What do women mean when they say they want a "Man written by a woman?"

Birb-brained · 2022-12-10T09:35:05+00:00

Book boyfriends don’t necessarily come from romance novels. I can think of a few of those types off the top of my head from fantasy novels, historical fictions and things like that. It’s also a joke, not to be taken too seriously.

A lot of female authors tend to write both male and female characters in a way that I prefer, personally. Even one of my favourites, Neil Gaiman isn’t brilliant at writing female characters. But I will forgive him because he is a genius.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-12-10T10:29:59+00:00

I've only heard about "book boyfriends" or anything of the like from exceptionally nerdy women. They aren't the kind of women who read romance novels. They're generally reading something like sci-fi or fantasy and crushing on one of those characters, very often not even the main love interest. There's a lot of variation in what character is picked, and even with fan favourites a lot of the time I don't understand what's meant to be attractive about them at all, never mind conventionally attractive. I guess the common thread with all of them is, because of how writing fiction works, we get to know their feelings and can connect with them through that. With men in real life we often don't get that privilege.

blueberrypie02 · 2022-12-10T10:27:52+00:00

I think one of the best examples of a character that is considered to be ‘a man written by a woman’ is the priest from Fleabag. The point is not that he’a a hot, tall or rich Chad, it’s about the way he acts. The Swaddle has a short video on youtube that explains this better if you want to watch it Here it is

Japaliicious · 2022-12-10T09:19:16+00:00

Their standards aren't necessarily high, they're just different to what men think. The whole "man written by a woman" thing is just a comment on the fact that men have no idea how women work and what gets us excited.

You see it in here all the time when guys try to tell women that we're all horny at the mere sight of some perfect muscle bro Chad. Telling us how if they were women they would be fucking 12 chads a week. They're inserting a male brain into the female experience and calling us liars when we say we're different.

A man written by a woman is just a man who appeals to women, not homoerotic men.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-12-10T09:29:36+00:00

I've never heard a woman say that. Most women don't read Mills and Boon. I worked in a library and they tended to be read by older widows.

Iff you're talking contemporary romance then the romantic male lead can really vary. I like the author Mhairi McFarlane, and her male leads really vary in both looks and personality. They all tend to show initiative, sometimes they're icy sometimes more joketsters, all sorts of professions. Her last book had a male lead who was shorter. But all her books are extremely romantic, so I guess that's the appeal. Not the specific guy, but the compatibility and romance of it.

noodle_king_69 · 2022-12-10T09:46:48+00:00

It'd be a romantic guy who gets girls. I think the architype guy from romantic fan fiction (that's what I read) is honest, kind, more or less good looking, takes care of his loved ones, never a misogynist - you know, an "ideal guy" from a woman's perspective. The characters usually have some emotional issues or insecurities too, but eventually they can overcome them with help. And there's a lot of variation in the romance lit, it's not just Twilight.

It's a type of fantasy that I call porn for the heart. They concentrate on the falling in love stage of a relationship and passion :)

James_Cruse · 2022-12-10T16:39:50+00:00

Women try to blame their standards on “books” or “I was taught” or “I grew up in (this country)” or “I watched (this) and (this) growing up” so this is why my standards are so high.

It’s all just trying to sidestep any of their own responsibility.

Women always blame biological drives of all people on culture. They love to blame their own behaviour on culture because they don’t want to take responsibility for their own actions and that it’s their biological nature.

Women all over the world don’t have the same media, teachings, parents etc. and have very similar standards.

EulenWatcher · 2022-12-10T09:31:47+00:00

I haven’t read a lot of modern romantic stories, but the ones I did featured these characters:

An absent-minded art professor who got interested in a local witch, respected her boundaries and had good communication skills. Also had long hair and it’s the only thing I remember about his appearance.
A school friend of the OP’s sister who was in love with her back then and fell for her again after she escaped an abusive ex. He’s also younger than she is and is a farmer. Gentle bear stereotype.
A mailman who used to be a lawyer but got into a mountain accident and got some trauma. Protective and gentle, managed to open up and be vulnerable with the main character.
Not a romance, but a wounded soldier who got coaxed back to health by the woman and made his best to return to her.
From a teen detective book, a side character. A German captured soldier who was against the war and got captured because he wanted to fly above the Bronte sisters house. A bookworm in love with English literature, hard-working and proper.

Not a book and probably not written by a woman, but the main character from “About time”. Family-oriented, kind, gentle, a bit awkward.

Overall for me it’s usually about gentleness and moral character, being madly in love and prioritizing this relationships, being fully committed and being either a really great partner and/or overall a good family man etc. Sure, they’re all handsome, but so are female characters. Stories about bad boys or mafia don’t do much for me.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-12-10T13:30:28+00:00

I think you really just have to read Jane Austen to get it.

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TermAggravating8043 · 2022-12-10T09:50:26+00:00

The vast majority of women understand that these men are fictional characters, something nice to read about in a book but it’s not real life.

I suggest the girls wanting this “book bf” are young and/or really immature

imnot-lola · 2022-12-10T12:35:53+00:00

I’ve genuinely never heard a woman say that.

