Do you think lifestyle differences are overlooked as a deal-breaker within relationships?

Lysa_Bell · 2022-07-31T16:20:01+00:00

Bf and I usually say that each of use has their own life and then we also have the "us" life. I do my own stuff and he does his own. He is very active in sport clubs, football, cricket and his gaming community. I visit "his" life. Spend time with his communities, cheer on his games, watch him doing football, ask how everything is going. I show interest in the things he does in "his" life. We have "our" life, where we spend time together, watch shows, go to the cinema, go out, do bike rides, go on walks, share topics that interest us. He shows interest in "my" life. My art, DIY projects, photography, podcasts, music, galleries, Wellness. He supports me, asks how my projects are going, if he can help, if he can provide something etc. We did some acrylic pours together and he had a lot of fun doing that.

It depends how you view the lifestyles and your relationship. It's working for us because we have topics we engage with each others lifes and enjoy our life together. We both think it's important to have our own stuff.

LoggerheadedDoctor · 2022-07-31T16:32:30+00:00

I am a therapist and I talk about this type of compatibility often with my clients. It's really fascinating how resistant people can be when considering the important of compatibility. Many people seem to know the important of compatible values but lifestyle stuff? Not so much.

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-07-31T16:43:41+00:00

I literally screen for homebodies. I couldn’t date someone who didn’t want to spend hours snuggling and watching movies each week.

sl3epsfortheweak · 2022-07-31T16:04:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

KombuchaEnema · 2022-07-31T17:17:15+00:00

Opposites attract when the opposing traits complement each other. For example, my husband is calm and I’m anxious. He’s able to help me stay rational when I’m freaking out about something stupid but I’ve also caught a lot of bad situations early that he would’ve missed because he’s so laid-back.

However, if he wanted kids and I didn’t…that doesn’t allow us to complement one another. Now we’re butting heads.

goatismycopilot · 2022-07-31T16:04:20+00:00

I don't think lifestyle difference that are completely opposed to one another work however I think one can have different preference for how to spend time on interests or hobbies and as long as the couple has some glue that creates common ground they do not have to have the exact same lifestyle but can be parallel or adjacent.

sarkington · 2022-07-31T16:40:59+00:00

Of course. There should be more dealbreakers of all kinds, frankly

athlete2biz · 2022-07-31T17:08:43+00:00

this is why men scoff when the boss bitches come around saying men should be attracted to their money or career.

a woman who works 60-80 hours a week is gonna be boring, angry, stressed out and cant do many activities with you. most likely has very masculine personality traits too. turn off for sure,

that being said, there are woman who work reasonable hours who make good money (same with men)

Character-Current-57 · 2022-07-31T17:10:34+00:00

High class people don't mix with low class. Smart don't mix with dumb.

catniagara · 2022-07-31T17:16:58+00:00

Yes, and I’d add that you can often see the difference looking at someone. I love fashion, so I’m “superficial” to the wrong people and a fairy godmother to the right ones.

I’ve had a hard time trying to date the kind of men everyone is supposed to want because I don’t feel like they would ever want me and can’t even look them in the eye. Literally run away.

I think if certain communities were more open to a wide variety of people who share those interests, instead of accepting people based on gender or looks people would be happier.

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-07-31T17:50:27+00:00

You touch on a very important dynamic that is often overlooked in building a relationship. This omission, while many times unintentional, can have disastrous consequences. I'm speaking of building a serious relationship with someone who you don't share much in common with. People meet, they find someone they find physically attractive, they like their personality and intially they have a great deal to talk about learning about each other. Eventually they click on an intimate and physical level with sex and romance. During the dating stage, most people attempt to put their best foot forward and the relationship feels invigorating. I've known people (myself included) that have ended up getting married to someone that they really have nothing in common with. I'll give you an example: I've always been a sports/athletic/competitive person. Played sports, watched sports followed sports. Gather with friends for food, cocktails watch games etc. So my first really serious relationship played along with my past time early on, because it meant spending time with me. Her interest in that lifestyle choice, as well as some other's didn't last. So it definitely can be a huge deal breaker.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-07-31T19:07:38+00:00

The saying is opposites attract not opposites stay together.

