He (27M) revealed he was a virgin…

StrawberryMoon3 · 2021-11-05T23:50:22+00:00

Why did he reveal this on the first date though? Seems off that his mind has already gone there.

FireflySky86 · 2021-11-06T01:07:09+00:00

So we kissed on our first date after a romantic evening but he was quite bad at kissing so he probably not even experienced in that and he kind of revealed he had never had sex before right after, I was shocked and ngl a little put off at first but I didn’t want that to stop me since there were no red flags with him.

You had one date- that's not enough time to determine that someone has no red flags. You're also actively ignoring something that could be a flag. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin but context matters (ie personal choice or socially inept).

I do like him cos he was nice to me

You should do some inner work on that, because being nice should be common courtesy. It also doesn't sound like do like him, since your personalities didn't quite match and you weren't into his kissing. He could be a perfectly nice guy but it's ok to say he just isn't for you.

bleda_princezna · 2021-11-05T19:45:56+00:00

Whatever the reason, there's also a pretty high chance he uses porn to substitute sex, so beware of that.

I've had bad experiences with men who lost their virginity late. Either because they were a walking red flag (although not obvious initially) or pornsick.

If you decide to ignore the fact you were put off by it, be very careful when vetting.

daisy_0720 · 2021-11-06T08:10:40+00:00

" I was shocked and ngl a little put off at first but I didn’t want that to stop me since there were no red flags with him."

This is the red flag, OP!

Steer clear of late 20's virgins/sexually inexperienced men. All their sex 'education' will have come from porn. Also, believe me when I say that he won't be grateful that you 'gave him a chance'. He'll simply use you to gain a bit of sexual experience then will dump you to go play the field and 'make up for lost time'. Also, these types are inwardly seething with resentment towards women because girls in high school/college never gave them a chance. Hard pass.

PixiesGem · 2021-11-05T19:31:42+00:00

Go with your gut. You were put off. Don't talk yourself out of that feeling.

PaunchyPilates · 2021-11-05T22:07:11+00:00

Does he have a fetish?

Asking because the only man who I dated in my 20s who was a virgin had a very long list of fetishes and was very difficult to get the truth out of (he'd never had technical sex but spent a lot of money paying a dominatrix).

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-11-05T21:55:50+00:00

I’d pass if I were you. Whatever the reason, it’s probably not one that would be positive. If it were by choice, he would have told you when telling he is a virgin. Besides, I can’t imagine you having a great time, especially if he’s one of these redditors….

Pryras · 2021-11-06T00:05:38+00:00

If he is a virgin by choice then that’s an entirely different thing. Some men do want to wait for something more serious.

On the flip side (if he’s been substituting with porn) I’ve heard so many accounts of guys who were previously virgins resent their now girlfriends because they want to “experience” more sexual encounters.

dating-adventures · 2021-11-05T21:56:03+00:00

I’m a 27F virgin waiting for marriage. I’m worried now, is that a red flag of my own?

Edit: It’s for personal and cultural reasons, not religious.

staywiththecrown · 2021-11-05T23:00:59+00:00

I agree with the others. Trust your instincts. If he's a virgin and if you have bad vibes or an uncertain feeling in your stomach, trust it.

He'll be either be a woman hater who wants to get his revenge on the first woman he sleeps with because he got rejected in high school, pornsick, or someone with weird and violent fetishes.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-11-05T21:39:54+00:00

He either has porn addiction, porn induced erectile dysfunction, a micropenis, weird hang ups/religious issues, is asexual, secretly gay, or so weird and off-putting that every woman has run away from him.

And on top of all this, the fact he would tell you he's a virgin at the end of the first date is absolutely insane. Massive red flag for lack of boundaries. That is not the sort of thing you share with a total stranger.

xfelugirlx · 2021-11-05T22:32:13+00:00

Shy and virgin? Fuck no haha he is a porn addict or scrote, both. I did that with a 23m and he was a narcissist and any woman will run lol so don’t give him the chance

vbych76 · 2021-11-06T09:16:59+00:00

Just don't. From experience - they turn out to be creepers, have severe mental issues etc.Just stay away, don't give him a chance or feel sorry for him. Block , delete,stay safe. Also it reeks manipulation from what you've written - "poor ole me, be a good woman and f*ck me, while feeling sorry for me, being inadequate in everything - from kissing to sex, be my teacher/mommy". I think you realize, as someone mentioned above, that there are just no good outcomes for you in all possible cases in that specific situation. If he was an HVM, those things would have happened naturally while dating, if he wanted to.

thanarealnobody · 2021-11-06T00:15:12+00:00

Nobody’s really mentioning it but being bad at kissing is a big red flag for me. It’s such an instinctual thing that it show a lack of chemistry if he can’t do it right. Also it means the sex will be like that but way more awkward.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-11-06T07:07:19+00:00

Why did he tell you this on a first date... Did he think you two would do it?

And honestly I never used to think that a guy being a virgin at mid 20s+ was too much of a red flag, but I have changed my mind. It might not be obvious, but they usually have some trait that really puts women off, and it'll probably put you off too.

avocadobarbie · 2021-11-06T00:20:27+00:00

Do you want to be his first everything? Like if he’s a virgin I’m guessing he’s never had a serious relationship…so he has no experience in being with someone and navigating a relationship or what he wants in a relationship, then there’s him not being sexually experienced which I suppose ultimately if you wanted to work with him you could, but that’s effort. I would just be worried that he’s stalled in figuring out how to be a good boyfriend.

Ugythrowaway123 · 2021-11-05T22:24:01+00:00

Culture definitely plays a part here. He could have had a sheltered upbringing and not have the chance of talking to women. Also many ethic families tell their kids to focus on their studies and leave relationships for later.

Regardless of this though you were put off by this. And there’s nothing that can be done about that except dropping him.

StrawberryMoon3 · 2021-11-05T23:36:32+00:00

Did he say why he's a virgin? Religious? Cultural? Personal decision?

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-11-06T16:30:26+00:00

I was going to say “Ooh! I see no problem~ no used goods! Green flag!” But yeah, I caught how sudden mentioning that was….like after you two were kissing? I’d be put off if he mentioned sex at all after a few dates even if I was into him. If he’s cute he’ll find another woman, the bar is in Hell ladies. Edit: Is it a red flag when it comes to women being virgins though? Are men put off by that?

Title	He (27M) revealed he was a virgin…
Author	szarcat
Upvotes	88
Comments	52
Date	November 5, 2021 7:21 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qniiyz/he_27m_revealed_he_was_a_virgin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/he-27m-revealed-he-was-a-virgin.1085710 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085710

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