Does homophobia affect straight males too?

3dpornAdPlacement · 2010-11-15T23:14:49+00:00

about ten years ago, i was walking home from a club night out (my birthday). I heard a person yelling to me from across the street. I thought it was someone I knew. It turned out to be a guy that took issues with me. He was yelling stuff about faggots and how faggots should die. He walked across the street and managed to break my eye orbit and cheekbone. I had to have four plates inserted into my skull to correct everything. I generally do not talk about my sexuality because I am not sure how it is relevant unless I am trying to get laid. Nevertheless, I do not find myself sexually attracted to men. So, yeah, at least in my life I find homophobia has repercussions.

soylentcoleslaw · 2010-11-16T00:27:13+00:00

If I acted on my normal impulses, I'd be extremely effeminate. I love cute things and cute clothes, I have subconscious feminine mannerisms, and I'd love a strong partner who makes me feel safe and who would take charge. I've never had a gay fantasy in my life. The thought of being with another man just doesn't do it for me, but given what I want and who I naturally am, I'm said on numerous occasions how much easier my love life would be if it did. As it is, if I want to attract someone new, I have to tamp all that down and put on my reasonably masculine face, and maybe if I'm lucky, I can reveal some of that side of myself gradually. But I can't be totally myself. Never. Other men and women would assume I'm gay and I'd probably never meet somebody who would perfectly inhabit that counter-role. So I go on pretending to be manly sometimes and hopefully don't screw up.

JIGGER_MY_DIGGER · 2010-11-16T00:01:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

HerbalEssence · 2010-11-16T00:33:02+00:00

I am LGBT-friendly, but I am completely heterosexual.

But because I have a philosophical soul and not given to grunting and posturing like other insecure males, I was regarded as gay growing up. I bore the brunt of homophobic jackasses (male and female - actually the girls were worse) all through high school and into college. I only escaped it when I moved to a city where there was a large gay population. I can only surmise the homophobes took their attention off of me because they had elsewhere to get their angry on.

Homophobia, or the threat of, has never affected any of my relationships with men. Unless you count the fact that i was a pariah in high school for being slightly socially awkward. I normally get along very well with the LGBT community and am not ashamed at all about having them as a friend.

EDIT: Upon further reflection- I find that a lot of women, in their compulsive need to make gross assumptions about men in 1 second, label me as "probably gay." They have told me this after they get to know me better: i.e. "When I first met you I thought you were gay and I wasn't interested, but now I see you're actually a really smart and interesting guy."

TheBananaKing · 2010-11-16T01:26:43+00:00

Absolutely. all -normative behaviours box people in.

Straight guy here. I can't say I've had many specific encounters personally, but then I've led a fairly isolated life, socially.

But yes - there's an awful lot of restriction and anxiety in inter-male behaviour. You can't ever be sad or hurt - only angry. You can't extend comfort or affection towards another guy, except via humorous taunting / rivalry / aggression (eg play-fighting), unless you're very, very drunk. You have to do this kind of... reverse double-entendre the entire time, translating everything into John Wayne before you speak or act it, and back again to understand others. It's a pain in the ass.

Obviously, it depends on the general level of homophobia in the background culture. I'm from Sydney, one of the gay-friendliest cities in the world, so it's all relatively understated here.

It doesn't help, also, that 'being a real man' not only implies heterosexual, but also of-admirable-character. It's a subtle trap; the idea is to blackmail people into admirable behaviour by playing on their heteronormative anxieties: if you act like an asshole, you must be some kind of pansy.

Bad as that is, it's also double-edged. If you don't act ultra-masculine and ultra-hetero, you must be some kind of asshole.

Cue the vicious circle.

serius · 2010-11-16T00:05:00+00:00

Straight male here, I have a pink drink bottle and sometimes get shit for it, I also drove a purple car around for a few years and me and my male buddies dont mind hugging, sharing beds or being physically close at all. I am not sure if i have the ability to cry or not, i haven't since i was a kid and dad harassed me for it. Now its just something that doesn't happen.

The worst time though was when i nearly got gay bashed. I went to a gay bar with my mate and nearly got bashed for it. I had some drink tickets for this new club opening which turned out to be a gay bar, but whatever about half the people there were straight, the music was good, place looked classy and free drinks right? so me and my mate leave, and to get to the train station from that part of town you have to walk across a quiet street then down an alley way and finally to the train station. Well it turns out a bunch of drunk dudes had either followed us, or were going in the same direction and saw two guys come out of a gay par. There was a few words exchanged, shoving, things escalated then we managed to break free and ran for it. Neither of us were hurt luckily but it was still scary. It made me realize that now matter how it seems things have changed on the surface and we are all equal now, some people will still actually try to bash you[possibly even kill you] because of your sexual preference. Yeah i was younger and more naive then.

s0ckpuppet · 2010-11-16T01:58:52+00:00

I am a heterosexual male, and compete at brazilian Jiu Jitsu, even I think that shit looks gay sometimes.

ecartes · 2010-11-16T02:20:24+00:00

I talk with a lisp and dress really well. I'm also heterosexual.