EmeraldsFaure · 2022-12-10T14:32:31+00:00

I think you should refrain from over-extrapolating the things that dimwits say on SM into how intelligent people behave/ think in real life. If there are women who say inane shit like “man written by a woman”, I’m confident in guessing that they only read romance novels. I doubt they’re into literature, they’re just using literary trope to try to sound profound. But saying such things only demonstrates superficiality.

alangarkel · 2022-12-10T15:57:22+00:00

Those women are either joking or truly delusional

We know that romance novels aren’t reality, just like men know porn is fantasy

Pitiful_Maiden · 2022-12-10T17:43:24+00:00

Because in most romance novels written by women, the man is always tall, square jaw, blue eyes, is really fit but doesn't go to the gym and doesn't have a diet, billionaire but never worked a day in his life. Dominant, aggressive yet completely submissive to the one special girl.

That's exactly it. We want a tall, handsome guy who's rich, dominant but submissive to us and us only. Like, that's every girl's dream.

2022-12-10T18:02:09+00:00

It's more of a joke than anything else.

Book boyfriend characters are all different, but usually good looking and charming (though plenty are neither, think Rochester or Darcey), but the appeal always goes beyond that. They usually connect with the protagonist on a deep level, and what that looks like is gonna vary from protagonist to protagonist. In the end, it's all about the guy's emotional connection with the protagonist and the buildup. He can be strong and attractive, or stubborn and average looking, or ugly and rich, or not even human, but it's usually all about the connection and the buildup and the tension and chemistry. I've read books with impossibly good looking and rich men, literal monster men, ghost men, stubborn and plain men, poor and ugly men, all "book boyfriend" material. A good writer could make a sentient potato into a book boyfriend.

Vyrnoa · 2022-12-10T19:12:34+00:00

Ever heard of the female gaze vs the male gaze?

Also. What book are you referring to?

WalterYWH · 2022-12-10T09:20:43+00:00

After reading this post, l think l know why Females like experiencing pornography through written literature

4ktx · 2022-12-10T14:31:53+00:00

They say want super man but reality want batman

lolthankstinder · 2022-12-10T17:23:44+00:00

Lori Gottlieb, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

The first thing I want to say about Boyfriend is that he’s an extraordinarily decent human being. He’s kind and generous, funny and smart, and when he’s not making you laugh, he’ll drive to the drugstore at two a.m. to get you that antibiotic you just can’t wait until morning for. If he happens to be at Costco, he’ll text to ask if you need anything, and when you reply that you just need some laundry detergent, he’ll bring home your favorite meatballs and twenty jugs of maple syrup for the waffles he makes you from scratch. He’ll carry those twenty jugs from the garage to your kitchen, pack nineteen of them neatly into the tall cabinet you can’t reach, and place one on the counter, accessible for the morning.

He’ll also leave love notes on your desk, hold your hand and open doors, and never complain about being dragged to family events because he genuinely enjoys hanging out with your relatives, even the nosy or elderly ones. For no reason at all, he’ll send you Amazon packages full of books (books being the equivalent of flowers to you), and at night you’ll both curl up and read passages from them aloud to each other, pausing only to make out. While you’re binge-watching Netflix, he’ll rub that spot on your back where you have mild scoliosis, and when he stops, and you nudge him, he’ll continue rubbing for exactly sixty more delicious seconds before he tries to weasel out without your noticing (you’ll pretend not to notice). He’ll let you finish his sandwiches and sentences and sunscreen and listen so attentively to the details of your day that, like your personal biographer, he’ll remember more about your life than you will.

If this portrait sounds skewed, it is. There are many ways to tell a story, and if I’ve learned anything as a therapist, it’s that most people are what therapists call “unreliable narrators.” That’s not to say that they purposely mislead. It’s more that every story has multiple threads, and they tend to leave out the strands that don’t jibe with their perspectives. Most of what patients tell me is absolutely true—from their current points of view. Ask about somebody’s spouse while they’re both still in love, then ask about that same spouse post-divorce, and each time, you’ll get only half the story. What you just heard about Boyfriend? That was the good half.

(Boyfriend goes on to blindside her one day saying he doesn't want kids and they break up. It's a fun (and funny) read about Lori, a therapist, who goes to therapy and learns/shares a lot of valuable lessons about mental health, life, and happiness and how anyone's thoughts/perspectives can spiral out of control, even a therapist's! She also previously wrote Marry Him, The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough which I haven't read yet but probably will, more material to fight against a lot of unrealistic standards nowadays!)

mvnnyvevwofrb · 2022-12-11T00:07:30+00:00

Written by a woman? I don't know. Probably extremely masculine, and gentlemanly at the same time. And no a weirdo, but a normal guy who's affectionate, doesn't have any mental problems. And is not too clingy. And good in bed. And muscular, and 6 feet tall. Basically like the perfect daddy. (Also there's really harsh consequences for men who don't meet all these criteria).

Title	What do women mean when they say they want a "Man written by a woman?"
Author	Melodic_College_2172
Upvotes	22
Comments	93
Date	December 10, 2022 9:10 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zhnpuu/what_do_women_mean_when_they_say_they_want_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-do-women-mean-when-they-say-they-want-a-man.1144339 https://theredarchive.com/post/1144339

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