Do you think its hypocritical to have a dating preference or standard you yourself don't meet?

Sage_Planter · 2021-03-25T18:34:02+00:00

The hypocrisy itself doesn't bother me, but continued unrealistic expectations and entitlement do. If you're overweight, you are welcome to have preferences for ultra fit partners. Doesn't bother me. I don't want you to moan and complain about how you're destined to die alone because you can't attract someone who fits your requirements. People need to have more self-awareness and spend more time thinking if they're the kind of person their target audience is interested in.

pongaminbloom · 2021-03-25T21:45:26+00:00

Preferring traits in a mate that you don't have yourself is not hypocritical. It's natural. For example, staight women want a partner with a dick, even though they don't have one. Similarly, straight men want a partner with a vagina even they have none themselves.

What is hypocritical is to make moral judgments and personal attacks against people for engaging in behaviors you participate in. If a lazy, deadbeat woman makes fun of a man whose lifestyle matches her own, that is hypocritical. That doesn't mean she can't choose a successful man if she gets the opportunity. It does mean she shouldn't act entitled to one when she herself is an underachiever.

Similarly, a man who engages in casual sex is a hypocrite if he slut shames his partners. He is an active participants in what he is condemning. Any judgement he makes about women who behave like him applies to him equally.

If he gets a chance to marry a virgin, he's free to do so. However, if he doesn't get that opportunity, he's in no position to judge the woman he ends up marrying He cannot reasonably demand abstinence before marriage if he was not abstinent himself. Likewise, he cannot demand his partner be exclusive to him if he is going to continue to sleep around.

Soon-to-be-Catlady · 2021-03-25T18:47:44+00:00

I think you can set your standards however you like, you just need to be okay with the fact that no one might fit.

Novadina · 2021-03-25T18:19:54+00:00

Yes, that is what hypocritical means. Doesn’t mean it’s not possible for hypocrites to not find what they want, they just have to find people who don’t have the same preference as them. For example, someone who is fat but only wants to date fit people can find a fit person who is only attracted to fat people. It might be harder to find a partner though, especially if you already don’t have many options.

stats135 · 2021-03-25T18:39:24+00:00

No. You only need to provide equivalent value, not the same value. Say an intelligent and wealth man is fat and drinks but only dates uneducated and poor women who are fit and abstain from alcohol. If you call that hypocrisy then every single person in a relationship is a hypocrite to the point where the word is devalued into being meaningless. Because no two person is identical so there is always something one has that the other doesn't. And more importantly, such differences that complement one another, think breadwinner/housewife dynamic, is one of the main reasons for relationships (secondary only to sex).

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-03-25T19:39:59+00:00

Nope. I don’t have boobs but I like girls with boobs. My girl for example has a nice rack.

There are women who are socially awkward cowards but want their man to be the life of the party, strong and fearless.

King_D0ng · 2021-03-25T18:36:50+00:00

There's no such thing as hypocritical preferences or standards, just unrealistic ones.

2021-03-25T18:49:15+00:00

Yes, completely and utterly.

squidhandss · 2021-03-26T04:18:10+00:00

I’m a shy introvert who wants to date an extrovert—or another introvert with an aptitude to pull me out of my shell. I don’t want a pure reflection of myself, complimentary traits are sometimes good.

2021-03-26T04:37:22+00:00

Absolutely it is.

And my favourite from women:

I have nine kids from 12 dads but you must be child-free. lolololol.

Can't have some other bitches kids sucking up resources hey darling? lol.

SaBahRub · 2021-03-25T18:18:15+00:00

It is, but you can trade. That’s pretty much how society works, ya know, often using money

That’s why men have an advantage, however they disdain it

2021-03-25T22:51:30+00:00

It’s absolutely fine. It’s dumb AF, but fine. I don’t think they’ll be successful unless they have some attribute that far outweighs the standard they don’t meet themselves. Like fat, but wealthy. Or for a woman, wants a more attractive guy, but will do crazy shit in bed most women won’t. People have unrealistic expectations all the time. More power too ya, but be prepared to be lonely. For instance, I recently matched with a woman on OLD. 36 y/o, all body shots were clearly her in her 20s. Judging from her face she wasn’t fat, but definitely not fit. Moderately pretty face (hot for sure when she was younger). No degree. Stated she can’t cook and eats out a lot. Judging by her four childrens’ ages, there were at least two dads. After some chatting we set up a date (I’m thinking a relationship is out of the question, but good enough for something casual). At this point she is aware of what my career is. Her next question was what kind of car I had. I tried to be polite in my answer, but asked why she was asking. No response to my question. I didn’t even try to confirm the date. I really wanted to tell her off, but decided it was beneath me. What in the world makes someone with her baggage so entitled that what kind of car a guy has would remotely matter? Yeesh. It was comical to me.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-03-26T01:12:14+00:00

Preference no, standard yes. Standards almost always speak to the well-being for the person, while preferences are a negotiable subjective filtering criteria.