Almost everyone I initially meet believes, nay, KNOWS, that I'm, ACTUALLY homosexual. It's weird, living with the thought that everyone I meet thinks I'm gay. Although I will never know fully the oppression that some gay people face, I feel like I've felt a lot of it just from being perceived as gay.

To answer more directly your question, yes. Sometimes it really is hard to open up with my closest male friends. Actually, all the time. The only time it really seems permissible is when you're drunk. I often find myself saying "I need more female friends!" just because I need a friend that I can talk to. In my male group of friends there is one female and she is CONSTANTLY bombarded, in private, with all of our problems. Think IRL The Giver.

AGenericGoon · 2010-11-15T22:26:19+00:00

I am heterosexual, and watch/enjoy glee.

I will take this secret to the grave.

2010-11-15T22:26:42+00:00

nope, i lost a friend because he thought that way and still thinks i am gay (i bumped into him once or twice in high school, it happened in jr high) it was his own paranoia

i tend to do my best not to give a shit about what others think of me

that being said, through my own experience i also show that there are alot of people who seem to have that problem....

Aspectofbane · 2010-11-16T02:22:34+00:00

Before I figured myself out and labelled myself as straight to everyone at my all boys high school in Tennessee, I was taken to a back hallway by some older students and beaten until most of my ribs and one of my wrists were broken. All because I have a slightly feminine walk and a high voice, stemming from a lack of testosterone. Now I'm openly bisexual in college, but never went for any boys and always openly proclaimed that I liked only girls. Still affected me.

Almustafa · 2010-11-15T22:11:48+00:00

Here ya go. It's a talk Dan Savage gave on straight men and how he pities them, mainly from the effects of homophobia. I thought it strongly reflected what I see as a gay man looking in at the straight world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS2my1FN_A4

2010-11-16T00:48:38+00:00

I'd rather put myself in a situation that invites homophobic remarks/jokes around new people. It helps me weed out the assholes I don't intend to hang out with again.

hyperforce · 2010-11-16T00:49:18+00:00

I had one friend who would refuse to go see a movie in the theaters with just one other male friend. Two, sure, but just one? Nope. It'd look "gay".

I hugged a good friend recently when I first saw him in a bar after he broke up with his gf (it was messy). We got insulted for it by some nearby strangers. Thankfully, he had no problems with it, so we went pretty over-the-top making the people who were offended extra uncomfortable.

Hell, some of my friends and I make it a point to make others uncomfortable like that. We've been told "you're way too comfortable with your sexuality" numerous times.

kloo2yoo · 2010-11-16T01:23:11+00:00

Have you ever hesitated to become close to another male for fear that it might be misinterpreted by someone else?

yes.

Was there ever a time you resisted getting close to another male emotionally because you were afraid it might be seen as sexual?

yes.

Does the fear of being called gay or a faggot ever change the way you behave in front of other males?

noit so much anymore, but while I was growing up, it time it certainly did.

2010-11-16T02:51:53+00:00

i am a heterosexual male. i'm from the midwest. captain of my hs wrestling team. huge football fan. love sci-fi movies and video games and bud light and chevrolet. pretty typical jock-type dude.

oh yeah, i went to theater school for college. i had two gay roommates. i had lgbt friends. i used to bartend at an east village restaurant where at least half my clientele was gay. gay guys are great tippers and (typically) great conversationalists.

the two owners of the bar were gay. i would hang out with one of the owners, bar-hopping around all the gay bars in the east village (splash, urge, the cock, etc.). people tend to get freaked out about that, but hey man, going dancing with your friends is fun. i didn't grind on guys and i didn't lead them on. in fact, i often hooked up with the hags hanging around the club.

so no, i don't change the way i act or who i hang out with. i have met/have been very close to people who HATED gays only because they, themselves, were actually gay (or sexually abused by a man, which is misplacing hatred for paedophiles). it's time for guys to learn that the most gay thing you can do is hate gays. MAN THE FUCK UP and stop letting idiot guys and idiot girls make you feel bad about watching glee or gray's anatomy or wearing a pink tie or whatever it is that you're insecure about.