And lmao...

musicians date models and actresses because being a famous musician or rock star is often a barrier to entry for dating models, actresses, dancers, etc.

toasterchild · 2022-07-31T20:17:16+00:00

I'm not sure it's a deal breaker in to have a difference in lifestyle but I think it makes keeping a relationship healthy way easier. My husband and I have a lot of lifestyle factors in common and it seems easier for us to find connection points and to keep the relationship healthier compared to friends and family who sometimes seem to struggle to prioritize such things.

PicklesOnAPizza · 2022-07-31T17:19:01+00:00

I think it's a pretty big deal.

ruboyuri · 2022-07-31T18:22:55+00:00

People overlook all sorts of things because they want relationship

extrachromie-homie · 2022-07-31T18:28:01+00:00

There’s a difference between complimenting each other’s lifestyles and being polar opposites.

63daddy · 2022-07-31T18:28:21+00:00

I’ve never overlooked lifestyle issues. They’ve long been one of the primary points of compatibility to me.

BittererWegwerf · 2022-07-31T18:40:34+00:00

If i knew i wouln't have asked the same question basically in the discussion thread. Lmao. Funny how this post happened at the same time.

801735 · 2022-07-31T18:57:56+00:00

We all know the saying opposites attract but how would a long term relationship work with two people who have very separate long term goals in life?

Probably wouldn't last. Sure, exceptions, yes, not the rule.

Imagine your the homebody partner and you're dating someone who goes to clubs every night? How will that work.

"She didn't grow out of her childish phase, so I dumped her." is his explanation that is getting more and more recognition and support these days, and it's a good thing.

People in the same industry as them because they can keep up with their touring and rigorous schedule.

And understands the dynamic of that life. Is able to see what the partner sees up ahead, in the future.

The example you seem to have missed, but is also common, is the difference of speed in "growing up mentally" and performing according to one's age's expectations. Another reason why girls get dumped by well balanced guys in increasing numbers. The same reason is also the background of the pandemic of single mothers out there - she jumped over the adult phase straight into being the bitter old wench, while he wanted to live the male's best quality years with the joy and rewards he's worked hard for. So he has no other way but to give in to her incessant feminism-value-indoctrinated one-sided demands of letting her bitter angry manhating deranged ass go. Which he does, despite the pain it causes to him and the rarely repairable damage she will in most cases, by the means of insidious lies, cause their children.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-07-31T20:30:42+00:00

Duh

Lifestyle is massive and is part of compatibility.

Yes some differences can be worked around but overall people prefer people who have the same lifestyle.

Otherwise, relationship issues incoming!

Like I like to jet off the country often. I couldn't imagine being with someone who didn't. Otherwise I'd end up feeling held back from travel or feel like I'm forcing them to come with me or we just don't spend holidays together.

Or I'm a foodie. I love food. I will pay nice $$ to try new food. I like sharing food. If someone I lived with was a picky water and suddenly my choices were make boring/bland dinners for both of us or have seperate dishes I'd get really annoyed really quickly. I didnt date vegans, low FODMAP, keto, paleo and picky eaters specifically because of this. Vegetarian can be worked around. Gluten can be worked around. Lactose is okay. But the really restricted ones? Yeah sorry, I just can't deal. I get slightly annoyed enough at some friend groups where we end up struggling to find a place to eat because of dietary requirements. Wouldn't manage it in a partner. Is it shallow? Yes. Is it annoying enough to consider? Also yes.

And breakups due to lifestyle clashes come in often. It's why people really shouldn't get married young when there's so much room for growth. People still change after but Imo the changes when younger seen to be more drastic.

coastFI_chaser · 2022-08-01T00:40:50+00:00

It's such a vital aspect of a relationship to determine that kind of lifestyle that works for you and be firm about it. I think personality is linked to this as well. Like people that tend to love going out and partying are usually extroverted. I also think this relates to saving money vs people that enjoy extravagant lives.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-08-03T11:00:16+00:00

The things you listed are very important. I used to think that opposites attract and that the only important part of our relationship is the time spent together and our personal bond. Nope.

Long term goals in life have to be the same. Being in the same place in life right now at the moment is also very important. Your idea of fun has to be roughly the same as their idea of fun. Same religious and political views definitely help. Their stance on things like drinking and drugs experimentation, clubbing etc. has to align with yours. Lastly, if you meet their friends and you can't stand any of them, and your friends can't stand your partner, it could be a bit of a reality check.

