Stop glorifying "masculinity"

CauliflowerActual178 · 2025-05-26T09:48:09+00:00

We have to decide what masculinity means to us, not be victim of what other wants for us.

Findol272 · 2025-05-26T05:29:37+00:00

Masculinity: qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of men or boys.

masculinity is anti-male.

I think you got lost somewhere. Masculinity is just the term to refer to what men do. The idea that masculinity is inherently bad just means that men are inherently bad, and I think that's quite toxic.

Chliewu · 2025-05-26T04:39:37+00:00

Same for "femininity" for women. Both masculinity and femininity need to be ditched, we are all just one thing - human.

BloomingBrains · 2025-05-26T16:24:11+00:00

I dont really have a horse in this race as Im a "queer sissy" (according to "progressives"), but the majority of men identity as masc so its not a pointless topic.

Initial_Zebra100 · 2025-05-26T07:08:46+00:00

Most people glorify a very narrow box of masculinity and derive direct pride from it. Men can be incredibly defensive when that's challenged.

I've seen answers suggesting certain actions are masculine or feminine. We place way too much on these as individual identities.

The most toxic form disregards emotions. Discourages crying or being too emotional or weak.' Certain hobbies like craft. Childcare. Housework. Enjoying anything other than action movies. Working out. Steroids and muscles. Promotes extreme forms of stoicism.

It's a construct. An idea. A prison. A cliché. If you try hard enough, anything can be described that way.

Millions of men struggle with this. To find purpose and value without it just being sacrifice and provision. Our worth tied to what we solely do.

As women have more agency, they don't have to settle for a guy who has no emotional regulation, can't express himself, and dismisses anything feminine as inferior.

You want to a man's, man? Go ahead. Drink beer, hang with the bros, and fix stuff. No one is stopping you. Just don't think you're better. Or a real man. That's toxic.

Femi_gnatzee_hunter · 2025-05-26T04:57:38+00:00

What does it mean to "reject" it? That implies it's imposed on men by solely external forces, when that simply isn't the case.

What does it mean for it to "bind" men? In my case, becoming more masculine was liberating. It made me feel better in my skin and better at obtaining what I want out of life. That doesn't mean every man should use my experience as a framework and live the way I do, but your way of seeing things seems equally reductive.

I agree that the responsibillities of manhood can be soul-crushing or even deadly, and should be mitigated as much as possible, but the virtues of masculinity could never truly be obsolete.

For the record, I also agree that too much of the discourse around men's issues revolves around masculinity rather than men themselves.

Gianni_speedy · 2025-05-26T06:14:31+00:00

I really believe u have some Kind of Problem masculinity First and foremost Serves us atleast in a vacuum then with societal Standards and Social Media and just General Norming of masculinity comes the shackle Part because u HAVE to do those things to get Women or to be treated good thats Most peoples Problem Not being Able to have a live bc of unnatainable Standards but that doesnt mean masculinity is inherently Bad Not does it Need to dissapear

TheRealMasonMac · 2025-05-26T06:00:35+00:00

Masculine and feminine are concepts defined by anthropology as certain behaviors, roles, and cultural expectations that a society assigns to individuals primarily by sex. From there, the anthropological definition of "gender" is derived. They are intended to be neutral terms as the meaning of masculine and feminine vary from society to society. One culture's masculinity can be another culture's femininity, and vice-versa. Sometimes, a society may possess an official class who practice the masculinity/femininity of the opposite sex -- such as men being responsible for weaving or pottery while women are hunters. Masculinity and femininity serve(d) a practical purpose in their respective societies, which I think is a nuance that is often lost in how popular culture talks about it.

king_rootin_tootin · 2025-05-26T04:53:24+00:00

This line of thinking is just as dangerous as Red Pill/Alpha Male garbage, just dangerous in the other direction

Masculinity is a part of being a man. As is femininity. All humans are a mix of masculine and feminine. It's like Yin and Yang, how both have a little of the other inside them.

It isn't something to obsess over and at the same time, it isn't something to reject.

CarrieTheFive · 2025-05-26T08:25:38+00:00

Dude, this is something I have absolutely been behind since I first learned the truth about how the genders are perceived in this world.

I don't bind myself to masculinity, and maybe I do see myself as "feminine", but that's a label rather than something I actively identify with. I just say that so people can understand what I am better.

In fact, I've rejected masculinity and femininity and accepted humanity. Literally everybody that's functioning the way a regular human being does can do what the other can, right? So let's just stop pretending that they can't. I mean, seriously. Female and male brains don't exist - they both share one in common and I am willing to die on that hill.