rabbitspade · 2010-11-15T23:04:07+00:00

Around 2005, I worked in a Compusa tech shop. I became friends with a new salesman who was not shy telling people he was bisexual. He was pretty cool and we used to blaze a lot (like most the store), but no one else liked him or was nice to him at all. I hung out w/ him a few times and recognized he used to go to (alternative) school w/ my fiancee from pictures I posted of her and our newborn. We all hung out and even though I thought we were all getting along, my former Girl thought it would be a good idea to fuck him and give him a huge hickey on his neck. She then proceeded to give me such a hickey as well, before telling me she fucked him. I was so pissed off when I went to find him and saw we had matching hickeys. Rumors flew and the assistant general manager (who was a good friend of mine, we used to go to parties together) was the only one I told what happened, and he was fired that week for "missing" a day he was not even scheduled. Still, people thought shit happened between me and him so I bagged a few girls from the store (being newly single) so there wouldn't be doubts. I'd like to think I've grown since then but amongst it all, the part that really bothered me was people thought we were together.

chaos_syndicate · 2010-11-16T01:35:24+00:00

Yes, very much so. I'm a heterosexual male and I was berated and ridiculed so much through school being called a fag and what not, that I have almost no male friends at all. I feel very uncomfortable around straight males and generally avoid/ignore them.

ch4os1337 · 2010-11-16T00:09:51+00:00

I'm straight and I find it weird that a lot of men are still homophobic. I'm from a generation that finds Jackass and Wildboyz humorous because of all the homo-erotic humor. I don't get it.

Njall · 2010-11-16T01:05:33+00:00

I have a couple of homosexual friends and I've not experienced any discomfort being with them, working with them, or socializing with them. I suspect it is a matter of how comfortable a man is with himself. I've seen that men who question their own sexuality or, perhaps, their status in life seem more likely to react badly to homosexuality.

Back in the early 80's I rejected, though not rudely, a homosexual friend who came out to me. Since then, I have always regretted doing so and have wished many times I could take that rejection back and let him know I like him and don't care about his sexuality. I don't know where he is. Phil, if you are here and reading this, Nelson was foolish.

I_divided_by_0- · 2010-11-16T01:09:26+00:00

Have you ever hesitated to become close to another male for fear that it might be misinterpreted by someone else?

Yes and no. Yes when I was younger, no now, infact I wish I had more of them. I am, however, a master at screwing these relationships up.

Was there ever a time you resisted getting close to another male emotionally because you were afraid it might be seen as sexual?

Same answer.

Does the fear of being called gay or a faggot ever change the way you behave in front of other males?

Same answer again. Now, infact, I'd rather people call me gay or a faggot just for the internal laugh I see on their face when I (lie to them) say "Yeah, I am gay, why do you ask?"

SPacific · 2010-11-16T02:41:28+00:00

People have often thought I was gay. I'm not. I've been hit on by gay men (usually not an issue, unless they're drunk and assholes, I tell them I'm not into guys and they go away) I've been rejected by girls for not being "manly" enough, and I've been picked on for being a "fag". Does homophobia affect heterosexual males? It has me.

Ramoncin · 2010-11-16T12:12:21+00:00

It does. I'm a straight man, but a rather quiet and mild mannered person. This, together with not speaking openly about my sex life and refusing to play along when male friends start bragging about sex or behaving like bullies (there's nothing I hate more than people acting as bullies) has caused me trouble occasionally.

For some reason when men don't behave all the time like alpha males some people tend to label them as gay. Can't stand that. I have nothing against gay people and I openly support their claims fro equal rights, but let's face it, people are still prejudiced.

breastmilkofdeath · 2010-11-15T23:46:12+00:00

No. I've never hidden who I am. If one of my guy friends is going through a rough time, I'm going to give him a bro-hug. Fuck what some nameless, faceless figure in the shadows thinks. They're the ones with the problems, not me.

northonm31 · 2010-11-16T12:26:26+00:00

Straight male here.

I'm not necessarily what you'd call particularly effeminate these days, but growing up in my high school years I definitely wasn't the bulkiest, brawniest character and used to cop my fair share of the generic taunts and derogatory comments that were intended to offend and insult me on sexual grounds.

But that didn't change my underlying belief that there was nothing wrong with being homosexual and certainly nothing to fear from those that were.

I'm now 25. I have quite a few homosexual friends. I don't shy away from showing normal platonic affection with them, nor with my straight male friends.

As far as I see it, friends are friends first before they are to be seen as any particular gender or sexuality. Straight guys can show the same affection to their straight or gay female friends as they can to their straight or gay male friends. And if the lines ever get a bit murky with the affection-giving, it should be no more intimidating or awkward to set things straight (no pun intended) with a gay male friend as it would with a female friend.

As for the broader public?

