Is the 80:20 Pareto distribution real when it comes to relationships?

The_Meep_Lord · 2021-09-23T19:53:32+00:00

This is a strawman.

The 80/20 rule is about sex. Top 20% of men get 80% of the sex, while the bottom 80% of men fight over the remaining 20% of sex.

It has nothing to do with relationships.

WilliamWyattD · 2021-09-23T21:38:05+00:00

While there is some mystery, even magic, with respect to how many natural processes end up with a 80:20 distribution, it's still by no means some type of fixed or inevitable hard number for all dynamics.

Female attraction to men seems to naturally follow something like a Pareto distribution. But there are many intervening factors. So who knows what the actual numbers will be at any time. The point is that it is a top-heavy distribution, not that it will always be exactly (or even near) 80/20.

Furthermore, nobody knows exactly what metric to use to measure female attraction. So even if 80/20 were a hard rule (and it isn't), to which metric would it apply?

Bottom line: don't get technical or dogmatic about 80/20. Just accept the underlying point that is being made when people use the Pareto Principle for female attraction.

ToughAnswers · 2021-09-23T19:11:08+00:00

but what about real life relationships?

Obviously more than 20 percent of men are in relationships lol perhaps it's something more like "20% of men are ideal" or "actually attractive for their own sake beyond what further benefit they can provide", etc

stats135 · 2021-09-23T20:29:02+00:00

Most people get relationships. But the top 20% of men receive 80% of the value of being in one.

Just to clarify the Pareto principle, it talks about how 20% of all people make 80% of all the income. It doesn't say 20% of people hold 80% of the jobs. And just as having a job means nothing if it doesn't bring in money, just having a relationship means fuck all.

midwestufohunter · 2021-09-23T19:38:11+00:00

no, not even OKC where that comes from thinks its true. they said it was closer to 60/40.

insertcredit2 · 2021-09-23T19:58:43+00:00

Only if you remove all other factors. In a society where everyone is equal then the 80/20 rule would be real. But we're not equal so men can level up in a lot of ways. An issue is that we've entered into a world of specialisation and that takes a long time to build money and status. If you tell an 18 year old he'll maybe get some pussy when he's 27 it's not going to be a huge incentive for him to work hard and give up porn.

passepar2t · 2021-09-23T20:06:28+00:00

I thought it meant top 20% of guys have 80% of the sex.

purplish_possum · 2021-09-23T22:59:45+00:00

It's not really applicable to relationships/marriage where lots of factors from religion, to ethnicity, to cold hard cash come into play. It's applicable to the singles scene where roughly 20% of the guys are having roughly 80% of the sex.

chilikettlechips · 2021-09-24T14:05:54+00:00

The quiet part is that women settle. They settle on looks, height income, on what job you have, your cleaning habits and more.

2021-09-23T20:01:16+00:00

How many exceptions need to exist to disprove a rule?

Eh, yes and no. The adult dating market is like one giant high school. Everyone has their cliques and circles they run with, which all have different types of men considered to be in the top 20% (or 10 or 5% depending on the group).

Pareto principle doesn't seem to apply in groups where everyone is already hitched and serially monogamous (which is actually a pretty common type of circle/group where I live).

Ruben_the_Fish · 2021-09-24T00:36:53+00:00

Have you been to Walmart?

wtknight · 2021-09-24T00:39:20+00:00

If 80/20 actually exists, it's basically for raw sexual attraction. Women date men all the time who aren't top 20% in their mind - the OKCupid basically shows that average women eventually do message their attractiveness match. So no, 80/20 is not real when it comes to relationships.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-09-24T00:52:47+00:00

I have a wide social circle (in real life, I mean) of almost 40-50 men from teenage to middle 40's I know, more or less, on a personal level.

Let me preface by saying like 90% of them are in a relationship or have been at some point in their lives. Some of them are married, some of them are divorced, but at some point they have introduced a woman to me so it's fair to say most of them are not virgins.

I suspect at least three of them are though. One is in their late teens, another in their early twenties and the last one, one of my dearest old friends, who is in his early 30's, a lonely guy with a true golden heart, very kind, honest and hard working dude who actually starts to worry all his friends with this little issue. I mean, the guy is even good looking, even women have said so but he has "no sex appeal" acording to girls. He's quite introvert and a bit shy, we have tried to introduce him to girl friends and give him some good advice but still nothing.

