After three waves of feminism why are men still obligated to spend three months of salary on expensive engagement rings?

JustPlainRude · 2014-04-03T14:38:16+00:00

If you are obligated by your wife to spend 3 months salary on a ring, you picked the wrong woman.

chavelah · 2014-04-03T16:03:32+00:00

You are not obligated. That's marketing bullshit and you should just ignore it. I know about a zillion married people and exactly ONE guy who did this, and the purchase was completely in line with his spending habits in general - he likes nice things.

The fact that men are expected to provide a ring at all, and women are not, is something to be upset about I guess. But a normal woman is not expecting you to lay out 3 months salary.

zpatriarchy · 2014-04-03T14:30:35+00:00

don't get married.

Bartab · 2014-04-03T17:49:16+00:00

DeBeers.

Most of the cost of a ring is diamonds, so that's the fantasy that's pushed. If any woman actually demanded that, it's a good hint to punt her.

newSuperHuman · 2014-04-03T14:44:14+00:00

College Humor I love these people

baskandpurr · 2014-04-03T23:10:58+00:00

Sign in with Facebook or Sign in with Google?

How about piss off. How about I can still read if you don't know who I am. How about you keep your fucking noses out of my business you intrusive cunts.

iconat20 · 2014-04-03T18:26:29+00:00

Told my girlfriend of 3 years that when she wants to get married she can propose.

SheepInWolvesClothin · 2014-04-03T15:21:47+00:00

Uhhh because it's horribly sexist to expect women to be only interested in expensive jewelry? Oh, did I say jewelry? I meant slave collars! It just furthers the gendered stereotype that women are only interested in material goods, and only the man is allowed to provide them. Not only that, "Diamonds are forever" just shows how women are "forever" a man's property, and the diamond is the ice cold brand to ward off other men. It's obviously just another propagation by the patriarchy, you sexist pigs!

</s> ...sadly, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to stick this here.

tippytoefairy · 2014-04-03T13:56:54+00:00

The responses all site that it is a marketing ploy....and it's totally the DaBeers fault..... Yet only one person says she didn't want one.

CatnipFarmer · 2014-04-03T16:21:38+00:00

Only idiots who fall for marketing bullshit spend that much, and only gold-digging whores expect a man to spend that much. Plenty of sensible people know that spending thousands of dollars on an engagement ring is retarded.

saint2e · 2014-04-03T13:58:19+00:00

3 months salary? Man, I really shortchanged my wife.

2014-04-03T19:44:05+00:00

Are they though? If my boyfriend spent that much on a ring I'd tell him to take it back and get a cheaper one. We aren't millionaires, damn it!

circuitology · 2014-04-03T17:22:21+00:00

It's more of an expectation than an obligation, get the right girl and you don't need to spend so much on a ring.

But it's not really fair to call it a marketing ploy, either. It's societal expectation, engrained through years of gender roles and it's not going to be easy to change.

It is a symptom of the problem that is men are always seen as providers and women are always seen as deserving of high value gifts even when the act is supposedly mutually beneficial.

I mean heck, even the expectation that the man proposes to the woman hasn't gone away - sure, there's a cute idea of a woman proposing on a leap-year but it's far from the norm for a woman do get on one knee and ask for her boyfriend's hand in marriage. Even leaving the value of the ring aside, it's still thick with sexism.

Alas, we will get there, someday.

VZPurp · 2014-04-03T21:02:29+00:00

You are not obligated to do any such thing. Think and act of your own accord.

deaduponaviral · 2014-04-03T16:50:31+00:00

Doesn't hurt to mention Diamond bs propagandists. Those fuckers make the man feel inadequate while at the same time inflate prices by controlling the flow of the market on something that isn't even that rare to begin with. Not to mention the market is and has been based on child/slave labor. It's sickening. Save your money, build a career, FUCK Western women don't put rings on em

geoboy1234 · 2014-04-03T16:44:41+00:00

I have friend who follows this rule. He bought really expensive ring and propose. The wedding did not happened, so now he is stuck with ring which he tries to sell for last 5 years, nobody is buying even for quarter of original price. He met other girl and proposed with other ludicrously expensive ring, now he is happily married for couple of years.