I guess I'd say my sexuality doesn't really come into question these days. I'm apparently quite obviously straight. But if I ever hang out with my gay or straight male friends and there's even the slightest chance that someone might assume I'm gay, I actually wouldn't mind in the slightest. I've gone to gay bars with gay and straight friends alike, just for the fun of seeing where my gay friends like to go, and even had guys hit on me. My first reaction is to be slightly embarrassed, but in the same way you get embarrassed when a girl you're not that into makes a pass at you in a bar, and then I feel quite flattered and gain a confidence boost from the whole situation.

So I'd say homophobia has tried to affect me in the past, but it didn't win.

dontputsaltinyoureye · 2010-11-15T23:13:18+00:00

it has had a tremendous effect on my life. i am unable to wear my avril lavigne in public due to the fear. WHY CAN I NOT WEAR MY AVRIL LAVIGNE SHIRT?!

Immersion89 · 2010-11-16T00:06:29+00:00

The degradation of one group of people by another, in every case, is tantamount to the degradation of all people. Homophobic individuals insist that queer folk are, in some way, less than human; their insistence damages their own humanity. So long as we're all living together, yes - homophobia makes my life as a mostly-hetero male much more difficult, as I imagine it does for every straight-identified male. The same goes for any group, really.

TerribleAtPuns · 2010-11-15T23:35:54+00:00

I think there are two things to think of here... are you changing your behaviour because of your feelings about the issue or are you changing because of what you perceive as the effects of the feelings of others. Luckily I'm in a position where I'm much bigger than most people and have no problem telling people that they are being idiots.

I can only imagine this is going to be an individual response, based on a persons feelings around sexuality and on their assumptions about other peoples beliefs.

Personally, I call my friends out if they say something is gay or that someone is a faggot... and if someone were to actually give a fuck whether I am hetero, homo, bi or pan-sexual that's their problem not mine. I guess it comes down to how much people might want to be accepted - personally, I can take mainstream society or leave it.

ShakeyBobWillis · 2010-11-16T00:53:28+00:00

I don't think there's any rational argument for how it CAN'T affect men on some level. Most men aren't really cavemen as the vocal minority (of men) provide an example of. But they can sure create, especially in school, an atmosphere where a straight male is forced to hide who they may truly be for fear of running afoul of the meatheads in out midst.

Hypersapien · 2010-11-16T02:30:05+00:00

I haven't known any gay or bi males (that were out to me) very well. I met the gay friend of a girl I dated once. When we parted ways he asked if I would be embarrassed if he gave me a hug goodbye. I didn't have any problem with it at all, so he did. His boyfriend was there, so I doubt he was flirting with me.

GunOfSod · 2010-11-16T02:40:16+00:00

As a straight male, I have no problems with homosexuals at all, I marched in support of the homosexual law reform bill in NZ and picketed the religious fundamentalist meetings.

I wouldn't become emotionally close to a homosexual, but then I don't get emotionally close to anyone, that is just my nature.

pcarvious · 2010-11-16T02:47:47+00:00

I'm a Heterosexual male. I'm also one of those people that will show affection through contact, IE hugs, shoulder punches etc. It can be very awkward when I'm interacting with other guys because they don't expect how I act and interact unless they know me.

My actions have led me on several occasions to be labeled as gay by people that know me superficially, even when I have my girlfriend around. I've squished more than a few rumors in the dorm about me because of this, but it still doesn't keep people from being stupid and believing everything they hear. The only reason I probably haven't gotten more trouble about it is because my height/build, and going to a liberal college.

2010-11-16T03:04:25+00:00

There are a couple of instances where it affected me. Two notable ones spring to mind:

I've loved gardening ever since I was young, and growing flowers is just part of that. At school, there were one or two people who couldn't get over that because, apparently, growing flowers makes you gay.

A friend of mine at uni got utterly drunk at a party and, knowing him and his prior antics fairly well, I knew he was well into potential passing out territory. When he stumbled towards the door to leave, I decided to walk him home to make sure he got there OK. The next day, he questioned whether I was secretly gay — as if I couldn't be concerned about someone without wanting to fuck them or something (for the record, he was straight and in a committed hetero relationship at the time, so I'm pretty confident I didn't misinterpret an attempt at flirting).

The older I get, though, the fewer people are confused — no idea if that's a general age thing or if it's a function of selectively "choosing" friends. No one in my current social circle would (at least overtly) assume something which doesn't involve a romantic same-sex relationship is "gay". My armchair analysis is that the more secure people are in their own sexuality, the less they feel the need to second-guess someone else's.

unhelpfuljoe · 2010-11-16T03:26:43+00:00

I think it use to, however the older I get the more comfortable with my sexuality I am. And I don't get offended so easily. In fact I have no problem doing things that are considered 'gay' or 'effeminate' and if I get called gay I would typically laugh and brush it off not modifying my behavior.

batmanlovesyou · 2010-11-16T04:19:17+00:00

Meh the only thing for me is that it gets annoying when people ask you. I have close male friends that I am emotionally close to. I share a lot with them. I am also a forever alone so my family thinks I am gay. I have since decided that I will just let them think that and see what they do.

neofool · 2010-11-16T04:43:30+00:00

In response to question one, regarding fear of closeness due to other people's perceptions.