I agree with what you're saying.

Local-Willingness784 · 2025-05-26T16:49:48+00:00

i agree with your critic about what masculinity means to society, so gender roles, but I am different from women, or people who are feminine and I want to keep it that way, if that makes sense.

Baby_Arrow · 2025-05-28T21:05:04+00:00

Masculinity isn’t a chain to women, it’s a compass to navigate the world.

Healthy masculinity dictates that I serve women in exchange for fair return of feminine service. Lack of masculinity leads to being chained to the feminine imperative and feminine notions of morality.

Masculinity is what frees you from your chains. This isn’t theoretical. I’ve lived this.

jjj2576 · 2025-05-29T15:30:57+00:00

I love my Positive Masculinity.

2025-06-01T00:23:09+00:00

Agreed .

Masculinity is male gender role and is anti male .

Men need to reject provider and protector gender roles .

It's sad that so many people don't think this way .

Clemicus · 2025-05-26T07:04:35+00:00

OP is a troll. Also that’s a new account.

Fallen-Shadow-1214 · 2025-05-26T10:04:42+00:00

Men aren’t free when we abandon masculinity, we’re just directionless.

Many men can find their way regardless but not all men are able to find individual purpose or meaning through their own efforts alone.

We should discard the regressive masculinity but we need to remember even as restrictive and harmful as it was, it was maintained, glorified and relied upon up to this point for reasons beyond oppression.

We need to replace it with something, what is that thing going to be?

purpleblossom · 2025-05-26T10:44:45+00:00

Everything you've laid out isn't masculinity but masculine gender roles, and yes, there is a difference.

Masculinity is a broad concept that is not uniform between cultures, but I wouldn't call it a spectrum, and what passes for masculine in one culture very much can be seen as non-masculine in another. That ranges from presentation to personality to social responsibilities. Allowing men to not be boxed in by their culture's restrictive masculine gender roles doesn't mean men cannot love and embrace their own masculinity. Especially if and when that masculinity doesn't cater to women, like the masculinity you find in the queer community, particularly regarding gay men's masculinity. And there's nothing wrong with being secure in one's masculinity while also not wanting to adhere in whole or in part to masculine gender roles.

However, when talking about anti-men sentiments, masculinity is not the only focus, there are also plenty of other things that count, including anti-gender equality and queerphobia. All of that can be true without being contradictory because this entire issue is more nuanced and multifaceted than you're making it out to be. Your post alone has glaring holes in it, from conflating gender roles and self perception to leaving out gay and trans men with their unique perspectives on masculinity separate from women entirely. It doesn't do your argument any good to be so small in scope.

Rare-Discipline3774 · 2025-05-26T16:12:10+00:00

Masculinity is not an anti-male concept.

The ideas of masculinity come from what men do, it does not tell men what to do, and is not confined to men, every human has masculinity.

Boiled down, masculinity throughout all history, is everything forward in logic, practicality, and the physical.

Demonizing masculinity is to demonize concepts like aestheticism, realism, and logos.

Blauwpetje · 2025-05-27T07:46:23+00:00

I’m glad this post is not upvoted. I had the sad impression that this sub was turning anti-masculine. In truth, there are biological, psychological, evolutionary differences between men and women, though I admit it’s all a matter of percentages and averages, but nevertheless. And it never should mean anybody, whatever their biological sex, should be forced to act masculine or feminine. But average masculine traits like stoicism, rationality, stamina aren’t bad, and men who are that way should be able to be proud of it. As an adolescent I moved around in feminist circles and suppressed my masculinity. I regret that very much, because I didn’t cultivate many traits that would have helped me a lot both then and later in life.

Melodic-Antelope6844 · 2025-05-26T04:57:19+00:00

Yes! Go gender abolitionism!

rump_truck · 2025-05-27T16:10:02+00:00

The comments in this thread are a good example of why I am very quick to taboo words whenever disagreement arises.

"Masculinity" as a set of rules that men must follow, and must be punished if they do not follow, must be rejected. Men should be free to choose their own course, not forced into a box that benefits others at their own expense.

"Masculinity" as a description of the choices that men make of their own free will, rather than because they were pressured into them under the threat of social punishment, is perfectly fine.

The label itself is not inherently problematic, forcing people to behave in accordance with the label is the problem. People can't be forced to behave in accordance with the label if the label is destroyed, true. But the desire for society to force people's behavior is still there, so society will just create different labels to force people into. Because of that, I don't think destroying the label is a worthwhile use of effort, compared to convincing society that we shouldn't compel people into certain behaviors based on genes that they didn't choose for themselves.