I used blue sapphire in titanium. Everyone loves it.

cuddle_rapist · 2014-04-03T22:36:10+00:00

There are not three waves of feminists only two. The suffragette movement was something different. Academic feminism loves to hide that suffragette's were anti-abortion. Feminism has a long history of historical revisionism.

drqxx · 2014-04-04T01:48:03+00:00

Dont get married

GreatJanitor · 2014-04-03T22:11:16+00:00

I got married over four years ago and did not spend one red cent on an engagement or wedding ring. She happily used her grandmother's set that her mother gave her.

alkyjason · 2014-04-03T23:55:47+00:00

There may not be an obligation but you can bet your ass there is an expectation. Women will always say it doesn't matter but you can be sure that when she shows up to work at the office, and all of the hens gather around her desk and start clucking, the comparisons and critiquing will begin. Women love to talk and they love to compare notes. If you do not spend the expected 3 months salary, in the eyes of her friends & co-workers you will be viewed as a cheap-skate and they will twist and warp her mind into agreeing.

2014-04-04T00:34:26+00:00

Fwiw, since you seem to be looking for this kind of reply...if my boyfriend were to present me with something that looked THAT expensive...is probably say no and call him an idiot. The only reason I might get something "big" ring-wise is because they were an inheritance.

chalbersma · 2014-04-03T15:43:57+00:00

In fairness I didn't pay 3 months salary on the ring for my fiancee.

thejimmy86 · 2014-04-03T18:51:40+00:00

Got my fiancee a little set in diamond in an elegant white gold ring. Small but pretty. Got a great deal and only payed about 550 for it. She loves it and is happy that I didn't drop a ton of cash. The idea of needing diamonds is an advertising construct made by debeers, which owns what, 95 percent of the worlds diamonds. Add on top of that the fact that diamonds are not even rare anymore - they merely release them at a controlled rate - and you get the picture.

failbus · 2014-04-03T19:48:48+00:00

I'm dating a girl who has explicitly told me she doesn't want a diamond ring. I never did ask the reasoning -- there are many good reasons as far as I can tell -- but you're not obligated.

Personally I think the ring "obligation" is at the ideal point now -- you can use it as a quick filter for people who expect to get a free ride just because they're female.

hippiekyle · 2014-04-03T18:07:26+00:00

My wife specifically said she didn't want a diamond because they're over priced. It's good because 2 months salary doesn't mean much when you're unemployed :-.

AlongAustower · 2014-04-03T19:13:52+00:00

well a long long time a go you would have given her father 3 cows and a shegoat and she would become your wife and would give you children and care for the household choirs.

Nowadays you have to give her the "3 cows and a shegoat" and dont expect nothing in return. You should be happy that she even spends time with your sorry ass.

Lurker_IV · 2014-04-03T21:30:03+00:00

Because not EVERYTHING is controlled by feminist. There are plenty of other influencing factors out there.

SwordfshII · 2014-04-03T19:18:39+00:00

Women are on with sexism, as long as it benefits them.

TripsMcNeely · 2014-04-03T19:38:27+00:00

Yaaaa... there is absolutely no obligation here.

It should be assumed that when you are ready to ask someone to marry you, you will probably already know their preference of engagement ring, whether that be something expensive, something shiny, something out of a cracker-jack box, or nothing at all. If you have gotten this far in a relationship with someone, you probably know what type of person you're dealing with and should probably be comfortable with what type of engagement they prefer. Or you should probably not marry that person.

It's totally and completely a marketing ploy by jewelers.