Yes. I prefer to have fewer close friends than a large group of people I barely know. I've had two very close friends during the past few years and both times people have assumed something gay existed between us. I consider my close friends to be like brothers but other have misinterpreted this connection.

Unwanted_opinion · 2010-11-16T04:47:52+00:00

Absolutely not, in fact someone once asked if my best friend and I were gay together so I said yes and proceeded to dry hump him. They felt pretty stupid to say the least, to be honest though it's extremely easy to tell when something is sexual or non sexual. If a guy I know needs someone to talk to I'm not going to assume he's gay just because he's having trouble dealing with an emotional issue...

geodebug · 2010-11-16T05:48:02+00:00

Probably did when I was younger but the blessing of getting older is that "who gives a fuck" becomes more of a reality with every passing year.

Been a long time since a stranger called me 'fag' but I'd probably laugh if he did.

2010-11-16T06:59:37+00:00

I am a straight male, but since about middle school I have been called faggot or gay a million times over by all sorts of people ranging the entire gamut of race, class and gender.

If it wasn't some jock calling me fag for dying my hair or being myself it was a girl calling me gay in college because I didn't want to fuck her. For some, this might reinforce the idea that they need to act the way society demands them to otherwise they might be shunned and called these awful names.

However, for me it has only strengthened my belief that I need to be myself however emotional or flamboyant that may be. I don't concern myself with others opinions on my relationships with my male friends. I don't associate myself with those that feel the need to hurl slurs at me because of their own insecurities. I feel fortunate that my attitude has endured... I think some others aren't so lucky.

furrytoothpick · 2010-11-16T07:21:06+00:00

I've had several gay friends, and have never felt any homophobic/uncomfortable feelings towards them. However, I met this one chinese guy at work, and a lot of things he says and does make me feel uncomfortable. Naturally, I'm pretty timid, and tend to agree with / show interest in anything anyone has to say, so I don't really put this guy down when he does anything, as I would perhaps with one of my Canadian born buddies to poke some friendly fun at them.

One example, is that I left work for the day, about 15 minutes later I receive a call on my cell phone. The guy says that someone was taken out on a stretcher at work, and he wanted to make sure I was okay, because he was worried about me. He thought it might have been me. Having grown up in a culture where guys caring about other guys is 'strange', this did make me feel a little awkward. Not to mention, if it was me, what was calling me going to do? I didn't want to be rude, so I just went with it and told him I was fine.

Another example, is we'll be having a conversation, then he will just pause and say 'you're a really nice guy.' or 'you're a really nice friend' coupled with a creepy smile. I will immediately feel quite uncomfortable and try and get back to whatever we were talking about after saying 'thanks, anyways as i was saying...'

Finally, the strangest and most homophobia inducing situation was when he came down to visit me to go get something to eat (it was originally supposed to be with a couple of his friends, they cancelled, he insisted, and me being timid/agreeable just said o.k.). I invited him over to my place as it was an hours drive or so for him, and showed him my room/whatever, and was showing him some youtube video I found funny or something, and the guy is standing behind me at this point, and just gently rests his hand on my shoulder for a good 4-5 seconds. Needless to say I felt pretty damn uncomfortable.

Sometimes I see asian people putting their arms around each other and stuff like that, so is this part of his culture? He's lived in Canada for at least 10 years now, if not more, he barely has any noticeable accent. Another thing may further expand our culture gap is that I'm 21 and he's late 20s or 30 something. I'm cool with having a 30-year old friend, it just seems to me like the way he acts makes this just a little stranger.

How would you feel in this situation? Am I being unnecessarily homophobic? Is it just our culture-gap that's making this feel strange?

Also, I know it may seem like he's just a genuinely nice guy, and it's mean of me to brush it off, but I am just seriously not use to it. That, and the fact that I haven't had too much social interaction in the last couple years.

SensenmanN · 2010-11-16T07:21:19+00:00

I am assuming this is being asked by a female. I assume, because it never really crosses into getting emotionally close to another male. Guys (or the friends I have had over the years) don't really do that. We might talk about problems and things weighing on our mind, but we don't really get too emotional with each other.

As far as the homophobia goes, I have never acted different around others out of fear of what they may think, no. I quite often mess around with my other male friends, hold hands, rub their thig, blow kisses. It's all because we are comfortable with our sexuality, and we find it funny. I know writing it down makes it sound like I am gay, or curious or something like that, but I am very sure of my desire for women, lol. I know a lot of guys who joke around, quite a lot the sports players from my high school used to mess with each other like that.

