How to let go of her, she is filing.

CrazySanta7 · 2023-03-04T12:33:12+00:00

Your attorney recommended dating apps? I'd find another lawyer. Your focus right now is you and the divorce. I'm not saying don't 'talk' to women, but in some states you can get pinned with adultry if you are still technically married.

Yes, when women are done, they are DONE. They experience the death of the marriage months, if not years, before she initiates separation / divorce. Women initiate divorce 80-90% of the time. Men and women are different in many ways. Women work on emotions. It's all about how you make them feel. What you did yesterday has no impact on how they feel today. Men on the other hand feel that once marriage happens that woman is yours forever. They are more willing to 'hang in there' when there are problems. Women are also able to work on many tasks a little at a time. Men get a task and want to finish it with their full focus.

Once divorce is announced, the man spends all their energy and effort to 'fix' the marriage. They beg, plead, manipulate, emplore, offer to 'change', and turn into Mr Nice guy. Stop doing these things. I'm going to take a guess that you've typed in 'how to save a marriage' into Google 'Saving' a marriage is a bunch of b.s., at least right now. Now, that may be different in 10 years time but by then you won't even want her.

You need to take action to 'save' yourself. Divorce is an ego hit to the guy, especially if she cheated (which is more common than most will admit). You see her starting to dress up, go out, being happy, etc. Things she did not do at the tail end of the marriage. This can generate feelings of 'wanting' her. You want what you can't have. I used this example a lot, but imagine you walk down the street and some unattractive woman professes her love to you. You tell her 'no', but she keeps following you around everywhere. She buys you gifts, asks you to marry her, etc. Pretty annoying right? This is how your ex wife sees you now.

You have to start on yourself now. Get in the gym, get sleep, eat right...these are the basics. Also start new hobbies or explore new ones. Hang out with friends. These changes are for you, not her. Don't tell her or try and show her these changes. Stop fn 'chasing' her. She will continue losing her respect if you do this All it does is boost her ego. Start learning all you can about women in relationships. You have to forge your own path, but it's no longer term relationships, no cohabitation, and absolutly no marriage for me. What is the point? Women are incentivized to divorce, even when cheating. Men want unlimited sex from unlimited women. Women want stability and provisioning. Marriage does not fit human biology IMO. I'm not trying to offend religeous folks out there. I think it works for some, but you can't stop improving yourself once marriage (as most men do, even me). You have a lot of work to do, but don't waste time on her. It won't happen. Good luck bro.

LongWalksAtSunrise · 2023-03-04T10:59:50+00:00

When she goes full bore hostile and turns the divorce into high conflict you’ll be over her real quick.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-03-04T06:37:34+00:00

Not only are they done they have been done for quite a while. Your efforts to save are likely to appear pathetic to her and she will lose even more respect for you.

She has decided that the future with you is not what she wants or that she has a better future with another man.

This chapter in your life is finished. Start your new chapter, one that is based on what you want in life and as a good father to your children.

Avoid as much contact as you can with her.

Gattsama · 2023-03-04T07:01:05+00:00

General rule of thumb is not move out until after a court approved parenting plan is in place, confirm with your attorney for your state. Leaving without a plan can sometimes set the new status quo.

Sorry you are going through the drama. As others have mentioned, try to accept and understand that she did not make this decision 2 months ago. She made it several months, if no years ago. She has had a long time to work out her feelings and emotions, it's all new and raw for you. The goal is acceptance. You are going to feel everything: hurt, anger, rage, sad, rejection, etc.

But the goal is to accept 'this is what she wants, I can not control her. I can only control my own thoughts, actions and reactions.' Then choose to react to best take care of yourself and your kids.

You don't to stop loving her, wanting her, or being attracted to her. Just accept that she is no longer yours, the relationship is dead. Do NOT date, you are no ready for it. Instead focus on being physically fit, mentally fit, emotionally fit and financially fit. What exercise works for you, just got for long walks if you have too, but get moving. Exercise helps with the depression, is a mood stabilizer, distraction and way to release negative emotions/feelings.

Be safe and good luck...

skyscraper54321 · 2023-03-04T12:56:44+00:00

Mate read your own post from a month ago. She's already fucking another guy and despises you. This is your current reality.

Don't give her the time of day. She's now your adversary.

Now is the time to grey rock the hell out of her. Be good to your kids. Hit the weights and focus on yourself. It's game time buddy wake up and stop pining for her.

