What would you guys do?

FunkyTownMascot · 2023-03-09T11:18:57+00:00

Cohabitation is what ruined my last relationship. Playing Brady Bunch isn't as easy as they show it on TV. When I had children at home I dated single mothers. But, yes, when it starts to get more serious it usually goes to shit. You will never love the woman's kids like your own. And, she won't love yours like her own.

TipHeftyMan · 2023-03-09T10:02:32+00:00

You are doing absolutely the right thing putting your needs first but it does sound to me like you are spending too much time chasing women.

Get busy. Do more gym, get more hobbies, take up golf, buy a supercar and go to cars and coffee at the weekend, progress your career.

If you do want date, then filter up front in your profile for what you are looking for. You'll get way less matches but waste much less time.

coldfuser · 2023-03-09T12:32:47+00:00

Women want commitment because it means safety in their lives. Once you find one, you move to another chase. Sounds exhausting. Come up with a goal and go for it.

Keep in mind that your daughter is watching all of this. What type of man would you want for her?

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-03-09T11:01:08+00:00

You already know that marriage ain't worth it, and single mothers are just looking for an ATM to pay for their crotch goblins. You exist for you. Anyone who wants something from you better offer something in exchange instead of convincing its your duty or threatening you. That's because every moral system is just stuff somebody made up and if you buy into it when it hurts you, you're an idiot. Never again do you let people subvert your primary objective with their bullshit. You are the only and best advocate for your own best interests.

When women ask you what you're looking for, you tell them "I'm just dating". You make it clear with them you aren't looking for anything serious, and you date non-monogamously. Set those boundaries early, and enforce them ruthlessly. Remember, women are not one-in-a-million. They are one-of-a-million. They have to qualify themselves to you, not the other way around. They are a compliment to your life's vision, not the centerpiece. Think of it like being Captain, and they are your First Officer.

No-Exit6560 · 2023-03-09T15:52:08+00:00

If I were in your shoes?

No cohabitation under any circumstances.

Date whoever you want, single mummy’s etc…however make it abundantly clear their child, their responsibility, your child your responsibility. No wiggle room, it is what it is.

Realistically, there’s a significant chance you may date a single mom in the future, that doesn’t mean you have to help her raise her kid.

I was a step dad to 3 kids, two of which called me dad and said they loved me. Now we’re divorced and my lawyer said under no circumstances communicate with those children. DO NOT RAISE another man’s children. They have a dad, and it ain’t you.

We have one son of our own. It’s challenging, but Jesus an I glad to be out of that circus. When I have my son it’s our time and we can do whatever we want.

Ncfc48 · 2023-03-09T14:13:18+00:00

Same position as me mate have no interest in another man's kids just enjoy yourself and let things play out I date woman with kids but my son time is separate from my fun time i tell them that from the off, it's silly but they get more attracted to me then!

morrowrd · 2023-03-09T21:48:51+00:00

I'll never again date a single mother. I don't care how pretty they are either. They all want the same thing; a man to be a father figure. Not just a figurehead, someone who "passes the child test" by sucking up to the kids to the point they like you. And then, you will be spending alot of time with those kids while the mom goes out with friends, family, does what she wants. Also, they want a man who has a house they can move in and eventually get a stake in it. I don't know how old you are, but as for me, no more young women who want children, no more single moms, I want older women with children gone, grown and on their own. I've been bitten by the same snake more than once to see the damn pattern. Trust me, go it alone....

LonelyNC123 · 2023-03-09T14:51:21+00:00

Don't get married again. This is my 2nd marriage, the first was in my 20's, no money or children to fight over, not as bad as some. This one is far longer and more complicated, for about 75% of this + 25 year marriage about the only good thing in my marriage was my daughter, now a college sophomore. With the only good thing being almost on her own there is no point in me being married anymore. But the economic cost for me now (58) is so high I will have to leave the USA to retire before I die.

You already have one child (a little girl, like mine was), don't get married again. Marriage is a bad deal for men.

MightBusiness7231 · 2023-03-09T15:03:16+00:00

Same dilemma here. Single mothers are all f--ed up, single women want kids. It would take enormous trust for me to do that, and I don't have that for women at all right now.

clarkr10 · 2023-03-09T15:19:24+00:00

Quit looking for women for a little while. When I first got divorced I did what you’re doing and thought I was happy, or having fun.

After my last relationship went to shit I 100% quit trying to find women and focused on myself outside of relying on another person to make me happy and I’ve never been happier. I’ve learned what actually makes ME happy (what I like to do for fun, what I like my daily routine to look like, what I like to eat, how much I want to spend on entertainment/food etc. for myself).

Take away the reliance on someone else for entertainment/joy.