So like I said, no it doesn't cross my mind.

sincerelydisappoint · 2010-11-16T07:34:31+00:00

IAmA hetero, middle class, white male, who is dear friends with an openly gay man. Also, I am exactly his "type." To be clear, I met this gay man through my fiancee. Nobody has overtly called me gay, although my friendship with him, I am sure has invoked the question. I think that being engaged to a beautiful woman, at least on the surface, suppresses the provocativities (made up word) of the friendship between a straight man and gay man. He does not hit on me, as he clearly respects the love I have for my fiancee. We talk about cars, physics, entertainment, etc. The dynamic is essentially no different than that of two men who are heterosexually acquainted.

By no means do I take this to be the normative behavior between hetero and gay men. I feel as though this relationship is an exception. More-so than not I feel as though there are social stratifications between straight and gay that simply inhibit this sort integration. It is overall upsetting, and I disapprove.

ReaverRikku · 2010-11-16T07:39:57+00:00

If anything I act more affectionate towards other males if around ignorant homophobic people.

ambivalent_shrubbery · 2010-11-16T09:21:32+00:00

I recently read a really article about research on just this topic. They've apperantly found that relationships between men are a lot closer and more intimate in cultures were homophobia is rampant. In the middle-east it's not uncommon for men to hold hands, and just a few generations ago in western cultures it would be normal for men to write letters of how much they miss each other, as revealed by historic documuents. The article argued that in "homophobic" cultures homosexuality is unthinkable, and therefore men need not try to hide any feelings of intimacy towards male friends.

2010-11-16T10:38:52+00:00

yeah, im hetero and recently we had a guy (lets call him D, for douche) transfer for 6 months from a german group. I was friendly to him as figured he didnt know anyone. invited him out to the bar with us, offered to show him where the better markets were etc. One of the dicks from work told him as i joke that i was gay and so D spent the next 6 months just being a complete shit to me. It was bullying like i thought everyone left behind in school. fucker.

RecQuery · 2010-11-16T10:53:58+00:00

Well I've had girlfriends accuse me of being gay (the homosexual meaning) when I continue to hang out with male friends instead lavishing all my attention at them.

I'll occasionally call something gay, but I don't mean homosexual and have nothing against gay people. I think the word gay has changed it's meaning again.

kragshot · 2010-11-16T11:18:43+00:00

A true player is down for their people; fuck whatcha heard.

Gay, straight...it doesn't matter. Either you're cool or you're a mark.

Mottebayo · 2010-11-16T11:26:17+00:00

I hate the word homophobia.

Most bigots are not afraid of homosexuals they just hate them. Implying it's a phobia that they have no control over is crap.

And yes it does affect straight guys. I went to an all boys school and was bullied severely for being gay (I'm not but that didn't seem to bother the fuckers).

Hellbender712 · 2010-11-16T12:52:10+00:00

Speaking as a much confirmed hetersexual male I see no reason to become close, emotionally or otherwise to another male. For that matter, I don't see much use in forming an emotional connection to females. Of course I'm a cold hearted bastard so take it for what it is.

threeeyedsloth · 2010-11-16T13:38:15+00:00

I had a boyfriend years ago who got into wearing women's underwear. Completely straight, I mean he was with me and didn't get into guys, but felt bad about his kink because he was afraid people, namely any woman he dated, would think he's gay. I thought the notion ridiculous as I had many gay friends who absolutely had no interest in me because, hey, tits. It was merely a sensation thing, and sex is all about that.

I think a lot of men hold back on what they want sexually because they're afraid their girlfriends/wives will perceive them as gay. Like having your nipples played with? Oh, you must be gay. You get into a little assplay? Oh, that's definitely gay. Please. It's all bullshit. If a guy is gay, there is no way you're going to mistake him for being straight, and it's the same vice versa.

LefebvreTyler · 2010-11-16T21:33:30+00:00

I used to be small and weak and teased a lot in high school.. you'd hear fag all the time and it bothered me a lot until my little brother came out of the closet.. then I took on a "fuck yeah" mentality and when people made an issue of it I'd throw it back in their face. I think I subconsciously decided I'd prefer to have people mess with me than him, and suddenly homophobics didn't bother me.

Sarstan · 2010-11-16T00:19:52+00:00

As a man who is big on English, homophobia hurts me greatly. The very term shows a huge misuse of the appended "phobia". Last I check, it does not mean a fear of gays if you're "homophobic" and yet...

