Need some advice on how to respond

SampsonBrass · 2017-03-28T17:24:24+00:00

You don't have to answer every question she asks you know. There's no requirement that you provide an explanation.

If you are just getting started then stfu is your new best friend. Smile, grab her, and change the subject.

anythinginc · 2017-03-28T20:28:40+00:00

I have resigned myself to really putting my own ego away and doing everything I can to support her more. It's been tough on me to do that, but for her I will.....I need to tread lightly as my situation is different than many of you guys here. My wife is dealing with some massive PTSD and it affects everything including our relationship.

My gf had "PTSD" and "depression" and "anxiety" too. She says it was because of her rape and abusive ex.

The more I cared about that shit, the more I lived in her frame, the more I enabled her feelings and perpetuated a negative cycle. The more eggshells I walked on, the more broken eggs littered the floor. The more I tried to sneak out some validation between her clinched arms the more I fed her problems.

The more I improve myself and make a life outside of her, the more she lives in MY frame and doesn't experience those things. She used to have to be drunk or stoned to have sex half of the time. She used to take a few klonopins a day. She used to shut down sometimes when we had sex. She thought she needed antidepressants. She used to have "chronic pelvic pain" that would put her in bed once a week. She used to get "triggered."

In MY frame none of that happens. I showed her how to smile again. I showed her how to laugh again. In my frame, she could live carefree. Of course, now the goal posts have moved and I need to do even better to satisfy her genuine desire. Hypergamy doesn't care. Improving yourself is difficult. The status quo is easy.

TBP and feminists (my gf is a feminist, I say I am too) HATE this saying, but fuck I love it.

Every unhappy wife is a rape victim

Now, you and I actually are dating rape victims. And right now, your wife is living like a rape victim. Sounds fucked up I know. Thankfully, you can help her NOT live like a rape victim anymore. How? MRP. Being attractive and not being unattractive. Building a frame and moving her into it. Being a strong, attractive masculine presence that doesn't enable her victimhood.

Is your life so valueless that martyrdom is the best use of it? How sexy does that make her feel? How good of a partner can you be when you are subservient to another person's neurosis? When she is shut down do you lounge around and wait for her to feel better? When she can't be touched do you talk soothingly to her and weasel in until you can get YOUR validation quotas of physical affection and intimacy? Doesn't that sound pathetic? Hope you don't do that. Lord knows I did.

I haven't completely swallowed the RP , it is stuck in my throats right now.

You need TRP. You need to learn to value yourself more. You need to learn that YOU are the prize. You need to learn that trying to be validated and self-actualized via enabling another person does not work. You need MRP because right now, your poor wife is a rape victim, and it is currently your fault for not having the frame she needs to live inside of for a better life. It is your fault for enabling her, for making her live in her own PTSD hell instead of having an awesome life of your own that she can work to be a part of by pleasing you. If you were alone in the woods, in the dark, and heard a noise, you might get "triggered" too...but what if you had somebody awesome besides you, that you believed in, that you lived for, that you treasured, whose frame you lived in...and you looked over at them...and they had a flashlight, and a map, and a gun, and didn't look worried? Would that noise still "trigger" you? Time for you to find out OP. It is not going to be easy or happen quickly.

SO starts to question your motivation and your appearance and whatnot?

1) She is worried. Worried that you will improve enough to do better than her. Worried that her faithful crutch might be tired of her bullshit. That is good. The first thing some women looking to trade up do is hit the gym. They understand. A relationship that YOU enjoy is impossible as long as she does not fear losing you. It is called dread. That can sound bad to newbies. What do you value? What do you respect? What do you sacrifice for? What do you genuinely desire? Something you don't care about losing? Something slavishly devoted to you? Something easily replaced? No. You treat somebody with options better.

2) You probably kinda suck, and she is used to you not following through. She doesn't believe you have it in you to improve enough to become self-actualized and do better than the timid validation she ekes out to you. Besides, everything you do is for her benefit anyway right?

When you say anything like "for you, for attention, for sex" you are proving #2.

The part of MRP you won't like...

We can't promise that you will end up with your wife, but we promise you will be happier and can easily do better than her.

The day might come when you are sexy, self-actualized, interesting, busy, owning all your shit....and she isn't there. She can't follow you, she can't live in your frame, and she can't or won't put in the effort to please you. And that is okay. Because when that day comes, you won't be making your decisions to stay or go from a position of fear and scarcity and martyrdom. You will know what to do then. We can't make that choice for you. But what we can do is help you make choices along your journey to that place.

Step 1: If you are fat, none of this shit matters. Work out. Shut the fuck up.
Step 1B: In case you are a validation sneaker like I was. When she is shut down, leave. Do something else. Something fun. You do not waste your time hoping she feels better soon. Do not cuddle and squeeze hoping you can comfort her back to normalcy. It has been 14 years. Whatever you have been doing hasn't worked.

