Hi ladies,

If you've read any of what I've written, I'm always harping on avoiding men who are all about power, control, dominance, because you will not gain a partner who is all about mutuality, reciprocity, sharing, and egalitarianism.

I've noticed that whenever I've called a man out in the past about something he did, named how it affected me, and asked him how he felt, and there was no immediate answer, this is a red flag. He felt nothing, or not much, and knew that saying that would get him in trouble with me, possibly make me break up with him and/or do significantly less. He used that time to come up with a more acceptable answer.

I've also noticed that just stating, wow, this sounds like some kind of power trip! and then stating precisely what they're doing, often men go very quiet. In one way, it can be a scary quiet, the kind of quiet right before violence erupts. I'm fortunate that's never happened, but I'm aware of that "gathering storm clouds" type of energy/darkening face that can happen. Their going quiet means you are onto their game and have sussed them out. The jig is up, and they realize they don't have power over you any more so they can't play that game with you any more. You have taken "away" some of their power by reclaiming your own.

I'm interested to know what other types of behaviors in men signify they're on a whole other wavelength in relating to others. What behaviors signify to you that a man is far more concerned about getting power over you than in cooperating and collaborating with you as a partner? Do tell.