Hypocrisy is mostly only a problem when X person with Y standard has the ability to adhere to this same standard, but willfully chooses not to, and this refusal harms both parties (almost always). With the exception of naïve hypocrisy.

A majority of everyday interpersonal hypocrisies are inconveniences, not problems and to what extent they matter is a matter of preference rather than standard. Most people compromise to dissolve them, rather than "solve" some non-problem.

athrowaway283222 · 2021-03-26T00:43:55+00:00

No because first of all men and women are not equal.

Second thing is that what we look for in the opposite sex is different.

Anyone can have standards for the opposite sex but can you provide the things the person you are attracted wants in you ?

Women can ask for 6 ft , 6 figures and 6 inch penis all day BUT does she HAVE what it takes to get that type of man ?

Or visa versa in a man that wants very attractive , feminine and loyal women. Do you have that type of women want ?

At the end of the day it's an exchange of value. I get what i want and you get what you want then we will both be happy.

I would say most of the standards i personally have for women is basically the opposite of what i am in a lot of areas. For example she has to be shorter , weaker , feminine, more caring and nurturing. The list goes on and on

MadsMkay · 2021-03-25T19:24:56+00:00

What men here claim as hypocrisy in the SMP don't equate it. If a woman is gorgeous and she only wants wealthy men, she's not a hypocrite for being a 10/10 girl with a mediocre salary.

Why? Because female attractiveness is often exchanged for male status and wealth.

stranglethebars · 2021-03-25T18:37:31+00:00

It can be tempting to answer "yes", but upon further reflection, it clearly isn't necessarily hypocritical generally. I don't see why it would be hypocritical e.g. for a short woman to want a tall guy. Similarly, I have become more open to the idea that it isn't necessarily hypocritical for a guy who sleeps around to want a woman who doesn't sleep around. For instance, if it is the case that men who have had few/no partners are viewed with suspicion by women, but women who are in a similar situation are not viewed with suspicion by men, then the incentives for men and women are different when it comes to this, which should be taken into account.

Fat people wanting only fit people is a tricky one. On one hand, it seems contradictory, but if they can pull it off, then who am I to meddle? If they have no success, though, and complains about it... It would be very difficult not to ask whether their requirement is reasonable, but would it be accurate to say that they are outright hypocritical? I'm tempted to say that they are, but I'm not absolutely certain.

geyejoe7 · 2021-03-25T18:20:55+00:00

In its nature, yes. Does it matter in all cases? Not really.

I just hate seeing some women complain about not finding the men they want, when they're lacking the tools to attract those men. Or when they're searching for the top 5% of men, but they themselves aren't offering anything special in return.

For example, a not so good looking, but financially successful woman looking for a man that earns more than her. It's ridiculous. Because money isn't a trait men necessarily look for in a woman. Sure, some do, that wanna form power couples, but most won't care about the money if the woman isn't feminine and good looking.

michael1962-01 · 2021-03-25T18:55:59+00:00

Sure. But why would you care if you can?

Fit_Toe_329 · 2021-03-25T19:25:56+00:00

Eh, I'm kinda curvy (40-31-40) but I only date and fuck physically fit men.

I so squats, sit up sand exercise mildy - but I definitely have curves and some chonk.

I genuinely don't think ide look good skin and toned and it would mean my DD tits would shrink :/

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-03-25T22:30:11+00:00

I was a fattie who had standards for how fit the woman was. I was ok with Chubbiness but not obesity while i myself was clinically obese (BMI >30 at 6foot3 and 272lbs).

I dont see it as hypocritical because people should only date those they're attracted to. Yet i do see it as hypocritical if they bitch and moan about not getting what they want if they don't meet the same standard

paranormal_shoes · 2021-03-25T22:48:30+00:00

Yes, it's hypocritical. I have BPD, but there's no way I would date someone with my disorder.

Guess I'm a hypocrite.

mechanical_elves · 2021-03-25T18:09:44+00:00

It depends. If the standard matters to the other side, they meet it but you don't meet it -- yes it is hypocritical.

Otherwise no.

For example, if fatgirl wants a fit guy, then she's a hypocrite. Most fit guys care about their partner's fitness. If a lazy hobo guy wants a wealthy woman, the guy is a hypocrite. Most women aren't looking to support someone.