"I love you baby, hope you get feeling better soon, see you later."

50/50 you kinda suck and do sucky things so wallowing at home in bed always seems like a good idea. Work on that.

ReddJive · 2017-03-28T18:26:20+00:00

You are getting good responses here. Let's talk mindset.

I need to tread lightly as my situation is different than many of you guys here.

No. It's not. You aren't special. You're here for the same reason. Circumstance may be a different but that just means you need to consider how not what. For instance Dread may be something you apply far more slowly then anything else.

My wife is dealing with some massive PTSD and it affects everything including our relationship.

First, the MRP path doesn't say be a dick. Women and men have medical issues, this doesn't mean you need to be an ass and shut her off. It also doesn't mean you just roll over and die.

If her PTSD is diagnosed and real she needs you to be the strong Oak Red Pill man we talk about. She needs to know the relationship is strong. Yet...MRP saves the man, not necessarily the marriage.

There will be times when you will look at her say

"babe. I know you got things going on. I have stuff to do." Kiss her good, smack her ass and walk out.

Then come back like you said.

Yet this requires you to have built your frame. Have proven your worth to her. She won't like that you are leaving, but she will get it. But when you come back she will welcome it with open arms (and ideally legs).

Not every tool in the MRP toolbox is a hammer.

cholomite · 2017-03-28T17:42:32+00:00

"And I like attention from you and others"

This was a fuckup, don't ever say shit like it again. Only beta faggots do shit for others to notice and get validation from. Total weaksauce. Telling your wife that you are getting outside attention does not induce dread, and will have zero positive results.

You don't have to explain yourself to her, so say whatever you want. You just want to be healthy, you want to be strong for the upcoming zombie apocalypse, or whatever else you want to say.

UEMcGill · 2017-03-28T17:15:30+00:00

"Just trying to get healthy."

Then flip it on her, "why? Do you not want me to workout?"

Although most noobs don't have the verbal jiu-jitsu chops to go head to head with a woman so tread carefully.

prarrott · 2017-03-28T17:35:30+00:00

When people have asked me a version of this in recent weeks I've used an answer adapted from a Jocko Live video

"Because I, uh, want to be able to destroy everything in the world, and be stronger and faster than anyone who would attack me, and I want to be able to throw my kids in the air when they're teenagers, and Im going to be responsible with my life and body" and then walk away

Ive loved giving that answer because it makes me laugh inside. But, YMMV

brasslizzard · 2017-03-28T17:39:54+00:00

"Because I want to" is the only reason you need to give. But you could say, I want to be a better person.

Any time that you make a life change the people that know you are going to be nervous. Not just your wife, anybody. They have put you in a box and now you are shaking things up for them. But they will adapt to the new box in time.

If you can believe it, my wife once told me I could lose weight but "don't get too skinny" - so I set my personal goal so I would be healthy but not too skinny. It took a year before I realized how fucked up that was.

Redpillbrigade17 · 2017-03-28T17:24:28+00:00

"What babe? You didn't know you married Superman?? How do you think he gets all his power, silly. Now move your sweet little ass/ lips / cheeks etc over here so I can kiss them after a hard day's work."

Something like that. The point is that her asking you is a non-issue. Hey it's a reason to treat her like a sweet little girl that she is. It's like she's in the sandbox taking an interest in YOUR awesome new toy.

The very worry in your head of "OMG how will I respond when she questions me??" is a sign that you have long way to go from being a scared little boy who got caught doing something that he thought (or had been conditioned to think...) was not allowed. Move from that to being a confident, love-being-in-your-skin adult man whose duty is to work out, stay in shape, learn, focus on his career/ purpose/ business, have fun and create a following including a hot/smart/ loyal woman and maybe kids if you want them.

You get the idea. Get to work and enjoy the ride. Ah and remember the 16 commandments of poon. One of them is to fuck her with abandon. Fuck her like it's your last fuck. She'll love it.

maxofreddit · 2017-03-28T19:25:19+00:00

Like a lot of responses, I've found that either Agree & Amplify or STFU are the best responses to pretty much everything.

Take this to heart.

FireTempered · 2017-03-28T22:35:22+00:00

This morning as my wife was initiating sex with me, she made the comment that she liked me so much better before, "when you weren't so skinny". This she said as she was rubbing my muscles. I think, she thought that she meant what she said, but, her actions have proved that she doesn't know what she means.

I no longer "deer" this question other than to say, "I like being healthy". Then she took her panties off.......

RBuddDwyer · 2017-03-28T22:57:41+00:00

Further down the road you should be ready for The Relationship Reset

. and the coup de grace, when she wants to have a BIG TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP and she says “I don’t like how you have been acting the last [fill in the blank]…” and you look her square in the eye and shrug “you don’t have to”.