FineTransition96 · 2023-03-09T11:02:40+00:00

😂 Who does not know the dilemma? I would definitely suggest getting a vasectomy to create irrevocable facts. I will if it does not work out with my current girlfriend (she can't have children, medically impossible).

Darkfire66 · 2023-03-09T17:36:47+00:00

I found a woman who doesn't want and can't have kids, but is good to mine. It's nice.

FineTransition96 · 2023-03-09T11:25:59+00:00

I too consider every woman with child & divorced to have a very high probability to be a homewrecker. They really are only ever good for bed, not for building up something lasting. And most of them don't even realize this particular ramification of their past actions. They still think, they are the prize 😂🙈 poor misguided creatures. It is on us men, if we fall for this trick a second time.

aerial_coitus · 2023-03-09T13:40:49+00:00

MGTOW

AlmostThere22 · 2023-03-09T12:40:11+00:00

Look up plate theory by Rollo Tomassi

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-03-09T13:29:13+00:00

I would live with someone again but not until I was with them for a while (2 years?)

I think living together changes the relationship a lot but obviously there are financial benefits

rsmiley77 · 2023-03-09T14:31:55+00:00

Dude do you. What makes you happy? The best news that I can give you is that you seem to already have your child and are not interested in starting any other families. When it comes to divorce now the only thing you need to worry about would be spousal support. You can negotiate that with a prenup to limit any surprises of things like lifetime alimony. Good luck.

capacioushandbag1 · 2023-03-09T18:04:46+00:00

We (women who do not want to kick things up a notch) are out there but we are probably older (late thirties/forties) so brighter days are ahead, my friend. As far as the “it’s like clockwork …as soon as they get comfortable “ I wonder if that’s a birth control thing? I might be wrong but a lot of forms of birth control kill a woman’s sex drive and I often wonder if men realize that.

NreoDarknight21 · 2023-03-09T18:19:10+00:00

Tbh my friend, I would not if I was in your shoes. Marriage serves no purpose for us guys, and we have more to lose than women IMO. My best advice is to just continue dating girls till you find the one who is the ideal fwb for yourself

samk002001 · 2023-03-09T21:20:57+00:00

We’re all looking for a unicorn in a cattle ranch, bro! Its fair for a single woman wanting to have kids since their eggs gonna get expired, and that should be respected. I told myself this, if I find that woman, the one, I will get married again.

daedalis2020 · 2023-03-09T23:39:37+00:00

If you have the means, get into the sugar baby thing or high end escorts.

Remember that you’re not paying for sex, you’re paying her to leave after.

BaldieGoose · 2023-03-10T04:29:27+00:00

Just keep spinning those plates and having fun.

Character_Hippo90 · 2023-03-09T13:41:35+00:00

I exit on the marriage suggestion and stick with dating exclusively. Why stab your self in the foot twice with commitments?

justaguywadog · 2023-03-09T13:45:50+00:00

Maybe a single mom with A 17 or 18 yr old?

fortheloveof_pete · 2023-03-09T21:56:40+00:00

We’re out here, but we’re likely a minority. 50/50 custody of teenagers, great relationship with ExH and his fiancé, executive-level job, in shape and attractive. However, that comes with a lot of time spent working and parenting. I have no intention of ever marrying again, nor do I have any desire to cohabitate. Definitely no more children.

I run into the same problem as you with the men I date. Either they want to move the relationship forward into cohabitation/marriage/more children, or they’re single dads looking for a mom to their kids. They end up getting upset that I don’t introduce them to my kids and decline meeting theirs, even after I explain that my dating life and my parenting life are separate. I also have no desire to mingle finances ever again, nor do I want to provide for any children other than my own.

Given the above, I also don’t quite fit in on any of the divorce/parenting-related subreddits, so that’s also fun. Hence my lurking (and occasionally posting) here.

ie-Nerzhul · 2023-03-11T06:22:44+00:00

Listen man, NEVER EVER EVER think about single mother, just erase this sentence from your mind.

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2023-03-11T11:09:50+00:00

Feels , women dont do anything longterm without commitment

I was thinking.. maybe it is not bad to marry and etc again

But then, she needs to have $$$ or property she is willing to put in your name. And sign the preunp contract ,and be ready to review the property ownership every year.

As well as marrying in proper state

If she has to loose as much as you or more, than it might be worth of risk for your conform. But, exit plan should be agreed and put on paper

You basically need to minimise the risks, so she has to loose more

Title	What would you guys do?
Author	Protomize
Upvotes	13
Comments	52
Date	March 9, 2023 8:52 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11mnbra/what_would_you_guys_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-would-you-guys-do.1173057 https://theredarchive.com/post/1173057

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