AelfredRex · 2022-07-31T16:13:09+00:00

And lifestyle has little to do with personality?

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Barely-moral · 2022-08-01T00:58:06+00:00

how would a long term relationship work with two people who have very separate long term goals in life?

Badly or one of the parties has to concede.

Imagine your the homebody partner and you're dating someone who goes to clubs every night? How will that work.

Miss moral wants an UMC lifestyle without working, she wants a partner that can provide for that, so a partner that works in a profitable career. She does not want to face the world, she wants someone else to face it for her. She wants to stay at home.

I on the other hand would be happy working for minimum wage until I die using my free time to play videogames and other non productive wastes of time that bring me joy.

Sounds incompatible. Until you take into consideration that unless I have a stable LTR I become suicidal. So having a stable LTR is a priority, I literally can't live without one. So I concede. I understand that the best way for me to get a stable LTR and avoid the rope is to pay the price, bring the lifestyle. So I do.

Her long term goal in life aligns with my needs. I don't get to have long life goals other than fill my needs. Unless I get my needs met I die.

So thay is the way it works. You align your paths, or you fail.

GottaPSoBad · 2022-08-01T02:47:55+00:00

People see what they want to see. If a person desperately wants a pairing to work in spite of its flaws, they'll simply downplay or straight up ignore those flaws.

xzpw · 2022-08-01T05:45:44+00:00

Not really. Most people get with like people.

There are exceptions but most (lasting) couples I know are more similar than different when it comes to lifestyle, goals, and interests.

If one wants kid and the other doesn’t - it’s a dealbreaker. If one likes to stay in a lot and the other likes to go out a lot - it can be bridged at times but it takes a toll… especially if one of them wants company.

Same with finances, same with everything else. Some can be bridged but it’s usually better to date someone who is similar because it is logistically and emotionally less challenging. I’ve married someone who is very different and it worked - we went separate ways over a deal breaking issue… My ex changed and became a non-dealbreaker post-divorce but the sourness over it lasted.

gofigure62 · 2022-08-01T14:42:13+00:00

Yes. I cannot for the life of me date another man who never leaves the house and is obsessed with video games.

I cannot functionally tolerate someone who is a hermit/recluse who identifies as "introverted". NEVER again.

I cannot date someone who is not physically active to any degree.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-08-01T19:05:16+00:00

"Imagine your the homebody partner and you're dating someone who goes to clubs every night? How will that work."

So I was in a relationship like this. I was going out to clubs and movie parties and barcades several times each week. Usually we'd meet for dinner first, and sometimes they'd join me at the movie. Then they'd go home to bed and I'd go out dancing (I dance alone and I found all the good goth and geek spots that were well managed so no random gropers and no people insisting on dancing with me).

I realize this dynamic is unusual but it can work.

It really depends on the couple. You can have wildly different goals and aspirations as long as you agree to a budget and are comfortable with a similar amount of quality time.

I understand why celebrities mostly date celebrities because they'll need someone who is used to not having privacy or having to take extra steps. They're used to having to spend six months on a restricted diet and mostly only spending time with their personal trainers and stunt coordinators. But some celebrities date someone who is not.

I think career/ambitions/settlement can be a deal breaking factor. If I were in a long term live in relationship and someone's career trajectory demanded that they move to Texas and they weren't willing to budge I would probably break up with them. But that can happen in any relationship as few jobs are predictable forever.

I guess this is the same reason most famous musicians tend to date models, actresses, dancers etc. People in the same industry as them because they can keep up with their touring and rigorous schedule.

This is less about personality but more about lifestyle specifically by the way

Sufficient-Parsnip92 · 2022-08-02T13:43:58+00:00

It depends on if they are down to compromise and respect my lifestyle if they want me to respect theirs. Sometimes it's an absolute deal breaker like if they are conservative or religious, or super into hustle culture, but everything else is fair game for discussion

Title	Do you think lifestyle differences are overlooked as a deal-breaker within relationships?
Author	sl3epsfortheweak
Upvotes	27
Comments	63
Date	July 31, 2022 4:00 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wcs2aj/do_you_think_lifestyle_differences_are_overlooked/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-lifestyle-differences-are-overlooked.1125767 https://theredarchive.com/post/1125767

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