LongWalksAtSunrise · 2023-03-04T11:00:15+00:00

When she goes full bore hostile and turns the divorce into high conflict you’ll be over her real quick.

vickyprodigy · 2023-03-04T22:29:53+00:00

I am going thru exact same thing right now.. 15 yr marriage.. she says she has decided and im in denial and just need to accept... I begged and pleaded... now im angry, sad, confused all at the same time. She is able to be happy with kids or friends... But im being miserable and have no strength to even wake up.

At somepoint i think im gonna have to accept... Im not there yet. Its heartbreaking.... And I love my kids... and dont wanna let this happen... But i dont think there is any chance of reconciliation.

I have no friends... No clue how to make friends... All friends were common to her and I... And they've slowly stopped responding to my texts. My kids are the only ones who truly want me now... No one else. Im at my lowest point in my life.

FunkyTownMascot · 2023-03-04T05:17:32+00:00

What you heard is true. When a woman is done she is done. Not every time they say they're done are they done, however. But, if she's looking at you with disdain then it's over. She probably already has a new guy. Remember, she's not yours. It was just your turn.

Focus on your kids. I wouldn't date right now. I'd join the gym and get jacked/ripped and take care of myself.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-03-04T14:35:57+00:00

This sounds fairly identical to my current situation. Wife filed a few days ago, told me in January she wanted a divorce. I remember about 5 weeks ago before I found out about the affair trying to give her a hug and her coldly asking me why I was touching her.

Bottom line is that she is done and you need to accept that. Right now you, I and the kids are viewed as obstacles and the reason our wives can’t currently enjoy a life of happiness with the new Mr Wonderful. She may eventually get very nasty depending on how your divorce goes. I know it’s heartbreaking and avoiding seeing her or talking to her as much as possible will help but it’s going to take you a long time.

Zealousideal-Bear-37 · 2023-03-04T18:25:50+00:00

A motorcycle will never break your heart . Just sayin

phteeven-maley · 2023-03-04T19:19:56+00:00

You seeing her boobs was not an accident. She is keeping you on the hook

CaliDude75 · 2023-03-04T14:58:46+00:00

Couldn’t be more different for me. Honestly felt indifference and even contempt for my wife the last few years of our marriage. I was the petitioner. I think I was “truly done” with her before she was done with me.

As soon as I verbally asked for the divorce, we were never under the same roof again. Her choice. I gave her the option for us to cohabitate, but she packed up her stuff and was out the door the same day.

Sorry you’re going through this. Hang in there.

justaguywadog · 2023-03-04T17:43:24+00:00

Hugs man

wisstinks4 · 2023-03-04T19:29:41+00:00

What do her parents, sisters, brothers, close personal friends say? Any hope or buckle up for the state fair rollercoaster ride of your life? Check your sources. Ask for a 1:1 with vague topics: lets talk. what about 2023?

playerknowmore · 2023-03-04T23:29:19+00:00

You let go of her by choosing yourself. You love but you don't need her. That realization gave me so much confidence that I leaned into a divorce so hard my wife did a one-eighty. I think she was trying to humble me, and when that backfired she wanted no part of the divorce.

I love my wife as much as I can love another person, but never more than myself. Someone who doesn't want to be in your life can no longer add value. Choose yourself and treat her like the woman you are divorcing. Go get a lawyer and file first she should feel like it was your idea.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2023-03-05T13:37:39+00:00

She treats you with disdain because you’re not the guy she is currently fucking and she can’t believe you don’t know what she’s doing.

snafubar69 · 2023-03-13T19:32:53+00:00

Wife of 8 years who has substance abuse issues and is literally unapproachable in regards to help or criticism just filed. I had to call the cops on her ex-con father who lives on our property after he trashed talked me for not doing enough to help him and then verbally threatened me with violence. He is a scarey mofo. Wife decided to intercept the police and make the entire issue about me and my PTSD related issues, and is now hinting at physical and emotional abuse allegations. She has banned me from my home and calls the cops even if I come home to see my 7 y.o boy. I have two step daughters also but are not legally their parent and she uses them as a tool to keep me out of the house. Cops have come twice but can't so anything because I haven't done anything. They tell her if she is so scared than she should leave. But they definitely take her side cause she is a pretty girl and I'm the scary man. Fml

Title	How to let go of her, she is filing.
Author	tecnic
Upvotes	22
Comments	39
Date	March 4, 2023 4:50 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11hpvf3/how_to_let_go_of_her_she_is_filing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-let-go-of-her-she-is-filing.1154540 https://theredarchive.com/post/1154540

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