Most dudes do care about their partner's fitness so most fat women are, in fact, hypocrites. And so are most sluts.

This also explains why guys who bang a lot of women are entitled to wanting a low-n woman. Most women don't care about their partner's n-count (as evidenced by numerous PPD posts on the topic).

Emervila · 2021-03-25T18:47:01+00:00

It depends how realistic that standard is and how it affects the person as a whole.

RP argues female standard 6 feet it's unrealistic and women take it to the extreme they will discard any good men below 6 feet tall when is more realistic or a better expectation would be "a man taller than me" There was a recent question on how a woman being 5.1 is affected or makes any difference to date a man 5.8 or 6.0 but many will discard the 5.8 because he is short.

Alcohol can be a problem not just the addiction but the set up itself. I have a female friend who complains about guys who drink because they're no alcoholic but every single date is planned to consume alcohol and same kind of bar/restaurant places

IOportA · 2021-03-26T16:39:57+00:00

If it is, then every woman on the planet is a hypocrit

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Hoopy223 · 2021-03-25T19:20:50+00:00

Everyone looks for something in a partner that they desire for themselves. My Ex was secretly jealous that I could just “hang out” and be happy whereas she was depressed w/o constant attention.

...and I was kinda jealous of her good looking rich family lol.

Pilling_it · 2021-03-25T19:50:59+00:00

Technically, anyone is entitled to have their own standards.

But no one is entitled to reality having to make it happen.

That being said, the only cases I don't think it's a problem is if the other gender doesn't value that standard the way you do (and it's because of gender specific).

As for your examples, I want fit partners, I'm fit myself. I do drink, and someone who doesn't do it at all is a bit eh for me. Though it's not 0 or 100 : I don't expect perfection either, and I'm not interested in an alcoholic.

SeemedGood · 2021-03-25T20:04:44+00:00

Men and women are fundamentally different.

Different strokes for different folks.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-03-25T20:04:54+00:00

Absolutely, doesn't mean that hypocritical people don't sometimes get what they want but yes it is

2021-03-25T20:07:20+00:00

Not at all but it is annoying if you whine or complain or expect me to do anything about your preferences.

smallrockwoodvessel · 2021-03-25T20:15:04+00:00

No it's not hypocritical

Otter-Incognito · 2021-03-25T20:26:20+00:00

Google 'division of labor'.

Goodthingstartssmall · 2021-03-25T22:16:00+00:00

Actually the fat comparison is the universal number one preference you can use for both genders almost 1:1 and confidently say that some people are acting hypocritical by not wanting to put the same amount of determination and hard work as their dream partner they want so badly. Almost every other preference is so gender specific and subjective that it's useless to find hard equivalents to call it hypocritical.

2021-03-25T23:48:49+00:00

No, it's not hypocritical. Different roles in life have different expectations. Is it realistic to want beautiful women as a fat guy? Not usually.

But have you seen Leonardo Dicaprio lately?

daddysgotanew · 2021-03-26T15:42:27+00:00

What like expecting a woman to weigh less than me? I’m 180 and over 6 feet tall. I’ve got some high standards I tell ya....

butterflyblueskies · 2021-03-27T06:19:46+00:00

I don’t like it’s hypocritical. For instance, an overweight unfit woman can be attracted to fit men only. Now does that mean she will attract fit men? Of course, she’ll attract some fit men who are open to dating overweight unfit women but if she wants a wider dating pool, she may have to be realistic that she’ll attract even more of those fit men if she adopts a fit lifestyle. Perhaps from living an unfit lifestyle, she recognizes that’s something she doesn’t want in a partner as she works on her journey to fitness. It’s not hypocritical to want something different than yourself or a standard you don’t meet.

LMM-GT02 · 2021-03-31T16:49:42+00:00

I will not accept fat women. I still can’t believe that’s it’s okay to be that much of an eyesore and a societal burden (health-wise and tax-wise).

We need fitness and diet camps in lieu of the useless concentration camps. That or financial or criminal penalties for it.

ThrowawayCOVID999 · 2021-04-01T02:13:48+00:00

Yes.

2021-04-09T23:56:39+00:00

teach fds about this

Title	Do you think its hypocritical to have a dating preference or standard you yourself don't meet?
Author	cowfishAreReal
Upvotes	19
Comments	136
Date	March 25, 2021 5:15 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/md3bi5/do_you_think_its_hypocritical_to_have_a_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-its-hypocritical-to-have-a-dating.1187758 https://theredarchive.com/post/1187758

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