Anyway, as a straight male, it's hard to tell others about any interests that are not blatantly masculine. It's also a pain in the ass to be the only man in a group that doesn't like beer or hard liquor. I long prefer a sex on the beach or similar drink, but damned if that won't raise eye brows about me from other men.

plesiosaur · 2010-11-16T01:05:56+00:00

The problem is not about appearing more homosexual, it's about appearing less masculine. A man's greatest treasure (at least with most men) is his pride and if he doesn't have the respect of other males he eventually loses the respect he has for himself. We may act more masculine at times as a way of self preservation. Some may call this an "act," implying it has a negative impact on ourselves, but I don't necessarily see it as so. Everyone has a mask, and whether its to act more straight, more masculine, more happy, etc. at times, its all done with our basic survival instincts of self preservation in mind. By protecting the things we hold value to, such as respect, we aren't actually doing anything out of the ordinary. In fact, we are more true to ourselves by acting upon our cognitive process rather than an emotional one. Its like blaming someone for not immediately physically attacking someone who just insulted them because they weren't being true to their "real" self.

Dax420 · 2010-11-15T23:50:13+00:00

I offered a friend a ride on the back of my motorcycle and he refused because "that's kinda gay".

Some people are stupid.

fanelli · 2010-11-16T08:46:01+00:00

I can answer pretty well to this one... First for a bit of background. I am a heterosexual male in my freshman year of college. I go to a school with a male/female ratio of about 40:60% and of those 40%, quite a few of the men are homosexual. Being a very liberal college, most people, including the administration, are extremely progressive towards others, regardless of orientation.... even to the point where I am permitted to room with a woman.

Now, to get to the heart of your question. I admittedly have a rather feminine personality, and lack the macho persona prevalent in our society. I will occasionally get a comment along the lines of "If I didn't know better, I would think you were gay..." These comments, although by no means bad, do make me think... and possibly change a bit. I occasionally find myself trying to act more "manly" around my male friends. There is definitely a pressure to act a certain way... to not, for instance, give a bit of fashion advice (of which was force-fed to me by a previous girlfriend) to a female friend.

Recently, however, I have begun to care less and less. I suppose that is simply me becoming more comfortable with myself, and realizing that it really does not matter in the slightest what some random person thinks about my sexuality. I openly admit to being a less than manly, mildly feminine, straight male.

FlamboyantGrey · 2010-11-15T23:45:03+00:00

I really agree with what exlaxbros said (go upvote that guy). Although I think it's a pretty terrible argument. It's not like it's rape, which if you are considering both males you should in most cases at least get away. (I'm a heterosexual btw) If I see a cute girl that I know is lesbian I'm not going to make a move on her. That is just respect. Same with this, it all ultimately comes down to respect.

detlev · 2010-11-16T02:38:07+00:00

no one likes being called a fag. straight guys, gay guys, even women hate it. they are all like you can't call me that i'm a girl. equal rights, fag!

2010-11-16T05:11:38+00:00

Until I was about 12.

SirKangaroo · 2010-11-16T06:08:28+00:00

I am a male in my senior year in high school, so I am around quite a bit of homophobic stuff, and hear a lot of bad things being said about gay people. Some of it is just joking around, but some of it is serious. Personally, I am straight, but me and a couple of my good friends (straight males) sometimes screw around because we find it to be funny. This usually just entails making awkward jokes and maybe grabbing my one friends man-boobs, but we have never seen it as homosexual, and never intended it be so. I can say that I never worried about anyone calling me gay or anything like that, but I also don't really care about anything people call me. I do have a comfort level (I don't want another guy grabbing my junk or anything) but I don't care about giving a guy a hug or something. I'm not really afraid of people thinking I'm gay because 1) I don't want to date the guys, so I don't care what they think, and 2) Even if the girls think I'm gay, I'm going away to University next year and frankly couldn't care less about what the girls in my school think.

philosarapter · 2010-11-16T14:45:44+00:00

Yeah and that is why we use the term "no homo".

aquaventure · 2010-11-17T01:58:11+00:00

I'm gay myself, and I heard about some guy being assulted outside of the only bar in town. He was straight, somewhat willowy by all accounts, but didn't lisp or behave abnormally. I felt really bad when I heard that.

From a broader perspective, I suppose a lot of straight males have been inhibited by homophobia, but not directly. I often wonder how many guys are out there that could be making a lot more money, and be a lot happier as a dancer, chef, or other profession that they would excel at, but are deterred from (extremist) family or friends saying that it's a 'gay' hobby earlier or later in life.

2010-11-18T10:46:19+00:00

Someone's sexuality doesn't bother me, but it is very annoying when their sexuality is their entire personality.

s0ckpuppet · 2010-11-16T00:14:27+00:00

I am pretty accepting of people having other preferences. I have had gay friends in the past as well. (I moved to a different city and don't really keep in contact). I would say that you are probably right in that it does affect how straight men act in some cases, BUT I have never really noticed any large impact on me personally. Maybe some minor thing a couple of times, but nothing I would consider worth worrying too hard about. But, then again I am trying to recall in retrospect and maybe I would have thought differently if I posed this exact question at the time.

