well)

However, for people just starting out, I think you should be satisfied with whatever progress you can get. Don't expect to be a master PUA within weeks of doing this... Granted I am not discouraging anyone from pushing their boundaries. You should definitely push boundaries to see what's possible but at the same time don't feel awful if you can't get laid one night or something. As long as you are approaching and feel yourself making progress, results will come to you

royisabau5 · 2012-11-29T03:41:35+00:00

Judging isn't entirely conscious.

HVincentM · 2012-11-29T05:55:53+00:00

I understand that this is a pick-up subreddit, but this just feels wrong. Not morally (generally), but it feels wrong reading this as a (technical) "newbie" and a person.

I am going to try to channel my thoughts here because Im tired and coughing quite frequently.

This pick up stuff is good to read for people like me who are looking for something a bit more than just banging. It teaches you to stop pussing out of approaching a girl you may really like and how to demonstrate your value to her and how to talk to her and so on. But it starts to get dangerous.

Im sorry, but I think a lot and its hard to keep track. This is all I came up with. You can just guess where I was going. Goodnight.

Mindwraith · 2012-11-29T11:57:19+00:00

"In order to fuck beautiful women you should fuck a lot of less beautiful women".

This goes against every other guide I've read on here, now I don't know who to believe.

lpopsicle · 2012-11-28T20:13:09+00:00

Some of his buddies have over 100 lays. Hmmm, when I was in the Navy (joined in 1980) I tracked how many different women I had sex with. In that 4 year span it was 54 different women. There were some prostitutes when I was on a cruise. I thought I was nuts for tracking, so I lol when I saw that.

K1N6F15H · 2012-11-29T05:54:44+00:00

Anyone can get a ton of ass if they have no scruples with who they are fucking, that's just scraping the bottom of the barrel for numbers.

I would rather have quality over quantity.

ikkake · 2012-11-29T11:48:39+00:00

Ok does it mean I'm in a wrong subreddit if it makes me cringe when i read "lay", "DTF", "5-10 minutes", etc etc. ?

What's up with respect and threating women like humans, not like a bag you come into and discard? I know what you trying to say, and I agree with most of it, but seriously you made it sound like you're a 16 year old, disrespectful, very immature, and way to horny douchebag.

Nice post though if you look beyond the language and attitude.

snurrefel · 2012-11-28T22:18:16+00:00

Gonna read this before I go to school. And then give some feedback. My best advice is, don't make it a big deal. Touch a girls boobs or w/e ain't a big deal. And if you see a hot chick, just go up to her before your mind starts to make reasons why you shouldn't..

Title	Top mistakes newbies make
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	521
Comments	171
Date	November 28, 2012 2:05 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/13xluv/top_mistakes_newbies_make/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/top-mistakes-newbies-make.1343447 https://theredarchive.com/post/1343447

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