BOOOOM goes the dynamite. Relationship reset activated. #winning #welcomebacktestes #tingles

I love this post.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-03-29T02:21:27+00:00

massive PTSD

Let me guess that makes you Captain Save-A-Ho.

Self improvement is awesome but unless sex is a problem go easy on the Dread.

How do you respond when your SO starts to question your motivation and your appearance

<<Smile>>

Scurvemuch · 2017-03-28T17:07:49+00:00

well - why ARE you doing it?

"So you will want to fuck me"

bad answer

"So women will want to fuck me"

bad answer

"Coz I want to"

better

best answer is right below this :

.

openwheelr · 2017-03-29T13:06:14+00:00

Don't admit to anything beyond the desire to improve yourself. Or better say nothing, although that didn't seem natural to me. You kinda fucked up by admitting you like the increased attention.

When I lost a few pounds and dropped a pant size she picked up on it. I got compliments and doses of "no one told you to do this" in equal measure. Then I bought free weights and have been hitting them daily. Last time we had sex she said "I can feel more of your bones (referring to my back) now, please don't lose more weight". Then she went and bought a shit ton of my fave snacks.

She got a little taste of dread and has been fighting it, I believe (hence the snacks for hubby). I need to do more to keep her a little uncomfortable. I'm finding that whatever I do becomes the new normal. The work never ends.

logger1234 · 2017-03-28T17:29:31+00:00

"I'm always improving myself; what are you working on?"

donedreadpirate · 2017-03-28T17:52:58+00:00

I need to tread lightly because blah blah hamster...

You don't need to do anything you don't want to. Sure, give her time to catch up, but don't get caught in this cycle of framing everything you're doing in a way that works for her. Are you doing this to make her change or to make you change?

SexistFlyingPig · 2017-03-29T04:41:56+00:00

I don't see how the answer to this question is even a little hard.

HerukaRising · 2017-03-29T05:24:44+00:00

Recently, there was a discussion on /r/fitness on the topic of "Why do you train?" Here are two of my favorite answers:

To crush my foes, see them driven before me and hear the lamentations of their women.

and

I want women to lick my abs.

Try these and see which one works better.

cheltman · 2017-03-29T10:22:20+00:00

My wife has PTSD from combat. It only hit home how deep in the shit I wad when I went to a recovery centre for advice on how to lower her stress levels because I was getting depressed and suicidal from trying to help her and the simple reply was: you can't, only she can.

I was advised to go and get therapy myself to learn to help me rather than focus on others and if I needed up getting what I wanted from the relationship then great, otherwise it was a divorce because everyone breaks eventually.

Best advice I've ever had even if it was a bitter pill to swallow.

screechhater · 2017-03-29T11:01:34+00:00

"Well honey, I joined Fight Club and hopefully you will lbe wanting me again, because my life revolves around you. Did I forget to tell you some other bitches are sniffing my ass, too ?"

How attractive.

Lift, read, smile. Lift, read, smile. Lift, read, smile. Don't talk about Fight Club. Tread lightly with the escalation of Dread Lift, read smile.

Do. When in doubt STFU. Very carefully think before speaking. Never dump your feelz or brag. Let her see and she will feel it.

Perhaps your best indication of your improvements comes from her visiting health care professionals if she has real problems or, they will become much less of a problem mysteriously and not come up

Attractive ?

Lift, smile, read and diet changes to way of life. Look at Whole 30 or Paleo. Or Keto. Embrace. Eat for health. Lift fir health. Read for mental awareness and health.

Embrace MRP for a while new improved you, for you. Smile- OI, Abundave and Frame. Fake it until you make it

If you have always answered her questions like a beta bitch, retract your answers slowly with a deviant smile and give her lead over time. Stop DEERing. She will feel something is up. Do not tell her about changes you are making. Do them.

Carefully craft a plan to avoid Nubee MRP Rambo. Lift, diet, read and smile. STFU - but avoid deaf mute anger behavior.

Action. Acta non verba. Be attractive. Do not act attractive. Just do

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2017-03-28T19:01:09+00:00

The PTSD thing sounds like complete bullshit to me.

88Will88 · 2017-03-29T02:17:49+00:00

Ohhhh dear. There is no fixing her or the relationship. Read Rollo's posts on the reconstruction. Basically beta you entered an LTR with a woman that a more alpha you would not have. You will never have a perfect relationship, she is too damaged. Plus she previously dated a sociopath, you can never bring the same feelings to her that he did. You are just left with the mess. Most guys in here will not tell you this, but I will. Run for the hills. You cannot make this relationship work in the long term. It is doomed.

Title	Need some advice on how to respond
Author	Terribledragon4Hire
Upvotes	12
Comments	66
Date	March 28, 2017 4:56 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/620ldc/need_some_advice_on_how_to_respond/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/need-some-advice-on-how-to-respond.206343 https://theredarchive.com/post/206343

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