Guys that are “emotionally unavoidable” aren’t to every girl but, to that specific person.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-10-28T23:12:17+00:00

I knowing this would be stupid just toss a warning at her later that week lowkey telling her he’s a fuckboi watch out. She ignores me and pursues him and low and behold she sleeps with him.

Off topic, but you wanted to cock-block the guy and instead you gave the girl all the info she needed to make her pussy start drooling for that guy haha.

Next time try telling her "oh you like Josh? He's really sweet and kind guy, Idk why he doesn't have good luck with girls" haha

goatismycopilot · 2021-10-28T22:25:51+00:00

I agree, to me a man being emotionally unavailable is the same as not "into" me. I think how people are is how people are. In the same way we tell men you cannot negotiate attraction we have to tell women you cannot negotiate a relationship either. I am totally comfortable being a forever dog mom rather than waste my time with some guy who doesn't seem enthused. However, a ton of women are completely okay with the hookup zone. I have a friend doing that right now and I said what I had to say and she is okay with being used I cannot do anything.

Now I will say that a surprising number of women end up in semi relationships with loser dudes/hobosexual dudes who are couch surfing and will passively agree to a faux relationship in exchange for free rent and some food. These are usually women who struggle in relationships or have some major issues history.

I agree. But I am also willing to walk away from any situation romantic or not romantic where I think I am comprising too much and there is a lack of reciprocity.

superlurkage · 2021-10-28T21:55:40+00:00

Yes, we know it’s often a rationalization/denial. But unemotional people do exist, ya know

Gaddammitkyle · 2021-10-29T00:36:46+00:00

I'm emotionally unavailable now. Wasnt before the infidelity, but now that I'm aware of the Halo effect I have to be more reserved when opening up to women. They are good now, but theres no guarantee that they wont turn into someone else over time when I get older and less sexy.

cowfishAreReal · 2021-10-28T21:52:44+00:00

Sometimes, yeah he just won't settle for you, in which case he should make that clear from the start. But guys being emotionally unavailable even with their partners that they want to be with isn't rare. Men are told by society they shouldn't show emotions and some men can't get away from what they were taught

CloudBerryFizzy · 2021-10-28T21:54:07+00:00

LOL no shit. That's why guys that won't wait a few days or worry about paying for a date aren't into you. He'll spoil the one he wants.

uberasascuber · 2021-10-28T22:03:52+00:00

It doesn’t seem like you are attachment theory informed? 🤷🏻‍♀️ But ‘emotionally unavailable’ is often used to describe avoidant attachments (who are associated with casual relationships), either dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant. However, anxious attachments are actually emotionally unavailable as well but it’s more hidden and unconscious.

If a dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant is with someone more avoidant than them, then they will flip into anxious attachment. The same happens vice versa. This can even flip flop during the duration of a relationship, depending.

It’s all a spectrum of insecure attachment with the avoidance hiding suppressed anxiety. There will always be opposing polarities and partners will switch accordingly.

The anxious attachment needs to chase the emotionally unavailable because they are in fact emotionally unavailable themselves-it is a safe way because they know they will never have to risk actual availability. This is completely unconscious and they consciously think they want availability. This is also why the avoidant who seems so scared with an anxious can switch with another avoidant-it’s safe as there is no risk of actual availability or intimacy.

snowcakey · 2021-10-28T21:47:35+00:00

Guys have more or less excepted the friendzoned existence

Accepted ≠ excepted just fyi. Secondly, LMAOOOOO if yall accepted it why do so many men continue to bitch about it?

Inexperience and naïveté is what causes men to “ignore” the friendzone and believe there is potential as a way to save his own ego.

Similarly, inexperience and naviete is what causes women to “ignore” the fuckzone and believe there is potential as a way to save her own ego.

People learn from experience and time. Men and women (hopefully) learn from their mistakes with the opposite sex.

I do agree that there are a decent amount of naive & delusional young women who refuse to admit their FWB only sees them as pussy. I know girls like this and its sad to watch but at the same time…what did you expect? Stop fucking men so easily and stop buying into the libfem bs that engaging in hook up culture with strangers is “empowering”. But again, some need to learn the hard way, both men and women.

ashpr0ulx · 2021-10-28T22:03:28+00:00

some people are legitimately emotionally closed off.

aside from that, i think most people operate this way and i don’t think it’s necessarily bad. different people elicit different emotions from us. though ideally we should try not to be dishonest about this.

TomorrowsWar · 2021-10-28T22:13:32+00:00

I’m emotionally unavailable and no man can change that. I have to change myself. A man can inspire me to get myself together, but that usually only happens when the guy leaves me because he wants more lol.

That’s why leaving an emotionally man APPEARS to makes him emotionally available. Because he faces the consequences of losing someone and missing having someone

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-10-28T23:40:34+00:00

Partially agree. Just because a guy (or girl even) is emotionally unavailable to one person, doesn’t mean they will be with someone else who they’re truly into. That’s very true, and the “hookup zone” is real. Men usually do that to women who are available but they don’t find physically attractive enough for them.

However, people do display semi-consistent patterns of behavior. Many men have emotionally unavailable behavior patterns, across multiple women. It’s dangerous for women to think “maybe he seems emotionally unavailable but I can change him, he’s just not met the right woman yet.” Because that’s just not always the case. And I would still say women should avoid men who tend to chronically put women in the hookup zone. You may not be as “different” as you think once the bloom is off the rose so to speak.

vial_of_music · 2021-10-29T03:22:35+00:00

the only thing i have to say about this is that there’s a lot of men over on r/divorce who admit to not being emotionally available for years to their wives and ultimately that was the reason for their divorce

your example is a tale as old as time. another example is like a girl with a guy who’s pushing to get married and he says he’s not ready for marriage and so she breaks up with him only to see he is quickly engaged to his new girlfriend. people choose different people all the time for all different reasons. i love the complexity of humans.