Other than that, most guys are doing "just ok". Yes, they struggle like pretty much every other guy in dating. Some of them haven't had sex or a girlfriend for the past year or two, but most of them can get a woman at some point, with patience and some work.

I would say, from my social circle most men notches count is between 1 and 4. Then you have a few who are in the dluble digits, but not more than a handfull of them. There is this guy who claim he racked some 20 something but he is well known for visiting escorts regularly, other than that he's clearly not Chad at all.

Then you have me (32 years old, fairly good looking) with almost 60 women under my belt, a french-italian immigrant, quite good looking and also acomplished, total Chad, claims to have been with somewhere in between 400 and 500 women (I trust him, I've met at least 50 different girls he has dated over the past 4 years) and another guy who is extremely good looking and build like a Marvel superhero, he's a stripper and has lost count of how many women he has sleept with but he says it's around 200 only counting from his work as a dancer. This last guy has a suggar momma, a hot 40 something wealthy widow who gave him (borrowed, presumably) a really expensive apartment and bought him a car. They have some kind of fuckbuddies arrangment as far as I know, the guy has an stable (?) young girlfriend also.

So there you have.

In my opinion, this 80/20 rule applies only to particular situations. It's not like average men can't find relationships, it's just that relationships are not falling from the skyes for them.

If you ask me "can an average man get a relationship?" then I say "yes, with time and some effort, he can. Even below average men can."

If instead you ask me "can an average man get casual sex?" then my answer is "no, not often at least. He has to be really lucky to get some, like twice a year, and lower his standards A LOT".

Having REGULAR CASUAL SEX with average and above average women is out of the question. Also jumping from one relationship to another.

And we are not talking about having a suggar mom who pays your expenses and your young girlfriend's, who also lets you bang other girls "because work". For that you have to be extremely good looking, this is not a 80/20 rule anymore, this is like a 99.9/0.1 rule. This way of life is only affordable for one single man in 1000.

So, my conclusion is this:

If you are an average man, getting in a relationship is not imposible. Don't get me wrong, it's work, but it's not imposible.

However, the REALLY hard thing is finding a woman the stripper and the french-italian immigrant haven't fucked yet in my city. Their dicks even kind of "overlap" in a few women I've met.

Funny fact but this is real, I have both in my Facebook friends list, so everytime a girl asks me "do you know Stripper/French-Italian Bro?" that's the moment I realize that girl and I won't have a LTR.

gimpgirl555 · 2021-09-23T19:12:55+00:00

We know it's real on Tinder and other hookup apps, but what about real life relationships?

IRL women are far less picky. They pretty much take whatever guy shows interest in them, except for the creepy orbiter guys.

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neetykeeno · 2021-09-24T11:03:48+00:00

Well it depends what you mean by "go for"... obviously anyone notices the best and worst twenty percent first in a crowded room. This goes for people who aren't part of your usual sexual attraction too. Go into an aged care facility you will notice the cheerful chirper ones that still make good conversation and the slackjawed ones circling the drain more than you notice those inbetween. Go into a classroom you will notice the bright eyed engaged students and the distracted ones making trouble.

Average is not notable.

And obviously men do this too. They see the pretty girls and the girls that make them say "eeeeewwwwee" first thing and head straight for the pretty ones and away from the ugly ones

But it is also fairly obvious from even a cursory glance at the local shopping centre food court that rather a lot of assortive mating occurs between the tediously average members of the community. That just can't be denied, the evidence of one's eyes is too strong.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-09-24T16:23:38+00:00

You have to understand only a tiny percentage of men procreate. Tiny!!! I mean that's how we have such sparsely populated countries such as India, China, Nigeria. The amount of men who actually have sex and have children is very small.

superlurkage · 2021-09-23T19:37:44+00:00

Do 80% of men appear to be single? There’s your answer

Notanothrshitthrow · 2021-09-24T07:20:22+00:00

Title	Is the 80:20 Pareto distribution real when it comes to relationships?
Author	5HT2AC
Upvotes	0
Comments	131
Date	September 23, 2021 6:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/pu1l43/is_the_8020_pareto_distribution_real_when_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-the-8020-pareto-distribution-real-when-it-comes.1074738 https://theredarchive.com/post/1074738

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