One thing I can say though is that people who would be described as "flaming" can and do get on my nerves and I have had my patience run out on people before. I view this as same type of annoyance I get from being around a large group of women who are being catty/gossipy. I would even go as far as to say the behavior is extremely similar, at least in my experience. Is that really me that gets annoyed or is it just something that I got from society. IDK but if I had to bet I would say the former. Drama is annoying.

duglock · 2010-11-15T23:06:44+00:00

I think the whole homophobia thing is a misnomer. It is like calling someone a racist that doesn't want to hang around thug, gangster blacks. I don't mind hanging around normal men - gay or not. What I do not like is the leather, half-naked methed out freaks throwing condoms to children during a "pride" parade.

SyntaxOfL · 2010-11-16T11:23:42+00:00

Yes.

degroves · 2010-11-16T20:46:08+00:00

No because straight men are not afraid of anything. Except death. Dick is not death; so we are not afraid.

aetheralloy · 2010-11-15T22:25:25+00:00

Of course.

"Bro's" and "bromance" is the term often used to shame men there. Women (feminists) in particular love to use it as well. It is all over in other subreddits.

The really interesting question here isn't if it affects males, but why women are both extremely homophobic towards gay males while also willing to use them as emotional buddies.

Edit: Please read this if you are about to have a knee-jerk reaction.

mean0dean0 · 2010-11-16T08:59:53+00:00

The whole concept of heteronormativity (as I get it from Karma Lochrie's book) revolves around statistical norms of hetero behavior being taken as averages for all behavior. If I want to deviate from that average, I must in some sense lose the moniker of "normal," i.e., acceptable to the status quo. Considering that my job, my social status, and even my relationship status is dependent upon remaining "normal," then yes--the crushing restrictions of heteronormativity DO impact my life in ways that I cannot alleviate or control.

Homophobia, however, is an entirely different matter, as I conceive homophobia to be a reaction of bigoted individuals to gay PDA or gay sexuality; usually, this goes hand-in-glove with sexual sadism and dominance/control issues for the homophobic men/women involved. Us "normals" don't even know why this random thing is "boss" and that random thing is "gay."

peturoh · 2010-11-16T10:26:48+00:00

If someone sees me as gay for what ever reason and looks down on me or somehow thinks less of me because of that then that is a person I do not want in my life anyway.

ShakeyBobWillis · 2010-11-15T22:55:12+00:00

as an extremely straight guy i always used to stay well away from gay dudes. they have nothing to offer a normal guy, and dudes kissing each other is pretty crappy.

however i have since learned all the hot women love to be around them, especially the ones in various key industries. so now i hang out with gay guys and get along with them great.

i generally just treat them like another girl, obviously having made 100% clear that i am straight. they still hit on me from time to time, but generally they are very respectful.

manylakesz · 2010-11-15T22:27:57+00:00

Guys don't fear fags. it's silly to call it homophobia. Guys just aren't into unnatural acts like guys kissing other guys. That causes disgust. It's a natural reaction.

Killhouse · 2010-11-16T00:00:33+00:00

Men value each other based off of masculinity. If you don't understand that, you won't understand men. Why else would the biggest insult to a man be to emasculate him by calling him a fag?

PeytonMD · 2010-11-15T23:08:22+00:00

Homophobia is as much a phobia as Scientology is the "study of" (definition of "ology") science. It is an inaccurate blanket term to give to anyone in your opposition. People can be tolerant even if they do not approve, and it is unfair to call them afraid.

Edit- I don't give a shit, but excellent rebuttal downvoters.

nude-fox · 2010-11-16T02:49:29+00:00

Nope

ProbablyBelievesIt · 2010-11-16T00:26:27+00:00

I'm a straight male, and homophobia makes it easy for me to scare the crap of out of stupid people, then rub their faces in it. "See that mess you made?! Bad! DON'T DO IT AGAIN!"

redwood9 · 2010-11-16T10:17:29+00:00

Oh yeah! I am powerless against homophobia.. it is not a malady that can be cured.. I just hate fags.. and that is how I am... there isn't anything I can do to change that.. I hate all cocksuckers and those who bend over and take it in the ass.

FatStig · 2010-11-16T04:59:06+00:00

OP is either gay, female, or both and has never observed a movie or TV. Stupid question captain obvious.

Title	Does homophobia affect straight males too?
Author	Mottebayo
Upvotes	78
Comments	228
Date	November 15, 2010 9:58 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/e6lrg/does_homophobia_affect_straight_males_too/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/does-homophobia-affect-straight-males-too.1045957 https://theredarchive.com/post/1045957

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