1bnna2bnna3bnna · 2025-05-28T12:38:51+00:00

Yea, nah...

Lets_Remain_Logical · 2025-05-26T11:11:29+00:00

1st..... I want you to define masculinity! Between what I heard in the 90s : be a man, don't do gay things. Be a man, keep ypmour promises. Don't cry like a girl. And what I hear now : gender is a spectrum there are no absolutes but also : you are not a real man if you don't pay for my food in a date, be a man, and take responsibility of my own kid........ Eeeeh what does a man or masculinity even means at this point?

ElegantAd2607 · 2025-05-28T12:39:13+00:00

I disagree. A masculine man is not someone who does whatever women want him to do. A masculine man is someone who can be brave and put his foot down and say he won't be used.

I'm sorry if that message was never given to you but isn't that considered more masculine?

outcastedOpal · 2025-05-28T16:31:03+00:00

Masculinity, like most concepts, isn't black and white. Think critically, some people like to feel happy in their own skin, personality, and social circles.

BaroloBaron · 2025-05-30T18:06:58+00:00

I think we're getting lost in definitions, here.

I don't buy all the masculinity talk, but I certainly don't want to be made to feel sorry for being a man.

CoolGuitarBoi1 · 2025-05-30T23:56:54+00:00

Masculinity refers to the set of qualities, behaviours, and roles that a given society considers typical or appropriate for men.

Masculinity in itself isn't anti-male of course. But It can go completely both ways, especially when it comes to societal expectations from different cultures. Traditional patriarchal structures spread a tainted masculinity that hurts everyone, but that's not to say that men can totally use brotherhood, physical power, and steadiness to help others. I always thought of it like a tree, you're strong at the roots, but flexible at the branches, unlike the rigid roles that use to and still affect us, and the overuse of phrases like "toxic" or "fragile" masculinity, particularly in extremist feminism, that create new limitations for what a masculine man should be

It's widely accepted that masculine men should treat any woman with upmost respect, but we shouldn't let women on social media define what a masculine man should be.

At the end of the day, you're your own man, and you can define your own masculinity, but I recon we should all redefine masculinity for ourselves so it has better connotations.

BhryaenDagger · 2025-05-28T20:59:07+00:00

Masculinity is made-up, yes, but it’s a male make-believe, not a notion that doesn’t reference maleness at all and is entirely imposed by non-males. Referring to blacks w the “n-word” doesn’t reference anything about them being black- moreso just waves an idiot flag by the user- but calling a man “masculine” does reference something fundamentally male. Men have a particular physicality and are overwhelmingly the ones in society handling the rougher, more dangerous work, so masculinity- a social construct around our half of the species- is fairly inevitable and will likely more or less reflect that reality of our experience. Contrary to popular opinion, most hetero women are more attracted to a masculine man. Not rocket science.

And even in your own concept- being strong, protective, helpful, willing to take the initiative and endure harsher realities and possibly die- are not necessarily detrimental in themselves. Quite the contrary- arguably virtues in most cases. I don’t mind being associated w that group. And not one of those requires being a slave to women. Men also are strong for, protect, help, etc., children, the elderly, and other men. And women are quite capable of the same, but those do tend to fall under the masculinity category.

The concept only ever applies so well, and ultimately it’s irrelevant, but it holds a social weight given the social weight that the male half itself holds. That’s why feminists/misandrists aren’t insisting on applying existing standards of masculinity: they’d rather declare it inherently toxic and abolish “maleness” by decree… And that’s why no self-respecting man will ever despise masculinity even if it’s just not a particularly meaningful or effective representation of all men. It’s also not bad. And it’s certainly not anti-male.

So, yes, the best sense of social reality will be to approach a person as a human being first and foremost. And “male advocacy” is pretty useless if it only entails “promotion of masculinity.” But attacks on masculinity are in no way irrelevant to men’s interests: they’re a rejection of men’s experience and ultimately a rejection of an essential component of the experience of human beings as a whole.

Femi_gnatzee_hunter · 2025-06-04T21:10:01+00:00

The problem is that, while there are aspects that men control in masculinity, it's not the entirety that is in control by us. Look at dating for example. We tend to follow trends that make us perceivable as attractive. You can reject those ideas like Feminists do. The consequences of that is that the people you look for also will do that. It's a cultural guillotine.

One of the bigger mistakes that Feminists make is thinking that you can just reject everything and then expect the whole world to cater to you, because society and "we are in this together". It's hiding entitlement under societal responsibility.

Masculinity only works under the condition that Femininity works. Under the condition that both terms are defined by the opposite gender group.

Comments