2014-04-03T21:00:01+00:00

lol at wasting that much money on a ring, at a pt in your life where most do not have 6 paychecks to throw down. If your future wife prefers a multi thousand dollar ring over saving for a down payment or paying off debt, you have a lot more problems than a ring

I spent 495 on the band she wanted, and she thought that was kind of steep. Dont buy into the marketing sham

uberpower · 2014-04-03T21:11:56+00:00

Nothing says "love" like toiling for three months so that your true love can wear an overpriced shiny thing on her hand occasionally.

Now pay for the wedding!

jostler57 · 2014-04-03T21:35:40+00:00

That's a social norm integrated into society by DeBeers marketing.

Before their ad campaign, almost nobody bought a diamond for engagement rings.

2014-04-03T23:05:15+00:00

Who's obligated to do that? Just don't be a dumbass and don't marry one either and you'll be fine.

findgretta · 2014-04-04T00:21:22+00:00

I'll just leave this here.

winkers · 2014-04-04T01:51:53+00:00

My ex-gf really surprised me when she was firm in wanting "...at least $20,000 spent on a ring." I don't think I ever looked at her the same again.

tallwheel · 2014-04-04T02:25:06+00:00

I'd say this is an even bigger issue here in Japan. The "3 month's salary" rule is even more well-known here and usually practiced literally.

kronox · 2014-04-04T03:13:08+00:00

Jokes on her! Three months "salary" from me would be something like $3,200 (during the best of times). Then again i wouldn't be able to eat or have a roof over my head for those three months.

Parintachin · 2014-04-04T03:35:15+00:00

To me this is a watermark, if you ask for a ring that cost me three months salary, even worse if you expect it, you are a silly person and will never have to worry about that ever happening. Ever.

2014-04-04T04:10:42+00:00

When I was a kid in the 70s I remember it was one month's salary and then in the 80s I remember hearing some ad about it becoming 2 month's salary and I remember thinking the diamond people were smart. Now I think they're just scumbags. My wife, bless her, a feminist in the best way, wanted nothing to do with diamonds when we got married.

guywithaccount · 2014-04-04T04:46:06+00:00

Obligated?

We're not obligated.

Fuck that noise.

ttnorac · 2014-04-04T13:06:24+00:00

It's because feminism is a loud minority. Most women (especially the ones getting engaged or even dating a man) aren't feminists. They enjoy a man being a traditional man.

However, the ring thing isn't a men's right issue as much as it is extortion.

2014-04-04T13:06:39+00:00

Obligated? No. Just no. My wife and I spent about $250 on two gold bands. Nothing etched in them. Just gold bands. This was when gold was cheap however.

Whenever I see I woman with a huge diamond outcrop on her finger, I think slightly less of her. I think "is THAT your marriage? That rock is your marriage summed up. Superficial.".

RubixCubeDonut · 2014-04-03T22:28:29+00:00

women get paid less than men

This isn't a problem, women choose to go into low-paying fields.

men choose to buy expensive wedding rings

Wow, thanks a lot feminism

RubixCubeDonut · 2014-04-03T23:53:55+00:00

The Diamond Industry controls this notion, not women.

robby_stark · 2014-04-03T15:37:54+00:00

come on guys this is a bullshit non-issue.

Fhwqhgads · 2014-04-04T12:06:12+00:00

Love that you have to pay for and give things to is not love.

2014-04-04T15:34:07+00:00

Personal agency. Nobody forced you to buy an expensive ring.

Hoonin · 2014-04-03T18:26:59+00:00

Because the good women, the ones who aren't ugly fat feminist pigs, still deserve a nice ring and a man to hold the door for them, we shouldn't let a minority of bitches to ruin it for women.

Title	After three waves of feminism why are men still obligated to spend three months of salary on expensive engagement rings?
Author	tippytoefairy
Upvotes	237
Comments	132
Date	April 3, 2014 1:55 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/223owm/after_three_waves_of_feminism_why_are_men_still/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/after-three-waves-of-feminism-why-are-men-still.1002061 https://theredarchive.com/post/1002061

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