And_Rue · 2021-10-28T22:24:46+00:00

Men treat their emotional sanctity the way women treat their sexual sanctity and to give it up before you comfortable ALWAYS makes you feel slightly cheapened.

We'll open up, but its only when we want to and how we want to.

sublimemongrel · 2021-10-28T23:37:29+00:00

You’re not wrong, this is what (I try) to tell various dudes on this sub that whatever they want to believe about “high value” men those guys will still do things on a girl’s terms or at least heavily compromise on his own if he likes her enough. So no, you don’t have to jump in bed with every guy just because he “has options” or is “high value”, etc etc etc.

But yeah women DO need to hear this too, if he’s not at least meeting you half way (or in all likelihood going even further) he’s probably not that into you.

I’m sure there is nevertheless some dudes who legit do have a certain pattern though in which a label of “emotionally unavailable” is more accurate (women too, for that matter).

velvetunderground111 · 2021-10-29T01:00:07+00:00

I was a pretty boy as a kid and was "emotionally distant" from my best female friend who I was fucking, but didn't think was hot enough to date. I met a hotter girl out at a keg party around this time and suddenly became extremely emotionally available. It means the dude doesn't see you as girlfriend material.

Emervila · 2021-10-28T22:05:44+00:00

She ignores me and pursues him

She didn't... that's a wrong mindset on you. You facilitated the process by confirming he's handsome, he's good in bed and she will be the victim whatever happens. You threw her at him.

Very on spot OP

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Apprehensive_Boat_70 · 2021-10-29T02:00:17+00:00

Fuckboys and bad boys are nothing more than simps in disguise, at the same time those "all men want that, all men just use women for that, all men are pigs , men are worthless etc" arent poor victims tired of bad men waiting for a knight in shiny armor to come and show them not all men are like that, they are nothing more that extremely radioactive trainwrecks in disguise who will destroy the life and mind of any guy that tries to "save" them, sadly many young men grow up with the wrong idea of both and end up with such a fucked up perception of the world.

Hard_Thruster · 2021-10-29T03:12:03+00:00

There are a lot of girls that are attractive enough to sleep with but men wouldn't date for various reasons.

I personally can't find it within me to hook up with girls I wouldn't wife because I want to get my deck wet (unless I wouldn't see her again).

If a guy has a lot of options he's going to contemplate hooking up with the easy ones while courting the high value one, that's just life.

If girls don't want to be treated like a hookup then stop giving it out so easy, the real ones will stick around the pretenders will not want to put in the effort.

MassiveRepeat6 · 2021-10-29T03:18:27+00:00

This is stupid and I honestly wonder if my dating problems stems from not caring about stuff like this.

EstablishmentKooky50 · 2021-10-29T03:19:28+00:00

Emotionally unavailable guys are rare, i aggree. Men do give commitment to the right women. Women hold the keys to the bedroom, men to commitment. So yeah the thing is, if you're 35 and whining about men acting like boys and they only want sex from you, chances are that you are not someone they want to commit to. That, or your picker is off, time to shred some expectations...

BrodieDharma · 2021-10-29T03:27:21+00:00

A masculine man does not invest and open up emotionally to a woman not on his program.

Sometimes a nice girl will simply give sex transactional for love and not actually on a basis of intrinsically desiring it, so her validational need for him emotionally may actually hurt her chances vs going through the man’s program.

A masculine woman does not invest and open up sexually to a man not on her program.

A nice guy will do all he can to appease her, and she will reqard his behavior, but if he starts feeling entitled to sex and having an attitude about not having sex, she will feel pressured or disrespected and no longer want to deal with him or keep using him for validation.

A duplicitous man continues to deal with but does not open up emotionally to a woman who he is not into because he is not into her or because she is having sex with him too easily or she is not attractive enough.

A duplicitous woman continues to deal with but does not open up sexually to a man because she is not into him because he is too eager to please her or not attractive enough.

A man or a woman can be in a dominant, leading position in a Relationship, but people need to be more conscious and aware of power dynamics, accept and play their role instead of giving into this idea that all relationships are equal & setting themselves up for failure, when they are either dealing with someone beneath them and they just can’t seem to feel the “spark” or they are dealing with someone above them and are getting impatient and entitled.

Know your role and play it.

AbuJavascript · 2021-10-29T03:29:51+00:00

My takeaway from this is that he managed to simp for a girl and still date her. He must be really good looking.

NarniaFox · 2021-10-29T04:17:45+00:00

I think there are people who emotionally unavailable to everyone. They generally have issues with trust, can't open up and prefer to bottle everything in. Or they can have insecure attachment style and they avoid forming any close intimate relationships like fire. The important thing here is that you can't help them nor you can change them, so...just let it go.

globeaute · 2021-10-29T04:53:11+00:00

I don’t think this would be a problem if they were honest about not actually being into the chick in question from the get-go. There are plenty of women who will be content in the “hookup zone”. I’d personally rather die single and surrounded by loved ones who actually value me.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-10-29T05:32:12+00:00

Well obviously the hookup zone exists. I've put guys in that zone before, only to have them try to date me after the fact. Seems the stupidity swings both ways.

That being said, I've also encountered guys who were just too emotionally immature for a relationship, even when they wanted one.

Title	Guys that are “emotionally unavoidable” aren’t to every girl but, to that specific person.
Author	Playful_Art_5364
Upvotes	37
Comments	98
Date	October 28, 2021 9:31 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qhx4jz/guys_that_are_emotionally_unavoidable_arent_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/guys-that-are-emotionally-unavoidable-arent-to.1081260 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081260

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